Dealing with the myth
by Yaro85
Summary: Jan was pretty sure Paul had become a pod person. Or he was an alien in disguise. There were no other explanation to why he was suddenly being somewhat nice to her. Because Paul "I hate him" Lahote did not do nice.
1. Chapter 1: The loner

**Authors note: **_I do not own Twilight. If I did I would not live in a tiny appartment or put up a budget when I need something like new shoes. I do not own the original characters. I just wish I did. I do however own Jan and those related to her. Some of the people here will be out of OC. If that is not your thing then simply do not bother reading it. Writing in english is new for me so corrections or a beta would be appriciated. This is my first published fanfic so be gentle with me=)_

I have only one friend.

Yes you heard right. Of all the students of La Push I have only one.

It's not because I am shy or a geek or anything like that. I am actually quite outspoken and yet hardly anyone knows my real name. Or perhaps they do and just don't care. They call me Snowy or midget. Isn't that great? Snowy. Sometimes I hate my mother for marrying a native and move to La Push.

Okay. That's a lie. I can never hate my mother. She is like the coolest mother ever and I love her to death. I love Kyle too. I never thought I would but he is the father I never had. And he adores me, no doubt about that. He even forgets that I am not really his daughter sometimes even though I look nothing like him.

I have light blue eyes, pale skin because of the La Push weather and blond hair. I would have looked pretty ordinary if it wasn't for where I live. On a reservation called La Push with only three hundred inhabitants. Everybody knows everybody's business here and I am the only white kid in school. Hence the name Snowy. Not that midget is any better. It's really unfair because I am a nice person. I really am.

So why have I been deemed an outcast and named Snowy?

There may be many reasons for that but one of the biggest is him.

Paul Lahote.

One of the meanest bullies to ever have walked La Push high school.

It could have been avoided, I know that. But I am stubborn. The reason I winded up on Paul's bad side was Kim. Sweet overly shy Kim that can't talk to people without looking on the ground and start stuttering. We have absolutely nothing in common but I have always had a soft spot for the outcasts and I knew she was one the second her mother brought her over to meet the stepdaughter of her cousin.

And I liked her.

She said the funniest things and had the most interesting observations of things around her.

Now, you probably wonder why befriending an outcast could make me one?

Normally someone outspoken like me wouldn't be deemed an outcast just because she befriended one. Weird perhaps but not an outcast. But Kim came with luggage. And that luggage was Paul Lahote. He had more or less tortured her since preschool. And poor Kim was too timid to do anything but break down in tears.

And that's where I came in. First day of school and Lahote egged her. Like in two packages of not so well kept eggs. And me being well me, exploded. I am sure one could hear me screaming at him all the way to Forks. Paul Lahote really didn't like that. So from that day his main torture victim changed from Kim to me.

And nobody talks or befriends someone on Paul Lahote`s bad side because he is popular. An asshole and a manwhore but still popular. Every day he did something. Throwing spitballs on me in class, writing white looser on my locker, ruing my things or the so very mature maneuver of tripping me.

I soon learned that if I did something back it only got worse. So I gritted my teeth and bared it. At least he had almost completely lain off Kim. The only good thing in all of this. That should be the end of the story right?

It isn't.

You see, Kim had this crush on someone. One of the popular boys and ironically, Paul's best friend. Jared Cameron. Of course she never had a shot with the guy but I never told her that. She already knew so putting salt in the wound would just be cruel.

For two years there was Jared this and Jared that. And I listened like the good friend I am. Then Jared got mono and was out of school for two weeks. He came back all buffed and tall looking more twenty something than seventeen.

And it happened.

The miracle of miracles that only happens in the movies. He noticed her and oddly enough he dumped his popular friends and started hanging out with Kim and I at all times.

Hah! In your face Paul Lahote!

Of course Paul didn't leave it at that. He was dead set on breaking them apart so I put myself in his way rather than trying to avoid the asshole. I was used to Paul Lahote`s harassment so I thought I would do fine.

Except his temper had gotten way worse than it had been. He had always had a bad temper but during that time he was more like a barrel of something highly explosive that would blow up in your face if you so much as looked at it and imagined it blowing up. Paul had changed from a bully to a dangerous bully.

One day he did something he had never done before.

He hit me.

Square right in the nose and broke it. And the asshole didn't even look sorry. Lucky me, he got suspended for two weeks after creating some kind of a brawl in the cantina the same day.

Two blissful Paul free weeks.

Then he got mono.

It should have been perfect but Kim spent more and more time with Jared and kept dissing me. I held up the hope. As soon as they had been together for a while they would stop looking like they were glued together at the hip. And Kim and I would have some alone time together again, just us girls.

I came home one day, keeled over and mom called the doctor. Mono. Ha. Of course I had gotten mono. Three weeks in bed thinking I would die.

And the worst part.

No calls from Kim. None at all. It was like I had just dropped off her radar.

First day of school I was set on forgiving her. She was after all my only friend and I loved her like a little sister.

Then I saw it.

Kim, Jared and Paul. Hanging together. Paul had like Jared grown insanely while he had mono. Taller, buffer and older looking. His hair had been cut short and shaggy, but I recognized him immediately.

My torturer. Satan's kid.

Kim noticed me the second I walked up to school and her eyes were full of guilt. She didn't even say hello, just wrapped her arm around Jared's and walked into school with Paul in tow. That's when I realized I had lost my only friend. She would rather hang with her boyfriend and the guy who used to make her life a living hell. She had picked side and never said a word too me again.

My name is Jan.

I used to have a friend. Now I have no one. And it comes down to Paul Lahote. Hardly logic but it doesn't take much effort in blaming him for all my problems. After all I would never have been an outcast in the first place if it wasn't for Paul Lahote.

I hate Paul Lahote with every ounce of my being.


	2. Chapter 2: The good news

Three months without someone to talk too. I never thought I would ever feel so lonely.

Kim never looked at me anymore.

Actually she did everything to avoid looking at me. I had become invisible. The only upside was that it seemed Paul had forgotten me too. He was still an asshole, getting into more fights than usual, fucking more girls than before and spent most of classes sleeping on his desk.

Perhaps he simply didn't have time to harass me.

I looked at the clock.

Come on, come on. Just a couple of more seconds.

The bell rang and I was up like a lightning. Finally I could go home. I walked past a laughing Jared and Kim, not giving them as much as a glance. It was three months since I had gotten mono and it was like we had never known each other. The worst part was that I had somehow gotten used to it. I went throw class alone, sat in lunch alone and walked home alone were I spent my free time alone.

It had grown into a habit.

And I tried not to think of how pathetic it was.

The walk home was short and my little red house was just a couple of houses down the road from school.

"Hey honey. How was school?"

I forced a smile and mom looked worriedly at me. She had stopped asking if Kim would come over completely now. She knew something was wrong but didn't push it. I really loved her. She never pushed like other mothers but waited until I was ready to come to her."I got a call today. From Jason."

I immediately perked up.

Jason was a foster child my aunt Hailey used to take care of. He was twenty now and too old to be a foster child but Hailey saw him as a son. I loved Jason like the big brother I never had but since he was an artist he rarely had the time to visit.

"Jason is taking a vacation for a month and he was asking if he could stay here".

Mom watched me jump up and down with amusement.

" You said yes right? Please tell me you said yes?"

"Of course I did sweetheart. He will be here in two weeks, staying in the guestroom. He told me he can't wait to see his favorite muse".

Jason always called me that, and I was quite proud of it.

"In two weeks? Awww. That's like forever".

Mom giggled at me. She was probably happy because I had not been this energetic in months.

"Yes. And he wants you to promise him you will show him around".

Of course I would show him around. Every second spent with Jason always made me incredible happy. He was like a depression antidote.

"I'll go call him now".

I ran up the stairs, almost crashing with Kyle.

"Watch it short person. Someone might step on you".

I giggled at the tall russet skinned man with long black hair.

" I will keep that in mind dad".

Kyle's whole face beamed up. I've been calling him dad for years and he still looked like a kid on Christmas every time I called him dad.

I picked up the phone and dialed Jason's number. It only rang one time before he took it. Another thing I loved about Jason was that he always had time to talk to me even though he was always busy.

"Hey sweets. Did you get the good news?"

"Yeah. So you are staying for like a whole month?"

"Sure. Things have been a little stressful lately so the second I am done with this project in France I am coming to La Push".

Jason was an artist and a photographer. He traveled around the world. I honestly didn't get how he could stand it. Sure seeing new places sounded like fun but I had always been a homebound person.

"So how's school? Kim's still not speaking to you?"

"No. She doesn't even look at me anymore. At least Paul doesn't make my life a living hell anymore".

After Kim had dumped me Jason became my best friend. Only friend actually. A little sad really since he was hardly ever around. I told him everything and he always made me feel better.

"That's good. And if Kim dumps you just because of a boy, she wasn't worth being around".

At that was one of the many reasons I loved Jason. He never said the standard sentence, like everything will be okay or she will come around. And besides that? Everything alright?"

"Yeah. I got an A on my art project. Miss Kalik said that I had talent".

I was preening but art was the only subject I felt loved and I knew I was somewhat good at it.

"Told you so. Thinking of applying to art school?"

"I might. Still have a year to make up my mind and Seattle has a great art school."

Someone yelled in the background in what I believed was a mix between english and french.

"Shouldn't you get back to work?

"Naw. I am talking to my favorite muse".

His words warmed and I could forget for a little while that for the rest of La Push I did not matter and I could just as well never go back to school and no one would miss me.

"Jason. Get your lazy butt back to work".

He laughed and I could almost see his bright smile on the other end.

"Sure thing sweets. See you shortly".

"Bring candy!"

"Like I would forget. A someone who gave birth to you will let me sleep in the garage if I do".

I put the phone down and stretched on the bed. Suddenly my future seemed a hell of a lot better. Who needed friends? High school sucked anyway. It was full of posers, assholes and idiots all trying to be cool. And I had Jason, the most amazing guy on the planet. So what if I never got invited to parties and spent all my time like a hermit? God I really sucked at cheering up myself. Two weeks. That would be my new mantra.


	3. Chapter 3: A very bad idea

"This is really great Jan. May I ask who this is? "

Miss Kalik looked at the painting of Jason. It was one of my best. Jason was leaning up against a three, looking straight forward with his special crooked smile.

"It's Jason Morad."

" The photographer?"

I nodded eagerly.

"Yes".

Miss Kalik`s whole face beamed like it always did when she was talking about her passion.

"He is coming to visit in a couple of weeks."

"Do you think he would hold a speech about what he does?"

Jason hated making speeches but I knew he would do it if I gave him my patented Jan pout. He could never deny me anything.

" I'll ask him.

"Yeah like you know a hottie like that looser".

Lucia, one of the schools most popular girls, smiled sweetly at me while her cronies giggled. I rolled my eyes.

"Looser. Your vocabulary shows your lack of imagination and schooling. If I were to offend you I would call you Poser. Fake. Future Botox Barbie. Brainless. Queen of the likeminded. It's just so much to say about you and so little time".

Lucia's smile faltered and a barely noticeble blush colored her russet skin.

"Geek!"

I pinched my nose bridge in mock frustration.

"I give up. It is clear that there is no hope. But don't worry. Many people out there are born mentally impaired. It's nothing to be ashamed of".

She just huffed and walked out of the class room. Really. Why didn't she just give up? She could never beat me at banter, yet she tried like every day. It was so easy to beat her that it wasn't even fun.

I could never understand what made some kids popular. It sure as hell wasn't intelligence because Lucia and her cronies hardly had one fully functional brain to share. I was surprised they could walk and talk at the same time.

I gathered my things to walk to lunch. My usual table was in the corner of the cafeteria. It used to be in the other end so Kim had a free view of the love of her life. I changed it when it became obvious she was ignoring me. Unfortunately I could still see them. Hard to not when all of them except Kim were so freakish tall. After Paul joined in it only took three weeks before Embry did. And then Jacob and Quil. All of them had been gone some weeks due to mono, came back tall and buff and then joined the gang as they were called.

Weird.

I didn't grow an inch when I had mono which was unfair because I was the one that needed it. They only hung with each other and still were the popular kids in school while I was on the bottom of the food chain. I groaned for myself. No thinking about the giants. Or Kim. They didn't matter to me.

I opened my folder while eating my home made lunch. You didn't eat in the cafeteria if you had any kind of taste. The food wasn't even gross. Pigs wouldn't touch it and if you guessed what the dishes were supposed to be without knowing it then you were good. I spread my latest projects over the table, something I couldn't have done when Paul was on my case. I had lost count over how many sketches I had to redo because of tragic lunch related incidents.

So which one should I make a painting out of? The sketch of my mom was the first one that drew my attention. She was sitting in the kitchen with a book while staring dreamily out in space. She looked so much like me that it was kind of creepy. The same blond hair, blue eyes and the same little bow on the lips that made it look like we were slightly pouting. But she was tall, something that skipped a generation. We didn't look like mother or daughter either due to the fact that she had me when she was sixteen. We looked more like sisters even though that was such a cliché. I should really paint that one and perhaps give it to her for Christmas. It would make a nice present with the one I made of Kyle. I could hide it in my cave.

My cave was what I called my atelier. It was Kyle's welcome to La Push gift. He had made the whole attic into an atelier with glass plates as roof. It was my favorite place next to my little place on the cliffs of La Push beach. The two places gave me inspiration to do what I loved. Drawing and painting.

The bell rang and I put the drawings back into my folder. I had a free class so there was no reason to hurry outside with the others so I waited until most of them were gone to avoid the crowd.

It was no need to rush to get a spot in the library. La Push library had to be the most unused spot in the whole school. Even I didn't spend a lot of time there before Kim ditched me. We usually sat on the side stairs to the school drama scene and talked. Being as smart as we were and with hardly any kind of social life we didn't need the free classes to study to get good grades.

Okay. I breathed deeply in. No more thinking about Kim. Been there, done that. The friendship we had was over. Broken into pieces and I refused to give it more of my time than it was worth.

The hallway was still full of people and I had to dance around a lot so that no one stepped on me. Curse my father's genes that made me a short person.

Suddenly I was flying. My knees hit the floor with a thump and pain shot threw my hands and knees.

"Hey Snowy. I have not seen you around lately".

I could recognize that voice anywhere. Paul fucking Lahote. I knew this break from him was too good to last.

As usual nobody intervened. Some even laughed at my misfortune. God I hate High school. I bit my lip so that my mouth wouldn't get me into further trouble.

"Aww. Are you going to cry? No wonder Kim dumped you as pathetic as you are".

And that was one of the many many reasons I hated Paul Lahote. Even though he was one of the stupidest kids in school he had an ability to find my weak spots. How he did it I had no idea. It shouldn't be possible for someone with the brain capacity of a donkey to figure out such things.

Don't snap. Don't snap. Remember. Every time you snap, things go from bad to worse and he will torture you relentlessly for weeks to come and that's nothing compared to the little sting here and there.

And then he stepped on my folder. Fucking stepped on it and rubbed it into the floor with his freakishly huge feet. I could hear my brain snap, going into pissed off Jan mode.

"What the effing hell is your problem? Were you born an asshole or did your mom raise you to be one? And this tripping thing is so childish it lost its fun when you stopped eating your bogeymen!"

Okay, mouth. Stop. Now. Before you make it worse.

"So why don't you go to hell and never ever talk to me again!"

I looked up ready for him to give me his worst. Paul's lips were pressed into a line and he had his usual angry scowl in place. Yeah. I was so dead. Suddenly his face changed expression. His eyes went wide and he opened his mouth in shock. That would be my chance to run. And I would have if it wasn't for the look in his eyes. He was staring. Blatantly staring at me like I was something he had never seen before. And before I knew it I was being crushed into his massive body. And he was hot. Like he was running a high fever. Why was he so hot? Almost scorching.

No. That didn't matter. What mattered was that Paul Lahote was holding me. No scratch that. Paul was sexually harassing me in the middle of the hallway.

"Let me go you fucking Neanderthal!"

Paul didn't even react as I wiggled in his grasp. Witch was more or less fruitless. The guy was like a brick wall not even flinching as I kicked his legs. I think it hurt me more than I hurt him. Then he burrowed his nose into my hair and fucking sniffed me.

That was it.

I did the only thing I could think of. Lifted my knee and forcibly kneed him in the groin. Paul let me go with a groan of pain. I hurriedly gathered all my things and ran.

Oh my god. I just kneed Paul Lahote. I was so dead. Nobody had ever dared to knee Paul before. Hell, just hitting him was a ticket to Fork hospital. Oh hell. I had really done it this time. Screw school. I was not going back there right now. I was going to skip and then perhaps Paul would have time to chill down tomorrow.

Heh. Right. Everyone knew Paul didn't just get over things. Paul held grudges like a leprechaun held gold. He would be just as pissed tomorrow the second he saw me. God what the hell had I done? The fear subsided as I walked home, and changed into anger.

What the hell was his problem anyway? I had done nothing and still he tortured me. It wasn't my fault that I was small and white which was the lame reasons he had given me one time. I didn't even understand why that would bother him. It was hardly my fault that Kyle had somehow managed to convince his grandfather to allow me into La Push high school. God he was such an ass.

I slammed the door for good measure and Kyle almost fell of his chair. He looked worriedly at me with his light brown eyes.

"You okay?"

No. I just signed my own death by kicking Paul Lahote in the nuts. The same guy that made my life a living hell since I moved here. And yeah. Remember when I broke my nose and said that I fell? I didn't. Paul hit me.

That's what I wanted to say but it wouldn't make any difference. Before the two weeks absence Paul had been the schools best football player and he got away with almost anything. That had not changed even after he quit the team. It only got worse like his temper. Sure he was suspended a couple of times but that was it. Any other student would have gotten expelled but not Paul Lahote. He still owned the school and us other smucks just went there.

Telling would what?

Give him three days suspension and then it would go back to normal. Most likely worse as he would be set on revenge for being a snitch. So I faked a smile.

"Just a stomachache. I think I will lie down for a while".

Kyle nodded. Mom wouldn't have bought that explanation but Kyle was oblivious to the warning signs of a teenage girl in distress so he just nodded sympathetically.

"Anything you need? A cup of tea or aspirin?"

I was about to decline but I was cold and my head was starting to hurt.

"That would be really nice".

I forced myself to smile before I went upstairs. My bedroom was the only room upstairs while mom and Kyle slept downstairs and I loved the privacy after having what you could call a broom closet when we lived in Seattle.

I threw myself onto my king-size bed with a groan. I was so dead. I kneed Paul Lahote. I had slammed my knee into his balls. I snickered into the pillow. Oh my god. I had really done that. How many times had I dreamt about that scenario during countless hours of torture? I finally had caused the huge man some pain of his own. A little payback for all the bruises, welts and humiliation he had caused me. At least I would go down with having caused him major discomfort.

"Feel a little better?"

Kyle placed the aspirin and teacup on my night table.

"Much better".

"Right".

He looked at me searchingly before placing my bad mood under the category female mystery and kissed my forehead.

"Get some sleep. I will wake you up when its dinner time".

I gave him a nod and looked at the clock. I had several hours before my end. The amusement changed to fear again and then too acceptance. At least I would go down as the midget that kneed Paul Lahote. There had been a couple of people who saw the whole thing so it would probably be all over La Push in only a couple of hours. Small places and cell phones. Whatever Paul did to me tomorrow it would most likely hurt and be very public. Perhaps if I begged Jason he would take me with him when he left. I could be one of those home schooled weirdoes. Rather that, than spend my last year in La Push facing the wrath of Paul Lahote. God I hate Paul Lahote.


	4. Chapter 4: Dead girl walking

Breathe. Just breathe.

Not very easy when everyone was looking at you like they were expecting a show.

La Push high school didn't have many students and thus was completely robbed for drama so I wasn't imagining all the looks. Some with pity but most were looking expectant. Something was guaranteed to happen today and no one wanted to miss the show.

Even I would have been a bit excited by something happening but unfortunately I was the main star.

No one wanted to star in a show with Paul. Perhaps Lucia would if the show had porn as head title but this show was more of the bloody kind.

Paul`s shit list wasn't something anyone wanted to be on.

I had never been on it before as my role in Paul`s life was the annoying white girl. He hated me but I wasn't someone he concerned himself with other than going the extra mile to make my life a little bit more painful. I had never been important enough to be on the shit list and for years I had thanked every godly entity that I could think of that Paul didn't consider me as an enemy.

Those days were over.

From this day on and until I moved I would on that very special shit list because Paul loved his grudges.

Like the guy that keyed Paul`s car last year. He had lasted one month before he had decided that transferring to another tribal school would be a very good idea. Possibly lifesaving even.

Peter had been one of the cool kids. Outgoing, handsome and one of La Push best football players with a cockiness that almost matched Paul`s. A bit of a bully himself actually and yet he had crumbled like dry bread when faced with Paul`s anger. I didn't have Peter`s courage nor did I have his social standing. No one would even try to stand up for me like they had done with Peter. Safe to say I was done for.

Dead girl walking.

Yeah that fit.

I took a deep breath and continued into the school trying to calm down while my heart seemed to want to beat itself out of my chest. I couldn't blame it. After all my brain pretty much didn't want to be in my body right now either. Not with the promise of pain hanging over me. Just look normal. Not like it's your last day on earth. Okay. I had to stop exaggerating. Paul wouldn't kill me right? Hurt me. Most likely publicly humiliate me. Scare the living daylights out of me. Try to make me cry.

I really really sucked at comforting myself.

"Hey Jan".

Despite my previous attempts of being collected, I whipped around terrified probably looking like a little rabbit facing off a wolf. Paul the devil himself was standing right in front of me, smiling widely. Oh god. Paul never smiled. He smirked. He leered and he laughed but he never actually smiled.

This could not be good.

"How are you?"

I was pretty sure I was doing an impressive in real life version of the cartoon jaw at the floor expression. What was this? What was he planning now? Smiling and asking me how I was? And staring at me like that? Like he was actually pleased to see me. It was downright creepy. I took a step back, twirled around and ran into the classroom. Not that it would help. This was unfortunately one of the classes I had with the devil himself. Paul walked in and I busied myself with the books doing my best to look really occupied while mentally praying. Please Mrs. Caella. Don't be late. Please don't be late. Of course I knew her presence would do nothing more than just postpone whatever I had coming but I really liked later better than right now. In fact never sounded pretty good but unfortunately that wasn't up to me.

"Move!"

Poor Theo almost fell over himself trying to get away from Paul and barely avoided missing the chair as he sat down as far away from Paul as he could. Paul sat down beside me on Theo's spot, stretching out his incredible long legs looking like this was his normal spot in class and not in the back near the window. Oh great. And he was staring again. Blatantly staring and not even trying to hide it. It was creepy and I couldn't stop myself from fidgeting in my seat under his stare. Was this how prey felt when the predator was looking at it?

The whole class I had to work to pay attention to Mrs. Caella. And not once did he tear his eyes away from me. Shouldn't he be sleeping or something? He always slept through English class. Finally the bell rang and I jumped up. Unfortunately Paul was faster and stepped in front of me before I was finished packing.

"Can I carry your books for you?"

What the hell was he planning? Take my books and ruin them? No. If he wanted to do that he would just take them. Not ask first.

"Get lost!"

I swept past him and walked as fast as I could. Something that was probably a good idea after telling a guy who looked like he could break me in two to get lost. Unfortunately my pace couldn't compete with Paul's long legs. Curse my shortness. Right now I would have given my right hand for giraffe legs.

"Why won't you let me carry your books?"

Gee Paul. I don't know. Because you're an ass?

Luckily I managed to snap my mouth shut before that little bit leaked out. I had totally screwed myself over yesterday and there was no need to make it worse.I tried to take longer steps, so long that it hurt but Paul still didn't get the point and when I peeked over at him he looked like he was taking a relaxing stroll and not following me as I tried to make a discrete escape.

"Can I eat lunch with you today?"

What now? Eat lunch with me? What the hell was he planning? Was this his plan? Hang around me until I went insane from the fear of my impending doom? No. I doubted Paul could come up with something that genius. In his torturing of me he had always stuck to the original mindless hassling kids did when they bullied someone. He wasn't smart enough to even think about torture in the form of fucking with my mind. I hurried into the classroom and breathed in relief as Mr. Hennessey stopped him from entering.

Thank you god. This was luckily a Paul free class. He would come to his senses soon and start tripping me again. Or egg me. Anything was better than that creepy stare and that smile that made my skin crawl.


	5. Chapter 5: Paul the pod person

**Authors note: **_Thank you all for the nice reviews. It is nice to know that someone likes my story. Makes me all warm and tingly. As for the updating I will try to update regularly as most of the chapters are already written and just needs a little spellcheck and polishing before posting. Someone asked me if there will be lemons. Let`s just say that the M isn't only because of Jan`s swearing and Paul`s potty mouth. _

"That's it class. Remember your essay is due Monday".

The class groaned. I rolled my eyes while packing my books into my bag. We have had like two weeks on the three pages essay. More than enough time to write it and still they complained. Mine was done last week. I never liked putting off things and it wasn't like I had any social life to interrupt my homework either. Not anymore anyway.

I froze in the doorway. Paul stood leaned against the lockers and pushed off from them with a beaming smile the second he saw me. Ah fuck. So much for hoping everything had gone back to normal and that his smile before had been some kind of fluke.

"Jan! "

Before when he didn't use my real name I would stiffen up as he yelled Snowy after me. My biggest fear back then was to hear him call me that awful nickname. How naïve I had been. Paul calling me Jan with a pleased tone in his voice was ten times scarier than him calling me Snowy in a taunting voice.

I ignored him and aimed for the cafeteria and breathed in relief when Paul walked to the cafeteria line. My usual table was empty. Not surprising as no one wanted to sit next to the stone heads Michael, Chip and Tyler. I wouldn't either but it was the social outcast side of the cafeteria and also the table furthest away from the table were my former best friend sat with her boyfriend and her new friends.

The lunch book today was genes. A book about human mental development. I had always been interested in the human mind because of my aunt who was a shrink and the book was complicated enough to keep me occupied so that I didn't think too much over the fact that my table were the only one in the cafeteria that only had one occupant. Like I didn't stand out enough by being the only white kid in this school.

I was deeply into the gender difference in kids when a chair scraped beside me. Paul. Paul with a lunch plate sitting down like he belonged there. What the hell? Why wasn't he over with the other giants? He always sat there. Had been ever since he had gotten mono and dropped out of football. It was an unspoken rule that the giants always ate lunch together. Always at the same table. Always together and no one ever joined them and they never joined anyone else's table. What the hell was he planning?

I shoved the chair a little further away from him but he didn't seem to get the hint. Instead he gave me a wide smile like I had been the one to invite him over before he turned his attention to the insanely huge pile of food on his lunch plate. Seriously it looked like the same amount one would feed a bear at the zoo. I peered over the cover of my book and cringed. Everyone was staring and whispering. Some were even rude enough to point fingers at us. I was in the spotlight and I really didn't like it.

I stuffed my book in the bag and walked fast out of the cafeteria as eating when people were staring was next to impossible. It would be so nice to skip today but that would mean Paul had won and yeah. I was a really sore loser. Paul wasn't going to get to me with his sick games.

I walked into the library and found my favorite spot. It was an old chair in the corner of the politics corner. No one ever ventured into that section of the library and it was out of sight so no one could find me either. I sighed and closed my eyes. Damn it. I had not even gotten the chance to eat and there was a no eating rule in the library. Not only was I becoming as jumpy as a rabbit on the run but now I was hungry too.

"Jan?"

Oh hell no. Paul was in the library. Hell it was a miracle that he even knew where it was. As far as I knew he had never been here.

Don't find me. Please don't find me.

"Hey Jan".

I opened my eyes and looked straight up on Paul's smiling face. Ah fuck. He had found me.

"What the hell do you want?"

His smile faded but he kept staring at me with that creepy stare.

"I..I… was just…".

Was he stuttering? What the hell was going on? Had I woken up in some sort of twilight zone or something? Attack of the pod people? I sure as hell wasn't going to stay around to wait for Paul to find words to whatever he wanted to say. I was pretty sure I wouldn't like whatever he was going to say.

Unfortunately Paul didn't get the hint. He followed me like a little lost puppy out of the library not even trying to make it look like he wasn't following me. Was he high or something? There were rumors that the giants used steroids but I didn't pay attention to rumors. They were often false and it wasn't my business if they were true either. But looking at Paul's face I was beginning to wonder.

He looked at me like I was some sort of wonder. Like me existing was a miracle. If I had been anyone but me I would have thought he had some kind of bet going on about sleeping with me. But Paul had made it pretty clear that despite his man-whoring ways and rather lack of taste in girls that he would never even touch a white girl. No bet could overcome that and I had been having a front seat to Paul`s loathing of white people for years so I was all too aware of what he thought of me just because of my skin color. There was no way he would touch me even for a bet. Nor would he look at me like that for a bet either. All soft and nicelike like I was actually someone he enjoyed being around. Enjoyed being around and not just enjoyed torturing because that look I was all too familiar with. He had never once looked at the girls he wanted to bed that way. Nor would he smile like he was trying to charm them.

Paul never charmed girls. Oh I was sure he would say differently but in my world sexual innuendo and leering didn't count as charming someone.

And it really crept me out.

For years he had taunted me, made fun of me and tortured me and not once had he used my real name. I was surprised he even knew my birth name.

He would stop soon if I ignored him and carried on like he wasn't there.

Yeah. That's what I would do. Pretend like he wasn't there. Prove that he wasn't getting to me at all.


	6. Chapter 6: The harmless stalker

Three days.

Three fucking days and he still had not given up.

I groaned into my arm.

Three days with Paul following me around where ever I went. He even walked me home and left his car in the school parking lot. He had stopped trying to talk to me, but he still followed me around like a little lost puppy. Always a couple of steps behind me.

As that wasn't enough the popular girls were giving me evil stares and the guys were ogling me. Paul's interest had made people wonder what it was about me that was so fascinating and that had made Paul follow me around and the guys conclusion was that I had to be an extremely good lay. Incredible actually if one considered all the girls Paul had bedded and then mostly ignored after. And he had never followed anyone like he did with me.

The attention I suddenly got from the guys at school seemed to rile Paul up.

When Matt winked at me yesterday and whispered something I assumed was not exactly nice about me or any of my female parts, Paul had shoved him head first into a locker leaving a very impressive impression of Matt`s head in it. Not that I cared much about Matt. Even less if he thought I would sleep with him. But seeing Paul doing something that could look like defending me was extremely unsettling.

My nerves were getting more and more thin and I was nearing my breaking point. The only reason I was still sane in mind was because for once Paul wasn't following me. He had been dragged into biology by his gigantic friends while I had a free class.

"Hey Jan".

I looked up more of instinct than because I wanted to. Kim was standing in front of me, fidgeting slightly under my stare and blushing. Apparently being Jared's girlfriend had not cured her of her shyness. She never used to be shy around me. Another evidence that our friendship was over. I didn't even bother being polite.

"What do you want?"

She flinched and looked at the ground.

"Err. Why won't you talk to Paul?"

That was what she wanted? After ignoring me for months she wanted to know why I didn't want to talk to Paul?

"What?"

She flinched again under my harsh voice.

"You are asking me why I don't talk to Paul? I don't talk to Paul for obvious reasons and he is the one fucking stalking me!"

Poor Kim looked at the ground like she was looking for a hole to disappear in. I knew I should be soft and patient around Kim as she was the most timid person I had ever known but the name of the person behind all my problems and slightly frayed nerves pissed me off. And she had been the one who had dumped me. Not the other way around so if I was carrying a grudge then it was after all understandable.

"Okay. He is kind of stalking you but it is because he likes you."

Okay. Not a word in that sentence made any sense to me. For one Paul Lahote did not like me. Never had and never would. Whatever his reasons were for his odd behavior it was not because he suddenly liked me. That was further underlined by my second reasoning. You didn't stalk people you liked. Many psychotic people had probably stated that in court but it had not and it never would be considered as a valid reason to harass someone. And Paul for all his anger issues and asshole like behavior was not a psycho of the obsessed stalkerish kind. Or at least he had not been although I was starting to wonder about that.

I blinked. And blinked again. Poor Kim looked like she was ill, paling slightly under my stare and had started to twist her hands nervously.

"You know. I never believed this cult thing. Or that you have been brainwashed into the cult of Sam. But now I am seriously starting to consider it. Paul doesn't like me. He has tortured me for years. I don't think he suddenly woke up one day and thought that: Hey I like Jan. And anyway you don't stalk people you like. You might have thought it was cute and all when Jared did it to you but in my world that sort of behavior have never been and will never be remotely cute. Just stay away from me and tell Paul he can fuck off."

Kim's huge brown eyes were starting to fill with tears and as on cue Jared appeared beside her, glaring at me like it was my fault his delusional girlfriend was about to cry.

"What did you do?"

He more or less snarled the question at me and if my blood wasn't boiling I would have been slightly startled by his harsh voice. But I was angry and I had never been very good at seeing danger when I was angry. If I had I would never had kneed Paul in the first place.

"I didn't do shit! And can you please tell Paul that if he doesn't stop stalking me or creeping me out I will make chief Swan put a restraining order on his ass!"

Jared pressed Kim into his chest and his harsh expression softened slightly.

"Paul is harmless".

I couldn't stop the guffaws that came from my throat.

"Paul? Harmless? Are we talking about the same Paul Lahote here? Paul is not harmless. He is a violent asshole with no sympathy or regret what so ever! Harmless would be the last thing people would ever think of when they describe him!"

At least Jared had brains enough to look slightly guilty for lying to me. It didn't help much with my boiling anger. It was the first time for months either of them had as much as looked my way and to know it was because of him… I wasn't even sure if I was truly angry or just incredibly hurt by the fact that the first thing Kim had said to me for months had been a clear plea for me to talk to Paul. The guy she hated and probably still feared. And she dared to plead his case to me. No how are you doing Jan. No I am sorry for ignoring you. Just a why don't you talk to Paul. So much for our former friendship if she was almost defending the guy that had made both our lives a living hell at times. I closed my eyes for a second but it didn't help with that boiling feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Just make him stay the fuck away from me and lump yourself into that category of people I don't want to associate with while you are at it!"

I grabbed my backpack and left Jared to console a sobbing Kim. When I calmed down I would probably regret being so harsh with her but right now I was too angry to give a damn. Why was she talking Pauls' case? I knew she hung out with him but that was more for Jared's sake. I knew she was still afraid of him because she looked like she was trying to mold herself into Jared every time Paul had one of his angry fits. Witch he did often.

We were not friends anymore but I never thought she hated me. Witch she had to do if she was trying to make me believe that Paul liked me.

Was the cult planning to use me as some sort of human sacrifice? Maybe make me trust Paul before he slit my throat?

I took a deep breath. Calm yourself. This is La Push. The crime rate here is like zero and the biggest crimes happening here was when the officers caught some teens going at it in a car or someone smoking weed at the beach or teens drinking. La Push did have problems with alcoholism but hardly anything else. There were no cults in La Push or religious groups of any sort. Sure Sam's gang were sort of weird and so were the elders but I didn't think they qualified as a cult.

So. Plan. If Paul didn't stop stalking me I would tell Kyle. It was the last resort. I didn't like to involve Kyle in this since he would react like the typical overprotective father but if Paul didn't stop following me around I might have a breakdown very soon. I had already started to look over my shoulder to see if he was there. Witch he was most of the time. Not saying a word just looking at me with his creepy stare.

Oh god.

Did he do that just at school and on my way home or did he stare into my window too? All the signs pointed that way.

I shuddered.

I was never going to pull my curtains aside ever again. Just the thought of Paul staring into my window made my skin crawl.

God I hate Paul freaking Lahote. Had someone asked me a week ago if I could possible hate Paul Lahote more than I already did, I would have said no. I didn't think I could have that much more hate in me. Obviously there had been plenty of space for more hate against him.


	7. Chapter 7: Kidnapped by giants

No Paul in sight. I breathed in relief and hurried out of the girl`s bathroom. It was cowardly I knew that and usually I wasn't a coward. But after having a huge buff man hanging over me for four days straight I needed a break. A break as in Paul not following me home.

Even mom had noticed the tall dark figure walking a couple of steps behind me on my way home from school. She had not asked me yet but the small smiles and glances she gave me indicated that she was dying for me to tell who the mysterious man that was walking her daughter home was.

Oh if only she had known the truth.

The hallway was empty and I prayed that Paul had not stayed behind to wait for me. Three of the giants were standing next to an old car, visible because they were more than a head taller than other students at La Push but no Paul. Thank god.

"Hey Jan!"

One of the giants waved at me. I was so not in the mood for another Paul is deep down a good guy talk so I ignored the calling and walked to the left instead of right. I rather take the long way home and not the short cut as long as it meant not coming near any of them. I was going home to my one completely Paul and giant free zone and nothing was going to stop me.

Suddenly I was air born. My feet were hanging far from the ground dangling in the air. Jacob smiled down at me like he had not just walk straight into my personal space. Witch he had not. He had literally blown that line into pieces.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?"

His wide smile didn't falter at all despite my angry tone and he looked way to cheerful.

"We are going to dinner at Sam's place."

I knew were Sam Uley`s house was. Hard not to when you lived in tiny little La Push where Sam Uley was pretty much the elders golden boy. But I had never talked to neither him nor his girlfriend Emily before so there were no reasons for me being suddenly invited over for dinner.

" And at what point are you going to ask me if I want to go to dinner at Sam's?"

Jacob didn't lose the beat for a second.

"We are going over at Sam's for dinner. Want to come?"

"No thank you. Can you please let me down?"

I smiled sweetly trying not to blow up in his face.

"Okay then. Nice of you to join us. Emily is an excellent cook".

I gave him my most intimidating glare witch had little effect since he was holding me under my arms like I was a life sized doll.

"I said no so let me go you baboon!"

My wiggling and kicking had absolutely no effect on Jacob, who carried me over to his car like I didn't weigh a thing. Damn abnormal huge asshole. Why oh why was I born midget size in a place where abnormal huge boys wouldn't leave me alone?

"Get a hint you idiot! I do not want to go so let me go!"

Jacob acted like he had not heard me and placed me into the backseat of the car and I was immediately stuffed between Quil and Embry. There were no ways for me to escape the car. I could not even get out before one of the guys did as I was squished between them.

"So how are you Jan?"

Quil`s smile faltered under my angry glare and Embry shuffled nervously beside me. At least one of them had an inkling to how very wrong this whole thing was. I settled down with a huff and crossed my arms as the car started up. For now I had no choice but to come with them.

Sam's house was a little red one a little on the outskirts of La Push. Meaning no one would hear me scream so I didn't bother protesting as I was lifted out of the car. This time it was Quil that carried me and I didn't bother wiggle or kick. Even if the miracle of me getting out of that steel grip occurred, my legs were far too short to compete with the boys. So I settled with glaring at Quil. He put me down on a green coach and Jacob and Embry sat down beside me and turned on the TV. The door was only a couple of feet away but it might as well be miles. They were not going to let me leave and trying to escape was pointless. There were three of them and one of me. And from the way Jacob and Quil had easily lifted me up like I was a kid it would be completely fruitless even trying to make a run for the door. So I ruffled threw my back pack for my book. At least I could keep myself occupied.

"Genes huh? You must be pretty smart to read a book like that".

I shot Quil another angry glare. What? Did he think I would suddenly forget that I was dragged her against my will and start making small talk with him? In that case he would be deeply disappointed. With a huff I turned my back to him and ignored the fact that Jacob was chuckling at me.

I was way into chapter twenty five when someone opened the door. It was a woman with long slick black hair. Emily. Kyle had pointed her out for me six months ago. She was slightly taller than me with russet skin and was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen before. Not even the three big scar lines on the left side of her face seemed to have an impact on her beauty. She smiled at me like I was a welcomed guest and not the hostage I was. I guessed she didn't have a part in the whole kidnapping deal. She didn't seem like a woman that would do that sort of thing. Her whole being radiated warmth and a motherly feeling. Judging from how Embry squirmed in his seat my assumptions seemed correct. He certainly looked guilty. Emily put down the grocery bags she was carrying and her warm eyes met mine.

"Oh, I didn't know we had a guest. I am Emily."

" I am Jan".

Jacob interrupted me before I could say anything more.

" Jan is joining us for dinner".

That was a total lie if joining for dinner didn't mean forced to join for dinner against my will. Emily`s smile seemed to become even warmer.

"Jan. Yes. Paul has told me a lot about you. You are even prettier than he described".

Paul had been talking about me? He told her I was pretty? Paul would not have called me pretty even if he had drunk a whole bottle of old Quil`s famous moonshine also called the black out shine. I knew exactly what Paul would have told people about me if he had bothered to and pretty was not included.

"Paul will be here shortly".

I jumped out from the couch. Hell no. This was my time. My free time currently renamed to Paul free time. Meaning time I did not spend anywhere near Paul.

"Nice meeting you Emily. I'll be going now."

Emily raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"Didn't you say you were going to stay for dinner?"

Jacob looked uncomfortable and I bit my lip to hide my evil smirk.

"No. I was lifted up screaming and kicking. Stuffed into a car. Lifted again and placed on your couch. In most states that would count as kidnapping."

The look Emily gave the boys made even me flinch slightly. Wow. Wish I knew how to glare like that. It would make up a little bit for what I lacked in height.

"Nice too met you Emily. I'll be going now."

Emily threw another glare at the boys before turning to me with a warm smile.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay? I promise the boys will behave from now on."

I wouldn't have stayed if she had promised me a sack of money and a lobster dinner served on Johnny Depp`s abs. Not for anything in the world. Not that I didn't find her pleasant and a nice person but spending time in the same room as Paul outside of school was out of the question.

"I am sure they will but this is my Paul free time and I prefer to keep it that way. No offence."

Emily looked confused like she couldn't phantom why I did not want to be anywhere near Paul. Either she had to be completely dim or Paul was a bigger actor than I would have given him credit for. It was a well known fact that Paul didn't do nice and I doubted he could curb his temper enough to pretend to be for any length of time.

"Paul free time? Has he done something wrong?"

I couldn't keep in the snort and the boys looked guilty. It seemed like no one told her about Paul and I. And explaining to her would take too much time. Time enough for Paul to come strolling in here and thus time I didn't have. I wanted to be out of here long before he came around.

"Why don't the boys tell you."

I walked to the door, just as it opened and I looked right at Jared and Kim. Jared smiled at me while Kim looked guilty. She knew. Little shy Kim had known about this kidnapping deal. Gee. Thanks Kim. I knew we were not friends anymore but I had not expected her to screw me over.

"Not staying for dinner?"

Jared smiled widely at me like this was a hospitality visit. I resisted the urge to smack that smile off his face. Mostly because I was starting to understand that the giants were built like military trucks and trying to hurt them ended in inflicting more pain on myself than on them. Instead I faked a smile.

"No I better be going."

Before I could escape, Quil put his large hand over my shoulder. It was burning. Just like Paul`s hand had. Weird.

"Why do you ignore Paul? I know he has played a couple of pranks on you before but you shouldn't hold a grudge because of that. He is trying to be better."

Kim winched at the word prank but Quil seemed completely oblivious to the fact that he just had used a word that any second now would send me into one of my Jan fits. I whipped around. Quil wasn't as tall as the rest of them but still I had to crane my neck slightly to look into his eyes.

"Pranks?"

I poked my finger into Quil`s rock hard chest and winched as it felt like poking a brick wall.

"Pranks? That's what you call it? Writing loser on my locker. Spitting gum in my hair. Tripping me every day. Ripping apart my notebooks. Breaking my nose. Do you find that shit funny?"

Kim gasped and looked absolutely horrified by my admission.

"Did Paul break your nose? Why didn't you tell me?"

I snorted loudly and didn't try to hide the contempt in my voice.

"You were busy."

Kim cringed but not even her deer like eyes filling with guilt and tears could calm me down now. Pranks. When had Paul`s bullying of me become simple harmless pranks? It wasn't harmless. I have had more welts, bruises and sore spots than I cared to remember after his so called pranks and at times the only thing that kept me from crying was my own pride. I had not even cried when I was alone because even if no one knew it would still be the same as letting him win. I took a deep breath trying to regain at least a resemblance of calm.

"Tell Paul to stop trying to piss me off and leave me alone. I don't know what he is planning but I sure as hell don't find it funny."

I resisted the urge to slam the door behind me and was so distracted I almost walked into something. Or rather someone. Sam. Emily's boyfriend, the elders golden boy and possibly a cult leader. And behind him was Paul. A very pale Paul. I didn't even bother to stop to yell at him just brushed past him. Paul Lahote a nice guy? How stupid did they think I was? Hopefully Paul and his friends had gotten the hint and would leave me alone from now on.


	8. Chapter 8: The wolf

Peace. Nice blissful peace. I would never complain about being alone ever again. Not after knowing how uncomfortable it could be not being alone.

Paul had been absent the day after the kidnapping episode and day two after he came back he had not started stalking me again. I still caught him staring a couple of times but at least he didn't breath down my neck anymore. Or hover. It was really creepy when someone that tall hovered over me.

A sound from the forest to my left made me jump. It sounded like something big.

Please don't let it be a bear. And if it is a bear, please let it be a black bear. Not a grizzly. At least I could play dead with a black bear. If it was a grizzly I was most likely becoming bear snack.

Maybe I should turn back home?

No. I really did not want to go home right now. Mom had asked me were my tall dark and mysterious friend was and she had that look in her eye. That look that meant she would ask and ask until I lost it and blurted out everything. Much more effective than any form of parental questioning I had ever heard of.

If I stayed out of the house for a couple of hours she would hopefully forget the whole thing. Hopefully. I wasn't really counting on it. For some reason mom thought I was weird for never talking about boys. Chances were that I had another are you sure you are not gay talks coming my way very soon. Those were only slightly less painful than her sex talks. Those included porn videos or shadow puppets. Sometimes even stick figures.

I kept walking the small path while listening. No more sounds. Probably just my imagination going wild. The dark woods of La Push did that to people. With its large old threes it did after all look like it had been taken from a fairytale or a fantasy movie.

My favorite spot was just under a small three. I could see the ocean from there and it was a little bit out of the common way so I could sketch in peace since no one ever walked by. I put down my folder and leaned into the three. Perfect. I found this place when I had moved here from Seattle. Not even Kim knows about this place. As ridiculous as it sounded it was my place. Maybe I would show Jason it but that's about it. After all the whole point of this place was that I could go there when I didn't want to be found. Telling people would ruin that.

I tugged out a blank sheet and looked at it. It's funny how my mind works really. When other people look at a blank paper they see just the blank. I see lines, contours and figures. Mom says I see possibilities. I guess that's true. I do the same with all kinds of empty spaces. Like walls, fences and so on. I painted my room and Kyle and moms. I also painted our winter garden and Kyle's nephew`s room. People would call it a hobby but sometimes it's more of an obsession.

When I draw I lose everything.

My surroundings, time and place. All that matters is that empty space that I could fill with anything I wanted. Sometimes I was not even completely aware of what I was drawing. It was a bit like dreaming. You know you are doing something but you don't know what. That's why I didn't notice that it was getting late before a cold breeze went right into my clothes and made me shudder. I looked up and froze. I was not alone and I was being stared at. A huge bear sized wolf with dark silver fur was staring right at me from the forest edge.

The rumors about huge bears roaming La Push wasn't exaggerations. Only it was huge wolves and not bears. And it had to be one of the most beautiful beings I had ever seen. It stared at me with dark intelligent eyes while its fur moved slightly in the breeze. I should have been freaked out. Even that little voice in my head that usually convinced me to do stupid things was urging me to get the hell out of there. Even suggesting that jumping off the cliff would be marginally better than being eaten. The wolf lowered its head like it was trying to look smaller than it was. With its head on its paws and its ears turned back it was like the huge wolf was afraid of little me. I bit my lip so I wouldn't giggle and scare it away.

"Hello there. Aren't you a beautiful one?"

The wolf flicked its ear forward again and looked at me almost longingly. Probably just my imagination but I still stretched out my hand slowly.

"Want to come over here? You can if you want to."

It was stupid really. Wild wolves did not just walk up to people. And they didn't understand what you were saying to them either. Even stupider was willingly inviting over something that looked like it could and would eat me.

It couldn't possibly have understood me but still the wolf crawled closer on its belly as its tail hesitantly swaggered behind it. I held my breath as it came so close to my hand that if I stretched out my fingers I could touch it. Still I waited till my fingers bumped into it. Its fur was soft, much softer than I had assumed. I stroked the wolf over its ears and sides. Lifted a paw and touched the hard black claws and the hard padding under its paws. Memorized its every detail. That's something I love about having a photographic mind. I don't need the subject to be there to draw it and I was so painting this wolf. The wolf started to make a soft rumbling sound as I stroked its sides. Other than the soft rumbling, which I guess was the wolf version of a cats purring, the wolf stayed still under my hands. It only flinched slightly when I caressed its muzzle and carefully lifted its mouth too look at the teeth. Wow they were huge. Like in better to eat you with huge. Wary of those huge teeth I moved my hand back to its head and rubbed one very large furry ear. The wolf closed its eyes in an expression of bliss and the rumbling sound got louder.

I could stay like this forever but it was getting dark and if I was not home soon, mom and Kyle would freak. Or rather Kyle would freak out and mom would be crossing her fingers that I was late because I was seeing a boy. Witch when she found out I had not would lead to questions and possibly another it is okay to be gay talks.

I looked into the wolfs eyes to memorize them. They were dark brown and oddly human like. Mesmerizing. Usually wild animals see threw you, not really seeing you but more remembering what the associate you with. The wolf looked at me like a human would and not right threw me. Fascinating. I slowly moved away from the wolf and got up. The wolf looked sadly at me and whimpered.

"Sorry Wolfie. But I have to go."

The wolf didn't stay but followed me a couple of steps behind me as I walked through the forest. Like Paul. I snickered. Yeah right. The wolf wasn't half as annoying as Paul Lahote. It wasn't half as scary either witch probably meant I needed therapy. Really needed it if Paul freaked me out more than an animal that looked like it could eat me for appetizer.

When I reached the road and turned, it was gone. It was like it had never been there. I smiled to myself. The wolf was a wonderful inspiration. So what if it was probably just created by my own imagination, a further proof that I was turning into my mom who swore she saw both fairies and leprechauns. As long as my imagination created beautiful things like that wolf and gave me so much inspiration that I probably wouldn't sleep tonight and instead spend the whole night drawing, I really did not care if it was just a figure created by my mind.

Mom was already setting the table as I got in and smiled widely when she spotted me.

"Hey honey. I made lasagna today."

I raised a brow. Nothing smelt burned. No oozing smoke from the kitchen. Mr Blackwater wasn't sitting on our porch dreaming about how much more pleasant his life would be if he had not chosen to become a fireman and thus at the mercy of any idiot handling something that could burst into flames. The house was still standing. Witch meant there was no way in hell my mom had made food. She could hardly boil water. Even toast went wrong for her and once she had set fire to the curtains when trying to make waffles. Mom sighed in defeat at my expression of disbelief.

"Okay. Kyle made lasagna. But I did cut the cheese."

A woman her age shouldn't sound so pleased by the fact that she had helped making dinner by cutting cheese. I chuckled at her and was replied with a light smack to the back of my head.

"Cheeky child."

Kyle came out of his study with a frown and a pensive look on his russet face.

"I just got the weirdest call. The elders and Sam want Jan to tutor some kids in her grade."

I stiffened. Sam was the councils golden boy. And he was some sort of leader of the gang or whatever they were. The gang were Paul was a member. I didn't like were this was going.

"I hope it won't be a bother for you Jan, but it's the council and… Nobody says no to the council."

I faked a smile, keeping the dread away. It didn't have to have anything to do with Paul. Or Sam`s gang. It could be completely innocent.

"Who is it?"

"Paul Lahote and Embry Call."

Oh goodie. My after school time was supposed to be a giant free time and more importantly, a Paul free time.

"They will come over tomorrow and I promised you would help them with their studies every Thursday and Monday. I hope it won't be a problem for you. I could always call and cancel if you like."

God I really wanted to ask him that, but I also knew how much influence the elders had in La Push and that Kyle would hate to say no to them. And it wasn't like I could tell him why I didn't want to either. Not without major after effects. No dad likes to hear that their little girl is getting stalked. I remembered all too vividly what had happened with that poor guy that Kyle had seen giving me a kiss when we had visited aunt Hailey one summer. We were both ten and still Kyle had acted like the poor kid had tried to deflower me. Raymond still didn't look at me years after that and fled any room I was in.

"No its fine. I was thinking about tutoring as it would look good on my college application."

And I had. I had just not assumed that adding something as simple as after school tutoring would cost me blood, sweat and nerves. And patience I wasn't sure I had. Teaching Paul anything had to be like trying to write something on a brick wall with just my fingers. Kyle smiled brightly and was clearly happy that I had accepted.

"Good. They will be coming over right after school."

Fuck. My house just stopped being a giant free zone.


	9. Chapter 9: My mother Mrs Robinson

I had decided to be the bigger person. I would not let the fact that Paul Lahote had manipulated himself into my life bother me. I had no idea why yet but I was pretty sure that the fact that Embry and Paul needed a tutor wasn't a coincidence. Embry cared about school at least enough to stay awake threw classes but it wasn't exactly a secret that Paul didn't. But that didn't matter. I was going to be a good teacher, raise their grades and put it on my college application. I was not going to let Paul Lahote get to me. Not at all.

"Hey Jan."

Embry smiled nervously clearly remembering his role in the kidnapping yesterday. I half smiled at him to be polite as getting angry would get me absolutely nowhere. And after all it was hardly Embry`s plan to kidnap me. Embry from what I knew of him had always been a good kid. He had even helped me home with my bike when I was twelve after Paul had pushed me off it so I had decided to give him a second chance.

Or at least not yell at him.

Paul came walking towards us and I frowned. He looked ill. His movements were sluggish and he had dark bags under his eyes. Oh no. I was not going to feel the least bit sorry for Paul. You simply did not feel sorry for Paul Lahote. It was really hard feeling any kind of pity for a guy like him. And he probably looked ill because he has been partying way to much this week. It was not unusual. Everyone knew Paul didn't give a damn about school and stayed out late on school days. I took a deep breath and tried to look taller to get some resemblance to a person of authority. It hardly helped as I would still be short even on high heels.

"Let's get a move on guys. I don't have all day."

We got into Pauls' old jeep and I made sure I was sitting as far from Embry as I could and close to the door so that I in theory could jump out if the car went in any other direction than towards my house. The drive to my house took only five minutes and I hurried out of the car. There were no other cars in the drive way. Kyle was probably at work and I knew mom had a meeting in Seattle. I stopped in the hall and groaned. Papers, pictures and documents were lying on every available surface from the living room to the kitchen. It seemed like it was chaos but I knew mom had a weird system to it all and that moving just a piece of paper an inch would mess up her illogical system. Witch meant we either had to study in my room or the cave. And I sure as hell didn't want Paul anywhere near my room. Witch left the cave. I didn't want the two of them in their either but it was better than my room.

"Follow."

I walked upstairs not bothering to look if they followed me. For two guys their size they moved so silently that it was creepy so I couldn't be sure that they did follow me. The entrance to the cave was a small staircase and I couldn't help but smile when I heard thumping and cursing behind me. The stairs were not built for tall people and I was probably one of very few people who could walk up without ducking down. The light from the room blinded me momentarily when I opened the door. La Push hardly had any sun and in an effort to make the cave lighter, Kyle had replaced most of the roof over the room with a large window to give me enough light to paint in. My finished artwork were leaned up against the wall and several half-finished paintings were hung up to dry covering all four walls.

"Holy shit."

Embry and Paul looked wide-eyed at all the paintings and I smiled with pride momentarily forgetting that I did not want them here. My paintings were good I knew that and how could I not be proud of something I used so much time on.

"This is amazing. Did you paint all these?"

"Yeah. All mine. Just put your stuff on the table so we can begin. So what classes do you have problems with?"

They both look sheepishly at me and I groaned. I had hoped it would be easy. Just one or two subjects but the expression on their faces pretty much told me that I had to spend more time on this than I wanted.

"Right. So let me rephrase that. What subjects do you not have troubles with?"

Embry wiggled uncomfortable in the chair witch looked like a kids chair with his large body on it.

"Does P.E count?"

Oh boy. This was going to take a lot more time then I had assumed.

Paul Lahote was not stupid. It wasn't a pleasurable discovery. I preferred to think of him as a huge stupid ex-jock who took to temper tantrums instead of using actual words to express himself. That's was it. I didn't want to know anything personal at all about Lahote. Just knowing that he wasn't stupid was over the line for me. But he was smart, learned easily and I bet he would have no problem getting B`s in most subjects if he listened in class instead of sleeping and did his homework.

The study session was less uncomfortable than I had expected. Both boys paid attention and Paul didn't stare at me with his creepy stare. He still looked at me but it was more glancing than staring. He didn't crowd my personal space either but that might be because I made sure Embry was sitting between us.

"Sweetheart. You there?"

I winched at my mom's yelling. She had never really learned indoor voice.

"Up in the cave."

"Does the boys want to stay for dinner?"

I took a look at Paul and Embry who looked like they were on the verge of drooling. It sounded like a good idea. I could make sure they were fed and then kick them out of the house thus ending the study session quickly in case Paul would get all weird again. He had not yet but I was still weary around him. After all I still didn't understand why he had been acting so weird around me lately.

"Sure mom."

"Okay. I'll get started then."

"So, we have covered what you lack in history so let's start with English."

I froze. Kyle worked really late Wednesdays so we usually didn't eat dinner that day if I didn't make it. That meant that the person who was going to make dinner would be my mom. The same person who made Mr Blackwater, our local fireman, regret his profession.

"Holy fuck!"

I jumped up and ran downstairs. My worst fears were confirmed as the first thing I saw was mom holding a frying pan. For people that knew her it had the same effect as seeing a man with a crazy look in his eyes holding a chainsaw. Something was either going to burn or something inedible and possibly containing food poisoning was going to be served if mom was holding cooking utensils.

"Mom. Put down the pan."

She blinked at me innocently looking like she couldn't understand the panicked look on my face. Even after the long list of kitchens disasters behind her she simply refused to accept that she shouldn't be anywhere near the kitchen and much less even think about cooking something.

"What? I can make dinner."

"No you can`t. Four toasters and two stoves say otherwise. Now put down the pan."

She pouted at me looking more like a kid than someone's mother. And I just knew she wasn't going to hand me that pan willingly. Not without a fight.

"No."

"Mom!"

I took one step forward and she took one step back.

"I am serious. Put down the pan."

"Not until you catch me."

Usually I try to act like the mature one but I rather sacrifice my dignity than let her burn down the house. I leaped at her and she squealed sounding more like a little kid than a business woman. She made a beeline for the living room but I cut her off.

"Damn mom. You're not ten anymore!"

Her only answer was to stick out her tongue at me. After the tenth run around the kitchen counter I managed to corner her.

"Mom. Just put down the pan and surrender."

She huffed and put some of the strands of blonde hair that had escaped her pony tail behind the ear. Her shirt was wrinkled and her neat ponytail was a mess. She didn't look like a secretary for an important law firm but more like someone from a girl`s gone wild video.

"Fine."

With a sigh of relief I grabbed the pan and put distance between us in case she decided to cheat. Paul and Embry stood in the door way chuckling but abruptly stopped when my mom turned to them. Her eyes glimmered with amusement and I groaned on the inside. I knew that look and it promised me major embarrassment possibly leading to trauma or some scarring images that would haunt my mind for a very long time.

"My my. High school kids sure has change since I was in high school. Why didn't you tell me that your students were all tall, buff and sexy?"

Embry blushed furiously and Paul smiled crookedly. Witch he really shouldn't have done because I was pretty sure that that smile only fired up on moms dirty comments. At least she was nice enough to leave the shy ones alone. Sometimes at least.

"Mom this is Embry Call and Paul Lahote."

As expected she looked at Paul with a flirty smile. I closed my eyes, steeling myself for what I knew was coming.

"Paul huh. Paul means small. I bet you're not small anywhere."

Pauls' eyes looked like they were going to fall out any second. It would have been fun if I wasn't mortified. This was my mom. My mom ogling my classmate like he was a particular juicy steak. This was why I wouldn't bring people home even if I had people to bring home. And why I had decided years ago that when I found a boy I liked I would be married before I brought him home to see my mother.

"Mom. His seventeen for god sake. Its borderline pedophilia."

She waved a delicate hand in the air and dismissed me with an innocent smile.

"Borderline Jan. Borderline. Strictly speaking he is more jailbait than a kid"

I so did not hear my mom call Paul jailbait.

"Just please watch some TV or something so you don't make them run out of here screaming."

"Sure sure."

She took another look at the boys and mock sighed.

"It is times like these I am so glad I put you on the pill."

Oh god. If I was the type to blush I would have been tomato red by now. I wasn't blushing but I was wishing for some kind of black hole to hide in.

"Out!"

She snickered as she walked into the living room leaving two very stunned boys. I hurriedly closed the door behind her so that she couldn't yell any dirty comments from the living room.

"You can stay here and watch me cook dinner or watch TV with my mom. Have to warn you about the last one though. Her comments doesn't get any better."

As I had expected both boys sat down at the kitchen table glancing at the door warily. Good to know that there was something they feared despite their abnormal size.

"So that's your mom. She is interesting."

That was an understatement if I had ever heard one. I rolled my eyes as I scanned the refrigerator.

"She is insane. Totally nutters. Oh and call her Gina, not Mrs Heinz or else she will roll out all her Mrs. Robinsons jokes."

"She seems a little young. How old is she?"

I hated that question. Every time I answered that she was sixteen when she had me, people would get the look. Sympathy, pity and so on. Mom didn't let it bother her but it always bothered me. It was like our relationship wasn't worth as much as the relationship between other mothers and daughters. Sometimes it even made me feel cheap. Like I had been an unfortunate accident and people thought she would had been much better off if she had not become pregnant at sixteen. Much better off if I wasn't born.

Paul drove his elbow into Embry`s side and hissed something at him. That was surprising. Paul was the last person who cared if someone got offended. Hell, usually he was the one doing the offending and with great pleasure.

There was hardly any food in the kitchen. My spaz mother had forgotten to shop again. God knows what she was planning to make. I shuddered at the thought of all the inedible and weird combinations she had made before when I was too young to claim the kitchen. I could happily live my life without eating anymore omelet slash pasta mixes or that horrible dish where she had served me pancakes with spaghetti sauce. The giants usually ate a lot so whatever I made had to be for like ten people. I was probably overdoing it but left overs usually didn't live long in our household anyway. We had bacon, lots of bacon. The usual package of rice. Lots of egg. Some scampi leftovers from last dinner. My Jan fried rice special would do. It was easy, filling and good.

"Can I help?"

The sudden voice behind me made me jump and yelp at the same time. I glared at a smirking Paul.

"Don't ever sneak up on me again!"

Paul just chuckled while looking down at me. Boy was he tall. I knew he was tall. Hell anybody was tall compared to my midget size. And I also knew Paul was taller than most guys but I had never really had the time to phantom just how tall. Usually when he stood this close to me I was preoccupied with yelling at him or expecting something unpleasant to happen. He was so tall that if I stood on the tip of my toes my head still would not reach his shoulders. I became aware that I had stared at him too long when I saw the confident smirk on his lips.

"Don't get any ideas."

Pauls' smirk just got bigger and if he was a peacock he would be fluttering his tail feathers by now. It was unfair that not even that look on him made him look like the ass I knew he was.

"You were just ogling me."

I narrowed my eyes and perched my lips. Yes I had been staring but not for the reasons he thought. And I wasn't going to admit I had been marveling over how tall he was as that was only marginally better than ogling.

" Like hell I wasn't."

"Of course you weren't."

His smirk only grew like he didn't believe me at all.

"I wasn't!"

I huffed and turned around as he chuckled behind me. Having him so close made my hair rise on my arms and the fact that I could feel his eyes on me didn't make it any better.

"If you want to help you can cut four packages of bacon and fry them."

I didn't really want him to help me cook. Years with my mother trying to help and ruining everything had made me suspicious of other peoples cooking skill. But I rather take my chances than have him staring at me.

It was a fast prepared meal and it took only a half an hour till it was done. Now I only had to survive the dinner itself. That could be interesting. Perhaps more painful than interesting.

"Mom dinner is done."

Mom took one look at the huge bowl we usually used at family dinners.

"Holy! Jan, how many people did you actually expect for dinner?"

I pointed at the boys.

"Bottomless pit one and two."

The boys chuckled and my mom looked confused for a second before she shrugged and sat down.

"So Mrs. Genna asked why you don't come around anymore."

I groaned. Mrs. Genna was Kim's mother and one of the most horrible women I had ever met. She was only interested in her social standing and didn't hide how disappointed she was in Kim who was neither eye-catching nor outgoing or confident. For some reason she adored me.

"She's a bitch."

Paul and Embry looked at my mom in shock while I just rolled my eyes. My mom had always been outspoken and she never hid how she felt. Sometimes I really wished she did. It would have saved me a lot of embarrassing moments not to mention the traumatic ones.

"That she is. And unfortunately for me, she likes me."

Mom reached out and pinched my cheeks.

"That's because you're so pretty and smart. And such a good girl. Too bad she doesn't know the real you."

She shook her head in mock disappointment. I knew that expression and it never, never bode well.

"Like when you were twelve."

Oh god. Not that story. Please not that story. Embry and Paul were still stuffing their mouths full but seemed way to interested in what my mom was about to tell them.

"We were visiting my sister Hailey. She has a lot of foster children and Jan used to play with them. Always causing a ruckus."

Mom smiled her innocent smile that I recognized as her version of an evil smirk.

"My sister and I had come back shopping and what do we find? Four extremely drunk kids dancing around the living room. Jan had the wondrous idea of eating the cherry Hailey had picked from the ground to throw away."

Mom mock sighed.

"One of the many wonders of having a child that's has more imagination than average. You simply can't plan out every possible ways she can get into trouble. And then there was the burglar in Seattle."

Oh great. I hated that story. It always made me seem like a young female version of that kid from home alone.

"Burglar?"

Paul was shaking slightly like it was cold inside.

"Ah yes. She was around nine years old and I was going to the store. Someone picked the lock and broke into our apartment. As he went upstairs Jan threw her marbles at him and he fell down the stairs. Jan tied him up and when I got home she was sitting there with the first aid kit pasting up the unfortunate thief while giving him a lecture about how mean it was to steal things others worked hard to get."

It only took a second before both Paul and Embry started laughing.

"He was hurt."

My muttering only caused them to laugh even louder. I hoped that was it but as soon as the laughter died down my mom threw herself into another one of her Jan stories.

"And then there's that little incident a month ago."

I froze and shot mom a warning glare, which she ignored. I would rather sit threw a dinner in a snake pit than to listen to my mom telling the story of the cat I had thought was a badger about to dig up my carefully planned vegetable garden. It contained me chasing the assumed badger with a baseball bat and our shocked neighbor calling Chief Swan in the middle of the night. Chief Swan seeing me in my underwear while chasing a cat with a baseball bat wasn't something I wanted other people knowing.

"Mom if you tell that one I will tell the story of my first anatomy lesson."

She clamped her mouth shut instantly and glared at me. I glared right back.

Poor boys.

They were probably really confused now. A mother daughter glare contest didn't happen very often but when it did, well it looked very weird. Mom narrowed her eyes and I narrowed mine. Then we both smiled. Crisis diverted. For now no one would know about the badgercat incident. I noticed both Embry and Paul gawking at us in confusion as we continued to eat what was left on our plates.

My mom and I are weird. I guess that's what happens when a kid gets a kid. Not that I had really suffered from it. She had taken care of me and done her best in raising me. She wasn't one of those selfish moms who ignored their kid in favor of their own needs but a relationship like ours were bound to be a little bit more childish then the usual mother daughter relationships.

Mom looked at the now empty bowl.

"Wow. When you said bottomless pits you weren't joking Jan."

I just rolled my eyes, eager to get the boys out so I could use the rest of the day in the cave, painting.

"Well I've taught them, fed them and it's getting late."

Mom smiled her evil innocent smirk.

"You forgot petting."

"They are boys, not pets and petting is what got you pregnant with me at sixteen anyway."

She just stuck out her tongue at me.

"You would be so much more fun if you petted once in a while."

I glared at her.

"That is not something a mother tells her seventeen year old daughter."

"No. That's something I tell my seventeen year old daughter. I am special."

I grabbed the boy's wrist and tugged. Of course there was no way someone my size could drag two giants out but luckily they followed willingly. Probably a little scared and a bit crept out by the bantering.

"Not arguing the special part. You pervert."

"Mary."

"Sicko."

"Prude."

I slammed the door shut before she could say anything else and thumped the back of my head on it. I love my mom. I honestly do. But sometimes I wonder if her insanity is a genetic trade and when will it fully affect me. And if it was possible to get her medicated. Not much. Just a little to stop her from saying things that could possibly scar me for life.

"Well that was fun. Bye."

I closed the door before they could say anything and leaned against it. It had been a lot easier than I thought. No creepy moments. Except those that came because of my mom. I still didn't like Paul Lahote though. And I still thought he was planning something. I just couldn't wrap my finger around what it was.

**Authors note: **_I really love Gina and her relationship with Jan. It is clearly unique and has shaped Jan to become the strong minded person she is. Writing her and Kyle the ever worried father is really fun. This chapter became a little long and honestly I did think about cutting it down but what the hell. Might as well post it as one. Thanks for all the nice reviews. Cookies to you all. _


	10. Chapter 10: Tinkerbell

There is one thing about small places like La Push I find extremely annoying. Everybody knows everything. Everyone knew I was tutoring Embry and Paul after school. And judging from the glares and mutters from the female students when I passed it was clear that they thought I was coming onto Paul or Embry.

Witch was utterly ridiculous.

We were in total different social circles. Meaning they had one and I didn't. I was hardly Paul`s type which consisted of stupid pretty girls. Sure I wasn't exactly ugly to look at. I could probably fall in the definition of cute with my blue eyes and what I was told was an innocent looking face. But Paul always had a thing for long legged mature looking beauties with huge breasts. I didn't have long legs. I wasn't a beauty either. Neither did I look mature as very few people believed I was seventeen and not fifteen. As for breasts… They were almost as non-existent as my hips. And he wasn't exactly my type either even if I wasn't sure I had one. Hard to tell when you have never been in love.

Witch mom teased me relentless about.

As for Embry. I had to be a complete idiot if I was coming on to Embry when Paul was around. He was an ass. A huge pain in the butt and everyone with half a brain would expect him to try to ruin it for me if I was going after Embry.

What did they think I was doing anyway? I was helping out with subjects like English and math. Not teaching Paul and Embry sexual positions and techniques. There was absolutely nothing sexy about algebra or Shakespeare.

Lucia and her merry band of brainless girls walked by. She glared at me with her glossy lips pressed tight but didn't say anything. She probably would the second I couldn't hear her but after our last encounter she always made sure I didn't hear when she said the nastiest things about me. I didn't really give a damn but the staring was beginning to get annoying. Most likely it would die down when Paul laid another girl. And that wouldn't take long. After all he was known to have one new girl for every week of the month. All I had to do was be patient. Then Paul would sleep with some girl, I would get a couple of smug looks for being dumped or rejected and then everything would go back to normal and I could go to school without feeling like I was a zoo exhibit. And that would be the end my five minutes of fame. Hopefully.

I glanced at the clock. Every second now school would be over and I didn't have to be in a place were everyone was staring at me. The bell rang and I hurried out. It was for once sunny. The sky was a perfect shade of light blue and not a single cloud in sight. A rare thing in La Push were the weather usually consisted of various forms of gray and rain. Maybe I had a slight chance of a tan. I huffed for myself. Yeah. Not very likely. It took more than one sunny day for my pasty white skin to develop a tan and unless I was moving to Arizona or California I didn't see that happening anytime soon.

"Tinkerbell!"

I froze. Only one person used that nickname on me. I whipped around looking for the source of the voice. Jason's blond hair stood out among the various dark heads. He looked just as he did last time I saw him. His blond hair still stood unruly at the sides and he still had a slight tan from his travels. He was wearing his usual tattered jeans and a t shirt that had seen better days.

" Jason!"

I ran as fast as my short legs could carry me and jumped him with an excited squeal.

"Missed me much?"

He chuckled and ruffled my hair. I could feel all the stares but I didn't give a damn. My Jason was here in La Push. It had only been months since I last saw him but it felt like years. He smelled just like I remember. Paint and coal he used to do sketches with and a little touch of his after shave. Jason kissed me right on the lips and pulled my earlobe teasingly.

"Anything exciting or new happened since the last time I talked to you?"

I was momentarily stunned. Exciting and new. A lot was new. A hell of a lot I didn't really want to tell him as I didn't quite understand it myself. How did you explain that the whole rez seemed to be out to get you in one way or another without sounding like you had lost it?

"Nope. Not really."

"So why is this huge scary looking guy giving me the death glare?"

I turned around were Jason was looking. Paul was standing next to Jacob and Jared, scowling in our direction. At least something was back to normal. I would never have guessed that I would miss that scowl but it was defiantly better than that creepy soft look.

"That's Paul Lahote. It's his usual expression."

"Paul Lahote as in I hate Paul Lahote, the guy that harasses you?"

Jason narrowed his eyes.

"I'll go over there and teach him a lesson."

I couldn't help but snicker. Jason wasn't exactly small nor was he the lanky type but he would have no chance going up against Paul. Paul was both much taller and much more muscled than Jason. Not to mention he had a temper and quick fists. I didn't think Jason had ever been in any kind of fight before. Jason didn't stand a chance in hell and the last thing I wanted to see was my bestfriend in the whole world being pummeled to the ground by Paul.

"I love you and all but you are no fighter what so ever. Beside I can handle things myself."

Sort of handle anyway. Although lately I had done a little more blowing up or trying to stick my head in the sand than actually handling it.

"Paul! Can you calm down!"

I looked away from Jason in the direction of the loud voice. Jacob and Jared were dragging a shaking Paul into the forest edge and even if there were two of them it didn't look like it was easy. I watched as Paul made a swing at Jacob and just barely missed before they disappeared out of sight.

"Okay. What was that?"

"Paul having one of his temper fits."

Jason seemed confused something he wouldn't have if he knew Paul. Angry outbursts were after all Paul`s thing.

"If you say so. Now let's take my car around for a spin so you can show me La Push."

I raised a brow and looked at the car. It was most likely not his. It didn't look new and still had no scratches or patching up. And Jason had a standing record of one week before damaging the cars he drove.

"No. Ill drive."

"Why?"

How could he even ask that? The last time he drove me anywhere I had almost started scratching my last will onto my arm with my fingernails. Probably would have too if I had not been petrified with fear.

"Let me remind you. Cat. Three. Old lady. Red light. Shall I continue?"

Jason stuck out his under lip in a pout.

"I am not that bad."

I huffed and bumped my fist into his chest.

"Even my mom won't drive with you and she drives like an almost blind person on heavy medication. Ill drive and you can choose the music."

Jason squealed and jumped into the front seat while I rolled my eyes. It was so easy to forget that he was twenty four. Usually he acted like he was younger than me. If I didn't know better I would have assumed him to be in close relation with my mom. Minus the delusional part. There were some similarities. Like the blue eyes and the blonde hair. The tendency of acting like little children not to mention the ever positive outlook on life. Jason looked at me eagerly like we were about to do something exciting and not just drive around La Push and look at threes. Sun and Jason. It was a good day. Perhaps things were finally brightening up for me.


	11. Chapter 11: Roadblocks and chicken soup

Open cars in chilly La Push. Not a good idea. I sneezed and rolled myself further into my blanket. Water fight with Jason. Even a less good idea. I felt like shit. My throat was sore and I was shivering from fever. My muscles were all aching even to the tip of my toes. And no matter how many blankets I tucked myself in I still couldn't get warm. Mom looked worriedly down at me.

"I can drop the meeting and stay home with you Jan."

I snorted. Like my mom would make anything better. The woman was more likely to hurt her patient than to actually do some healing. The last time she had spilled scorching tea on me and served me some herbal medicine that I was convinced was what had made me throw up for hours.

"That meeting is pretty important mom. Just go. Kyle already promised he would come home early. I am not a baby."

I gave her a weak shove that made my muscles scream in protest.

"It's okay. I`ll just sleep anyway. So go."

Mom hesitated but nodded.

"Okay. Get better hon."

She kissed my forehead before I could warn her about germs and rushed out.

I looked out the window. At least I picked the perfect day to get sick on. The sky outside was turning black and I could hear the faint sound of thunder. Looked like it would be a storm. Curling further into the blanket I coughed. It sounded like a death rattle. Damn I felt like shit. I hated being sick and I hated being cold. Unfortunately for me I was always cold when I was sick. Too bad I didn't wake up before Jason went to Seattle. I knew he would have stayed if he knew I was sick. I groaned and turned my acing body in the bed, dozing in and out of sleep as the thunder increased in strength. My phone called and I reached out for it, almost falling out of bed in the process.

"Yeah?"

My voice sounded like I had been yelling for hours and the following swallow made me winch in pain.

"Jan it`s Kyle. The roads are blocked because of some fallen threes so I can't get home. The police said that they probably won't get the road cleared before tomorrow."

Oh great. Fucking fantastic. Of course it had to be a day when I was sick. I almost regretted telling mom to go. Almost.

"It's okay dad. I'll be fine."

"I`ll park my car right in front of the blocked road so I can get home as soon as they clear it."

His determinate voice made me croak out a giggle. He would too.

"Relax dad. You said it yourself. They'll get to it tomorrow so just sleep in your office. I'll be fine."

"Okay honey. Just make sure to drink and eat a little."

"Kay. Bye dad."

I glanced at the window. The sky was pitch black, the wind made the old house rattle slightly and the flashing lightning was now almost right over me. The phone rang again and I reached for it.

"How come you're not at school today?"

Quil? Why the hell was Quil asking me about why I was absent from school? I had hardly talked to the guy before.

"What the hell do you care?"

My voice sounded all cracked and I coughed so hard I was afraid that a lunge would fall out my mouth.

"Are you sick?"

I rolled my eyes. What tipped him off? The fact that my voice sounded like a frogs or the death rattle coming from my lungs every time I breathed?

"Gee you are smart."

He completely ignored my sarcastic remark.

"The roads are blocked. There are someone with you right?"

Okay. What's up with all these questions? I wasn't really fit for asking either. Every word out of my mouth was like swallowing a cactus and I wasn't about to go through that pain just because Quil was nosy.

"Bye Quil."

Damn I hated being sick. And now I was sick and alone.

Great.

I was hungry too but I really didn't feel like getting out from the bed. And it wasn't like there was any food in the house. Not when it was moms week to do all the grocery shopping.

I woke from the doorbell. Outside it was raining hard. If it were Kyle, mom or Jason they had a key and I couldn't imagine someone coming to visit in this weather. Perhaps it was a serial killer.

Okay my imagination was getting the best of me here. Maybe someone was looking for shelter. So instead of trying to hide beneath my blankets I should open the door. I dragged myself out of the bed and downstairs. I yanked the door open and stared into a naked chest. Apparently a very tall half naked native. My head was heavy and it took forever before I managed to lift it high enough to see the persons face. A very wet Paul Lahote. Witch I hate. What was he doing here?

Oh well. It wasn't like I could muster any kind of curiosity or the well-known I hate Paul Lahote anger right now. All I wanted to do was to sleep this fever off.

"What?"

He looked worriedly down at me and put a nice warm hand on my cheek. Very nice and warm.

"You look like shit."

"Mmmm."

I pressed myself closer to the nice warm hand. Finally something warm.

"Okay. Now I know you are sick. Isn't there anyone with you?"

"Roadblock."

"I brought chicken soup."

If I wasn't feeling so sick I would probably have reacted a little more to Paul Lahote bringing me soup of all things. He was hardly the type that cared for sickies. Instead I leaned so far into his hand that I almost toppled over.

"You must be really sick."

Yeah you think. With ease he lifted me up and carried me into the kitchen. Normally I would have protested strongly and violently about sitting in Paul`s lap, but I was so dizzy headed and cold that I didn't really give a damn. And he was so nice and warm. God I was going to loath myself when I felt better for even thinking that for a second.

"Have you eaten?"

"Nope."

"You should eat something."

" Jupp."

He chuckled probably amused by my agreeable sick self. I was never this agreeable around him.

"Emily heard you were sick so she made this chicken soup for you."

Things kept getting weirder.

Emily hardly knew me. Why would she make me soup? And how could she know? It had only been like fifteen minutes since Quil had called.

Paul unwrapped the bowl with me still on his lap. It smelled delicious even though I wasn't hungry. But it was a good idea to eat something. Then at least I would have something to throw up. The spoon was shaking slightly but I managed to not spill anything as I put it into my mouth. It was weird. I was sitting on Pauls' lap, eating soup like a little kid. I felt like one too. Paul was huge and I was tiny. It reminded me when I was little, sitting on dads lap when I was sick. Weird that I remembered it now. How dad used to tickle me behind my ear or put my small hands in his big rough ones. Nice peaceful memories that I seemed to have repressed after he died.

Every now and then, Paul would gently stroke some loose hair strands behind my ear. Weird fever fantasy. Usually it would be white halls and weird green creatures I dreamt about. Not a nice Paul. Altough that was just as logical as green monsters with small horns on their heads. Damn I must be sicker than I thought. Paul made me drink a whole glass of water before carrying me up stairs and tucking me into bed. As soon as I couldn't feel his body heat I started to shiver.

"Cold?"

Pauls' voice was soft and worried. I nodded. The bed creaked and suddenly I was pulled against a warm chest. I curled into it like a lazy cat and if I could I would probably have purred in pleasure. Paul buried his nose into my hair and sighed.

"I am sorry. For everything I have ever done to you. And especially your nose. I didn't mean it. Hell I don't even remember it. I wasn't myself that day."

Now I knew I was definitely dreaming. The word sorry was unknown to Paul Lahote.

"I am sorry. So sorry."

Dream Paul buried his nose further into my hair and let out a sound that sounded like a sob. Poor dream Paul. It couldn't hurt right? It was just some weird fever dream and when I woke up I would probably have forgotten it all so it wasn't like I was sacrificing my pride or anything like that.

"I forgive you."

His head whipped up so fast I could hear it creak.

"You what? How can you forgive me like that? I did horrible things to you. I basically tortured you."

"But you're sorry and that's what matters."

Probably at least. I want quite sure as my head felt like it was filled with cotton and all I wanted was for Dream Paul to shut up so that I could sleep. I yawned and pressed myself closer to the warmth of his body. His chest rumbled under my ear.

"You are amazing. Really amazing."

I waved him off.

"Yeah yeah. Don't let it get to your head. I still don't like you."

His answer was a low chuckle.

"Even sick you are feisty."

"Genetics. Now shut up so I can sleep."

His chest rumbled slightly beneath my chin as two large arms wrapped around me until I was cocooned into that blissful warmth that seemed to sooth my fever aching muscles. Who would have known that dreaming about Paul would make me feel better? Yesterday I would have rather chosen those weird green monsters than dreaming about Paul. At least my imaginary Paul was a whole lot of more agreeable than the real one.


	12. Chapter 12: The day that only got worse

"Jan. Wake up. Jan."

I groaned, annoyed at the person poking me in the stomach. Jason was kneeling in front of the bed smirking at me.

"Feeling better?"

"Much better."

He smiled teasingly.

"Good. Then you can explain why Paul I hate him Lahote is sleeping in your bed."

What the hell was he talking about? There was no way in hell Paul would be in my bed. I didn't even want him in my room. Jason smiled at my disbelieving face and looked down. I looked to where he was looking. There was an arm wrapped around me. A huge russet arm. And there was something big warm and breathing close to my back. Dream Paul and real Paul was the same person. Last night had been real and not just some feverish dream. Jason chuckled finding my confused expression amusing. Traitor. This wasn't amusing at all.

"I'll go and make breakfast. Your parents will be here soon so if I were you I would wake up Mister Lahote here before they get here and drag him down for breakfast."

Jason chuckled all the way out of my room. I wiggled trying to get out of Pauls' grasp but it only resulted in him pulling me closer and rubbing his nose against my neck. I shivered at the touch. Damn it. How the hell could I get out of his vice grip without kicking his groin again? I wasn't even sure I could in this position. He pressed me a little closer and sighed contently.

I froze. What's that? Yes, there was definitive something hard pressed against my tight. Something that wasn't his knee.

He is asleep. Is a completely normal reaction of a healthy teenage male and has absolutely nothing to do with you. The rational voice in my head did not however make me feel any better. Oh god. How was I supposed to wake him up now? Maybe I should just lie there till he let go a little more. Yeah. That was a good plan. I could wait and then wake him up. He never needed to know that he had been pressing his hard on against me and I could pretend that part never happened.

Paul suddenly pulled me even closer and I could feel his lips against my neck. His groin pressed tighter to my tight and his hips made a small jutting motion, rubbing his erection against me. One time I could have managed but he didn't stop with one.

Screw the plan!

I elbowed him in the chest probably hurting myself more than him and let out a noise between a yelp and a screech. Paul jumped up and in the turmoil of flailing legs and arms caught in the heavy wool blanket I fell out of the bed. This had to be the most awkward moment in my life. My enemy Paul was sitting in my bed with a boner. I had in what I thought was a feverish dream, forgiven him for all the shit he had put me through. He had been creepy nice the day before and I had let him care for me. Even sleep with me in my bed. For the first time in my life I had no idea of how to act. Judging from the expression on Pauls' face I wasn't the only one. He looked almost afraid. Probably afraid that I would start yelling rape on the top of my lungs. I took a deep breath. Food. I doubted food could make this any less awkward but at least it was something to do. Something that could prevent talking until I had made some sense of this whole thing.

"Breakfast?"

Paul nodded.

"Okay then. Just follow me."

God this was awkward.

It didn't become less awkward when Jason smirked crookedly at me when we came into the kitchen and then glared at Paul. They were both glaring at each other and I had no idea what was going on. The male spices of the human race were sometimes confusing. Not a word was said between the two but it seemed like they had just instantly decided that they didn't like each other. And that in merely seconds.

"Jason this is Paul. Paul this is Jason."

More glaring. Right. Clearly I shouldn't be holding my breath for a handshake or any action from the two of them that could make this whole thing a little less painful for me. The sudden ringtone of a cellphone made me jump. It was Paul`s phone and I prayed it was something really urgent that would get him the hell out of my house rather quickly.

"What? Kim's mom won't let you see Kim anymore? Well what the hell do you expect me to do about it?"

Kim's mom. I knew her approval of Jared wouldn't last very long. At first she had been impressed that Kim had landed the son of a lawyer and a dentist but as soon as those rumors about Jared's friends reached her she would put her foot down. All she cared about was her own social standing and the only good thing about her daughter in her eyes was despite the fact that Kim was nothing like the daughter she wanted, Kim at least had not given the ladies in her social circle any reason to look down on her for having a bad daughter.

I looked at the phone in the kitchen. Just a simple call and I could easily fix this. For some reason Mrs. Genna liked me and easily overlooked the fact that I was the result of a teenage pregnancy because my mom had done the right thing. She had married my biological dad, went on and gotten a good education and then married a lawyer. Just a few words and Mrs. Genna would be convinced that Sam's gang were just some kind of scouts club or something. The question was did I even want to?

She had dumped me as a friend without any explanation and honestly I shouldn't care. But I did. It was the right thing to do and since when was I the kind of person who ignored the right thing to do just because I didn't like someone? It wasn't like not doing anything would make me feel better either. Hesitantly I grabbed the phone and winched as my fingers automatically dialed the number. I had not called it for months and yet it was still burned into my brain.

"Genna residence."

Damn. That woman sounded pretentious even when answering the phone.

"Hey it`s Jan. I was just wondering if Kim is ready? Sam is taking us up the cliffs today."

There was a pause and I could almost hear her thinking.

"Sam?"

The way she said his name plainly told me she didn't exactly have a good opinion about Sam.

"Yes. Kim didn't tell you about that? He created this group for teenagers where he takes us out in the woods and learn us to navigate and such. Think he started it because he was worried about what teenagers get up to in La Push since there isn't a lot to do around here. A kind of anti-alcohol and drug group with focus on tribal traditions and exercise. Kim and I joined when Jared did and it`s really cool. Sometimes we even have barbeques and workshops."

And I was so lying threw my teeth. Whatever Sam`s gang did I doubted workshops and trips into the woods were included.

"Oh really?"

I could hear her wavering and knew I had her now.

"Yeah. The council really approves of it. You know how worried they are about the teenagers here and they thought that instead of adding a program for the older kids at the community center it would encourage more to join if there was a younger person leading it and the older teens didn't have to feel like they were in kindergarten or something. Kim and I thought it would be really cool to join in and I started up an after school tutor program where those who have problems at school can come to me for help."

"That is so nice of you Jan."

I almost gagged at the sweetness in her voice. Mrs. Genna didn't give a damned about those less unfortunate or those with problems but charity sounded like a good thing to brag about during one of her many tea parties.

"So you are going to the bonfire too then?"

Hah. No way in hell. Not even if they dragged me kicking and screaming. I avoided the beach bonfires like the plague. It was bad enough being the white kid at school so there was no way in hell I would put myself threw a La Push community bonfire.

"Yeah of course."

Mrs. Genna seemed totally convinced and I thanked the gods that I was good at bullshitting.

"Then I am guessing you can pick Kim up then so that she doesn't have to call her boyfriend to come and get her."

Damned. It was a parental test for sure. If I refused chances were that she would still keep Jared from Kim. Perhaps even send her to boarding school as she had threatened with before when Kim didn't meet her expectations.

"Yeah I was just heading out so I can pick her up on the way to Sam`s. See you soon Mrs. Genna."

See? This was what doing the right thing got you. Now I had to do some small talk with the most hypocritical and judgmental woman on the rez for someone who wasn't even my friend anymore.

A woman who repeatedly praised me for being such a good girl despite my unconventional upbringing. The way she said it pretty much made me feel like I had been brought up in a crack shed and that it was only chance that I had, as Mrs. Genna always said, turned out so well. Perhaps I was paranoid but everything that woman said seemed to have a hidden insult. Even the compliments.

"Don't say a word."

I wasn't quite sure if I meant Jason or Paul. Probably both as they both tended to be smart mouths. I did not want or need any of their comments. Not when I was mentally preparing myself so that I would not have a Jan moment in front of Mrs. Genna. It of course didn't help that I felt like I looked like hell. My skin was slightly sticky and my short hair had knots in it that I just knew was going to hurt to get out. And Paul was still here. This wasn't a good day. It had started as a nice day but then again every day was nice when I was warm, sleepy and comfy. Finding out the reason to why I was so comfy and that I had defiantly not been hallucinating the night before had been the start of a very bad day indeed.

"I need to wash up a bit. Do you need a ride somewhere? I can drop you off before I pick up Kim."

I only said it to be nice. The guy had after all brought me chicken soup so I could be somewhat polite back. Paul shook his head and I breathed out relieved. I really didn't want him around on top of all this. Especially not when I was still feeling a bit under the weather and my defenses were not up properly.

"No that's okay. Hope you are feeling better."

The door closed behind him before that last sentence was processed in my brain. It had sounded honest. Like he actually cared. Chicken soup. Sitting on Paul's lap. Him holding my shivering and frankly disgusting sweaty and feverish body. Just trying to make sense of it all made my brain hurt. What the hell was really going on in La Push these days? It sure as hell wasn't me because I felt much the same as I had three weeks ago. Just really confused in addition to being well me.

I hated this car. Like really hated it. Who the hell would rent a freaking open sports car in Washington? Or rather what the hell was Jason thinking when he rented one? Sure the car was probably cool. Not that I knew anything about cars but that couldn't possibly weight up to the fact that it simply had nothing to do on the dirt roads of La Push. I could feel every damned dump in the road and was shivering with cold when I parked it in front of Kim`s house. At least Mrs. Genna was impressed. Her eyes were possibly gleaming as they slid over the expensive car parked in her driveway. She even looked around to see if there was anyone around to see the car in her driveway and smiled satisfied as some cars slowed down at the sight of it. She dusted her pants suit for some invisible dust and greeted me with a smile and a kiss to the cheek.

"It`s so good to see you Jan. And you cut your hair again. Are you sure you don't want to save it a little? A little more feminine look would look good on you."

Not even a minute and she had already subtly criticized me. Unfortunately it wasn't even a new record. Kim shuffled out from behind her and her ears reddened as I raised a brow at the sight of her. Kim was wearing a skirt and a thin pink sweater and I doubted she had picked out the outfit herself. Kim was like me, a hoodie and jeans kind of girl and there was no way she had picked out that incredibly pink sweater herself either. Mrs. Genna didn't even seem to see how uncomfortable Kim was as her eyes slid critically over her daughter.

"I really wished you could wear some make up honey. It makes your eyes seem bigger. No one likes to be squinted at dear."

I winched at the same time Kim did at that sentence. It never stopped astonished me how critical Kim's mother was. It was like Kim had to be perfect to be loved by her and I knew from past experience that nothing Kim did was ever good enough. Kim could never be pretty enough. Never smart enough and never neat enough. It was no wonder why Kim was the shyest person I had ever met. With a mother like that she had probably crushed any initiative in the girl when she was a mere toddler. I grabbed her hand on instinct and my cheeks hurt by the fake smile I was putting on.

"We better be going Mrs. Genna. Being on time is important you know."

Mrs. Genna nodded clearly agreeing.

"Remember to be home at ten Kim. I won`t have the neighbor's thinking my daughter is tardy. And try not to be clumsy again. That sweater was quite expensive you know."

Kim nodded looking down and only those who knew her could see that she was trying to blend into the background.

"Yes m…m… mother."

Kim winched again as her mother glared at her for stuttering. Like getting angry at Kim helped her with the stuttering. I was actually pretty sure that the reason she stuttered when she was nervous was something that came from her mother`s judgmental personality. Who wanted to talk to a woman who criticized everything you said. And the more Mrs. Genna picked on Kim the worse her stuttering became. I almost dragged Kim into the car, eager to get away from that woman and as far away from her perfect garden and perfect house as I could possibly come.

Without a second look I backed the car out and didn't care that I possibly pressed a little too hard on the pedal to get the hell out of there. Kim met my eyes in the mirror and for a short second things were back to normal. It felt like any other day where I rescued her from her mother. And then guilt filled those brown eyes and the moment was gone.

We were not friends anymore.

She knew it. I knew it.

Only I didn't know why. It had happened so suddenly and without any clear reason and I wanted to ask her why but my pride wouldn't let me. I wasn't about to beg her for a reason to why she suddenly had stopped calling me or why she had only taken a look at me before walking away that day at school. She was the one that had chosen this and I might be many things but I sure as hell wasn't pathetic enough to beg for a reason.

If you have nothing else then pride is the last thing to go.

I don't know who told me that but it was like burned into my brain. And it wasn't really like I didn't have anything in my life. I had my parents who loved me. I had aunt Hailey and my foster cousins. And Jason. Strictly speaking I didn't exactly need Kim in my life. Besides this whole thing was just going to last one more year. Then I would be going away to college and the painful process that was high school would just be a chapter in my life and not the whole story.

High school is just something everyone has to go through.

Mom had told me that and she was the one that had been kicked out from home when she was sixteen. Compared to her high school years my own were a piece of cake.

Sam's house appeared in the distance and I noticed that the front porch was filled with giants. And Leah. She frowned at me as I parked the car and I showed her my finger witch made the rest of them give me odd looks. Guess no one knew that we hated each other. It wasn't surprising. After all I had only started hating her after she agreed with one of her friends that it was right of the elders to not recognize Kyle and mom as a married couple. It wasn't like it was a law that Kyle couldn't marry a white woman but a marriage wasn't legal unless it had been performed the traditional way and a courthouse marriage wasn't good enough in the eyes of the council. I knew it hurt mom like hell that everyone in La Push called her Mrs. Heinz and not Mrs. Blackfeather even though she pretended it didn't and those words had made me punch Leah right in the face and almost gotten me suspended.

That was years ago and I would probably think a little more before getting in her face now. Like the boys she was insanely tall and her muscles visible under her t shirt. She looked like she could crush me. But that didn't mean I wasn't going to express how much I loathed her.

Kim got out of the car and tried to meet my eyes but I looked demonstratively away. Oddly as it was I didn't want her to feel like she owned me anything. I didn't want her gratitude. It wasn't for her I was doing this but because I could and because it was the right thing to do. No one should ever deny someone help even if they didn't deserve it. That was what my mom had taught me and I was sticking to it. I put the car in reverse, not giving anyone a chance to say anything to me before speeding out of the driveway. I wanted to go home and try to drown myself in my pillow. Just in case this day could get any worse.

I doubted it but I wasn't taking any chances.

**Authors note: **_Mrs Genna. Every neighborhood has at least one. I recommend never making eye contact and always seem incredibly busy when you meet them. Used to have one living next door. Now what was it that she called me again. The blonde one. How someone can make such a vague description sound bad I have no idea but somehow they always do. Thanks for all the reviews. I really love writing this story so I am happy some people like it. As for the next chapters I promise you one chickfight and at least one Jan meltdown or more. _


	13. Chapter 13: The world is out to get me

Jason snickered and if I wasn't so drowsy I would have taken a swing at him.

"It's your fault you know. Racing out of here not even considering that you were sick yesterday."

I poured myself another spoon of medicine. Probably overdosing myself but anything to escape my itchy throat. Beside I think I needed the overdose. Both mom and Kyle had gone to visit Kyle's brother and Jason was dying to ask me questions about last night.

"So what was Paul I hate you Lahote doing in your bed this morning?"

Yepp. There it was. The question even I didn't really have an answer too.

"With any other girl I would have though she hid her crush on the guy with loathing but you are my Jan and when my Jan loathes someone she really loathes them."

I sighed almost dipping my nose in the cup of tea. Too bad I couldn't drown myself in it. Then I wouldn't be in pain right now or having to answer questions from an all too amused Jason.

"I have no idea. He showed up here with chicken soup so I thought I was having a fever dream. I mean Paul Lahote the schools asshole doesn't show up on your door with chicken soup. He laughs at pain not nurture the sick. He fed me, tucked me in and used his body heat to warm me up."

Jason snickered and I took a swing at him instantly regretting it as it forced a violent sneeze.

"Not that kind of body heat you jerk. My innocence is perfectly intact thank you very much."

I continued before Jason could state that I was indeed a virgin but nowhere near innocent.

"Yeah and he said he was sorry and if I was in my right mind I would have told him to stick it but my delusional sick self said that I forgave him. And that's it."

"Hmmm."

I glared at him.

"What's with the hmmm?"

"You state that this Paul doesn't like you right?"

I nodded trying to stuff my whole face into the damp from the teacup. God I hated being sick.

"Weird, because judging how he looked at you and how he looked at me, I would say the boy is head and heels in love with you."

The sip of tea I had just taken got sprayed all over the table.

"What the hell? Have you been smoking weed or did the paint fumes finally get to you? There is no way in hell Paul Lahote is in love with me. He has made almost every school day since I moved here to a living hell for me and now spends it freaking me out with some weird plan of his to annoy me. Paul Lahote is not in love with me! Pigs will fly before that! Hell will freeze over and Martha Stuart will take over the world in a huge conspiracy with the nuns! Kim will break up with Jared and my mom will become a Christian before that happens!"

Jason frowned and wiped the tea spill with a cloth.

"Kim will break up with Jared and your mom getting religious in the same sentence? This Kim must really love this Jared fellow."

I rolled my eyes and took another sip of the almost too hot tea.

"Please. He didn't even know she existed some months ago and she had the biggest crush on him. Borderline obsession. She knew everything about him from his dogs name to his favorite color. Wrote his name everywhere and talked about him all the time. Even I know the name of all his siblings and I wasn't even listening that hard. Just trying to be a good friend and let her vent it before she blew a fuse. The suddenly one day he noticed her and was everywhere we were. It was like he got obsessed over her too. Armageddon will come before they break up."

Jason noticed my frustration and started to stroke my head witch always calmed me down.

"You never really told me what happened between you guys just that you weren't friends anymore."

I leaned into him, enjoying the cuddling.

"I don't really know. Kim and Jared spent all their time together. I just thought it was because the relationship was new. The Paul came back after mono and they hung together while she ignored me. Now they are like a whole gang. The gossip says they are some kind of cult. I don't believe that but they are together all the time as a group. I guess I am just not invited."

If kidnapping didn't count as an invitation. And it wasn't like I wanted to join in. Not anymore anyway. Not when I knew my invitation would come because of Paul. After all it was after he got all weird that the giants suddenly took an interest in me and that couldn't be good.

Jason kissed my forehead but luckily didn't come with any kind of empty phrase.

"You look tired. Get some sleep now."

Sleep. Yeah, that sounded like heaven. Walking up the stairs seemed to take hours and I fell straight into my bed. Just getting out of the clothes was a struggle. I barely managed to get my feet out of my jeans before I buried my head in the pillow. Today I wasn't going anywhere. Not when the whole world out there seemed out to get me.


	14. Chapter 14: Dreaming about the enemy

It was dark all around me and I was shivering with cold. Dad was holding my face gently with one hand while his other hand was covering my eyesight. I couldn't see anything but I could hear. Something snapping in two and someone screaming. I didn't know the man holding me anymore. His hands were not the ones that pulled my hair while calling me little ray of sunshine and the harsh commanding voice wasn't the same one that told me about princes and princesses.

And then he was gone and I was surrounded by threes. A wolf pack was running past me in a blur of color and one of them looked vaguely like the one I had met in the woods. They didn't make a sound as they ran through the forest at an amazing speed. There was something odd about it. Like there was something there I should have figured out by now but I couldn't for the life of me grasp it.

The scenery changed again and I was in my room. Or it looked like my room but it was lightened up by a slivery glow. Paul was leaning over the bed with a worried face and his skin was glowing too. I pinched my arm but felt nothing. Another stupid fever dream. At least this time it was a dream.

I tilted my head and studied the face above me. Paul Lahote was hot. I was honest enough to myself to admit that. And asshole but still hot. Of course I would deny it the second I woke up but he was. Probably why girls threw themselves at him.

He had shaggy coal black hair I just knew would feel smooth and silky between my fingers. Dark brown eyes one could drown in, a perfect jaw and so much character in his face that he was a painters dream. And the nose. He had the most perfect nose. Not to mention the lips. Even though they were thin and I had seen them in a sneer more than I liked to remember, they were tempting. And the ears. For a man they were really well shaped.

Yupp. I was really delirious. Thinking about how kissable Paul was and his ears of all things. I have never in my life had a thing for ears.

Damn, was this a freakin wet dream about Paul. Why? It was usually Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow, Channing Tatum or Chad Michael Murray. Even Jacob Black at one point that shall never be mentioned ever again not even in my mind but never Paul Lahote. Stupid messed up dreams. But it had to be. For some reasons all the guys in those dreams were glowing slightly and here he was. Glowing. I blamed my mom for that. Having her reading me trashy romance novels instead of fairytales when I was a kid was bound to have some after effects. She had skipped the smutty parts but I have heard more about dashing lords and bashful ladies than was strictly healthy for a developing mind.

"Uh Jan? Why are you staring? Are you okay?"

Why was he asking me if I was fine? Less talking more action please. And perhaps if I was lucky he would turn into Jack Sparrow soon. Although this wasn't too bad either. He was hot after all. And it wasn't really Paul Lahote. Just a Paul I had created inside my clearly very disturbed mind. I bet Freud would have a lot to say about this.

"Jan?"

For the love of god just kiss me already.

Paul didn't move an inch just looked at me with the same creepy stare. Seemed I had to take control here. Mmm. Dominating Paul Lahote. Just the thought of it made me warm. Although usually the only kind of dominating I wanted to do to Paul was to tie him to a three in the woods and leave him there.

"Get in the bed."

Paul frowned.

"Are you cold?"

"Yeah whatever. Just get in the bed."

I scooted over to make place. The bed barely fit us both so I got up and positioned myself over him.

"Jan? What are you doing?"

"Promise me to lie still and don't move."

He still looked confused but nodded. Damn. Why couldn't he be that agreeable in real life?

"Promise you won't move an inch?"

He nodded again staring up at me with eyes that seemed black. So what now? In all my other dreams the man or boy knew exactly what was going on. Paul seemed clueless and confused. Wasn't he supposed to be a womanizer? A huge flirt? So why was he just lying their seeming more virgin than I was? That was totally off script from my usual naughty dreams.

I bent down, stroking my lips against his. It was like an electric current shot threw my body and the little gasp from Paul made me even hotter. I licked his lips and he shivered. Just by that simple touch his breathing grew ragged and his heart was beating like crazy under my hand. He tasted like cinnamon and bubblegum. Quite pleasant actually. I moved my hands from his chest and tugged slightly on his hair. Paul moaned and shuddered as I pulled a little bit harder. Somehow I had ended up on top of him and even in my dreams he was incredible hot. Like burning hot. And he was turned on. Judging from the bulge in his jeans, very turned on.

Were they supposed to be that big? That part in my dreams were usually a bit fuzzy. And porn and pictures in the biology book was the only reference I had. And that wasn't much to go on. Oh god I have a sick mind. Not only am I making out with a dream Paul but my mind had even conjured Paul with a hammer. God I really need therapy.

And why am I still making out with dream Paul?

I was getting dizzy and put my forehead at the side of his neck. It was nice. Like having my very own warm mattress. And that was a really dirty thought. I snickered and Paul put a warm hand on the base of my neck.

"What are you laughing at?"

"This is one fucked up dream."

He stiffened slightly under me and I groaned in annoyance.

"Don't do that. More comfortable if you don't."

His chest rumbled beneath me.

"Am I comfortable?"

There it was. That haughty self-assured tone that always made me want to punch him. So at least I wasn't totally out of my mind. Just a bit messed up. Next time I would stick to tea instead of flu medicine. The dreams and haziness couldn't be worth it. I buried my nose into the crook of his neck and sighed. Paul murmured something under me but I was way too low for me to hear. A pair of warm arms curled around me and pressed myself further into that delicious warmth. I was sure I was bound to do some freaking out when I woke up but right now I was damned comfortable. And it wasn't like I could be blamed for the things my subconscious self made up when I was sleeping.

**Authors note: **_Promised you a little action didn't I? This is the first one and there will be more I promise you that. Now did it really happen? Who knows. Only Paul does and he isn't talking now is he. _


	15. Chapteter 15: Chipmunks and aliens

I wished I could take more sick days. At least one more day until I had completely forgot that dream. Waking up and knowing I had just had a wet dream about Paul was not a good start for a new day. I wasn't ashamed to admit that I had spent at least one hour torn between freaking out and looking for some kind of explanation. Then I tried to drown my shaky nerves in coffee. Witch meant that I now had frayed nerves and was high on caffeine. Not a very good combination for me.

I nervously looked around as I passed the school gate. There were no giants in sight so maybe I had a chance to avoid them today. Especially Paul. After that weird wet dream I had about him yesterday, he was amongst the last people I wanted to meet right now. Above Bin Ladin but below Jessica Simpson. Definitely on my list. It was quite disturbing really. Even when Paul had been on his worst bastard mode I had never avoided him before. Now he scared the crap out of me with the creepy staring and the caring thing. Not to mention that dream I was desperately trying to pretend never happened. Yet a moaning Paul seemed to be stuck on my brain like it had been burned into it. Denial had never really been my thing and my brain seemed to resist my attempts on convincing it that it had never happened.

And the way the giants had been looking at me lately didn't exactly calm my nerves either. Like they were hell bent on Paul and I spending time together. I half expected them to go for another kidnapping attempt. My mind was constantly conjuring images of dark cellars were I would be brainwashed into some obscure cult that worshipped chipmunks whenever I thought about them.

"Hey Jan."

The voice behind me made me jump and squeal loudly. Jacob, Quil and Seth looked down at me with amusement in their eyes.

"Geez. Bells. Look into it."

I put my hand over my frantic beating heart and drew a shaky breath.

"Don't ever do that again. And how the hell can three oaf men like you guys be so freakin silent! And would you all just please stop staring at me!"

Jacob chuckled clearly amused by my outburst and probably also because of my one tapping right foot. Damned caffeine. Should have kept myself to my one cup of morning coffee instead of downing it down like an alcoholic in a bar who had just been released from mandatory rehab.

"So what do you want?"

The picture of innocence on their faces were not the least bit convincing.

"Do we have to want anything?"

"So you what? Stopped for a friendly chat?"

I glared at them suspiciously and all three nodded. They had never taken any interest in me before, not even when I had still been friends with Kim. Sure I had talked to them a couple of times but strictly about school work. Other than that they completely ignored my existence. That was before Paul had started to act weird around me.

"I will never worship chipmunks."

They looked at me like I had a screw loose. Really, compared to them I was semi normal. I looked like any high school student and wasn't freakishly tall, muscled or ran a temperature over average. And I didn't hang out with a weird older person like Sam.

"Okay."

Jacobs's mouth twitched slightly.

"I am serious. I will never worship chipmunks or any other forest creature and you can't make me!"

With that as a parting I slammed my locker shut and stomped away. I was a couple of feet down the hall when I heard the loud guffaw of laughter behind me. Well, if they thought I was insane there was a slight chance that they might give up on whatever they had planned for me. Or it could also backfire and make me seem easier to brainwash. I had no idea what to do to make these people leave me alone. There should be a book about this. Some kind of self-help book. How to make a weird possible cult thingy leave you alone. But then again self-help books were written aimed at a certain amount of people and I doubted there were many out there with that kind of problem.

And of course the first class had to be a Paul class. He was already seated in Theo's normal seat right next to me. I took a deep breath. You never had a wet dream about Paul. Didn't happen.

"Hi Jan."

His beaming smile would have been kinda cute. On any other person than Paul. Before this weird stalkerish behavior he had never smiled. Smirked yes, but never actually smiled. Must be a sign of dooms day. Shouldn't I have been seeing pigs fly or something by now? I nodded and sat down trying to keep that damned right foot still.

"Lahote."

From the corner of my eye I saw his beaming smile falter into a sad expression. Oh god. He looked devastated. Like I had shot his puppy or something. My stomach twisted in guilt although I had not really done anything to make him look like that. And even if it had I shouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty about it.

I mean, this was Paul I do my best to make you cry Lahote. Since I was ten the guy had been a bastard and he probably were before I moved here. Which meant that he deserved at least seven years of misery to make up for what he had caused others. Too bad my good reasons didn't work on that feeling of guilt.

"So…"

Paul whipped up his head like I was about to say something really important.

"Thanks for bringing me the chicken soup. And tell Emily it was delicious."

Was he blushing? Seemed like it but it was hard to see with that russet skin. Lucky natives. They never had to worry about their faces going up in flames. Paul looked down and scratched his neck and seemed very shy all of a sudden.

"No problem. I was just passing by."

My eyebrow raised and he flinched by his own words understanding how totally not likely it sounded. You didn't just pass by in a thunderstorm with a bowl of soup.

"Sure Paul. The annual shirtless soup convention was held nearby. My bad. I totally forgot."

Paul flinched and looked like he wanted to fall into a black hole in the ground. And there was that twisting in my stomach again. Damnit. I wasn't supposed to feel guilty for being bitchy. This was Paul Lahote. He wasn't supposed to look all hesitant and vulnerable. I wanted my old world back. At least I understood what was going on in that one. There were rules damnit and Paul was like the last person to ever go off script.

The sun rose and Paul was an asshole. The moon affected the tides at First Beach and Paul was an asshole. It was supposed to be a sure thing. He was supposed to be mean and not have those puppy eyes when he looked at me. Because he didn't do puppy eyes ever. It simply wasn't done. Seriously, pigs would grow wings any second now.

"And thanks for taking care of me."

Paul looked up again and smiled widely like my teeth had not been gritted when I said that. The smile lit up his whole face and he looked more boyish then I had seen him since elementary school.

"Um. I was wondering. You know. If."

His stuttering was interrupted by Miss Kalik entering the classroom and anger flashed over his face for a second. Thank god. A sign that Paul was still in there somewhere and not completely replaced by this alien creature with his face.

Aliens. That might be it. Maybe he had been swapped by aliens. But if he had then the whole gang must have been swapped. That sure explained a lot. And that so made me one of those weird people living in trailers with aluminum hats that thought that everything was a huge conspiracy. Miss Kalik interrupted my strand of thought as she cleared her throat.

"Today I want you all to take some pictures we can develop in the darkroom. Unfortunately we don't have enough cameras for all so I have divided you up in groups of three."

Cool. I liked photographing. Sure I wasn't as talented as Jason but I had taken some nice pictures and I knew my way around a dark room. Heinz, Genna, Lahote and Lake. Ah fuck. Why did I have to be in that group. What were the odds that I had to work together with the queen of all bitches, the stalker and my ex-bestfriend all at once? This was going to be extremely awkward. Paul beamed, clearly happy about the group. Kim looked unsecure, her eyes darting from me to Lucia who was more or less drooling over Paul. This was going to be two fun hours.

I grabbed a camera and sighed. It was one of the old fashioned ones, not digital and it had scrapes and cuts that indicated that it was well used and not very good taken care of. The images probably wouldn't turn out very good and I longed for my camera back home.

"So we should take turns. Who is first?"

Lucia bounced off her seat like the annoying peppy cheerleader she was.

"I want to take pictures of Paul."

I rolled my eyes. Real original that girl.

"Lucia can be first then. We should take it outside, the light inside isn't good."

I handed her the camera and walked out of the classroom not looking to see if they followed me. Paul was by my side in seconds. How could he be that silent? Even I made more sound when I walked than him and he was three times bigger than me. And he was graceful. Witch was silly because boys were never graceful. Coordinated at best but not graceful. But then again Paul didn't look like a boy either. He looked like a man and not a seventeen year old boy. The image of Paul shuddering smacked into my mind and I shivered. I knew that dream would come back to haunt me.

"Are you okay?"

Paul looked worriedly down at me like it was really important for him. I wondered what he would do if I said no. Drag me to the nurse? Shove me into his car and drive me to the hospital? It seemed plausible with this new Paul.

"I am fine."

He nodded but still had that worried look in his eyes. I sat down while Lucia dragged Paul away to take pictures. Although judging from the look in her eyes she was more likely to jump his bones than take any pictures. Kim sat hesitantly down beside me.

"So um. What ah are you doing later?"

She looked down like the chipped bricks on the ground were interesting. I was still angry with her for ignoring me these past months but the thought of what I was going to do later made me smile.

"Jason and I are going to the cliffs to take some pictures."

Kim nodded still not looking at me.

"There's a bonfire tomorrow. Are you coming?"

Normally I would instantly have said no. I didn't like the bonfires and tended to avoid them unless Kyle made me. But Jason would love it. They always told these fascinating legends and I knew Jason would love to hear some of the legends about La Push.

"Maybe. Jason would like to hear the stories and Billy Black is a much better story teller than I. Hey. I am going to buy a soda. Want anything?"

Kim looked up and smiled. This was one of the many reasons I loved Kim. It was so easy to make her happy. Just one little gesture and she was like a kid in a candy store.

"A coke please?"

"Coming right up."

The soda machine was one of the few good points about our school. The food sucked, most of it looked like pigs food. But the soda machine was brand new, shiny and actually working. Witch would be considered as miracles in this school were the projectors were broken, chairs wobbly and had lockers that didn't always open without violence. With two cokes in hand I turned and noticed that the peacock gang had surrounded a red faced Kim. Sonya, Kylie and Natalie. Lucia's little band of followers. Stupid, make up obsessed shallow little girls.

Since I moved here they had always picked on Kim but held back a bit after some of my hissy fits. They had become even mellower when Jared had told them off, yet I wasn't surprised that they had ganged up on her. Jared was one of the hottest guys in school and before the mono thing he had also been the most popular kid in school. Then he had strayed from the popular crowd and become Kim's boyfriend. It wasn't surprising that they saw that as a betrayal and blamed Kim for it. And now that Jared wasn't around her for once they saw their chances for an attack. Pathetic really.

"You are so ugly. Do you ever like cut your hair? It's all frizzy and full of split ends."

The peacock gang snickered and I rolled my eyes. That was supposed to be an insult? I knew kindergarten kids with better insulting skills.

"And you are so boring. I don't understand why anyone would ever be with you."

Kim was crouching slightly and her eyes had started to tear up.

"And still she's the girlfriend of one the hottest guy in school. Man that must hurt."

The peacock gang whipped around at the same time with the same glaring expression on their faces. I wondered how much they trained on that. Or maybe there brains were linked. Wouldn't surprise me really. There had to be some reason for that missing intelligence. I sat down beside Kim and gave her the coke.

"Stay out of this Jan."

Sonya took a step forward, trying to look threating. It looked so stupid. It was impossible for her to look threatening when she wore way too much makeup and was covered in lace and pink.

"I would love to. Really I would. Feel free to just walk away."

Sonya huffed and raised her shoulders. It really did look like a peacock trying to look intimidating. And it was just as scary.

"You don't own the school."

I raised a brow, taking a slow sip from my coke.

"Of course I don't. It's a public school so technically no one owns it. Or you could say it belonged to the reservation or the state if you wanted to go deep into it."

Kim leaned slightly into me like she always did when she felt threatened and I tugged her hair gently as reassurance. Sonya seemed to understand that this wasn't going anywhere and I could see the wheels in her head turning to find another approach.

"Why is Paul hanging around you? Were you that good of a lay?"

She smirked and looked like she had just hit bulls eye. God. Her attempts on being insulting just kept getting worse.

"Wouldn't know. I didn't sleep with him."

Sonya scoffed.

"Sure you did. Everyone knows you fucked Paul. Everyone is talking about it."

I just shrugged.

"If everyone knows then I guess it must be true. Although I have no memory nor knowledge about it. God. I can't believe I don`t remember losing my virginity. When did it happen? And where? I mean if all of you know you have to tell me because I don't."

I must have been talking too fast cause Sonya's face scrunched up like she was trying really hard to understand what I had just said.

"Of course you slept with him. Paul wouldn't bother hanging around you if you weren't a good lay."

I nodded like I agreed.

"Of course. I take it you were a bad one then since he doesn't hang around you."

Sonya's eyes widened and it looked like she wanted to slap me. Everyone knew she and Paul had hooked up two months ago. Mostly because she had bragged about it. I didn't get why it was something to brag about. Paul hooked up with anyone as long as they were pretty enough.

"You are such a bitch."

I raised my hands in a peaceful gesture while smiling mock sweetly.

"Hey don't blame me. You more or less served me that on a platter. You know you should really give up this mean girl impression because you really suck at it. You have absolutely no talent for it what so ever."

Kim bit her lip to stop herself from laughing.

"Slut!"

Stupid and resilient. Not a good combination.

"Slut? Huh. Can't remember that either. Maybe I have one of those split personality disorders. Like one is Jan and the other is a total slut. Hey I'll call her Jennifer. Always did like the name Jennifer."

It was funny watching the three girls looking at me with the same expression of confusion on their faces.

"You are such a freak."

I shrugged and twirled the cork of the cola between my fingers. Natalie narrowed her eyes at me as her shiny pink lips twisted into a halfway sneer.

"Why thank you. Hearing people call me special make my tummy tingle all warm and cozy."

Sonya huffed and twirled around, stomping away like a kid. Her two cronies hesitated.

"Move along now girls. I think your master is about to call you."

Just as I said that, Sonya yelled after them. I watched them go over to Lucia who was taking pictures of a laughing Paul. He was looking straight at me and I got this weird feeling that he had heard the little banter. But he couldn't have. He was too far away.

"How do you do that?"

I rose up and jumped up on the small little brick fence.

"Do what?"

"Talk back to them that way"

"Cause ignoring them won't make them go away."

I balanced on the fence while looking at the sky.

"You're fearless."

I shook my head.

"I am not. I just think that a bunch of vain stupid ignorant teenagers are not something to fear. There are other things out there that are a lot more terrifying. Things that you have a reason to fear."

I should know. The memory from that day still haunted me at night sometimes no matter how hard I tried to forget. Most children lose their illusions about safety and their parent's immortality gradually over the years. Mine had gone quite literally with a bang before I turned seven.

"God did you hear?"

I flinched at Lucia's high pitched voice. I hated when the girls made their voice all loud pitched. Why they thought that was cute was beyond me.

"What?"

Sonya snapped her pink bubble gum bubble.

"One of those huge bears was seen again."

I stiffened slightly and leaned in to hear more. Wolf. I was convinced that the huge bear that had been spotted was the freakishly huge wolf I had petted.

"This one was darker than the last one. My uncle, the one that is a deputy, thinks that there is more than one."

More huge wolves? Shit. Maybe there was a whole pack of them. Shouldn't more people have seen them then? One huge one I could understand could hide in the large forest that surrounded La Push and Forks, but a pack? And the one I had met didn't seem that hell bent of staying away from human contact either. I had petted him. It was still a little unbelievable.

There was a chance that my little mind had made it all up and I was in need of some heavy medication. It had been huge. Like freakishly huge. It was almost taller than me and wolves didn't come in that size, I knew that. Perhaps it was me getting less and less logical with age. Before I knew it I would be a total ditz like my mom.

That's it. The second I set something on fire in the kitchen I was going to a doctor. I loved my mother but I had no desire to be stuck in her little illogical world. Besides I doubted Kyle could handle two of us. My mom demanded constant watching as it was.

The hair on my back raised and I turned around. Paul was leaning against the school wall, looking at me. He wasn't the only one. Kim was also looking at me. There was something in her eyes. Something almost wistfully. And for the thousandth time in a month I wondered what the hell was going on. It was like this puzzle that I didn't have the pieces for. It was really starting to bug me.

**Authors note: **_Chipmunks Jan? Really? Chipmunks? That's the best you can come up with? I have no idea where that came from. _


	16. Chapter 16: Jason the traitor

"Are we there yet?"

I stuck my tongue out at Jason.

"Quit whining. Seriously, you are a photographer. The journey should be half the fun for you and you're not the one walking around in a freaking dress."

Jason grinned at me, shifting the bag with supplies over his shoulder.

"It's a nice dress."

I didn't object because it was a pretty dress. It was white with pale blue silk ribbons on the bottom and around the cleavage and ended just above my knees. I just didn't like dresses. I loved my jeans and hoodies. Dresses always made me feel a little vulnerable and constantly worried that the wind would lift it up making me look like a less graceful Monroe.

Dresses weren't exactly what you wore in the La Push rainforest either. It was damp, the wind was cold and the danger of walking into some poisonous ivy was very present. But Jason had insisted I wore it so that he could take some pictures for our sort of aunt Gaia who was in Africa and had demanded updates from all her family members. Apparently that meant stuffing me into a dress so that Jason could take pictures of me.

La Push was way too cold for dresses and skirts. Only the peacocks defied the weather so that they could show some flesh.

Jason swore behind me and I bit my lip so that I wouldn't laugh at him. For a famous photographer he didn't have much love for hiking.

"We are here."

The cold wind made the dress flutter as I looked over the ocean. It really was a beautiful place and perfect for taking pictures.

"I can see why you like it here. Lots of inspiration."

It was true. La Push was any artists dream. There were the cliffs, the beaches, the mountains and an amazing rainforest with huge old moss covered threes. It was like it was taken out of a fairytale. The kind of place were one could imagine that there were unicorns, fairies and other mythical creatures.

"Stay close Jason. It's easy to get lost in the forest if you are unknown to it."

Jason nodded as he put down his bag and grabbed his camera. I went to the cliff edge and stared out into the horizon. It was a beautiful place, one of my favorites. Or had been until I realized that I shared it with the La Push gang. They had started to use this place for cliff diving. First Sam alone.

I remember the first time I had seen him here a year ago. He had been standing shirtless leaned into a three and I had been sitting leaned into a rock behind him almost covered behind a bush. It was just after he had disappeared into thin air for a month and his name were on everyone's lips. Just after that he had broken up with Leah. He had more or less been cast out by the inhabitants of La Push. The Clearwater name carried weight in the reservation and everyone was on Leah's side. He had not seen me and I could study him in peace.

He had stood there perfectly still for an hour and it struck me how lonely he had seemed. The Sam I had caught glimpses of before the Houdini act was nothing like this man standing looking out into the air. It was like someone had put a giant weight on his shoulders. Suddenly he had pushed off the cliff, diving into thin air. It had been amazing to watch. Like someone had taken a dive straight into the emptiness. Then two months after on my way to another favorite spot I had seen Sam and Jared leaping from the cliff. Before everything it had made me kind of happy to see the two of them together because the silent air of loneliness around Sam had been painful to watch.

Of course that feeling had quickly vanished when Kim dumped me to hang out with the giants. I never told anyone about seeing them. Not even Kim. Which had turned out to be a wise decision as she had become one of them. I didn't need anyone to know that I had painted him and Jared as they dived. That would make me just as creepy as them.

I looked down into the ocean below. It had been ages since I had jumped from here. Kim and I did just before Jared started looking at her like she was god's gift to the earth. Or rather I had jumped while Kim sat in a safe distance from the edge, looking worried like she always did when I jumped. Couldn't blame her. It was far down and apart from the La Push gang and me no one else jumped from here. The cliff diving spot were on the other side of First Beach and were more used since they were lower than this.

"Hey Jason. Put on autoshot. The one you use to capture movements."

Jason looked at me quizzically but grabbed the very advanced and expensive camera he normally used to capture objects moving.

"How many seconds?"

I shrugged.

"Whatever you use for taking pictures of running people."

"What are you going to do?"

Like I would tell him. Jason was more slack with danger than my parents but if I told him he would try to stop me.

"Just start when I say go."

I walked slowly to the nearest three and stopped for a second. This was one of the best parts of the dive. The blood rushing threw my veins in anticipation and the silence just before I took off. The wind whipped my dress around my legs as I kicked off my shoes.

I started running. My feet thumped against the ground as my hair and dress whipped around me. And then I was in the air with my arms stretched out. It was a terrible feeling and wonderful at the same time to feel myself falling for what seemed to be forever. My body hit the ice-cold water and it was like thousand needles of ice pierced my skin as I went under. I kicked my feet under me and shot up to the surface. Damn the water was ice-cold, almost numbing and I knew from experience that I couldn't linger if I wanted to avoid muscle cramps. It didn't take long before I had sand under my feet and I brushed the wet hair out of my face.

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

Someone roared at me and for a second I froze thinking Kyle had caught me in the act. But no, it wasn't Kyle. It was Paul and he looked more furious then I had ever seen him. His whole body was shaking and his eyes had a wild scary look in them. He was flanked by the rest of the gang who didn't look all that happy either. Jacob was sickly pale and Sam looked like he was trying not to go into a fit like Paul.

"Are you crazy? You could have been killed! What the fuck is wrong with your head! Do you want to fucking die? Is that it?"

He was towering over me, shaking like crazy.

"Paul! Calm down!"

The authoritative voice of Sam boomed over the beach. Hell even I flinched slightly but it had no effect what so ever on Paul. Pauls' usual sneering face was back and I should feel somewhat threatened but I felt relieved knowing that he still had a terrible temper. Mellow meek Paul was way scarier than the pissed off Paul in front of me.

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Why do you care?"

I watched as Paul's chest rose and sank like he was heaving for breath. What were the signs of heart attacks and stroke again? Damn I should have listened when we had first aid last year.

Hesitantly I reached out my hand and put it on his arm. The difference between my cold hand and his incredible hot skin was like a shot of electricity and I resisted the urge to draw my hand back. His body was vibrating under my hand making me think of the fluttering wings of a hummingbird. Movements so fast that you couldn't see them only feel them.

"Jan! Step back!"

Man, that Sam had a voice that made you want to obey. I was about to step back when Paul`s hand locked itself around my wrist in a firm grip. He then closed his eyes while his fingers tightened around my wrist holding me in a grip I couldn't possibly escape from on my own. The shaking seemed to increase until I could feel them rippling over my own skin like I was leaning against a thrumming motor.

"If you don't stop shaking right now I will knee you in the groin."

Great Jan. Fantastic. Couldn't you for once just be nice? Is it that freakin hard to just ask if he is okay? The man could be having a heart attack and threatening with physical violence was hardly helping. Luckily my words had an effect. He stopped shaking and snapped his eyes open. Still scowling but that I was used too. Or had been before he went all weird. The smoldering glare was still there though.

"Why are you smiling?"

"It's just good to see that you haven't been completely alienated Paul I have a very nasty temper Lahote."

He raised a brow.

"What did you say?"

Was he brain damaged or something? I had said that pretty loud and judging from the chuckling from the gang even they had heard me.

"I said good to see that you have not been completely alienated."

He shook his head.

"No. The last part."

"Paul I have a nasty temper Lahote?"

He frowned and the giants only laughed louder.

"Don't like it? I have many others. Paul I`ll fuck anything with long legs and huge boobs Lahote. Paul I need anger management Lahote. Paul the bane of my existent Lahote. And there's Paul if you look at me I am going to kill you Lahote. I mostly use Paul I fucking hate you Lahote but lately I have used Paul I may or may not worship chipmunks and want you in my cult Lahote and Paul I am stalking you Lahote."

Paul looked blankly at me while the guys howled with laughter.

"Oh shut it Quill. After all you are known as Quill I tried to kiss Jan and all I got was a black eye Atera."

Quill looked at me wide-eyed and if he didn't have russet skin he would have been beet read by now. I looked back at Paul who was still looking blankly at me. I looked down myself. The dress was see threw because it was wet and my beige underwear was visible. It wasn't a problem really since my underwear wasn't more reviling than a bikini, but for some insane reason underwear was not the same as bikini for a man no matter how close in shape they were. Jason had tried to explain it to me but I still didn't get it. The mind of a man was either very complicated or way too simple for me to understand.

"Paul?"

He didn't move an inch just stood there staring at my chest like there was actually something to see there. Which it wasn't. I barely had a B cup so my breasts were nothing to brag about.

"Hello Paul."

Still no reaction. I thought maybe a slap or something would wake him up but I always used violence as the last resort. At least when I was thinking clearly. That and hitting Paul looked like it could hurt a lot.

"Fuck you look hot Jan."

Quill seemed to have gotten over his previous embarrassment and was now ogling me. He had always been a bit of a perv. Pauls' head whipped up by the sound of his voice and he glared at Quill.

"Quit it."

Quil smirked.

"Quit what?"

"Quit looking at her! And you! Get dressed!"

I bit my lip to refrain from chuckling. Wasn't Paul supposed to be some kind of ladies man? Wet half naked girls were not supposed to freak him out like this.

"Okay."

I walked out of the water and the dress clung to my legs like a second skin. Sam's lips twitched slightly like he was holding back a smile and Paul looked furious. Quil`s jaw had dropped and Embry was purposely looking in another direction.

"I told you to get dressed!"

And how did he suppose I would do that? It wasn't like I had extra clothes with me.

"I can't exactly conjure clothes out of thin air now can I."

I bent down and twisted the lower part of the dress. Quil whistled and I just managed to look up in the same second as Paul barreled into him. They were rolling around on the ground, Paul punching the crap out of Quil. I watched as Sam and Jared pulled them off apart and both boys were shaking and growling at each other. It looked really freaky but at least he was back. Asshole Paul was back.

"Hey Paul!"

His head whipped in my direction and I grinned.

"Welcome back".

He looked confused but the shaking stopped. Of course he didn't know what I was talking about and I didn't really feel like explaining either. For some really freaky reason it was good to see him like that. Being his temperamental self. And I needed to examine my head for that one. I mean, really. Who would feel relieved that someone was still an asshole.

Suddenly I was embraced. Jason hugged me tightly not seeming to care that my wet dress was making him wet also.

"First, what the hell were you thinking? And second, the pictures turned out awesome. They are so going to be a part of my next exhibit. I should get down on my knees right now and propose to you."

I laughed at the memory of a ten year old Jason proposing to me because I was the only girl who was kind of cool and not full of girl cooties. As I remembered it I had kicked his shin when he tried to kiss me and then pushed him into a puddle of mud.

"That didn't end very well for you the last time."

"You don't have shoes on. I`ll take my chances."

"I can still punch you."

"As I remember you did that too."

His smile was as bright as the sun and his laughing eyes seemed to glitter in the weak sunlight.

"You really are my dream woman you know."

It was total bullshit of course. I was nowhere near Jason's dream woman. They were all long-legged redheads with green eyes and had really bad tempers. The last one he dated I swore had to be Paul's long lost sister. She had pretty much been Paul just with breasts. And wasn't that a very bad place to go.

"So. Are these friends of yours?"

I had pretty much forgotten all about the giants who were still staring at us.

Friends. Not so much friends as a constant pain in my ass. Probably not polite to say that out aloud.

This is Sam Uley, Jared Cameron, Embry Call, Quill Atera, Jacob Black and….

No Paul.

I had not even heard him go even though he had been standing just a couple of feet away from me. It was like he had just vanished into thin air. How the hell could he be there in one second, yelling at me and impossible to ignore and the just voosh. Gone in a flash. It was enough that he seemed to pop up everywhere I was and now apparently he could vanish just as quickly. It really wasn't healthy for my nerves.

"There is a barbeque at my place tomorrow. Perhaps you and your friend would like to join? "

It sounded like a very normal and polite invitation but the calculating look in Sam's eyes instantly put me on guard. There was no way I would go to that barbeque. No way in hell. I would rather pull out my own toenails. I would rather join a monastery. I would rather…

"We would love to."

My head snapped in Jason's direction. He was smiling with a gleam in his eyes that I knew all too well. That motherfucking little traitor. He knew very well that I did not want to spend as much as a single second in Paul`s company and yet it had not even taken him a second to betray me for the possibility of taking some nice pictures. Cause I knew that gleam in his eyes. He got it every time he saw a subject he really liked and clearly the giants had ignited his interest.

Why were we friends again? Cause right now I really wanted to drown him in the Pacific Ocean. Anything to avoid going to Sam's place.

"You little…"

He smacked his hand over my mouth and smiled to the giants like he wasn't cutting off my air supply.

"We better get you some dry clothes Jan. Kyle would be very worried if he heard you went cliff diving after being sick."

And now he was blackmailing me. If I didn't go to that damned barbeque then Jason would subtly slip to Kyle that I had been going cliff diving and I knew that wouldn't go over well. So my choices were either going to Sam's barbeque for a couple of hours or have another of those safety speeches that were spread over the span of a week to maximize the guilt for breaking one of his rules.

Jason must have seen the defeat in my eyes because his smile widened just before I sank my teeth into his palm. He let go with a curse and I stomped away from him ignoring the giant's baffled looks.

I was so going to tell my mom about Jason's love for country songs so that she would mock him endlessly with two steps and her rather painful variant of songs like _she broke my heart and stole my_ _horse_ or _my aching heart_. Hopefully in public too. If I was going to suffer then I would make sure he suffered also. After all he was my friend. My pain was his pain. Even if it was a rather loose interpretation of that sentence.

Barbeque at Sam's. Possibly followed my brainwashing and chipmunk worshipping.

Oh joy.


	17. Chapter 17: Jan the deer

"You ready yet?"

Jason bellowed from downstairs. He could at least walk up the stairs to ask me if I was ready to go instead of yelling. I groaned and grabbed a hoodie from the bed. I had pondered ways to get out of this since Sam had asked us to the barbeque and come up with none. Where was the book of excuses when I needed one? Didn't help that mom had been so happy that I was for once going out and being social. She had even picked out an outfit for me. Some tight jeans and a ridiculous pink sweater.

I never wore pink. Not even my underwear was pink and she knew that. I couldn't help that I lacked the pink girly gene. Sure I used a little make up occasionally but she knew I lacked the female gene that made girls like wearing skirts and pink. Besides it was a barbeque. I didn't need nor did I want to look all dolled up. A sweatpants and my favorite dark blue hoodie was perfect attire for the cold La Push weather.

I took a last look at the pink sweater and shuddered. No, hell would freeze over before I ever wore that sweater. I bounced down the stairs. Jason was already ready to go carrying his camera bag with him.

"Put down the pan dear. I can make dinner tonight."

I smirked at Kyle's way of preventing my mother to set the kitchen of fire. He had such a pacifying way of doing it. My strategy was the grab and run one. Usually worked since I was faster than her.

"Jason and I are leaving."

"Bye honey."

Kyle sounded so happy that I would be going to Sam's house. He was always the one that worried the most that I wasn't quite fitting in. Mom had just heard that there would be boys there and had been all for it. My sweet mother was not the average kind of mother. But then again I already knew that.

"Are you wearing the pink sweater I lent you?"

She couldn't see me so I decided for a little white lie.

"Yes."

"Are you lying to me oh fruit of my loins?"

Drats. I should have known that wouldn't work. That woman could spot a lie like no one else I knew.

"Yes I am. And don't call me that. Makes me sound like a grape."

I heard her laugh from the kitchen.

"More like a lemon dear."

"Hey. That's not nice. And I resent that you picture me as something you grew."

I could hear Kyle rustling in the kitchen probably smiling at our little banter.

"Ah but I did grow you my dear. For eight months and a day."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed my leatherjacket.

"And with that mental picture I am off. You are so paying for the therapy I will need in the future."

I could hear her snicker as I closed the door. Jason chuckled and opened the car door for me.

"You two are so much alike."

I fake shuddered and glared at him.

"Don't say that. I like to think I have a better grasp on reality than her."

When we arrived at Sam`s house there were already several cars parked in front of the little red house and when I opened the car door I could hear loud voices and laughter from behind the house. I took a deep breath as Jason rang the doorbell. This was going to be both awkward and uncomfortable. Emily opened the door and smiled widely.

"Welcome Jan."

Her eyes stopped at Jason and her smile faltered a second before it was back.

"And who is this?"

"This is Jason. A family friend. "

"Nice to meet you Jason. I am Emily Uley. The boys are in the back yard. You don't mind me borrowing Jan I hope? I could need her help in the kitchen."

Jason smiled brightly, clearly captivated by Emily's gentle smile. He more or less shoved me into Emily. So much for his support and help in making me not feel uncomfortable.

"No problem. "

Emily grabbed my hand and dragged me into the kitchen. Kim was chopping salad and a girl I didn't know stood with her back at me, lining up hamburgers on a plate.

"Oh that's right. You have not met Bella yet."

The brown haired girl turned and smiled shyly at me. Emily was right. I had never met Bella before but I knew of her. The school was buzzing with talk about her. She was Jacobs's girlfriend which had pissed off some of the girls at my school. Sentences like freaking white girl stole Jacob and what's so good about her were daily occurrences.

She was pretty with pale skin and long wavy brown hair and seemed a bit shy judged from the way her eyes didn't quite meet mine.

"Bella, this is Jan."

Something like recognition flashed over her face and her smile become a little more hesitant. It was obvious she had heard about me. This thing was getting more and more creepy.

"Now you girls just continue to prepare the food. I'll just go and see if Sam has prepared the grill."

Emily rushed out of the kitchen, leaving me with my ex bestfriend and a girl I had never met before. If this was the preview of this whole event then it was going to be painful. Both Kim and Bella was staring at me the both of them looking very uncomfortable.

"So you go to the school on the reservation?"

Great. Small talk. Was it something I was really bad at then it was superficial small talk.

"Yeah."

Bella blushed slightly and it didn't take a genius to figure out what she was thinking. I was after all the only white girl in La Push high school. Blonde too like I didn't stand out enough with white skin. I waved my hand and smiled.

"Yeah I know. Only white kid in La Push high school."

Bella's face turned an interesting shade of red all the way to her ears and down her neck.

"I didn't mean…"

I waved her off with a smile. I knew she had not meant to offend me judged from her full blush. And she was kind of in the same situation as I was by being the girlfriend of Chief Junior.

And if she didn't know that it would get her problems yet then that would happen very soon. There was a very distinct line between Forks and La Push that was hardly ever crossed. I should know as I lived in the freakin middle of it. Not from Forks but obviously not from La Push either.

I didn't envy her all the problems she was bound to be facing if she continued to be Jacobs girlfriend. I had enough stares and whispers coming my way for being the daughter of a white woman who had stolen one of the rez few educated men from the native women. And being the white girlfriend of the unofficial next chief would be ten times worse than anything my mom had ever faced.

It was all fun and games now in high school but the second it looked like more than a simple high school crush they were in for a fight. No matter what people said, heritage mattered. I was sure she didn't even know that technically she couldn't even marry Jacob simply judged from the lack of defensive glint in her eyes when her boyfriend was mentioned. Someone who spent a long time defending a relationship would eventually always look like they were prepared for a fight when meeting new people.

There were no laws against a mixed marriage. Not officially at least but the elders would never arrange a ceremony for them. Like my mom she could move in with Jacob and on the outside of La Push be accepted as a married couple and their kids could go to tribal school and perhaps even be accepted into the tribal community. But she never would. She would always be the white woman no matter how hard Jacob pushed the subject. Her skin would always be the neon sign that said that she didn't belong there. I shook my head trying to shake off the depressing thoughts.

"So what can I help with?"

Kim smiled hesitantly.

"You can get the hot dogs. I think Quill left them in the silver truck outside. It's open."

The truck in question was parked next to a red one. Like most cars in La Push, it was beaten down and old. Probably older than me. The door was stuck and I had to wiggle and pull several times before it opened. The inside was surprisingly clean and not like Kyle's car that was so messy you almost expected to find a hobo beneath all the rubbish.

The bags were in the back and I stretched for it at the same time as the door slammed shut. It hit my ass and I fell forward, hitting my elbow on the car seat. Crap. Stupid old beat up motherfucking truck. God, how can a little slam like that hurt like this? Thank god no one saw me. It would be so humiliating being caught in a fetal position with tears in my eyes.

"Paul. Calm down."

Great. Of all the people it had to be Jared and Paul. Luckily they couldn't see me so I could just stay down till they were gone and spare myself the humiliation of being caught on all fours in someone`s car. Or they would think I was hiding. It wasn't far off. I wanted to hide so that I could escape this whole barbeque thing but there was a huge difference between wanting and actually doing.

"Calm down!"

"Why the fuck should I calm down. She fucking hates me!"

I bit my lip to hide my snicker. A girl not being swayed by Pauls' good looks? That was so karma. A little payback for all the girls he had bedded and then dumped. Perhaps the universe did serve out some justice now and then.

"You can't really blame her Paul."

"Thanks for stating the obvious Jared."

I heard a loud sharp sound like a heavy object smacking against something.

"Paul. Calm down."

"How the fuck can I calm down? I have tried everything and its pretty much getting me nowhere. "

"That's not true Paul. She is your soul mate. You fit together."

Okay. When the hell did boys start to talk about soul mates? That was a girl thing along with those crappy romance magazines and that bull about a prince charming. Jared continued to sooth Paul with a low voice.

"It`s going to sort itself out. There are always problems in the start."

I could hear Paul chuckle humorlessly.

"It can`t fucking compare and you know that. Emily only hated Sam because of Leah. It wasn't really something personal. And I am not the only one to have known her before the whole imprinting. Jacob knew Bella since she was six but they were friends even through her relationship with the leech. Sure they have had their ups and downs but she never hated him."

Leech? That was an odd way to describe someone you didn't like. And imprinting? What the hell was that? Paul chuckled and a new smashing sound made me jump slightly.

"And you and Kim. She loved you since the first time she saw you. What I find so fucking funny is that you might have been in the position I am in now if you had not been too scared of Jan to bully Kim like everyone else did."

I had to bite my lip to not start laughing. I knew I had scared off a lot of the people who bullied Kim but I never guessed I had that kind of impact. Jared Cameron, the football star and one of the most popular kids in school afraid of the little white girl. Of course I doubted he was anymore. He had grown several inches and gain pounds of muscle since then but still it gave me a feeling of satisfaction.

"You should try talking to her. Get to know her better. "

"I've fucking tried but I find nothing to say and every time I try I start stuttering like an idiot and then she looks at me like I am crazy."

"She sort of looks at you like you are crazy before you even try talking to her. "

There was another smash. Like something heavy hitting a tree or something.

"Thanks man. You are really helping."

I listened but it seemed that they had walked away. With a little scrambling I managed to get the three large bags up the stairs and in the door without injuring myself further.

I dumped the bags of hotdogs in the kitchen with a groan.

"It looks like we are feeding a freaking army."

Emily chuckled.

"The boys eat a lot."

"So I have noticed. Bottomless pits. I should bring over some of my mom's food to see if they would eat that."

Emily smiled gently.

"She's not a good cook?"

"Nope. I am surprised I wasn't severely malnourished when I grew up. The woman can't even make an espresso."

Kim giggled.

"Did she ruin another espresso machine?"

"Yes. She wanted to see if it was possible to make tea with it. I don't think that's what she did to break it but from the look on her face I would say she did something that made it shut down."

Emily handed me some tomatoes and a knife.

"I always wondered how your parents met."

Questions like that was something that immediately set me into a defensive mode but Emily had said my parents. Not my mom and Kyle. Very few people did that.

"They met in a park in Seattle. My mom insisted that there was a fairy tree in the middle of the park. She probably had too much sugar and coffee that day because she wouldn't come down until she found one and showed me. So I nicked the wallet from some guy that walked by and told him he wouldn't get it back before he told my mom that fairies didn't exist and made my mom come down from the tree."

I snickered at the memory of poor Kyle's confused face. The poor guy had no idea of how to handle a tomboyish little girl and her deranged mother.

"The man tried to talk mom into getting down but she said she would only climb down for prince charming. The man then tried to get her down with a promise to buy her coffee and mom declared him her prince charming so loudly that a crowd gathered around the tree as she climbed down. From then on Kyle was with us every second of his free time and only six months later they got married and we moved here. Love at first sight I guess."

Kim and Emily shared a look over my head probably thinking about their own boyfriends. I took out the buns from the oven and placed them on the platter Emily had put out.

"So girls lets carry this out and keep the boys from the hotdogs till they are actually barbequed this time."

I wasn't surprised by that statement having seen the giants eat before. Or attack food as I thought of it. Outside Jason was talking to Jacob and showing him pictures on his camera as I put down the bowl of salad.

"The first hamburgers are ready!"

It was fascinating to watch.

All the giants rushed to the table, shoving and tripping each other on the way. It looked like a pub brawl and they were not exactly careful either. Paul pushed Embry so hard that he more or less flew through the air, landing on his back several feet away. Jason looked longingly at the hamburgers, but not daring to get into the fight. I for one wasn't just sitting here till the giants had their fill. I grabbed the salad spoon and smacked Quil on the head. He whipped around and I swooped past him. Jacob turned as I pinched his ass and I brushed past him and quickly grabbed two burgers. Not tempting fate I ran out of the crowd barely avoiding getting squished between Quil and Seth.

Jeez. Trying to get first serving could be considered an extreme sport when these guys were involved. Damn. I had forgotten buns. And I so wasn't going back into the brawl. One adrenalin rush a day was enough. Two buns landed on my plate. I looked up and straight into Pauls' face. Paul moved slightly and looked uncomfortable under my stare. No wonder. I had just stared at him like I was trying to get into his head. To relieve the tension I smiled my best smile the one I usually reserved for my mother when I wanted something or were trying to get her off my back. Paul blushed. I blinked to clear my vision but it was still there. A faint little blush, hardly visible with his russet skin. Twilight zone. Where did the hole that I fell into go?

I dragged my eyes away from Paul and sat down beside Jason. Emily looked at me with amusement dancing in her hazel eyes.

"That was a first. I have never seen someone other than the boys throw themselves into the first serving before."

I just shrugged.

"Sometimes there are advantages being small. People simply don't see me coming."

I smacked Jason's hand as he tried to grab one of the burgers.

"If you don't make the food and you don't hunt the food, you get no food."

Jason snorted and stuck his tongue out at me.

"That sounds like something Gaia told you."

I smirked. It was something Gaia had told me. Even though I had not seen her since I was ten she had made a huge impact on my life as a sort of extra mother or close aunt. She was frozen into my mind and I could still recall how she smelled of fresh apples and her bell like smooth voice. She was so beautiful that she almost seemed unreal. Her long blond hair was never out of place and even her paleness seemed healthy, not the unnatural glow very white skin usually had.

She had to be the most beautiful woman in the world and seemed more like a god than a mere human. But then again it could be my childhood memories that made me remember her like that. She had after all been the one that had taken care of both my mom and I after my biological father died. Sort of like a guardian angel when we were at rock bottom.

Bella sat down beside me, engaging me in talk about school and other trivial stuff. It actually felt comfortable but I got the nagging suspicion that there was a reason behind why she had sat down beside me. It was okay though. She was cute, perhaps a little naïve and I didn't have the weird past history with her like Kim or wasn't automatically suspicious of her like with Emily. I didn't want to be suspicious about Emily as I liked her but the way she and Sam were looking at me right now I sort of felt it was reasonable to be wary of her.

They were not the only ones. Jared sometimes looked over at me with a frown between his brows like I was a particular hard math problem he had to solve. Kim would glance over at me from time to time but always avoided my eyes when I caught her looking. Embry seemed to do everything he could to not look in my direction. And Quil seemed awfully amused by the whole thing as he would wink at me or smirk at me every time I glanced in his direction.

And Paul.

I wouldn't call it glancing as he still didn't seem to have looked away from me.

I felt like a deer in front of a pack of wolves. Like everyone were trying to find an angle to where they would attack me from.

And I so hoped I was just being paranoid because the other option created not so very pleasant images in my mind.

Jason appeared out of the shadows and sat down beside me just as Bella made her way back to her boyfriend. I leaned into him as he wrapped a blanket around us.

"So have you been thinking about colleges yet?"

"Yes. It`s either in Seattle or one in New York. I have been leaning a little more against New York lately since I have this really generous loving friend with this totally awesome apartment which he hardly uses anyway."

Jason chuckled and tugged at some strands of my hair.

"Does this friend happen to be very sexy with a perfect personality and a very talented artist?"

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"His got a very big head, that's for sure."

Something made a loud crashing sound and I looked up just in time to see Paul dash into the woods. Which wasn't that odd really. As I remembered he had made a habit of sometimes running away when he looked to be close to an explosion. What were unusual were the sympathetic looks directed to where he had disappeared and the very calculating look Sam gave me.

I so hoped I was just paranoid.

**Authors note: **_So I put Bella with Jacob. It kinda fit into my story so no angry rants please. I felt I needed a third wolfgirl in the picture and I didn't want to make up another one as I wanted someone with a connection to Forks and La Push both. Bella kind of fit that to a tee. And I didn't see someone like Jessica in that role. As for the Cullens. Will they come back? I don't know. It`s not about them. Or Kim/Jared. Jacob/Bella. Or Sam/Emily for that matter. It`s all Jan and her viewpoint of the world. Thanks for all the nice reviews btw. And I appreciate that some of you correct me grammatically especially on the errors I tend to repeat. Thank you=)_


	18. Chapter 18: Rushing is not fleeing

I woke with a gasp, almost falling out of bed. Blasted alarm clock from hell. Coffee. I needed coffee right this second. With a little bit of struggling I managed to get my jeans on without hurting myself. Getting down the stairs without opening my eyes was even harder. Mom was already in the kitchen, head hanging over her coffee cup like she wanted to stuff her face in it. She didn't even look up as I scuffled over to the steaming coffee pot.

"Good morning people".

Both mom and I looked bleary eyed up at a way to chipper Jason. He smiled widely looking like he had been awake for hours and not just recently woke up. I knew I looked like a scarecrow with my hair sticking up everywhere and narrow slits for eyes. Hardly fit to be seen in public and it annoyed me a bit that Jason looked like he had just walked out of a fashion shoot in his black jeans and well fitted blue shirt.

"You two are really not morning people are you?"

I grunted more interested in my coffee cup than Jason`s unwanted observations. Mom made a sound that sounded a bit like a growl. It was her morning sound roughly translated to touch me and loose a finger. Jason walked a large circle around her on his way to the fridge. Smart boy.

Kyle was more used to our rather hostile behavior in the morning and didn't say a word as he made his usual morning toast. After starting on cup two of coffee I was starting to resemble a living person and not one of the walking dead. Outside it was the usual grey damp and raining weather of La Push so I didn't bother putting on any makeup cause in this damp weather it would more or less melt off and I wasn't about to run to the ladies room every ten minutes like the Queen Bee Lucia and her drones.

"By the way Jan I will be going to Seattle for business for a couple of days so we have to postpone that hiking trip."

I gave him a slight nod and downed the rest of my cup before filling up another one. Jason raised a brow at me.

"Third cup of coffee. That can't be healthy Jan."

I just smacked his hand as he was trying to take my precious coffee away from me.

"Shut it heathen. You will never understand. I love coffee. If I was to have a god it would be the coffee bean. I want to make an altar for it and pray several times a day and I would demand severe punishment for all the non-believers."

Mom nodded.

"We should walk around naked and bathe in coffee beans."

I rolled my eyes at her.

"Why does everything with worshipping include naked when you are involved? "

Mom gave me a leering look as she snickered into her coffee cup.

"Because naked worshipping is so much more fun".

"Mom. Naked and you in the same context creates images that may scar me forever."

She snickered and winked at me.

"Prude."

God. I had to have the only mother in the world that called her own flesh and blood for prude.

"Going now."

"Love you little one. And by the way, I am having some ladies over for wine and cheese today so you have to take todays tutoring somewhere else."

That was fine with me. Some of mom`s friends were rather loud. And I feared what would happen if I brought Paul and Embry over when there was wine involved. It might be very traumatizing. More for me than for them. Seeing my mom go all teenager over guys my age would be more traumatizing for me than Paul and Embry would be by being cougared.

Outside there was rain in the air. It smelled like new beginnings. All my best memories came from rain. I remembered my dad always taking time off work to play with me in the rain. Mom got an A on her business exam when it rained. It had rained when we moved in with Gaia just after my biological dad's funeral. And it rained when I scrubbed my knee and Kyle came running, furious at the boy that had pushed me and yelling at the boy`s father for being so casual about it.

That's when I knew I had gone from his girlfriend's kid to his daughter. I hummed a song as I walked, for once not late for school. An old truck came driving by. It severed dangerously close to me and its tiers hit an especially large puddle of water and mud, splashing it all over me. Lucia and her band of idiots were laughing at me inside the car. I was now covered in mud and water, completely drenched.

That fucking bitch had done it on purpose. I was soaking and already now I was starting to freeze. With this cold weather my sweater wouldn't be dry before lunch and I had nothing to change into. A beat up old truck stopped beside me and rolled down the window. Paul looked like he was between anger and worry. First one, not so uncommon. Paul was almost always angry if he wasn't taunting. Worry was supposed to be a completely foreign feeling for Paul Lahote.

"You okay?"

"Peachy. Just peachy."

I twisted my sweater wringing some water out of it. Not that it helped much as it was soaking wet.

"Get in. I`ll drive you".

Usually I would have told him to go to hell without hesitating but my teeth were already starting to chatter and Pauls' truck looked nice and warm. If he had smiled in triumph at the way I was looking longingly at his truck I would have continued to walk, soaked be damned. Instead he just opened the door.

The truck was nice and warm, the seat way to comfortable this early in the morning and the truck didn't smell like most guys cars. Like forgotten take away or cologne. Instead it smelled of grass, wood and… Wet dog? Surprisingly the wet dog smell wasn't as off putting as it should be. The truck gave a little jerk as it started.

"I have a clean sweater in the back. You are welcome to use it."

I looked at Paul to see if there was any trick or catch with the offer but he was looking straight at the road in front of us. Changing the muddy and wet sweater was extremely tempting. After a little scrambling I managed to get into the back of the truck and found the sweater. It was huge and would probably make me look even more midget like than I already was. But it wasn't wet or sticky with mud. I pulled off my wet sweater and pulled on Pauls' hoodie. It was huge. Like extremely huge. In this thing I didn't even need to wear pants because it reached to my knees and it probably looked like I was drowning in it. But it was warm and although I would never ever admit it out loud, it smelled good. I crawled back into the front seat, stuffing my wet sweater in the side of my gym bag just as Paul parked the car in the schools parking lot.

"Um. Thanks for the lift. I will return the sweater after I have washed it."

Paul didn't say anything just jumped out of the truck and before I knew it he had opened the door for me. That was weird in itself. What was really odd was that soft smile on his lips.

Going to the same school as Paul for years and being his favorite victim, I knew most of Pauls' expressions. I knew the I am going to torture you smile. I wanna fuck you smile. I am just smiling to piss you off smile and the most familiar, I love to make you suffer smile and I just humiliated you smile. This one was completely unknown to me. And it made his face soften. Made him look, I don't know, less threatening or something even though he was a huge guy with muscles any guy his age would envy him for. It still was the scariest one of his smiles ever. These things were supposed to be easy. Of all the complicated relationships in life, enemies were supposed to be easy. Simply because you knew were you stood with them. And enemies were not supposed to suddenly like you and they were not supposed to look at you like you were incredible cute even when drenched and muddy.

I looked down judging the distance from the car and the ground. Even if everyone in La Push had huge trucks because of the occasionally muddy roads, I still had this tendency to forget that there was quite a way down and land face first on the ground. Warm hands suddenly gripped my waist and lifted me out. Gently I was put down on the ground. I looked up.

Paul was staring down at me with the oddest look in his eyes. It was like he was memorizing everything about my face. No one had ever looked at me with that kind of intensity before. And his hands were still on my hips. I could feel the heat of them even threw my jeans and the huge sweater. God he was really really huge compared with me. If he had wrapped his arms around me he would have completely engulfed me. And now I was scaring myself with my own thoughts.

"Paul. I really have to get to class."

He nodded but didn't let go of my hips. I wiggled a little but he only tightened his grip slightly.

"Paul."

I tried to make my voice stern but it had a squeak at the end that ruined my attempt at looking composed. For every second he just stood there staring at me I grew more and more unnerved.

"Paul! Let go now!"

He blinked and finally let go of my hips but didn't move away. I darted under his arm.

"Thank you Paul. "

It wasn't fleeing I convinced myself. It was just rushing to class. Rushing really really fast. Not fleeing at all.


	19. Chapter 19: Chickfight

I hate P.E. With every fiber of my short body.

When you are tiny, skinny and not really talented in any kind of sport , P.E pretty much becomes torture. There wasn't a single sport except dodge ball that I could actually do well in.

In basket I was pushed around a lot. There was no chance in hell for me to ever get that ball into the hoop if I wasn't walking on stilts. In bandy I was constantly tripping over that stupid bandy stick if I wasn't injuring other players with it. Unfortunately not just the opposing team but pretty much every one that was stupid enough to come near me. In soccer I tripped over everyone else's feet. Sometimes even that damned ball. I was a natural at dodge ball. Being small was an advantage when it came to dodging but no one liked to be a walking target for hard aimed balls.

If I didn't need the credit for this class I would have skipped it altogether. But for some idiotic reason the grade I got in P.E counted towards the grade average. Like I needed to excel in P.E if as I wasn't going to be an athlete or a P.E teacher.

I dodged another especially hard sent ball from Lucia. What the hell was up with her and her drones today? There were several people on my team running around but Lucia and her brainless bunch of followers just kept aiming at me. If I got hit by one of them I was going to have bruises for weeks. When Theo got the ball I slowed down on purpose so that he hit me. Rather getting hit by Theo's weak throw than one from the drones.

I walked over the opposing team's court when a ball smacked me in the middle of my face. Tears welled up in my eyes as my nose throbbed and I could feel my face burn in pain from the impact. Lucia was looking at me with triumph.

"What the fuck? I was out!"

She sniffed sticking her nose up in the air.

"I didn't see you there."

"I was on your court dumbass."

Lucia's eyes narrowed and she walked towards me stopping just inches away from me.

"What did you call me?"

"Dumbass! Blind! Bitch! You take your pick. They all fit!"

Lucia's russet skin had gotten a red tint and if looks could kill I would have been a smoldering heap of ash by now. Instead she just looked slightly demented with her eyes squinted like that.

"Paul doesn't like you!"

I blinked in confusion. This was why I hated quarreling with the drones and their queen. They couldn't even keep a quarrel going without going completely off the track.

"Paul? What the hell does Paul have to do with the fact that you don't have the brains to understand the most basic rule in dodge ball?"

Lucia just sniffed loudly and I could feel everyone in the gym hall inching closer to get front row seats.

"Paul doesn't like you. You're weird, ugly and creepy. No one likes you. That is why you don't have any friends!"

It suddenly hit me like a train.

"That's your problem? You smacked me in the face with a ball because you think Paul likes me?"

Lucia`s fists tightened so I knew I had hit right on the spot.

"Paul doesn't like you!"

God was this twit stuck on repeat or what?

"I don't care if Paul likes me or not! The only one that gives a damn about that is you and you just smacked a ball in my face because you have some kind of illogical jealousy issue! Get over yourself and grow up!"

I didn't even get the chance to dodge as her palm was flying towards me and connected with my cheek with a crack. Now my nose, forehead and cheek were throbbing with pain. I could hear something snap in my head. Like a rubber band stretched too far.

Before I could even think about it my fist connected with her nose. Not my palm but fist. It all happened extremely fast. One of the drones jumped me. I couldn't see who it was but I felt long nails digging into my arm and kicked out on instinct sending whoever it was sprawling on the gym floor. And then that twit Sonya bit me. Fucking bit me right in the arm. I managed to grab her hair and lifted my knee right in her face before someone lifted me out of the fight. It seemed like our P.E teacher Miss Callahan had managed to convince the football team to help separate us.

Not that it was much to do. The fight had pretty much gone out of them. Lucia was sitting on the floor holding her nose and sobbing like I was the big bully. Sonya was also holding her nose, her usual neat hair standing straight up and Natalie was holding her stomach groaning in pain. Seemed like I had won. No matter how many times Kyle said that there were no winners in a fight, mom had taught me differently. The last one standing is the winner. Or in my case lifted in the air by the schools quarterback, Josh. Poor Miss Callahan looked like she was about to have a heart attack. Her face was almost purple and her lips were pressed so hard together that they were barely visible. I never knew that natives could turn purple.

"That's it! You four are all suspended for three days and I want your parents here tomorrow at five! Now all of you go to the infirmary right now!"

Fantastic. I had been suspended before and I doubted Kyle would be as understanding this time around as there had been an actual fight this time.

"Josh, Kyle and Matt! You follow them and if I hear there's another fight on the way to the infirmary, you are all suspended as well!"

I could feel Josh winch as he put me back down on my feet. Blood was running from my nose and it was really tender but unbroken. I still remembered that particular feeling quite well. Lucia and Sonya had probably broken noses the both of them since I remembered hearing a crack or two. My lip had a nasty gash and was throbbing like hell. The left side of my face was throbbing too so I would probably have some not so great bruising in an hour or two. Worst was my arm. Damned those nails had really cut in leaving four long gashes and a bite mark was already visible on my wrist. Those bitches had even drawn blood. I really hoped none of them had herpes or anything else nasty.

"Uh. We should probably wait till the others are done."

Josh smiled a little hesitantly and brushed some of his black hair back looking like he wasn't quite sure what to do. I had always like Josh. He was one of the popular kids at school but he wasn't a complete ass like most of them. I grinned at him, winching as it opened the gash on my lip.

"Good idea. Would be a bummer if you got suspended too. I need to get my things and clean up anyhow. Just wait for me outside."

Josh looked relieved. Getting suspended would probably put a dent in his perfect attendance and behavior. I ignored all the stares and locked the door behind me. The mirror showed that I looked worse than I felt.

I looked like hell.

Lucia had left a nice red handprint and it was starting to develop into a welt. I had a gash over my eyebrow that I had not even noticed plus a nice amount of blood under my nose and my lip. Both still bleeding. God. I could star in a horror movie with this face.

There wasn't much I could do either. My lip was swelling, my nose was red and the welts and red areas would soon become rather interesting looking bruises. My only comfort was that if I was right, Lucia and Sonya would walk around with huge throbbing noses until the break mended. And every time they so much as slipped a shirt over their heads they would remember that I gave back ten times worse than what I received.

My white t shirt had huge blood stains on it and one of the drones had managed to rip the sleeve. Which meant that the only thing I had to wear was Paul`s hoodie. This really wasn't my day.

It wasn't easy changing clothes while holding a tissue against my nose and lip but I finally managed. Josh smiled timidly as I got out.

"You look better."

I snorted and winched as even that hurt. I looked like I was hit by a train and Josh wasn't a very convincing liar.

"No need to sugar coat it. But at least I am not covered in blood anymore. Nothing broken so I don't need to go to the nurse. I rather head right back home."

Josh nodded clearly understanding that I didn't want to be near those little bitches right now.

"I will drive you. Got a free class after P.E anyway."

I wasn't about to protest. One thing was looking like hell. Parading down the road for all La Push to see when I looked like an abused case was another.

"Kay. I`ll just get some books from my locker first."

Josh took my gym bag from me like the gentleman he was.

"Think your parents will be angry at you?"

I shrugged and pressed the tissue against my bottom lip which seemed to refuse to stop bleeding.

"Kyle might start a rant about how stupid fights are but I am pretty sure he will be busier with trying to hold my mom back from pummeling Lucia and her drones. Then when he is done with that he will start ranting on mom for asking me how badly I hurt them back."

Josh chuckled. He knew all too well how weird my mom could be since his big sister was colleague of her.

"Your mom is pretty cool. My sister goes on and on about how funny she is. She told me yesterday that your mom put red chili peppers and jalapeno in Clyde's burrito because he was being an ass to one of the secretaries."

I snickered into the tissue.

"That's my mom. She's a real special lady."

I furrowed my brows as I got my backpack from my locker.

" I really hope her weirdness isn't genetically."

Josh took my back pack from me too and for once I didn't protest about someone going all me man, you woman on me. I was preoccupied with holding the tissue against my lip anyway.

"Soo… "

Josh looked hesitant.

"That's Pauls' sweater right?"

How the hell did people know that? I wasn't the most observant of people but even I had noticed that Paul had not worn anything but t shirts for months. Not even a jacket despite the rather chilly temperature in La Push. And I was pretty sure it didn't stand belongs to Paul written on the back of the hoodie I had barrowed.

"It is. Ironically enough that's Lucia's fault. She splattered me with mud when I walked to school. Paul drove by and was nice enough to give me a ride and lent me a dry sweater."

Josh raised a brow and I knew exactly what he was thinking. Paul? Nice? I just smiled winching in pain again. Apparently smiling equaled badness right now.

"I know. If I didn't know better I would have thought he gave me the sweater so that Lucia would attack me. But no one could have foreseen that outcome."

"Hi Jan."

I looked up and straight at Embry and Jacob. Both their eyes widened comically.

"What the fuck happened to you?"

"A little accident resulting in suspension."

"Who got suspended?"

I jumped at the voice coming from behind me and spun around. Once again Paul had managed to sneak up on me. Pauls' eyes widened at the sight of my trashed face. Then his eyes went to Josh and worry was replaced with so much fury that poor Josh stumbled backwards. Pauls' whole body was shaking and something that seemed like a growl came out of him. If I didn't act fast Josh would be quarterback hamburger. Even though he was a rather large boy he wasn't as big and tall as Paul.

"It wasn't Josh."

I winched when that came out like a squeak and sounded so incredible girlfriendish that it made me want to hurl. Way to go to not fire under the rumor that Paul and I was doing the nasty. Poor Josh stood completely frozen as Paul turned to me again.

"What the hell happened? Who hit you? Are you okay? Have you been to the nurse?"

I wasn't the only one completely thrown over by Pauls' behavior. Both Josh and Jacob were looking like cartoon figures with their yaws dropped and even Embry who as far as I knew was a very calm collected person, looked completely thrown over. I had to gather myself to be able to answer and Paul gently cupping my jaw to inspect the damage didn't exactly help.

"I am fine. No nurse needed and nothing broken."

His voice suddenly went lower and if he had used that tone on me I would have been shaking with fear. Even at his most pissed he had never sounded so dangerous before.

"Who did this?"

I took a step back trying to get some distance between us.

"They look worse than me."

That was clearly the wrong answer because Paul growled. Literally growled like some kind of huge dog.

"Who?"

"It was just a chick fight."

Paul closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to calm down. When he opened his eyes again he looked determined. Without a word he yanked my gym bag and book bag from Josh who didn't seem to be able to muster up courage to stop him. With one arm he grabbed me around my waist, lifted me up and pressed my back against his chest. The way a grown up would carry a disobedient ten year old.

I would have protested, kicked, screamed or something if it wasn't for the fact that I was completely stunned. It didn't help either that the bell had rang without me noticing it and now the whole freaking parking lot was staring at me with wide eyes. So much for the plan about sneaking out of school before anyone saw me.

Dangling in Pauls' arms with a face that looked like this, I would be the juiciest gossip since Sandra got pregnant and quit school. And in La Push we were rather low on juicy gossip. Everyone would be talking about this little scene for months.

Paul easily managed to open the door on his truck still holding me and gently seated me in his front seat. He even put the seatbelt on me. He still looked torn between fury and worry as he started the car almost driving right over poor Theo. Theo yelped in a very girlish way and just barely managed to jump out of the way. I felt a little sorry for him but after Paul almost running him over every time his truck and Theo were at the same road one would think that Theo would at least start to recognize Pauls' black truck and move far out of the way.

Paul didn't say a word on the whole way to my house, he just gripped his steering wheel and seemed to use all his attention on breathing deeply.

My drive way was full of cars. I had completely forgotten about mom's girl`s night. Seeing as I had to go through the living room to get to the stairs, I had no chance what so ever to get into my room without anyone seeing me. They would probably have this girl thing till at least midnight. And I couldn't just sit in the forest or wander around in La Push until midnight. Although I preferred to hang out in the woods than to walk in on one of mom`s girl nights looking like this. Paul took a U turn driving away from my house.

"Where are we going?"

It came out as a squeak. Paul took a glance at me before looking at the road again.

"You clearly didn't want to go home so I am taking you to my place. You need to clean up those wounds."

"Your house?"

Damn there was that squeak again. Paul took another look at me and looked quickly away but not before I could see the hurt in his face.

"I am not kidnapping you or anything."

His hands tightened around the steering wheel.

"I know. Geez. I was just wondering."

I hoped my voice sounded more convinced than I felt. Honestly, the thought of Paul and me in his house without any buffer made my stomach tighten a bit. Come to think of it I didn't know where he lived or who he lived with. I knew that his mom bailed on him when he was a kid and that his alcoholic father left the rez a couple of years after that but other than that I knew next to nothing about Paul`s home life.

I swallowed.

Well I was about to find out.


	20. Chapter 20: Jan meltdowns and hormones

It was a small red house with a small porch. It looked like something from a fairytale. There were no flowers in the garden but the lawn was neatly cut and the hedges were trimmed. It looked old like most houses in the rez but it looked well cared for.

Paul stomped in first without waiting for me to follow. Inside it was just as neat as on the outside. There were no jackets in the hall just a pair of old worn out snickers and a tool box.

I followed Paul into a room which was clearly the living room. It consisted of a large brown sofa, a TV, book shelves and DVD shelves. It wasn't empty or anything but it still felt like it. There were no pillows in the sofa, no pictures on the wall and not a single plant. It looked sterile. Like there wasn't actually someone living here. The only personal items seemed to be the DVD shelf. And there was a surprising lack of pink, white and light blue DVD`s. Paul followed my gaze and shrugged.

"I live here alone."

Before I could ask he pointed to the sofa.

"Sit here and I'll get something to clean you up with."

He walked upstairs and I dumped down onto the sofa trying to not look as uncomfortable as I felt. He lived alone? It did explain why the house felt so empty. Boys were not exactly known for their decorating skills. It didn't take long before Paul came back down with an emergency kit in hand. It was surprisingly full. Even Kyle forgot to refill ours which he really shouldn't since my mom was accident prone.

He didn't reach me the cotton soaked in disinfectant instead he gently cleaned the cuts on my face, careful not to look me in the eyes as he did so. I could feel the heat of his thigh against my knee and repressed shudders every time his callused hands touched my face. It felt so intimate having a guy clean your wounds. Way to intimate. He was sitting so close that every time he exhaled his breath would tickle my ear. And frankly he was kind of creeping me out.

Paul Lahote wasn't supposed to be gentle. He was the type to revel in other people's wounds not clean them. A little voice in my head told me I shouldn't let him do this but on the other hand it felt a bit nice to be cared for. Kyle usually tended to my cuts every time I got hurt but never without a prolonged lecture about safety. My mom usually messed up, reopening wounds as she cleaned them. I never let the woman within five feet of me when she was holding a disinfectant.

Paul did it perfectly. Gentle as to not sting or open a wound but not so gentle that there was no point in it. He gently cupped my face and lifted it up to start on the lip. I looked up at the same time as he looked down. For the first time since I walked into the house our eyes met.

I had always thought Paul had brown eyes. The same color most of the natives of La Push had. Just dark brown. Nothing special about it no matter how many times Kim had nagged me that Jared had special deep brown eyes. I had always found brown eyes a little boring. Except Paul didn't have a boring shade of brown. Up this close I could see small specks of bronze glittering inside the brown.

And god he had long eyelashes. Long and thick ebony eyelashes casting shadows over his cheekbones. I couldn't tell for sure, either he leaned forward or I did but suddenly our lips met. It was a chaste kiss. Just a simple pressing of lips with no tongue.

And I shivered. If anyone had told me just minutes ago that a simple kiss with Paul would give me shivers and my heart trying to beat itself out of my chest I would have laughed my ass off. For one, shivering in passion was something created by tacky romance novels. And there was no way in hell that I would ever kiss Paul. I rather kiss my old math professor that smelled like garlic than ever put my lips anywhere near Paul manwhore Lahote.

According to every law in the universe I should be freaking out. Shoving him away, slapping him or having a mental breakdown. Instead my brain felt all fuzzy like I had been drinking. And instead of freaking out I was leaning forward, opening my mouth a little and gently stroking my tongue against his bottom lip.

He shuddered at the touch and opened his mouth a little but didn't try to take the kiss further. I did it again and he made a little sound. Almost like a whimper. He tasted like cinnamon gum and I wanted more. Somehow my hands had moved up to his head, my fingers clutching his hair and his hands were on my back, burning threw the sweater. His hair was surprisingly soft under my hands and he whimpered again as my tongue hesitantly slid in his mouth.

I wanted more.

More of that taste and more of those small whimpers that made heat pool in my stomach. I was in his lap before I knew it ignoring my bottom lip that still stung like a bitch. The pain was worth it. If I had ever imagined kissing Paul which I had so not ever done, I would have imagined him a little more aggressive. I would have though that he would take control. I would not have imagined Paul letting someone take control.

But Paul seemed perfectly content with letting me take control over the kiss. Both of us were panting and I was growing even dizzier from the lack of air. Even when I broke the kiss to breathe, I couldn't seem to let go of the contact for a second. I nibbled on his bottom lip while holding his face with my hands pressing myself even closer. I lost balance for a second as I climbed further into his lap and Paul made a sound like a cross between a groan and a whimper and the sound made me still.

I could feel that he was hard beneath the jeans and something possessed me to grind my hips against his. There it was again. That delicious little whimper that made me feel like I had a fever. I kissed him again, forcing my tongue into his mouth as I ground my hips against his. The grinding made it even better and after a little while we found a rhythm. Paul lifted his hips up for each time I went down, his hard on hitting my mound for every grind.

Nothing had ever felt like this. It was like I was going up in flames and I wanted more. Just a little more and a little harder. Nothing came even close to this and it wasn't like I had never touched myself before. This… This was thousand times better and I still had my clothes on.

Suddenly he froze beneath me groaning into my mouth and his hands were gripping so hard on my hips that I could almost feel the bruises forming. He shuddered slightly and I moved away.

Paul was looking at me with a slack mouth and glazed eyes. It was like someone had thrown cold water over my head. I had just made Paul fucking Lahote cum in his jeans. I just had to get out of there. Away from Paul and this house. Far far away.

A part of me cursed myself for being a coward but this was far too much for me to handle. I scrabbled down from his lap, almost toppling over when my legs caved in under me. With a little struggling I managed to stay upright and headed straight for the door and walked right into a naked chest. Strong arms stopped me from falling due to the impact and I looked up straight into Sam's face. Great. Just fucking great.

My most embarrassing moment ever and it had an audience.

Sam looked at my face with wide open eyes. His dark gaze searched my face before he turned to Paul who still sat in the sofa with a dazed expression.

"Paul! What the hell did you do?"

Sam's voice was an octave away from yelling and he sounded furious. Paul blinked and looked confused before his face changed into an expression that looked awfully lot like hurt. It took me a couple of seconds to understand that he was talking about my messed up face. Apparently he thought that Paul had done this. Honestly, it wasn't a far out assumption. Paul did have a bad temper but apart from breaking my nose, his fights with me had mostly consisted of the usual shoving and tripping.

"Paul! What the fuck did you do!"

Paul jumped up, his hurt expression changed to fury and his whole body started shaking.

"I didn't do shit! What the fuck do you think I am? I would never hurt her!"

Sam let go of my arm and walked straight towards Paul with a look of fury on his face.

"Then why does she look like that!"

They were both shaking now, tremors going through both their bodies and Sam looked beyond the point were he was even able to listen to an explanation.

"I told you to control your temper! I told you to be careful! I should have known that it would be impossible for you!"

Sam looked like he was seconds away from killing Paul and with his burley body he looked like he might be able too. And even if he didn't it was going to be bloody and I was right in the middle of it.

I would never be able to explain why I did it. Clearly it was a fit of insanity or just the stress making my brain go shut down. In one second I stood stiff in the doorway and in the next second I was hurling the closest object to me straight at the back of Sam's head. My backpack, heavy with books, hit straight on with a smacking sound. Sam turned to me and his angry face changed to a look of confusion and disbelief. I doubted anyone had ever thrown anything at Sam before. Certainly not a little midget like me.

"Are you done?"

To my own surprise my voice didn't quaver at all.

"One. Paul didn't hit me or hurt me in any way! Two. Who the hell do you think you are that can just barge into another man's home and attack him, not even giving him the chance to explain himself! And three. If I wanted help I would have fucking asked! I may be small but I am not weak and I do not need you to fight for me without me asking for it! And four. I can handle Paul by myself, thank you very much! And the next time you barge in on someone like a rapid dog and accusing them of someone without proof I will aim something a little harder than my backpack at your head cause clearly there isn't that many brain cells to kill anyway!"

I stomped out of the house slamming the door behind me for good measure. Great. A Jan meltdown. God. It was like I was just watching as my mouth ran several miles a minute and I couldn't stop myself at all.

I jumped when I heard someone laughing loudly inside the house and for the first time since I filled thirteen I actually blushed. Like what I had done for the last ten minutes or so wasn't embarrassing enough.

This whole day was a very very…

I didn't even think it existed a word for how fucked up this day had been. All I wanted to do was to burrow myself deep into my bed and not arise for months at least not till I graduated so that I never had to face Paul Lahote again.

I groaned and rubbed my forehead as I walked home. I had acted just like them. Like one of those brainless girls he was so fond of. I had literally jumped the guy. Even a concussion could not explain why the hell I had done that. All I could hope for was that he would be so ashamed that he had cum in his jeans that he wouldn't tell anyone.

And hopefully Sam would forget my little explosion and the fact that I had thrown my book bag at him.

And pigs will fly and Satan will invite everyone for afternoon tea.

I was screwed.


	21. Chapter 21: Horsesized lapdog

**Authors note: **_I figured that with Sam`s accident with Emily that he would be a little protective over any newly imprinted couples especially and I can easy imagine Paul`s imprinting making him a bit stressed. Paul is after all the most explosive member of the pack. Thanks for all the reviews. It`s good to hear that people like my story. Cookies to you all. _

There was one very good thing about being suspended.

I didn't have to go to school. Which meant that I didn't have to face Paul for three whole days. Granted Kyle wasn't all too happy with me right now and probably even less happy after the parent teacher meeting today but all in all it was good. I had three days where I could do what I wanted, not getting up early or have to see Lucia and her drones. The last one I was actually looking a bit forward too. I was really hoping that I had indeed broken their noses because they so deserved it. And I was not thinking about Paul Lahote.

Nope.

There were absolutely no thoughts about Paul freaking Lahote what so ever.

I stumbled down the stairs still dressed in my pj`s. It wasn't like I was going to school today so I might as well enjoy just hanging around the house. Technically I was grounded. No phone calls, no people over and no TV. Kyle really needed to get his punishments updated because none of those three things were actually things I did.

No one called me except Jason. No one had been over since Kim and that was months ago. And I rather paint or draw than watch TV since most of what was on was crap anyway. He could have confiscated my drawing kit but I think it went against his main rule which was to encourage artistic and intellectual hobbies. It said so in one of the many raising children's books he bought when mom and he married. He should have hid those because it kind of goes against its purpose when the kid also reads the very same books.

The house was empty. Mom had a conference in Seattle and would stay over and Kyle was supposed to come with her for a romantic getaway as soon as he had that meeting with my teacher. Jason had an appointment with some other photographers and would also stay over in Seattle too. I would be all by myself for two whole days.

I poured some coffee in a cup and looked outside. The sky was grey as always but for once I could see that the sun was actually there. Perhaps La Push would even be blessed with some sunshine today. And since no one was there to see if I followed the rules of the grounding, I could take a walk outside and get some drawings done. Unfortunately that meant I had to get out of my extremely comfortable pj`s.

Since I didn't know how long I was going to be out I packed lunch and a thermos with coffee. The thing that I loved the most about La Push was that it was an artist dream. Every inch of La Push was filled with details from the beaches to the forest. I could sit for hours and draw sketches for my paintings and the cave was full of La Push themed paintings. I had a million of those and still I never got bored with painting La Push.

I really was going to miss this place if I went to New York. Still I was leaning a bit towards that one. If I stayed here mom would insist that I came home every weekend. Living at home when I was in college did sound like it was going to suck too. Sure I loved mom and Kyle but they were thinking of starting a family and I rather not be woken up in the middle of the night by my new brother or sister.

When I walked out of the house the sun had started to peek through the skies. There was hardly ever sun in La Push. If I was going to describe La Push it would be gray. Gray and green. I started to make my way to the cliffs. Since it was school I didn't have to worry about the giants being there and could have that little spot all to myself.

It had nothing to do with Paul fucking Lahote at all. In fact, nothing happened yesterday. Now if I only could stop unwelcomed images from flashing in front of my eyes. Hopefully a nice day of sketching could keep me busy.

It wasn't far too First Beach. Kyle's house that had gone down to the eldest son in generations was located just by the main road of La Push. It didn't look the least bit like a main road, small and dusty as it was. It was why so many tourists got lost in the summer time. For them it looked just like any other blind or private road.

I took off on an almost invisible path into the forest and clutched my folder close to my chest. It wasn't that far off from the road but ever since Emily had been mauled by a bear I had started to get a little jumpy when I walked through the forest and had quit going to my more remote laying spots. Funny really because it was more likely being hit by a car than mauled by a bear and honestly there weren't that many bears in La Push. It was the odd wanderer but I had never seen one in the years I had lived here.

Suddenly something jumped out right in front of me. I yelped and tumbled backwards, landing on my ass. No bear but a wolf. The same dark silver one I still wasn't convinced wasn't just something my imagination had made up. It bent down, flattening its ears like he was sorry he had scared me. It was such a funny thing to do for a horse sized wolf that I chuckled. By the sound of my laughter it`s ears perked up and it tilted it`s head at me looking almost hesitant.

"Come here."

It was stupid really. One couldn't call on a wolf in the same way one did with a dog. But it seemed to have worked because the huge wolf bounced toward me looking like an overage puppy. Which was a silly image. It`s head was taller than mine and if I was to put my hand on his back I had to stretch. The wolf licked my hand and butted it`s head against my shoulder almost making me fall. How could something so big and dangerous looking be so adorable at the same time? Despite those huge teeth that could probably take my arm off, the wolf acted like one big puppy. I scratched its ear and he started to make some kind of a rumbling sound. Like a wolf version of a purr. It whined when I stopped scratching and looked at me with huge begging eyes.

"What? I can't just stand here and scratch you behind the ear all day."

The wolf whined clearly disagreeing. I got an idea and picked a huge stick just a bit smaller than my arm and threw it.

"Go on. Catch it."

The wolf just looked at me. If it was human it would have rolled it`s eyes and told me that it was way beneath it to play fetch. I huffed and tapped my foot against the ground.

"Fine. No fetch then. I am going to the cliffs to draw. You're welcome to come with me if you want to."

And I was talking to a wolf. Apparently my brain damage was still affecting me or I was turning into my mom. Any day now I would be singing old hit songs and dancing around the living room in my underwear forgetting that I had something boiling on the stove.

I shuddered and the wolf looked at me weirdly, tilting it`s head and staring at me with oddly human looking eyes. As I turned the wolf followed me. Now at least I didn't have to fear bears because I was pretty sure that this wolf could easily take down a bear.

My spot was deserted as I had expected and the second I sat down, the wolf lay down beside me, putting it`s huge head into my lap. Clearly it wasn't going anywhere and I didn't really mind. It`s huge head was a nice place to use as a surface for my folder. And I did have the perfect model in my lap. The wolf didn't seem to be bothered by the constant scratching of the pencil against paper. In fact it seemed to have lulled it into sleep. I had to bite my lip to not laugh when its left leg started twitching. It was adorable. Unable to stop myself I gently tugged one of the huge ears. It was soft under my fingertips and the wolf made a small snort in its sleep.

Who would have thought that a giant wolf with huge teeth would this adorable? If it wasn't so insanely big I would have been very tempted to take it home with me. But it didn't even fit on my sofa and mom would probably have a fit if she saw it. I tugged it`s ear again and the back leg gave another twitch.

"You know for an insanely huge wolf you sure act a lot like a lap dog."

A loud snort from the forest edge made me jump. It sounded like it came from something huge and I stiffened, eyes frozen at the green bushes. I could see something moving. Something black. Another rustle from the other side and a huge animal stepped out. It was a wolf. Another monster wolf similar to the one in my lap except this one was light grey. Another one came out of the bushes. This one was black and the two of them didn't give me the cozy feeling the one in my lap did. The wolf in my lap raised it`s head and seemed to be glaring at the other two. So. A pack of huge ass wolves. The wolf in my lap got up and nuzzled my neck making a whining sound while the black one growled.

"I think your pack awaits you pup."

I gave him a little shove.

"Now go and chase downs some squirrels or sniff some bitches or whatever you guys normally do."

The light grey wolf snorted and it sounded almost like the wolf version of laughter. The wolf in front of me huffed and moved away reluctantly. The black one had to snap at it several times before it walked into the forest, it`s eyes never leaving mine until they disappeared from sight. Pack of huge ass wolves. Now what were the odds that I was the only person who knew this? Surely there should be something about it in the news and La Push would be crawling with both scientists and reporters if people knew. Then again people who had seen them probably thought in the same direction as me.

That there would be people in white dragging them away if they started to jabber on about horse sized wolves. Not even my mom would buy that one.

Or perhaps she would.

Perhaps she would take her camera out and camp in the woods for weeks. Like she did when she was convinced that our rosebush was the home of fairies. It had taken four days before Kyle convinced her to stop sleeping in the garden. I could imagine this wolf thing becoming the same thing as back then.

Yeah.

So not telling her about the wolves.

I picked up my stuff and cast a last glance in the direction the wolves had disappeared. Odd. It felt like I had been dreaming. I would have believed it too if my jacket wasn't covered in gray wolf hair.


	22. Chapter 22: Jans odd life

I knew this was going to be bad judged from Kyle's expression as he walked in the door. He looked like a thunder storm and it made me nervous. Rarely had I done something to make him angry at me. Part because I wasn't the kind of kid who got into trouble and part because he was an easy going guy.

"Sit!"

Kyle ordering me around was so rare that I dumped down again on the sofa without even considering it first.

"Is Paul Lahote you`re boyfriend?"

I blinked. Where the hell did Paul come into this?

"Lucia's mother told us that the fight happened because you stole her boyfriend and made fun of her in P.E."

That lying little bitch.

"Whatever she thinks is going on between me and Paul is in her head. She threw a ball in my face when I was out in dodge ball. I told her off and she and her little cronies just jumped me. And Paul isn't even her boyfriend."

Kyle furrowed his brows and I got a feeling I shouldn't have added that last part. I didn't even know why I had said it. Whether Paul was Lucia's boyfriend or not had absolutely nothing to do with me and frankly she was insane even wanting him to date her.

"So. Why does Lucia think Paul and you are together?"

Ouch. The overprotective dad mode. I had never really done anything to ignite it as I never had any interest in boys at school and I really didn't like the way Kyle was looking at me. Like he was considering getting the shot gun and visit Paul. Or put me in a tower to protect my virtue from teenage boys with filth on their mind. Truly I wouldn't mind that first part very much. Locking me up, now that part I really did have problems with.

"Lucia splashed water on me with her car and Paul lent me his hoodie. That's it. I am not dating him or anything. Frankly he is a complete ass."

Well not so much of late but Kyle would probably react less to ass than to creepy. Creepy was a red sign in any father's dictionary. Kyle sighed and rubbed his temple with his thumb.

"I believe you and the way I see it the whole thing was self-defense. Now I can't do anything about the three day suspension but from now on you are not grounded. Just make sure you do your homework."

He ruffled my hair and kissed my forehead.

"You are a good kid Jan. Just… Don't give me anymore reasons to worry. Because I do."

His brown eyes were soft and his smile was a bit sad.

"I know it has been hard on you sometimes. Moving here to the rez and going to tribal school. And perhaps I shouldn't have fought it out with the elders and let you go to the school in Forks instead. Perhaps it was a bit selfish of me to send you to tribal school but you are my daughter and I wanted everyone to know that."

I don't do well with hearts to hearts and all that mushy stuff.

Seriously I don't.

I never watch sad movies more than one time. If I like the movie I usually fast forward over all that sad stuff and I also sneak read the last chapter of any book I suspect ends badly and if the ending isn't a happy one I don't finish the book. To hear Kyle say things like that made me tear up and I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat. Kyle rubbed his neck and looked slightly uncomfortable.

"You know. I will always think of you as my daughter. The first thing I thought when you stood in front of me all blue eyes and a grown up expression, demanding I spoke some sense into your mother, I wished I had a kid like you. And when your mom and I had or fifth date. The movie date. And you put your head into my lap after braiding my hair. I knew I wanted to be a father to you and not just your mother's boyfriend. You know that don't you?"

Yeah I knew. It had been clear very early that I wasn't just his girlfriend's kid. He would let me braid his hair, plaster my scrapes and patiently tell me stories about his tribe and put me to bed at night. He never treated me casually or like I was just an extension of my mom. But it was good to hear him say it.

"I know. And I have thought of you as my dad for a long time. And tribal school isn't bad. I learn a lot of interesting things."

I was lying threw my teeth.

Honestly I hated tribal school. I hated being the only white and I hated the way people looked at me. They didn't confront Kyle for marrying a white woman due to the fact that his grandfather was a council member and old Jack had never outright disapproved of the marriage. Mom didn't spend that much time with the people in the rez as she had a job in Seattle and most of her friends lived there so the disapproval never affected her that much. I on the other hand went to a school as the only white kid without any biological ties to anyone on the rez. Even some of the teachers gave me looks like they wondered what the hell I was doing at their school.

White, blond and blue eyed. I couldn't be more different if I tried to. I knew people talked bad about me behind my back even the parents of the kids I went to school with. But I wasn't going to tell him that. It was a white lie so that he didn't worry and I was strong enough to hold my own. I've done it for so many years and there was only one year left. There was no reason for Kyle to know. No reason for him to worry because I was strong enough to handle it and as long as he called me his daughter and looked at me like he did now, proud and lovingly, then I could stand it all.

Kyle smiled and ruffled my hair again.

"The cupboards are stacked. Your mom and I will be back in two days. Jason will be back soon also. If there is anything you can call my dad or Sue Clearwater."

He stopped halfway in the door.

"Are you sure you will be okay? I can stay."

Now way in hell I would be the one standing in the way of a romantic getaway. Besides mom usually got bored on these things and I knew that she would pick up the phone the second the conference was over and call me or Kyle. And I also knew that she was scary intuitive when she was bored. The last thing I needed was a mother hunting for a bone. Especially when she heard that my suspension was sort of related to the tall dark and handsome that had been following me slash stalking me home these last weeks. I shuddered at the mere thought if what she would do with that kind of information.

"I will be fine. Go and entertain my mom so that she doesn't torture me on the phone."

Kyle ruffled my hair once again. I really wished I was taller so people would stop doing that.

"Kay kid. Keep out of trouble while I am gone."

That was my plan.

Just staying at home as far away from Lucia and the giants as I could. If I stayed indoors it was likely I wouldn't run into anyone of them. Embry and Paul weren't supposed to be here before Thursday and if I stayed indoors it was likely I wouldn't see anyone of them. Unless they dropped by. Paul had done it two times by now but I couldn't have that bad luck that he would do so when mom and Kyle were gone. Right?

I watched Kyle start the car and snorted to myself. I wouldn't really count on it. These past weeks had been nothing but bad luck. And not so wise decisions although I did put the letting him take care of sick me episode in the category of things I wouldn't have done if I was lucid. Although I didn't have any explanations to what happened yesterday. I rather just forget the whole thing. Because there was no way I had done that.

Sure I had sort of forgiven Paul but dry humping him was a little beyond the whole forgiving thing. And throwing my backpack at Sam? I would never do something like that. Ever.

It was probably some kind of concussion I had gotten when Lucia hit me. It was the only plausible explanation I could find. And Paul would probably forget it very soon. After all he was the manwhore of La Push and what had happened yesterday was probably utterly forgettable to him. A drop in the ocean really and my name just a number in a very long list.

But to be on the safe side I would lock the door, shut off some lights and pull the curtains shut. Just to be on the safe side. And it wasn't being a coward.

Nope.

It was just dealing with the oddity that had become my life.


	23. Chapter 23: Dating

My mobile rang and I rubbed my eyes nearly falling out of the sofa as I tried to grab it with my left arm.

"What?"

Someone chuckled in the other end.

"Hello Slugger. How are you?"

Quil? What the hell? It was the second time he called me and frankly there were no reason for him to. I had barely spoken with him in the past.

"So? Is the verdict in yet?"

"Suspension. Three days."

Quil smacked his lips in the other end.

"Man. That must suck. So. What are you wearing? "

There was a smack in the other end of the phone and Quil yelped.

"What did you hit me for? It was a total innocent question!"

Well. Perhaps in Quil`s world it was. I remembered him asking me a lot of rather indecent questions in the past. Even as a freshman he had been a total perv. Come to think of it he was a perv even in elementary school, trying to lift up the girl's skirts to look at their panties.

"Why are you calling Quil?"

"There is a barbeque at Sam's. Emily wants to invite you and Sam wants to say he is sorry."

I had no idea why Sam wanted to apologize. To Paul perhaps but I had been the one that threw my backpack on him. I was the one who should apologize. The house phone rang and I sighed.

"One moment Quil."

I fumbled for the other phone and cursed the fact that home phones still existed. What was the point anyway. Cells were so much easier and you always got exactly the person you wanted to talk to.

"Hello?"

"Um. Hey. Is this Jan?"

I couldn't recognize the voice in the other end but it sounded like a teenage boy. At least it wasn't mom.

"Yes."

"Um. Hey. It's Josh. I was just calling wondering how you were. Tim said you got suspended."

I stared at the phone. Josh was calling me. Me. Until recently I didn't even think he knew my name and certainly would never call me. Even though we had gone in the same grade since elementary I could count on one hand the times we had spoken to each other including yesterday.

"Uh. I am fine?"

I pretended that it didn't sound more like a question than an answer.

"So… I was just wondering if you were doing anything today? Perhaps we could go to the movies or something?"

And there was my out. My excuse to not go to Emily's barbeque and thus avoid facing both Sam and Paul after what had to be the most mortifying moment of my life.

"I am not doing anything."

"Cool. So it's a date then. Pick you up at six. Bye."

He talked so fast that I didn't quite get what he had said before I heard the beeping in the phone.

A date.

For the first time in my life I had been asked out on an actual date. And by one of the schools hottest guys. It seemed like I did have some girl genes in me because I got the sudden urge to squeal.

I grabbed my cell to tell Quil I had plans but there was no one in the other end. He had hung up on me. Had he heard? Well I didn't really care if he had. It wasn't like I wanted to go on the barbeque anyway and he had to know that as I had glared at him ever since the whole kidnapping ordeal.

A date. Perhaps that would sort out my rampaging hormones that caused me to jump Paul. That was the only reason I could find for my completely insane actions lately. At the age of seventeen I had discovered my lusty hormones and any hunk of man would do.

At least Josh was a nice guy. He had only two girlfriends in the past, both of them steady and he had never joined in on the mock the white girl game. He had good grades, was never involved in fights or heavy partying. He was in short a nice guy and it didn't hurt that those soft brown eyes of his and his smile made every girl within miles melt. He was respectful, one of those guys that opened doors for you and gave you flowers. Mom would like him and Kyle I knew would accept him despite the fact that he was a guy going out with his daughter. It was perfect. And the fact that he didn't give me tingles like Paul did, well that could I ignore.

**Authors note: **_Hah. Bet no one saw that one coming. And Quil. I just have to love the guy. If Paul is the pack hothead then Quil has to be the pack perv. _


	24. Chapter 24: Welcome twilightzone

Dating sucked.

I wondered why no magazines ever wrote about how extremely uncomfortable dating was. It was sweaty hands, fidgeting limbs, uncomfortable pauses in the conversation and basically awkward with a capital. It wasn't the blush of budding love or the tingle in the stomach if nausea didn't count.

Or perhaps it was only me. It was after all my first date and honestly if this was the way they went then I would never date again.

Josh didn't look comfortable either. His arm was twitching behind me during the whole movie and I tried to ignore the fact that my hands were all sweaty and resisted the urge to sniff myself in case I had not put on enough deodorant. And I so wished I had put some perfume on although most perfumes made me sneeze.

And the movie was the only positive thing about the date because there couldn't be any talking or actual interaction during it. The dinner part of it was horrible. The conversation was awkward and halting. It didn't help that I tried to stuff my mouth full of food to make up for the painful pauses in the conversation. There wasn't going to be a second date that I was sure of and honestly I didn't mind at all because dating clearly wasn't my thing. Even Kim and Jared's first date wasn't this painful and she was the shyest person I knew. But then again there were no painful awkward silences at Kim's first date because I was there as the third wheel and a buffer.

"So… "

Josh cleared his throat for the hundredth time during this date.

"Want to take a stroll down First Beach? It's still early."

I wanted to say that I wanted to go home but that would be rather rude.

"Sure."

Josh smiled brightly and started up the car, luckily turning up the radio so that there wouldn't be more painful pauses. I watched the scenery fly by and tapped my fingers against the door. At least Josh seemed to think this date was a total disaster judged from that small smile on his lips.

I wished I had listened more to my mom when she went on and on about dating and such but then again her advices were never really good.

Or sane for that matter.

What I did remember was her advice of showing cleavage when the conversation stopped. Not a sound advice at all and not something I would ever be desperate enough to do.

Josh parked the car and I was relieved to see that there was no one from school here. An audience was the last thing I needed especially since I was sure the rumors about yesterday was all over school by now. The wonderful world of cell phones made rumor spreading way too easy and my face right now would only fire up on them. Josh cleared his throat yet again.

"So. There is nothing going on with you and Paul?"

And the date took a step from bad towards worse.

"Hell no."

Josh's smile looked relieved.

"I thought so. I mean. The guy has been bullying you since you moved here. There is no way you would ever be remotely interested in him."

That's right. Even Josh thought so. So it had to be hormones. Stupid hormones that wanted to jump bad boys. Nothing of what had happened was me. Because I would rather make out with a pig than kiss Paul freakin Lahote.

We walked in silence for a while before Josh suddenly stopped and I almost crashed into his back. He grabbed my arm to prevent the collision and somehow his arms ended up around my waist. Josh was looking down on me with a shy adorable smile.

"Jan. I really like you. I have for a while. Is it too early to ask for a second date?"

He looked so adorably shy that I smiled back. Couldn't hurt right? I mean it had to get better. Perhaps a second date wasn't such a bad idea after all.

Before I could answer he bent his head down and his lips touched mine. It was nice. Comfortable.

And I hated myself for thinking that kissing Paul had been so much more. It had made me hot and short breathed and my brain had made a total shutdown. Kissing Josh was lukewarm in comparison. And where were those hormones that had made me into a drooling stone age woman now? And why the hell was I thinking about Paul when kissing a nice guy that wasn't a walking ticking bomb?

I closed my eyes and concentrated on the kiss.

Suddenly Josh's soft lips were ripped off mine and Josh screamed. Paul was lifting Josh up by the back of his shirt and Josh looked terrified.

I've seen Paul angry a lot of times. Even as a kid he was an angry boy and living in a small place like La Push you see the same people a lot. But I had never seen Paul this angry.

His whole body was shaking like crazy. Not the soft humming bird shaking I had seen before but it was like his whole body was rippling like water someone had cast something into. His face was twisted into a snarl that showed all his pearly whites. He didn't look human.

I stood frozen in place as Embry and Jacob pulled him back and tried to make him loosen his hold on Josh. Josh shirt ripped and I watched numbly as Quil lifted Josh up like he weighed nothing and ran towards the parking lot. It looked ridiculous. Josh in Quil`s arms like a princess. I would have laughed if I wasn't terrified.

Pauls' whole body was convulsing. Rippling like there was something bursting out of his skin and suddenly he exploded. That was the only word I could find for what was happening right in front of me. Pieces of cloth flew all over the place and once piece hit my cheek so hard that it made a smacking sound.

Paul was gone and in his place stood a snarling wolf. A huge horse sized dark silvery wolf. My wolf. I must have made a sound because the snarling beast turned towards me. The growling stopped and he whimpered, his tail wagging insecurely behind him.

This wasn't happening. It simply wasn't. People just didn't explode into fur balls it simply wasn't done. Yet the fucking proof was standing right there in front of me. Or rather lying. The wolf was lying on his stomach whining while his tail swooped hesitantly back and forth. And I could do nothing but stare at it.

"I think she is in shock."

"Well duh. Wouldn't you be? She was here kissing some guy and everything was okay and then bam! Welcome twilight zone."

I tried to connect the voices to people but my mind seemed to be stuck on Paul turning into a fur ball.

"Jan! Jan!"

Embry waved a hand in front of my face.

"Dude. I think Paul broke her."

There was a pause.

"Bella didn't get like this."

"Jake. Bella dated a vampire. She knew weird."

My head snapped up and I looked into Embry`s worried face. Vampire? What the hell? Vampire as in I want to suck your blood vampire?

"I want to wake up."

It was more a whimper than an actual voice. Embry seemed at a loss.

"Yeah. You can't really do that. Because this is real."

I shook my head.

"No it`s not."

"Jan. It is real."

I shook my head so hard that it hurt.

"No it`s not. It can't be real. I am dreaming and I really want to wake up."

Embry frowned and looked over his shoulder at Jacob who stood beside the wolf. Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Just lift her up, put her in the car and drive to Sam's. And Paul. Go run off some steam and come back when you manage to phase back."

I was barely aware that Embry lifted me up and carried me towards the parking lot. All I could see was the wolf, still lying on his stomach with his huge sad eyes following me.

**Authors note: **_You guys didn't really think that Paul would fess up about the imprinting and the whole shapeshifting thing did you? After all it is Paul. He was bound to blow up sooner rather than later. _


	25. Chapter 25: Leah explains imprinting

The drive to Emily's house had to be the shortest drive ever. All I could think about was wolf equals Paul and Paul equals wolf.

Paul. Then poof. Wolf.

People didn't just burst out of their skin and transform into something else. If so it would have been all over the news.

Embry sighed as he parked the car and lifted me out.

"Seriously. This has to be worst imprinting episode ever. I knew Paul's would be bad but hell… You know. There are actual bets about you two. About when you will get your stepfathers shotgun and just shoot him. And the images. It`s like being tuned to the Jan channel. No offence to you but the things that goes on in his head is just plain scary."

I registered the words but they made absolutely no sense. Imprinting? Wasn't that something ducks did towards their mother? And the way he spoke was like he could read Paul's mind. Which of course was impossible. The shotgun part I got. It was one of my favorite fantasies since I moved here.

Embry carried me into the house and placed me on a chair in the kitchen. Emily, Bella, Leah and Kim were all in the kitchen and from the worried looks they all gave me I had to look like hell. Not only did I have wounds from the fight with Lucia and her drones but I was probably as pale as pale skin could go. Well Leah didn't exactly look worried. More like amused really.

"Jan was kissing Josh at first beach. Paul found them."

Leah snorted and Embry glared at her.

"Let me guess. He went apeshit and phased?"

Embry looked down at me again, still with a worried frown on his face.

"Not exactly. He went for Josh and we had to pry him out of his hands. Quil managed to get Josh out of there and then… Well."

Embry trailed off and Emily sighed.

"Go and hang out with your brothers and tell them not to come in before I tell them to."

Emily sat down with a sigh, pressing a glass of soda into my hand.

"Jan. The legends are true. Some Quileute are shape shifters and turn into wolves."

Yeah. I sort of figured that one out on my own thank you very much.

"We shift so we can rip vampires into pieces."

Leah's grin didn't even falter when Emily glared at her. Werewolves. Vampires. I had stumbled onto something I would rather not. Ignorance fit me just fine if this was the other option.

"Does fairies exist? Mermaids? Leprechauns?"

The four girls in the kitchen looked at me like I was insane. Except from Leah. She looked like she was having the time of her life. Taking a sip of the soda made me feel calmer so I took another.

"What? I bet you didn't always know there were vampires and werewolves running around so is it so unbelievable that there could be leprechauns and fairies also?"

I downed the rest of the soda.

"Look. Never mind. I won't tell anyone. Not that anyone would believe me either and I don't fancy spending years in a rubber room. Can I go now?"

My hopes for a quick escape were shot down by a sympathetic looking Emily and a crackling Leah.

"Oh I so got this one."

Leah's grin promised pain. She had always been sort of mean and after Sam dumped her she had gone from mean to pure evil. If Leah was smiling then people should be running away screaming. Which was exactly what I would have been doing if one of her hands was not pressing me back into the chair with a strength that shouldn't be possible for someone so skinny.

"You see. Wolves imprint. One day they look into a girls eyes and from that moment on everything in their lives revolve around that girl. They think about her all the time. Want to make her happy and if they don't see her for a while, they get sick. And if she rejects them they go mad. No one they ever loved can compare with an imprint. They call it finding their soul mate. The one that is perfect for them. I call it finding their broodmare to create perfect little pre puppies and becoming her bitch."

It all fell into place. The look he had given me when he looked me in the eye that day in the hallway. His sudden transformation from my bully to my creepy stalker. Taking care of me when I was sick. The puppy eyes and his violent outburst on the beach.

"Oh my god."

Leah snickered and let go of my shoulder which probably had finger shaped bruises on it.

"Quil so owes me twenty bucks. I knew she would be more freaked out by Paul imprinting on her than the whole wolf thing."

"Leah!"

Leah didn't seem the least bit chastised by the harsh tone in Emily's voice. Emily turned to me and gave me a sympathetic smile.

"It isn't that bad. I am Sam's imprint. Kim is Jared's and Bella here is Jacobs."

"And how does that compare?"

I sounded like a frog the way my voice croaked.

"You got Sam who is known as a gruff but otherwise nice guy. Kim got Jared who she had a crush on since she was like twelve. Bella got Jacob who is a freaking ray of sunshine. And I? I got a psychotic jackass."

My hands trembled around the soda glass and I tightened my grip.

"Paul is the guy that made my life a living hell since I moved here. He is an inconsiderate jerk who lives to make other people's lives difficult not to mention he blows up with regular intervals. That's who imprinted on me."

"Jan. It isn't that bad."

I rolled my eyes at Kim.

"Yeah right. If it was you Paul imprinted on you would have been begging your mom to send you to boarding school."

Kim flushed and averted her eyes.

I needed a drink. Hell I needed a whole bottle. Paul's soul mate. What a load of crap. Paul and I weren't compatible at all and his instincts or whatever that made him imprint on me was clearly wrong.

"Can`t it be broken or vodooed away or something?"

Emily patted my shoulder again.

"No. A imprint doesn't break even if the imprintee dies. If an imprintee dies then the werewolf soon follows."

Oh great. Fucking freaking fantastic. For the rest of my life I would have a Paul shaped shadow. A Paul shaped shadow that went crazy every time I kissed a guy.

I would die a virgin.

If I didn't sleep with Paul and that was not going to happen. Not in a million years.

"I want to go home. Now."

Emily sighed like she was disappointed in my reaction but her eyes were nonjudgmental.

"I`ll drive you. Just… Don't spend too long thinking about it. No matter what role you choose for Paul in your life, he does need you. If they are not in any contact with their imprints, they suffer."

For a second I wanted to tell her that Paul could suffer all he wanted and I didn't give a damned but then I remembered the way the wolf had looked at me at the beach. Fear, sorrow and heartbroken all at once. I didn't know what to do about all this but if it hurt that much and I could do something about it then I would. It was the right thing to do. No one deserved to go mad. Not even Paul.

**Authors note: **_Oh Leah Leah Leah. Such a fun character to write. To have her explain imprinting. Precious. _

_I have gotten a couple of questions about imprinting and I just wanted to say that this will be my take on imprinting. Some of it will be different from the original imprinting of the books. I might explain myself further later as Jan herself understands more about it. Thanks for all the reviews._


	26. Chapter 26: A Jan sized lump

I Jan Heinz was officially a coward.

A huge Jan sized lump of cowardice.

When I left Emily's house my intentions had been to try and not hurt Paul. Emily's description of how Sam had been when he thought she rejected him had done what she intended it to do. If I rejected Paul he would go mad and the picture Emily painted wasn't pretty. Yet, day four A.J.F.T, After Jan Fell into the Twilight zone, I was still hiding inside my house.

First school day I faked illness and skipped because I simply couldn't deal with meeting Paul again. I didn't take the phone. Quil called a dozen times, Kim called like fifty times, Emily called twenty times and even Sam called. I didn't have his number so I ended the call the second I heard his voice. I simply wasn't dealing. How the hell did one deal anyway? Paul had taunted and hated me ever since I was ten. And then suddenly he grows fur and I am his soul mate? This imprinting was clearly wrong and somewhere a godly entity was laughing his or her ass of.

However the first person to show up at my door was the last one I expected. After the bell rang for the hundredth time I peeked out between the curtains. Leah was standing leaned into the wall with an expression on her face like she really didn't want to do this.

"I know you are there Jan. Open the fucking door."

Hell no. I wasn't about to let Leah into my house. Not when her muscles were bulging beneath her tank top and she looked all about ready to crush me.

"Seriously Jan. I don't want to do this but Paul is driving me insane. Every time we phase together it's like getting sucked into a black hole. It's gotten so bad that no one wants to patrol with him and Sam had to tell him to go home because he was making everyone else in the pack suicidal."

She sighed heavily and frowned.

"Yeah. I get it that you are all freaked out and shit but you are making our work this much harder."

I had no idea what she meant with work and I didn't really give a damned. Pulling the curtain shut I headed back to my room.

This wasn't going to last forever of course. Sooner or later I would have to go back to school before mom and Kyle got suspicious of my sudden stomach ache. At least now I understood why Kim was talking to me again and why Jared had suddenly noticed her after years of not even knowing her name.

He had imprinted on her, told her all the secrets and she had dropped me like a hot potato. And then when Paul suddenly imprinted on me it was okay for her to talk to me again. So much for best friends. One werewolf that followed her around like a puppy and suddenly our friendship meant nothing to her. And I thought I had dealt with this whole issue but this werewolf thing just ripped new wounds over those that had healed.

My life right now would make a good book. Girl gets dumped by only friend. Girl finds her soul mate. Sort of. Although it was clearly completely wrong and some spirits had made a huge ass mistake. Girl finds out there are werewolves and vampires and wonders if the boggy man exists under her bed since all the other stuff is real. The whole girl hides in her house and don't want to go out didn't quite fit but all the other parts would make a good story.

I sighed and put down my pencil. I had been staring at the blank paper for hours and still there was nothing I wanted to draw.

The door opened downstairs and I heard voices.

"I don't understand. The whole council has been perfectly fine ignoring the fact that my wife and daughter existed and now you suddenly want Jan to come to the bonfire?"

So he was aware of it. And here I was thinking Kyle was slightly dense and didn't take notice of the fact that mom and I was never invited to the bonfires or other tribe related things. Basically the council ignored our very existence.

I heard another voice which I recognize as Kyle's dad.

"We have noticed that Jan spends a lot of time alone and this bonfire will give her a chance to get some friends."

And since when did the council care about friendless people especially when one of them was the only white kid in La Push?

"You didn't care before."

Good one dad. Don't fall for that unity we care crap.

"Some of the kids have been trying to befriend her and I think this will be good for her."

I froze completely. Suddenly it all made sense. Of course the council knew about the werewolves. And now they were trying to force me into this imprinting crap making sure I made a litter of pre pups as Leah had called them. Hell no! No way in fucking hell!

"Jan. Can you come down here?"

I just knew the old man would find some way of manipulating Kyle to make me go. I knew Kyle worried that I didn't have any friends in La Push and the old man would most likely play that card, pushing me straight into Paul.

"I am not feeling well."

"My dad just wants to talk to you."

Kyle wasn't relenting but there was one card left. The card that made every male blush, wiggle uncomfortably or just run out of the room.

"I don't want to. It's those days of the month and it hurts."

I could imagine Kyle blushing and stare uncomfortably at the door.

"Okay honey. I'll just… Just yell if you need anything."

Hah. Extremely embarrassing but it worked every time.

There wasn't a male on the planet without a doctor degree who felt comfortable talking about this stuff. I could hear Kyle usher his dad into the kitchen and closed my door. At least I had diverted the council's first attempt but it was hardly a victory. The list of people in on this whole wolf thing was getting longer and I doubted they would give up anytime soon. And I would have to go to school eventually. Not even mom would buy the I don't want to go to school because there is a werewolf there that believes I am his soul mate. I curled myself around my pillow.

When the hell did my life turn into this mess?

**Authors note: **_Thinking about doing the right thing is different from actually doing it. Thanks for all the reviews. Cookies for all of you. _


	27. Chapter 27: Where is the imprint manual?

There was a bang and I almost fell out of the bed.

"Get up."

I blinked and rubbed my eyes. Because Sam Uley could not be standing barefoot in my bedroom dressed in only shorts, dripping water all over my floor while ordering me around.

"What?"

"Paul had a fit. He is standing in my backyard howling and we can't get him to phase back. You need to calm him down before he does something stupid".

"Paul does stupid things all the time."

The glare I got from Sam showed that he didn't find my little jibe funny at all.

"It's in the middle of the night. It's raining. Just smack him over the head with a rolled up newspaper."

I yawned and curled into the blanket dead set on ignoring any werewolf that seemed to think it was appropriate that I got out of bed this hour. Unfortunately Sam had other plans and before I knew it I was dangling from his shoulder.

"What the hell? Let me down Sam!"

He completely ignored me and stomped out of my bedroom.

"What the hell is going on? Sam Uley! You let my daughter go right now!"

Kyle was trying to block the way, putting off an angry face and trying to look intimidating. It didn't quite work. Sam was several inches taller than him and pure muscle. It didn't help that my dad was only wearing a boxer with small pink hearts on either. Sam gently shoved him out of the way not even faltering his pace for a second.

"Samuel Uley! I will call the police if you don't stop right now!"

Sam muttered something that sounded awfully like bite me. I must have heard wrong cause that wasn't something I could ever have imagined Sam saying.

The moment we couldn't be seen from the house he upped the pace to a sprint. He was fast. Faster than any human I had ever seen and I bet he could easily beat any Olympic sprinter without even raising his pulse.

Now normally I would have been kicking and screaming but that had not helped much last time either so I just settled on his back, thanking god I had decided to wear PJs tonight and not my short silk night gown. Bunny Pjs wasn't that much better but at least I didn't show any skin.

The rain was soon making my PJ wet and the only thing that kept me from freezing was the heat that seemed to radiate from Sam. It seemed that it was something every werewolf had in common. The heat, the speed and the freakish strength. And the whole exploding into fur balls and imprinting.

A faint sound from far away grew into a howl. Sam had not been kidding about the howling. Why the cops had not appeared yet was a miracle really because it sounded like the dogs of the apocalypse.

Leah was the first one that appeared, holding her hands over her ears and looking twice as cranky as she usually did.

"Freaking finally. Now do something about that!"

The that in question was Paul. Well. Sort of Paul. The wolf was running around in circles, stopping now and then to let out another bone shattering howl. Jacob lifted me down from Sam's back and held me in front of himself like I was some sort of human sacrifice.

"Paul! See. She is here."

The wolf made a sudden halt, skidding over the muddy ground until it stopped. Large sorrowful dark eyes met mine. And then he threw his head back and howled again this time more bone shattering than ever.

"Don't let her get to close. He might harm her the way he is now. Jan. Say something comforting."

They were all looking expectantly at me now. What the hell? It wasn't like I knew what to do here. And comforting. What the hell do you tell a huge horse sized wolf for comfort? Or worse what do you say to Paul to comfort him? Sorry that you are a huge furball? Sorry that you imprinted on someone that doesn't like you?

It wasn't like this imprinting shit came with a manual or some deep down instinct.

Jacob let me hesitantly down but still had a grip on my PJ. Like I wanted to get closer to the obviously insane wolf. Or I would. I liked the wolf. Knowing the wolf was Paul however was a whole other deal.

"Paul! Shut the fuck up!"

The wolf only howled even louder.

"Tell him something. Something that no one else knows."

I raised a brow at Jake. I didn't see how that would help but it wasn't like I had any other ideas.

"Hey Paul! I want to tell you a secret. Something no one else knows."

The wolf stopped howling and looked at me. At least it got his attention. Although I really didn't want to share this. No one knew. Not my mom. Not my shrink and not even the police. I had intended it to be my secret forever but if Paul didn't shut up soon, someone was about to get shot. I doubted the cops would hesitate for even a second when seeing a wolf this big.

I sat down ignoring the mud that soaked into my PJ because I sure as hell wasn't about to talk my little heart out while standing. And if this didn't help I would shoot Paul myself because there were reasons why I didn't tell people this and now I was about to tell a guy I could hardly stand while sitting in the rain surrounded by other people that I didn't particularly like.

"My mom got pregnant when she was sixteen and my dad got killed when I was about six years old. When people ask I say I don't remember him. That's a total lie."

The wolf`s ears were perked in my direction and the only thing I could hear was the dripping of rain. I looked up at the sky because I wasn't sure I could continue with this story keeping eye contact with anyone. Not even someone in a wolf form.

"I do remember my dad. I remember how his eyes had exactly the same color as mine. That he always smelled of tobacco, coffee and sweet smelling hair wax. I remember that he adored me and that I followed him around all the time. And I remember that he wasn't a good guy. Mom will tell me these stories about how nice he was and what a good guy he was and I let her. Guess it's her way of making a dad figure for me and forget the bad parts. And there sure are many. He loved us. Cherished us both but he wasn't a nice man. Not by a long shot. I remember broken conversations about drugs, deliveries, weapons and getting rid of people. I would guess he was a part of some organized criminal group but I can't be sure and I never bothered to find out."

The wolf, Paul, had been inching closer as I talked. Guess it was working.

"I also remember the night he was killed. It was winter and ice cold. Dad was talking to someone and turned to say something to me. Probably ensuring me that we were going home soon as it was getting dark. And then there was this sound. I can't describe it. My dad looked shocked and then blood started to bubble out of his mouth as he sank to his knees. Gaia was there. I am not sure how she got there so fast because I am sure she was nowhere around when it all happened. She grabbed my arm, threw me in the car and told me to close my eyes."

And how I wished I had. I chuckled darkly.

"Kids don't close their eyes when they are told. So I watched as she ran the two guys over and I remember the sound of bones breaking under the wheels. I never told anyone. Not my mom. Not Kyle. Not the cops. And I told Gaia that I didn't remember. I didn't want her to get in trouble and those guys… Chances were that if she had not ran them over they would have come looking for us. Making sure I kept my mouth shut."

The wolf was so close now that his nose was just inches from my leg. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"If you tell anyone about this I will kill you. Silver bullets or whatever. I will find a way."

I didn't want my mom to know that I knew. She had created this perfect fantasy biological dad for me to make up for the fact that she had me when she was sixteen and had been thrown out of her family. Her stories were meant to paint this picture of a couple in love and not a naïve kid and a criminal.

Something to warm myself on as I grew up in that small cheap apartment in Seattle before we moved to La Push.

The wolf snorted and put his huge head in my lap. The temptation of that fur became too much and I buried my fingers in it trying not to think about the fact that I was technically cuddling Paul.

It was still raining. My hair clung to my skin like a second layer and I could feel the mud soak into my panties. I was all too aware that it was likely that the group standing behind me had heard it all and fixed my eyes on a point between those large furry ears.

"This is so messed up."

The wolf snorted like he agreed.


	28. Chapter 28: Emily can be quite scary

"Eh. Shouldn't you be calling now?"

I realized I had been staring at the phone blankly for a while. I had no idea what to say. There was no plausible story I could make up that could explain why a half-naked Sam had dragged me kicking and screaming out of my house in the middle of the night. At least not one that wouldn't either land me in an insane asylum or end in a police rapport.

"Well. Do you have any ideas of what I should say?"

All I got was blank look from everyone in the room. Guess I was on my own then. I dialed the number home and hoped for a sudden idea.

"Jan! Jan is that you?"

Kyle sounded frantic. That didn't really help me.

"Yeah it's me."

"What the hell happened? Are you safe? I tried to call the police but your mother keeps hitting the off button insisting that we should wait for your call babbling something about it all being very romantic. What the hell is going on?"

Romantic. Of course. Only my mom would come to that conclusion when her own daughter was kidnapped in the middle of the night in just her PJs. Had to be a side effect from all those tacky romance novels she liked to read. Kidnapping was a well-used theme in those. And my mom… Didn't always live in reality. I just hoped I would never be kidnapped for real because then I would be in real trouble.

"Mom is insane. You know that. And I am fine. A friend of mine had locked himself in the bathroom and Sam was afraid he was going to do something stupid so he rushed to get me so I could calm him down. He didn't explain it all very well and you know how cranky I am when someone wakes me. Really. Everything is fine and Emily offered me to stay at her place since it's late."

"Are you sure it's not a guy?"

I could almost see the way he narrowed his eyes like he always did when Jan and random dude was mentioned in the same sentence.

"Nothing of the sort. But you can tell mom that. It makes her happy."

Kyle chuckled softly in the other end.

"Sure thing kiddo. Let me just have a chat with Emily."

Emily had barely made it out to the kitchen before the guys around me burst into laughter. Quil was even wheezing.

"Oh shit. Paul as suicidal. That was fucking funny."

"It was either that or tell him the truth. And I don't fancy people in white suits coming to get me."

I glared down at the reason for all this. Paul was sleeping. He had barely managed to get inside after he turned back and fell asleep the second his head hit the sofa and I doubted anything could wake him right now. The proof was the arm around my waist that I had tried to remove fruitlessly for the last twenty minutes. No amount of pinching or slapping had made him so much as twitch.

He actually looked cute and innocent with his eyes closed and face relaxed in sleep. But then again even Satan probably looked adorable when sleeping. At least Emily had given me some clean clothes before he decided to make me his own personal teddy bear.

Emily came out of the kitchen with a blanket and eyed Paul's arm with a slight frown. She reminded me of a mother. The ordinary kind that served freshly baked goods and told you to dress warmer. Not like my ditzy one who didn't even want to call the police when I had been dragged away in the middle of the night. Sure I loved mom but she wasn't exactly a typical mother.

"I guess you will be sleeping on the sofa then."

I wasn't too happy about that really. Sure the sofa was big and we were both dressed but it was still a little bit more intimate than I would like. I glared at the reason for this whole predicament.

"I swear Paul. If you start dry humping my leg I will have you neutered tomorrow. Or put down. It's a tossup."

I was dead serious but the guys seemed to find it funny. Emily was the only one that seemed to take me seriously. She walked over to a little closet and took out something. An aluminum bat. With a satisfied expression she handed me the thing and I took it wondering what the hell I was supposed to do with a baseball bat. This was hardly the time or the weather to play baseball in.

"Now. If he does something you don't like just thump him over the head with this as hard as you can. Don't worry about hurting him. These guys are so sturdy that even getting hit by a car won't hurt much."

Then she walked back into the kitchen like she just had not just encouraged me to preform violence on a sleeping man. I wasn't the only one to stare after her in shock. Even Sam was although his expression was tinged with loving awe more than fear like the other giants.

"I really like your fiancée."

Sam nodded, still looking at the door Emily had disappeared behind.

"We all do. But sometimes she can be… A bit scary."

No shit. The woman had just handed me a bat and then given me a cool description like she had just explained something trivial to me and not encouraged violence. However I was keeping the bat.

Just to be on the safe side.

**Authors note: **_It's so fun to hear that I am making some Paul fans out there. I really loved the character in the books and he is a fun character to write about and so is the pack. Thanks for all the reviews=) _


	29. Chapter 29: Sleep groping and breakfast

Warm. So extremely warm.

I tried to wriggle away from the warmth but the warm thing seemed to follow me. And then suddenly there was nothing under me and I crashed into an unforgiving surface.

I blinked and looked up at a ceiling that wasn't my bedrooms just as something heavy crashed right on top of me. I gasped for breath.

So this is what it feels like if a car falls on you.

Paul. Of course it was Paul. I had a Paul sized curse upon my life.

I cast a glance at his face. Unbelievable. He was still asleep. And… Was that… Yes. That was his hand slowly making its way under my bra.

I didn't think. I just reached for the bat and whammed it over his head. He yelped and jumped off me and somehow managed to land on the table. The table creaked under his weight before it gave in and shattered beneath Paul`s weight. The kitchen door slammed open and people seemed to be streaming in. Sam looked from me and the baseball bat and to Paul and then burst into laughter. It wasn't an ordinary laughter. It was the laughter of someone that had seen something so funny that they just couldn't help themselves.

"There was a hand under my bra."

It was hardly my best comeback or defense for that matter and it only made Sam laugh harder. Emily patted her fiancée on the back and gave me a wide smile.

"I see why you imprinted on her Paul. She is absolutely perfect for you."

I froze. Somehow I had forgotten the events that lead me here. The wolf. Imprinting. Freaking out.

"Is it the wolf?"

Paul was looking at the wall so I couldn't see his expression and his voice was toneless but his tense shoulders gave him away. Paul never avoided eye contact. But then again this guy in front of me wasn't really Paul. It was a Paul that thought I was the center of his universe. It was a scary thought. More scary than the Paul that hated me.

"No. It's not the wolf. I like the wolf."

His head snapped up and his eyes were wide with awe. It was the truth. The wolf, impressive as it was, didn't scare me. It was hardly a house pet but I liked it. It was the rest I had difficulties dealing with. My stomach growled loudly and I was more relieved than embarrassed.

"I guess it's time for breakfast then."

Emily clapped her hands together cheerfully.

"The rest of them will be here soon. Want to help me Jan?"

"I would love too."

Anything to get away from Paul's piercing stare.

Breakfast with the pack was a very noisy affair. And violent.

I watched as Embry smacked into the wall when he tried to take the last blueberry muffin from Paul. At least something was normal. Even though Paul was perfectly nice towards me he was still an ass towards everybody else. There had been only fifteen minutes since the rest of the gang appeared and he had already scared Kim, mortified Bella with some jibes about Jacob, nearly caused Leah to phase inside the house, made poor Seth hide behind Sam, pissed off both Jacob and Jared and injured Quil. It was actually comforting that he had not gone through a total personality change since he imprinted on me.

Paul snatched the blueberry muffin with a triumphant look on his face. I almost jumped when said muffin was dropped on my plate. At least I wasn't the only one that found it odd. Quil`s mouth was hanging open and Embry was looking at us like we were a hard riddle to solve. It was the imprint thing. Emily had spent the whole time when we prepared breakfast to explain to me the whole imprinting behavior and basically what I could do to stop last night from repeating itself which I was all for.

Paul would have a need to take care of me. That spanned from making sure I was comfortable to making sure I was happy. Giving me food was a part of that. She also explained that since the wolf felt I had rejected it that I had to make sure to accept what he did for me and also be sure to touch him often.

See. Those were the things I should have known before I hid in my house and thus made this even more difficult than it already was.

She told me that if I only wanted him to be my friend he would be. But I wasn't stupid. I could say he was my friend and make him be my friend but there would always be this part of him that wanted more and that was set out to woo me. I just hoped the wolf wouldn't be so very animal about it because I really didn't want to wake up one day and find a dead animal on my front porch.

I bit my lips trying not to smile at the image. The whole deal was still scary and still freaking me out of course. Emily had told me about the reason Sam and Leah had broken up. How Sam still loved Leah in a way but that there wasn't a place for her like it had been before after he imprinted. She didn't say it out loud but I got the message.

There would only be me in Paul's life. He would never have a girlfriend or any love interest because there was only me. Shortly put, If Paul and I never became anything more than friends he would still never love another person. I could leave him behind or control how we interacted but Paul's mind would forever be stuck on me.

I could easily see why the imprints all caved in one after one. Even Bella who had been broken by her ex vampire boyfriend. Not only because of the attention or the fact that they would never leave you but also because all of the imprintees felt in some part responsible in a twisted way. I didn't quite know how to deal with that but for now I would do my part of making this thing a little easier. Starting with eating the blueberry muffin on my plate even though I was full.

I had been so lost in thought that I startled when the table suddenly started to shake. Paul was vibrating and looking at Quil like he wanted to bite his head off. Vibrating equals phasing. I got that one and had not been too surprised to hear that Paul was the one that burst out of his clothes quite regularly because of his temper fits. Emily had explained how she got her scars but oddly enough I wasn't the least bit scared. I placed my fingers over his hand.

"No phasing over the breakfast table. Emily has already lost one table because of you."

The vibrating stopped and Paul snickered at me.

"That was your fault."

"Nope. If you had not sleep groped me then I wouldn't have hit you with the bat. Thank you by the way Emily."

Emily smiled smugly and Sam hid his snort of laughter behind his coffee cup. The rest of the gang eyed us curiously and I concentrated on breaking pieces of the huge blueberry muffin. My phone vibrated against my thigh and I absentmindedly picked it up praying that it wasn't Kyle again.

It was a text message. Apparently Gaia didn't think Seattle was safe so she was had picked Jason up and was driving him to his next appointment outside Seattle two days early. She also had strict orders for me to stay in La Push and not go to Seattle.

Odd. I had not heard from her for a while and to suddenly get a text message just out of the blue made me wonder if she knew more than she was letting on. But then again that wasn't exactly new either.

Paul leaned over my shoulder and read the message with a frown as he got to the cryptic part about avoiding any strangers and staying in crowds making sure I wasn't alone. It wasn't the first time Gaia had said something cryptic. Paul nicked my phone and handed it over to Sam.

"Sam I think you need to read this."

Sam read quickly and frowned.

"Tell me about this Gaia. Is she a friend of yours?"

I wasn't really sure how to start. It had been years since I last saw her and she had not come to visit since we moved to La Push. I did find that a little bit odd since she was constantly around when we lived in Seattle.

"Mom said she met her when she was pregnant with me and she is a relative of her or something. Third cousin once removed I think. She was the one that picked mom up when her parents kicked her out in the middle of the night and she was the one that got my mom a job and gave her a loan to pay for nigh classes. I remember her being around a lot when we lived in Seattle and that she babysat me a lot when dad died since mom couldn't pay for a babysitter. I think she also donates money to my aunt's free clinic and has given loans to my aunt's foster kids for their education. She also offered to pay for mine as a loan if I need it. I have not seen her for a while but she keeps in touch. Mom calls her our guardian angel."

I paused trying to think of anything more.

"And she is a bit odd. Mom thinks it is because of all the old books she reads because sometimes her speech pattern is a little old. She is the one that taught me how to cook and mend socks. Good thing too because my mom is useless in the kitchen."

I got the suspicion that the guys around me looked relieved but when I glanced at Sam he was back to his stern expression as he handed me my phone.

"It's a good advice. As you know there have been many murders and disappearances in Seattle. We are thinking vampires are behind it. You should follow your friend's advice."

I intended to. Especially after what Sam had said. I didn't like the thought of vampires. It was just years earlier I had come to the conclusion that it wasn't possible that there was a monster in my closet or under my bed. To hear that there actually were monsters out there. The real thing. Bloodsuckers. It didn't quite go well with me.

And as Emily explained there was no stopping them. Nothing I could do. No invites like in Buffy or crosses and garlic. The only thing that could stop a vampire was another vampire or a werewolf. Us normal smucks were completely defenseless.

I could have lived happily without knowing they were real. But that choice wasn't mine. The second Paul looked me in the eye I had been sucked into a mythical world and I had no choice about it. It would be so easy to blame Paul. He was a part of this mythical thing and he was the reason I now knew. But I just couldn't. It wasn't his fault that his genes suddenly turned on him. The werewolf gene made him stuck here and in addition loaded all these responsibilities on his shoulders. The werewolf thing and the imprinting were beyond us both and we had no control over it.

At least whatever responsibilities I got out of this would be more of my choice. Although I did realize that they put a lot on my shoulders too even though no one voiced that one out aloud. I could leave this place and let him go mad. I could let him trail behind me like a puppy while I did what I wanted and doom him to only be an observer in my life as I got an education, got married and had kids and barely give him what he needed to not go insane.

And yes I wasn't comfortable at all with the fact that the main purpose of this imprinting was to get us together. Honestly I couldn't imagine being with Paul that way at all. But to be so heartless that I just left him to his fate when I knew what it would do to him. I couldn't. Not even to Paul. And it wasn't that much of a hardship to change some of my plans. New York was out. But Seattle had a nice art program too and the art history courses were mainly online. I would have to go of course but it made it possible to live at home more than just the weekends.

Mom and Kyle would be happy to hear that and it might calm Kyle down a bit when he noticed I was hanging out with the mysterious Sam's gang as they called them. Even though he didn't have the negative view as many others because of his relation with the council threw his father, I doubted he would be very happy that I started hanging out with a group of boys that looked to be in their twenties despite most of them being my age or younger. I didn't dare think of his reaction to Paul but that hurdle I could pass when it came.

"What are you thinking?"

Paul was looking at me curiously looking a bit like a puppy with his head tilted.

"College. Obviously New York is out of the question now. But Seattle has a decent program and a lot of the classes are self-study or is online so I can be home more often."

Paul was looking at me in awe and so were some of the other guys.

"Wasn't New York your first choice?"

I shrugged at Kim.

"Well obviously that won't work now. It's too far away. But it's okay. I mainly wanted to go because Jason's apartment is wicked but it's no big deal. It's not that big of a sacrifice."

I turned to Paul.

"I still like the wolf better than you but well deal with that as it comes. And you will graduate from high school. I don't care if you have to take an online course or whatever but graduating is important and there is no way dad will tolerate me spending time with you if you don't. As a matter of fact from now on all your free time with me will be spent studying."

I gathered my plate and walked towards the kitchen.

"And I am still sleeping with a baseball bat. Just in case."

I ignored the baffled stares and walked out with the dishes, whistling as I walked. Yeah. Perhaps this was a really bad match and some godlike being was laughing its ass off right now but I was going to deal with this. Hell it wasn't like I really had a choice. And even if it hardly was a perfect match, not even a good one, I was going to do my best with what life had handed me. Even if that was a teenage wolfman.


	30. Chapter 30: Neon pink tutu dresses

Step one for an imprint after the shock had diminished and the imprintee was over the stages of fear and outright denial and was no longer in any danger of having a heart attack or thinking she was nuts, was the bonfire with the elders and being told the secret legends of the tribe that was only passed on to Quileute natives.

Kim had said it was the easy part.

It wasn't. I could tell several people were thinking what the hell is she doing here. Yeah. I was wondering about that too. Honestly amongst all the tanned skin and dark hair I stood out like I was wearing a neon pink tutu dress. It didn't help that Paul seemed ready to growl at anyone who even looked at me funny. Well. Ready and doing it was perhaps two very different things.

He was… Territorial. Very territorial. And I had thought Jared was a loony with Kim. Hell no. He was actually quite laidback compared to Paul. Figures I would get the one that both barked and bit.

I ignored the looks and sat down beside Bella. Her dark hair fit in here but I didn't feel extremely pale when sitting next to her. Less like an intruder.

The secret stories were not wide known and only told to direct descendants and those few invited to these bonfires. Billy Black was the only one that wasn't peering at me either curiously or confused by my presence and his warm smile made me relax somewhat. Bella sat between Jakes legs almost dozing off and I wished I could be as relaxed as she was. What I wanted was to make a run for it and call the whole thing off. Suddenly in the middle of Billy's story, Paul's head jerked up, his eyes fastened on a couple not far from us. His whole body was trembling and I was sure I heard a faint growl. It didn't take a genius to figure out the two had said something less flattering about me.

"Relax Paul. I can fight my own battles."

Sadly this was nothing new. The adults may just whisper but kids had the amazing ability to pick up what was whispered between their parents and put it into practice. It would only get worse now that I was hanging around their precious rez boys and people would probably start whispering about me being pregnant. Like mother like daughter. At least no one would put me in the category of white woman who stole a good man from the native girls. Because Paul was hardly one of the good educated men. I wasn't sure if being labeled as the stupid paleface who liked bad native boys was any better. Paul growled again but sat down.

"They should keep their mouths shut."

I just rolled my eyes and refrained from underlining that once upon a time he would be the one to say things about me and he didn't exactly do it behind my back either. I turned my attention back to Billy and his story telling and tried to ignore that Paul now had an arm wrapped around my waist. The stories were fascinating but I kept getting distracted by Paul who was not listening at all. It seemed he took this as an excuse to touch me. Either his thumb was rubbing my hip or he twirled my hair between his fingers. At least I wasn't cold even though the sun was starting to go down. Paul was pretty much like one gigantic heater and the side of me that was pressed against him was almost sweating.

I felt the council's eyes on me the whole time. Like they were wondering why the hell Paul had imprinted on me. I didn't blame them because the thought struck me too. Actually it had never quite left my mind. For one I was white. Bella was too but there was a chance she had a drop of native blood in her. The Swans had after all lived here in generations and she did have brown hair and brown eyes. It was impossible for me to have any native genes. Not that I had met any of my relatives aside from my aunts but the family pictures always showed a bunch of blondes. So if it was some gene thing it clearly didn't apply to me. Clearly the imprint was wrong.

If I was a lesser kind of person I could have used this to make his life a living hell. But I just couldn't. It would be like kicking a puppy really. So if some mysterious force had given me this opportunity to get even well then that force had picked the wrong person. I slid out of Paul's arms and trotted towards the coffee stand while waving Paul off when he tried to follow me.

"You seem to be dealing fine."

Billy smiled to me as he rolled up next to me.

"I don't know about that. I am sort of waiting to wake up. Then Paul would trip me when I pass him in the hall and everything will be normal."

Billy looked over his shoulder at Paul who seemed to be taunting Bella judging from her blush and Jacob`s annoyed expression.

"Yes. Paul can be… Difficult."

That was undermining it really but I nodded.

"He had a difficult upbringing. His parents never really cared for him much and his mother left with a man from Forks when he was only twelve. His father started drinking a lot and left permanently when he was fourteen. It took weeks before someone found out that he was living on his own and his grandmother took him in but by then he was already a handful. Emma tried of course but Paul already had a lot of issues."

Billy looked sad for a moment but then his face brightened into a smile that was an exact copy of his sons.

"I must say you have got the council talking. And given my viewpoint of imprinting a little more support ."

That peeked my curiosity. Hopefully Billy`s theory did not contain pre puppies and soulmates.

"What is your opinion then?"

"The accepted view is that imprinting happens to further the gene but I don't believe that is the only reason. The protectors are in many ways isolated from the rest of their tribe. Unless they stop phasing they will not age. And if they don't stop phasing they will be more and more isolated from the very people they protect as the years pass and life moves on. The imprint can act as a safety trigger. It ties them to the people, makes sure that they act as protectors and also gives them a reason to eventually stop phasing and leave the phasing to the younger generation instead of continuing and thus bring them further apart from the tribe."

Billy looked at me with intense dark eyes.

"Eventually Paul will stop phasing to become older with you."

That made sense. And sounded a lot better than imprinting being a means to pass on the gene. I didn't exactly feel very comfortable with the pre puppy thing. And it answered some of my questions of why me since it sounded like a random thing more than a gene thing. What was left was the why me, what wrong could I have possibly done to deserve this? And I doubted anyone could answer that.

"There is something I have been wondering about. If Paul is supposed to be what I want him to be then why does he act like my incredible possessive boyfriend?"

Billy's smile was crooked and his eyes twinkled in the light of the fire.

"Yes. If you want Paul to be say a friend he will. What a friend does on the other hand will come from his viewpoint."

"So… You are saying in Paul's case that he thinks a friend should be a possessive jackass?"

Billy seemed to find me funny because he snickered.

"Something like that. Just be patient. Whatever role you choose for Paul in your life I am pretty sure it will be brand new for him."

Oh goodie. I really had something to look forward too.

"Paul`s grandmother wants to meet with you. She has invited you for dinner tomorrow."

At my look he smiled.

"She knows. It's a bit hard not too when Paul phased for the first time inside her kitchen. Just come by after school."

Billy gave my arm a pat before wheeling back to the other elders leaving me staring down into my cup.

"See something interesting?"

I jumped at the sudden voice behind me. How could the guys be so big and yet so silent? I really should be thinking of getting them bells. Paul was looking at me with a cocky smirk but his feet were moving restlessly making me believe that the smirk was just a front. Our whatever this was, was sketchy at best. Sometimes I caught him looking at me like he was expecting me to run for the hills. Saying that it had not crossed my mind a couple of times would be lying.

"Just thinking."

The smirk faltered and there was panic in his eyes. Not unexpectedly. With our past and my previous reaction it was no wonder he was looking at me like I was the ticking time bomb. A bit ironic really. He used to be the one with that label.

"And I am cold. Warm me up?"

The smile that filled his face seemed to light up the surrounding darkness and before I could even react I was twirled around and found myself with my back to his chest and his arms wrapped around me. I felt completely surrounded in warmth. He was so tall that I didn't even reach him to the neck and his arms were firm like steel wires around me. It was surprisingly nice.

See. I could totally do this. I could be a good imprint. Looking over at Jacob and Bella I saw that they were heavily making out just out of reach from the light of the fire. Jacob`s hands were wrapped firmly around her back and her hands were in his hair. It looked like they were trying to devour each other.

Yeah. Not that good of an imprint.

Yet.

I shuddered. And that would be those hormones talking again. The same hormones that had double crossed me and not appeared when I made out with Josh. Damned hormones that really liked how close I was to Paul right now. Damned lusty hormones that didn't seem to follow simple logic.


	31. Chapter 31: Theo the threat

Going to school felt really weird. Not only because it was so normal opposed to what had happened these last days but also because I was sitting squished between two giants. One of them growling at the other every time he came to close. Unfortunately Quil seemed to find Paul's possessiveness amusing and made sure to lean a bit extra to my side in every turn which made Paul push him into the car window so hard that it creaked. Jacob was chuckling from the front seat and Jared was muttering something about needing to take two cars to school because one car wasn't big enough for all of us. Kim on the other hand seemed perfectly happy sitting in her annoyed boyfriends lap.

"Are you okay?"

Paul gave me a worried look and almost dragged me into his lap when Quil leaned into me again.

"No I am not. Thanks to Sam's abrupt kidnapping Saturday I had to have the birds and the bees talk with my mom. And then she forced me to watch an educational porn video."

The guys laughed and Paul looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Educational porn? Does it really exist? "

"It is like regular porn except with a running commentary from my mom."

Kim peeked at me over Jared's shoulder and smirked.

"Did she sit beside you all the time this time around?"

It stung a little that she thought we could so easily pick up our old friendship as nothing had ever happened but I forced a smile.

"Nope. This time she peeked behind the door to make sure I watched the whole thing."

"Your mom made you watch porn."

Quil grinned.

"That's awesome."

"It really isn't. But I will do the same to my kids. That way I can make sure that it will take a while before they can do that stuff without thinking about their mom looking over their shoulder and commenting."

It was a bit funny to watch all these huge guys shudder at the same time. I hardly think that was mom`s plan. She was devious but not that smart. It was most likely just a way to torture me.

Jacob parked near the school and I was painfully aware that everyone noticed me coming out of the car and the fact that Paul had lifted me out. Lucia and Sonya were both giving me the death glare and if looks could kill I would be a pile of smoldering ash by now.

Paul didn't even seem to notice but cheerfully grabbed my bag and threw it over his shoulder. He didn't wrap his arm around me thankfully but was walking so close that our arms brushed against each other. I was more or less surrounded by giants and the news that I joined Sam's gang would be all over La Push long before school ended. On the bright side I wasn't losing any rep by hanging with them. My rep had pretty much been weird little loner. Now it would be weird little paleface in a gang with steroid munchers. Not an upgrade but not really a down grade either.

Our English teacher raised a brow as Paul sat down beside me and frowned when Paul moved his chair closer to mine. Miss Noria was hardly thrilled that one of her best students was hanging out with one of her worst.

The clock seemed to be slowing threw the whole English class while I tried to not let it bothered me that I could feel the warmth radiating from Paul. I breathed relieved when we parted outside biology but barely sat down before Jared sat down beside me with a cheerful smile.

"Paul made me promise I would keep an eye on you."

At my narrowed look he shook his head.

"He had me by the tail. Literally and wouldn't let go before I promised."

Yeah. That sounded like Paul.

"What the hell does he think will happen? This is school. Nothing ever happens at school."

Jared just raised a brow and tilted his head towards Lucia who had a plaster on her nose and was giving me the evil eye.

"Oh come on. I can totally take her. Did actually."

Jared just snickered.

"Probably but I can't with good conscience let a pack sister get injured."

Pack sister. Guess I was. Somehow I had not counted in the fact that I was the imprintee of someone in a pack.

"Jan! Are you okay? I tried calling you but no one picked up the phone and I didn't have you're cell number. Did he hurt you?"

Josh looked very worried and I groaned on the inside. I had totally forgotten about Josh. Who could blame me? A date wasn't exactly memorable next to seeing a guy turn into a wolf and finding out that you are the imprintee of said wolfman.

"Eh. I am fine."

I was painfully aware that half the class had heard the conversation and was now listening in.

"Paul is crazy. He should be locked away."

Jared was slightly vibrating beside me and from the way he held his pencil I was glad it wasn't one of the glass tubes on the table.

"Are you sure you are okay? He didn't do something to you?"

Hell. How did I explain this?

"You know Paul. He was just messing with us."

Josh looked torn between not believing me and wanting to believe me. Paul had looked ready to kill him and who didn't want to believe a person was just kidding when the other option was far more bloody.

"So… "

Josh hesitated.

"Are we still on for a second date?"

Jared flinched, clearly thinking about just how bad that would go with Paul. And perhaps hoping that he wasn't one that had to help getting rid of the body. I pretended to look wistful.

"I can't. My grades in some subjects are dropping and my cousin needs some paintings he can show to a gallery owner he knows. And I really need that scholarship too."

Josh looked disappointed but brightened into a smile.

"Yeah. I saw that picture you made for art class. It was great. Need me to show you some nice places in the forest?"

"Thanks but I am already on it. Kyle`s dad recommended Sam as my sort of guide to find places in La Push to paint and Sam has showed me some great remote places I didn't even know existed".

And just like that I had made it more plausible as to why I was suddenly a part of the giant`s little group. Josh nodded thoughtfully and his eyes strayed towards Jared for a short second.

"Okay. Just call me if you have some free time. And… Be careful."

I knew he wasn't hinting towards getting lost in the woods or bears but smiled innocently like I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Sure thing. I will bring a compass just in case."

Josh's eyes strayed towards Jared again before he nodded somewhat hesitantly not wanting to say anything more since Jared was there. I doubted it was the last of it. Or that he would be the only one asking questions about this odd turn. Not to mention the questions that would come when I was suddenly present in events that were usually closed off for outsiders.

"That was… Masterful. I had almost forgotten how good you are at bullshitting. Think you can make a list of excuses for my mom? She doesn't know about all of this."

I rolled my eyes.

"It's hardly an ability to be proud over Jared."

Jared snorted loudly.

"If you don't have it, it is. You have no idea how lame some of my excuses have been lately."

His face turned serious and he turned towards me with a frown between his brows.

"Kim missed you, you know. She hated to cut you out like that but you know what a bad liar she is. And well you are not the most trusting of people either. I never met anyone as suspicious as you. And she had to keep our secret. Even from you."

His eyes were begging me to forgive Kim and I felt uncomfortable under his intense stare. I knew I would forgive Kim eventually. Mostly because she was now one of the few sane people in my brand newly formed social circle. And one of few that didn't turn into a furball. And what the hell did he mean by suspicious? I wasn't suspicious. Not being naïve didn't mean suspicious.

"I know. Just… Give me some time. It will never be the same I think but it will get better."

Jared wasn't completely satisfied with the answer but nodded. Then he snickered and shook his head when I looked at him. Whatever he found amusing I wasn't about to ask because I was pretty sure I did not want to know. And me not wanting to know seemed to be the theme lately. Not that it had helped me much in the long run as people around me seemed eager to stuff the truth down my throat. I rolled my eyes and shoved the burner in his direction.

"Don't break anything and do what I tell you. Since Paul has decided that you will guard me from my usual biology partner then you better be just as good as him."

Jared's eyes widened. Like I was stupid enough to believe it was just harm Jared was a buffer for. However why the hell Paul would think he had to keep Theo away from me was beyond me. Theo was the cliché geek. Skinny, short and with glasses. He probably didn't even put me in the girl category at all. I leveled a stare at Jared.

"Cause I will get an A in this subject."

Jared groaned but I ignored him.

"Get to work puppy."


	32. Chapter 32: Young does not mean moron

Lunchtime was extremely awkward.

Not only was I sitting on a very small table squished between the giants but everyone was staring. And Paul was smiling. I could count on my hand the times I had seen him smile a real genuine smile that wasn't because he was laughing at someone. It was actually cute.

See. I could totally admit that. Paul was cute. It was a hell of a lot better than the other dangerous words that sometimes crossed my mind.

I ate my lunch silently trying to ignore the fact that the whole cafeteria was staring and several of the girls were giving me the evil eye.

The giant`s table was were every girl wanted to sit but only Kim had been sitting there until today. I had no idea why anyone would want to. For one they took up way too much space both with their incredibly long legs and insanely huge portions of food not to mention the high possibility of being caught in a food throwing crossfire.

It didn't take long before a simple throwing of a chip escalated into a full out war and Paul shoved me behind him to avoid a sloppy joe.

His back was warm against my chest and I couldn't help but lean in. Paul smelled of wood, grass and something fresh that reminded me of home. It made me feel safe and protected. It did also help that one hand was on my hip, making sure I was completely covered from the food fight that now involved every single person sitting at the table. His chuckles vibrated against my chest and I snickered into his back when the food fight ended in a all out wrestle match between Quil and Jared.

"What in god's name is going on here?"

Quil and Jared stopped mid roll and I peeked out from behind Paul's back. Miss Noria was almost purple in the face as she looked down at the destruction around our table.

"All of you! Detention! And… Jan?"

She looked shocked to find me behind Paul and her eyes immediately went to the large hand on my hip. The way she looked at that hand one would think Paul and I were doing the nasty in the middle of the cafeteria.

Her mouth tightened and I found myself on the other end of the strict teacher face that she never leveled in my direction. I had always been one of her favorite students and she seemed speechless to find me in the midst of her least favorite students. The giants.

Everyone knew that she hated them all with a vengeance and was always the one to argue about the special treatment they got. Before I would have agreed with her but frankly going to school and protecting the rez from vampires should earn them some leeway. Miss Norian breathed deeply.

"My office now Jan!"

Paul snarled and I could feel his back vibrate slightly, the first sign that he was losing his temper.

"Down boy."

Paul gave me a shocked look and some of the guys tried to hide their snickers.

"Now be a good boy and don't bite anyone while I am gone."

He rolled his eyes as I patted his back but the corner of his mouth was twitching. With a last pat I followed Miss Noria who was walking briskly away from the cafeteria. Memo to myself. Jokes and touching helped Paul keep his temper. As a imprintee Emily had told me that it was pretty much my job for no other reason that I could. And was it someone that needed help in not bursting into fur in public then it was Paul. I wasn't the only one he had reviled the secret too by losing control over his temper.

Miss Noria didn't even look over her shoulder and the second we arrived at her office she waved at her visitor's chair. Her angry expression was gone and she looked worried. I wiggled on the chair feeling that whatever she was going to say, I wasn't going to like it.

"Jan. Are you okay? Do you have any problems at home?"

I was slightly stunned by her questions and the worry on her face.

"Eh no."

She sighed deeply and tapped her long fingers against the desk.

"Are you sure? For several days now I have seen you around Lahote and I must say it worries me. He isn't company you should keep."

Hanging around. Being stalked was more correct.

Even when I hated Paul I would have been slightly irritated at the condescending look on her face. Teachers were not supposed to say that aloud and especially not to other people at school, neither students nor other teachers. They could think it of course. After all they were only humans but in my opinion a teacher should be looking for good things in their students and encourage them. Not belittle them.

"Paul is a trouble young man with a criminal record Jan and the company he keeps isn't healthy either no matter what the elders say."

My fingers twitched against my leg and I was surprised over how strong the urge was to protect people I hardly knew.

And yes I admitted that I had not looked favorably on Sam's gang either. I didn't listen to the rumors about them but even if I didn't want to I knew that many of my previous opinions about Sam's gang or pack had been colored from what others said and my own resentment because they had taken my only friend from me.

But I didn't like to hear the same things being repeated from a teacher. If there had been any proof of anything illegal going on with Sam`s gang then I understood but teachers were not supposed to spread around rumors or repeat them in front of a student.

Miss Noria`s dark eyes found mine and I bit my lip to not belt out something.

"You are a good student Jan. And you are going places. Don't ruin that because a boy. Especially not someone as rotten as Paul Lahote. He will drag you down."

Miss Noria sighed deeply and was now looking at me with disappointment in her eyes.

"I can understand why a young girl can be blinded by looks Jan. After all you are young but use your head. Paul Lahote has nothing to offer you."

Young and inexperienced. She might as well have called me a stupid shallow moron. I hated when grownups did that. Looked at you as so young and inexperienced that you couldn't decide for yourself and that the choices you made were without a doubt the wrong ones. I wasn't stupid just because I was young.

As a member of a household consisting of only two females my mom didn't want to hide the harsh truth about the world from me. She wanted me to be strong enough that her past wouldn't bother me and she had succeeded. I was young yes. And inexperienced compared to people older than me but I wasn't so stupid that I was easily blinded by a pretty face and some nice words.

"Paul is an asshole."

Miss Noria`s serious expression lightened a bit.

"He is inconsiderate and a hot tempered asshole with bad social skills and the emotional range of a teaspoon. I am not an idiot. I am also not impressionable and I hardly think he will drag me down. And this conversation is utterly pointless. I have not done anything wrong and as far as I know there is no school rule that forbids socializing with Paul."

I got up from the chair and threw my backpack over my shoulder.

"Just a little professional advice. Perhaps you should care a little bit about the student population as a whole and not just your favorite students? Or at least offer advice instead of gossiping about one of your students like you are a student yourself. It is after all your job to look after the welfare of all students. Even those you don't like. Like Paul. Sitting here and talk badly about him is hardly professional. "

I closed the door behind me before Miss Noria had gotten over her shock of being talked back to. I had a feeling I wasn't one of those favorite students anymore. Not that I particularly cared. She was a damned teacher for fucks sake. Not my mother and thus shouldn't take me aside like that because she didn't like those I interacted with just based on her own opinion.

I almost walked straight into Jared. He grinned down at me and I got the feeling he had heard every word.

"Don't tell Paul."

I really didn't want him to know that I had practically defended him because that would just be really weird. It wasn't like he needed defending either. He didn't need it before he phased and he sure as hell didn't need it now either.

Jared just grinned wider.

"He is going to know anyway. Shared mind you know."

I looked at him with a raised brow and his grin turned uncomfortable.

"He didn't tell you. Of course he didn't tell you."

Jared sighed heavily and rubbed his neck.

"When we are in wolf form we sorta see each others thoughts."

Sorta? One didn't just sort of see each other's thoughts. I stopped in my tracks and nearly stumbled. Me sitting on Paul's lap. That awkward evening when I had rubbed myself against Paul like a cat in heat. Just the mere thought that someone else had seen that…

My face heated up and I couldn't look Jared in the eye.

"You are lying."

Jared looked at me like I had lost my marbles.

"No I am not. We see everything."

I shook my head furiously.

"No."

My voice was firm and surprisingly steady.

"You are lying. Either I believe that or I would have to find a way to kill Paul. And the rest of the pack. So. You are lying."

I had to give Jared credit. He looked like he wanted to laugh out loud instead he managed to smother a snicker and put up an almost serious expression.

"Got that. I was totally lying."

I closed my eyes for a second and breathed in deeply. Werewolf's. Vampires. Imprinting. Mind sharing.

I wondered just how much more I could take before I walked to the nearest asylum myself and begged them to take me in.


	33. Chapter 33: Meeting Emma

I wasn't sure what I had expected Paul's grandmother to look like but this wasn't it.

The woman in front of me was about my height with friendly brown eyes and wearing an old apron with smudges of flour on it and didn't look a day over sixty. I was barely out of the car when she embraced me and I caught a whiff of apple and cinnamon from her greying hair. She took my hands and beamed at me looking like any nice fairytale grandmother.

"Oh my Paul. Such a pretty one. And intelligent too."

The old woman smirked slightly and winked at me.

"I can tell."

To my surprise she lifted up my right hand and looked at my palm. Her soft fingers followed the lines and her smile became even brighter.

"Strong willed I see. That's good."

Her low murmured voice made the hair on my neck raise but it wasn't in a scary way as she continued to murmur.

"A good head on her shoulders and determined once you make up your mind. A quick planner and calm in crisis."

She looked up at me and I was momentarily lost in her dark brown eyes that were identical to Paul's. Strange. I had always thought that dark brown eyes were dark brown and nothing separated them from other dark brown ones but both Paul and his grandmother had specks of light bronze in them.

"There is much love in these hands. You are someone who cares deeply when someone gains your trust. That's good. Especially the determined part. My grandson can be quite a hot tempered asshole."

It sounded so wrong to hear the word asshole from such a kind looking old lady and I must have looked like a gaping goldfish because Paul chuckled.

"You are scaring her old hag."

His grandmother puffed out her cheeks and smacked her tongue at him.

"Hear how he talks to me. Insolent little brat."

With a firm grip on my hand she dragged me after her into the house with surprising strength.

"Really. I have no idea what to do with him until you came along. When Emily told me you had smacked him with a baseball bat I just knew you were perfect and that I was going to adore you. When is your birthday by the way? I should get you a baseball bat of your own so that you can smack some sense into him from time to time."

She pushed me into a large old leather chair and patted my head.

"And call me Emma. Everyone does. Now just sit here and I will get something to drink."

She pattered into what I assumed was the kitchen and I was staring after her feeling a bit stunned after her rant.

"People really love you Paul. I think that's the third time someone encourages me to use violence on you. Fourth if you count Quil`s tip that silver bullets doesn't do any harm and that I should be thinking a little more in the lines of a machine gun."

Paul just chuckled and sat down beside me, his whole body leaning slightly towards me like his whole body was gravitating towards me. Come to think of it that happened quite often. Whenever he was around me it was like he instinctively turned his body in my direction.

I jumped as he suddenly leaned towards me and his hot breath brushed over my ear.

"I don't mind. You can spank me anytime you want."

His dark voice made my stomach quiver and I shuddered which didn't go unnoticed as his grin widened.

Damned hormones.

Paul turned on the TV and I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. Yes Paul was hot. It had taken me a while to admit that to myself as my womanly pride had forbid me to think of Paul Lahote, my tormentor, as someone that actually looked good. Even when he was a boy he had looked good with his large brown eyes, always shaggy hair and the few times he smiled he melted the hearts of most adults even though he was a total brat.

Gone was the scrawny kid now that Paul was towering over most people and had the muscles to boot. He looked like the kind of guy you saw in movies and model ads that you wondered how much they had photo shopped on the guy. He was just… Too perfect to be real. At least on the outside.

The problem was that I couldn't use his abnormally good looks as an excuse for my hormones because the other members of the pack were equally hot yet I felt nothing around them. That fact was so disturbing that I would actually feel relieved if my damn hormones had a reaction around the others. Even Quil.

"I can take off my shirt so you can ogle me some more."

Paul looked at me with a smug grin and I blushed. See. There was another problem. I never blushed but lately Paul seemed to bring out that in me. Feigning nonchalant I shrugged.

"I like pretty things and you are pretty so sue me."

For a second his whole face brightened before he understood the meaning of the word.

"Did you just call me pretty?"

"Yes. And you were happy to hear it too."

The disgust on his face was hilarious and I couldn't help but to break down in laughter. Paul growled at me and suddenly I was on the floor and he was tickling me. You are so going to pay for that and I won't stop until you say I am handsome and not pretty. His fingers seemed to find every one of my ticklish spots as his leg pinned my feet down and I didn't take long before my eyes were blurry and my stomach ached.

"Fine! Fine! You are handsome!"

Paul stopped tickling and as I gasped after breath I realized how close he was. His legs were over mine and his hands on both sides of my head his mouth only inches from my own.

My stomach twitched and I grew hot. The hormones were making themselves known again. It didn't help that Paul was gazing down on me with pure adoration in his eyes like I was something precious that he never wanted to let go. For a second I thought he was leaning down to kiss me but instead his lips touched my ear.

"You look like a kitten with your hair ruffled like that. A very disgruntled little kitten."

I glared at him. It wasn't the first time someone had called me that. Jason often compared me to a kitten when I was mad because he meant that something as short as me couldn't look the least bit terrifying but when Paul said it, it sounded somehow a bit naughty.

Naughty.

It was so mom and her British TV series fault that I thought of words like naughty.

Paul got up and lifted me like I weighed nothing and put me into his lap. His strong arms wrapped around me and I instinctively curled into his warmth.

This was bad. In Paul's arms I could formerly feel my plan of being just a friend just dribble to the floor. I wish I could tell myself it was because the imprint and that this version of Paul treated me like something precious and that's why it was so easy to fall for him. The truth was, he was still Paul. Still an ass most of the times. Still insensitive, hot tempered and a horny bastard.

Paul`s grandmother showed up in the doorway.

"Paul can you go and buy some flour. I seem to be out."

Paul narrowed his eyes and grabbed my arm.

"You never run out of flour."

Emma smiled looking innocently. A look she pulled very well off as no one could look devious when wearing a large blue apron and pink granny slippers.

"I seem to have now. And Jan can help me with baking while you are gone."

"This is just a trick to get me out of the house so you can talk to her. I am not leaving her alone with you."

I knew he was an overprotecting jackass but this was over the top. For one this was his own grandma and unless this was a gingerbread house and my middle name was Gretel I doubted I would be in any kind of danger.

The two of them glared at each other and despite the difference in height I could clearly see the family resemblance. That and the both of them seemed to be stubborn as hell.

"Go and buy flour Paul. And if your grandmother chops me up to make a dinner out of me you can say that you told me so."

Paul grumbled and his grandmother smiled a triumphant smile. Another feature they had in common. He wasn't even out the door before she dragged me into the kitchen. Another talk it seemed. Funny how this imprinting thing had made so many people eager to talk to me.

The kitchen was light and smelled of freshly baked bread but what caught my attention was the newly plastered wall and what seemed to be faint scratch marks on the floor. He really did phase in the kitchen. That he had not given his grandma a heart attack would be considered a miracle judging from the amount of damage he had caused.

"You don't seem afraid of at all."

Emma had been looking at me and her expression was unreadable.

"I am not."

It was the truth. I wasn't scared. A part of me knew I should be. The wolf could easily chew me in half or Paul could phase too close to me like Sam had done to Emily. Especially being Paul, the hotheaded one in the pack. But I wasn't worried. I couldn't explain why I just wasn't.

Emmas unreadable expression was replaced by a gentle smile like I had answered right and she turned towards the kitchen counter.

"I think phasing was the best thing that could happen to Paul. The friends he had before were not good for him. All the partying and drinking. He got arrested more times then I like to remember. Now he got a family. People that watch over him and that he can trust. Not to mention something to turn his aggressiveness towards that doesn't hurt anyone."

Her smile was faint and she looked older than she had been minutes ago.

"He doesn't trust me you know. And it is my fault. I chose my son, his father over him. I believed Peter when he explained Paul's bruises to come from childish shenanigans and his increasing temper to be related to his age and the fact that his mother had left him behind. I see now that I should have seen the warning signs of abuse. It isn't like it is uncommon here in the rez but I refused to believe my son were one of those who would hit their own child."

I wasn't surprised to hear that. From what I had been told about Paul lately I had pretty much come to that conclusion on my own. I had suspected it ever since I saw Paul's house. Everything on it and in it had been rebuilt like he had been trying to erase every single memory of his parents. It didn't exactly speak of fond memories.

"I was worried when I heard that he imprinted on you. So I sort of followed you whenever I saw you at the market or the diner. And asked around a bit."

Stalking. Now didn't that sound familiar.

"You don't seem worried anymore."

Emma smiled brightly.

"I am not."

I waited for her to say something a little more elaborate but it didn't come. Instead she started to knead the dough while smirking smugly. Clearly she wasn't going to elaborate.

2And you are not going to tell me why."

"No. But I think you and I will get along well."

Being annoying looked to be a Lahote trade. Not very reassuring. I sat down on the kitchen chair and listened to the rhythmic way Emma was kneading.

It could have been me. I knew that. If it wasn't for Gaia. If mom had been a weaker person and more naïve instead of ditzy. If her mind had not been fixated on me and my wellbeing since I was born and after my biological father's death had been about the only thing on her mind.

As the daughter of a teenage mom that had been thrown out from home the odds had more or less been against me. That my life had been so safe and in many ways sheltered was the work of the people around me. Even my shady biological dad had done his to keep me safe and never let any of his associates anywhere near me willingly. Being who I was, was a result of several peoples sacrifices and hard work. Not everyone was that lucky.

"Could you be a dear and put these plates on the table?"

I was almost out the door when her voice stopped me.

"I expect to be a grandmother before I turn sixty-five.2

The plates slipped out of my hands and hit the floor with a deafening sound that almost covered Emma's laughter.

Fuck.

I bet that sly old woman had done that on purpose.


	34. Chapter 34: Wolfsex 101

Wolf girl's night was what Emily called Tuesdays.

Kim had told me that Emily had insisted on one day a week where the wolf girls did something together. After all we were sisters and she meant that one man free day would be healthy for us. It basically meant that all the boys were thrown out and ordered by the threat of no food to stay out of earshot.

It was a great idea since there were seven of them and the manliness of it all could easily give a poor girl an overdose on all thing men. There were just so many raunchy jokes and ball scratching one girl could handle.

It was also Emily's chance to give a new imprintee some tips and frankly the most embarrassing day of my whole life and I couldn't wait until there would be another one, effectively dethroning me as the new girl and stopped all the advices.

"Energy bars are important. And water. They are so hot that you easily get dehydrated."

I squirmed on the sofa praying that the pizza guy would soon make an appearance so we could start the movie and I wouldn't suffer through these sex tips.

I wasn't the only one.

Bella seemed to shrink as the talk went on like she wanted to sink into the sofa and disappear between the cracks. I could sympathize with that as I was currently wishing for a black hole to hide in myself.

"And there will be bruises of course. During orgasm the wolf leaks threw a bit and they can be a bit forceful."

Kim giggled and nodded making me hide my shock behind my coke glass. Never before had I even imagined Kim having sex. She was the shyest person I had ever known and yet here she was, not exactly offering tips but nodding every now and then while giggling.

Kim has had sex before I was even close. Yes she had a boyfriend but she was still Kim and I couldn't even imagine Kim even doing that. The girl was so shy that she held onto her towel like a security line in the school showers.

"Sometimes their eyes go yellow but it's nothing to worry about."

God why didn't all of this just come in a book version so I didn't have to suffer through this.

Not that I planned to do the dirty with Paul. Hell I was barely used to him touching me and coming to terms with the fact that a guy who bullied me for years now thought I was his one was pretty much taking up all my thinking time.

This whole thing was just so surreal. Just weeks ago all I was thinking about was Jason and that pesky English essay and now I was having wolfsex 101 with a bunch of people I hardly knew and one I had not spoken to for months. It still felt unreal. Like any second now I would wake up in a padded room and this whole thing would prove just to be some made up reality.

I didn't even quite believe that either because even insane there was no way my mind would make this all up. Especially not the part with Paul.

I breathed in relief as the doorbell rang and darted past Bella who clearly had the same idea.

The pizza guy gave me an annoyed look as I took my time with fishing out the money. Well if he knew what was going on inside he would hardly have blamed me.

Taking a deep breath I steeled myself for more wolf talk. Hopefully they would all be too busy eating to talk much. But then again we were girls. Pressing hundred words in between each bite wasn't exactly difficult for us.

"The first time I gave Jared a blowjob I thought he was going to stab me with his dick."

I almost dropped the pizza in shock of the crude words that came out of that innocent looking face. Kim didn't even blush and Bella seemed to be sinking even deeper into the couch.

A little voice urged me to turn around and make a run for it but I doubted Emily would let the topic lie. She seemed to take her position as the alpha imprint and the very first imprentee very seriously and it wouldn't surprise me if she did a Sam one over me, showing up at my bedroom in the middle of the night and corner me.

I couldn't really be mad at her for that either. The scars on her face was a forever visual that being an imprintee from scratch wasn't exactly safe.

So perhaps if I just forced myself to last through this first meeting she would be satisfied enough to not hunt me down when I avoided the rest of them.

I hoped.


	35. Chapter 35: Things that go bump

It had been the longest night of my life.

Impossible long and extremely embarrassing. I doubted I would be able to look neither Sam nor Jared in the eye for quite some time. Or even Paul if my hormones got ideas.

I wasn't even ashamed to admit to myself that I had basically fled the scene by making up some story that Jason was picking me up down the road. Poor Bella was going to sleep over and had given me a helpless look as I walked out. I didn't envy her.

Emily and Kim didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon, switching between gushing out advice to us new imprints and telling stories. I now knew more about other people's sexlife that was decent and the fact that I knew Sam and Jared's wolf related sexual quirks was going to haunt me for months to come.

The worst part was that they both seemed so convinced that it was just a matter of days before I would give in and become Paul's girlfriend. They kept telling me how Paul had imprinted on me because we were perfect for each other. I was more leaning towards the broodmare theory because there were no chance in hell that Paul and I were soul mates.

Even the new and slightly improved Paul was still a hot tempered asshole who lacked a mouth filter and even the decency to miss one. Now I was suddenly his world because of some wolf voodoo. I could argue that the whole thing couldn't be real but the way he now looked at me… It was real. At least to him.

Sometimes I even found myself wishing that this voodoo thing worked on me too. Because unless I was a cold hearted evil bitch then I would be stuck with this for the rest of my life even if I chose to stay status quo with tentative friendship. If I had imprinted too it would at least have stopped my thinking and all my doubts and the both of us would have been blissfully happy with being brainwashed.

And all that bullshit about being what I needed? A friend, a confidante, a brother and so on. I mean come on. It was just the imprinting's way of making sure I would become a mate later on. Cause what girl wouldn't be swayed by it? In the simplest way of looking at it, it was in a way like a dream come true.

A guy that put you over anyone else in his life. Someone that would always love you for the rest of his life and who couldn't weaver and didn't even notice other girls. Even I would have thought of it as sort of nice. If it had not been Paul. Or Quil. Or god forbid Seth because that would be majorly freaky.

And Leah would have killed me.

I looked up from the ground and spotted someone walking in my direction. The first thing I noticed was that the person was white. La Push had a white population of three. My mom, Mrs. Waters and I. And tourists and people from Forks never wandered around here alone but always in groups for some reason.

The hair on my neck rose as I came closer.

It was a young man perhaps early twenties and he was impossible beautiful with pale skin and ruffled dark brown hair which fell in perfect waves over his forehead. His coat looked worn and he had a slight tear in his jeans and oddly enough expensive looking running sneakers on. Not the kind of shoes you put on for a nightly stroll.

The way he walked, so silently graceful made me wary. His eyes were dark seemingly black in the sparse moonlight as he smiled at me.

It was like an alarm bell went off in my head and my heart beat so fast that I was sure everyone within ten feet could hear it. I forced myself to look calm as I walked by.

"You can run you know."

His voice was bell like and I froze in my tracks almost toppling over. The man chuckled and I didn't need to turn to imagine his amused expression.

"It won't help of course but it makes it so much more fun."

His voice was so musical and soft. Almost too soft to be uttering such treats but I knew he wasn't joking. Instinctively I just knew he meant them.

I didn't hesitate and I just ran. My purse slipped off my shoulder and I let it fall to the ground as I didn't need the extra weight. My feet pounded against the dirt road as I ran for my life. And then something smacked into me. It was like getting reamed by a truck and I went flying. For what felt like minutes I was airborne before my right side smacked into a three. There was a horrible crack at impact and my mouth filled with dirt as I face planted into the ground like a lifeless rag doll. From the pain that shoot threw my wrist I just knew it had to be broken.

It was like I had been put on slow motion and he was or ordinary pace. A hand reached out so fast that to my eyes it was just a blur and I didn't even have the time to flinch as he gripped my shoulder and lifted me up like I weighed nothing. I wasn't even aware that he had thrown me before my backside made a painful impact with the ground. My foot made a snapping sound beneath me and I gasped in pain. And he was smiling. The whole time he was smiling a cheerful happy smile like he was having the time of his life.

"What?"

His lips twitched as he peered at me almost curiously. Like a cat who wondered why the mouse wouldn't move anymore.

"Giving up already?"

In a flash he was just inches away from me. A hand cold and hard like stone gripped my wrist and yanked me up so hard that I could feel something pop in my spine and I bit my lip so I wouldn't scream. His grin widened as his eyes slid over me appraisingly.

"Not a sound? You really are a brave one. Perhaps I shouldn't just drink."

He tilted his head thoughtfully.

"You would make a good companion. We will see. There is after all a chance that I won't be able to stop."

It was like everything came together with a click. Pale skin. Ice cold. Impossibly fast and strong.

Vampire.

It wasn't like I had not believed what I had been told or the stories. When you see someone turn into a fur ball right in front of you then you pretty much realize that there is a hell of a lot more going on than just what you know.

Still it had been a hard concept to grasp that someone could be technically dead and feed off only blood. Besides my mind had been pretty much been overloaded by this whole werewolf imprint business to even give vampires a second thought.

And here was my proof. They were real. He was real. Like a nightmare coming to life.

The moonlight gleamed in his pearly white teeth and I dimly noticed that his eyes were not dark as I had assumed but blood red. The grip he had on my wrist was hard like steel bands and I knew that there was no chance in hell for an escape even if my leg wasn't broken. He was too fast and too strong.

I wondered how mom would do without me and I was happy that she had Kyle to take care of her. And I hoped that what Emily had told me about the wolves going mad if they lost their imprints were just tales. Perhaps if I died the imprint would simply be broken and Paul would go back to think of me as an annoying little paleface and completely forget that for a short time I had been his whole world.

At least deny it with his very soul.

I hoped so. I was unfair to him if he went mad just because I was an idiot who insisted on walking home in the dark by myself when I knew that monsters were very much real.

The vampire leaned in and breathed cold air against my neck. I always thought that in moments of intense fear it would be natural to close ones eyes but mine stayed wide open frozen on a large oak three.

Would they find my body? Would my mom even have a grave to grieve over?

Suddenly I was dropped and fell limply to the ground as something brushed past me. Someone screamed a bloodcurdling scream and there was a sound like metal being ripped apart.

The shapes in front of me were blurry, part because of the speed and part because of the tears of pain that blurred my vision but whatever had attacked the vampire seemed to have a human form. They were snarling and my brief hope that it was one of the wolves vanished.

Another vampire. This clearly wasn't my day.

The snarling was abruptly cut off by a loud crack and I was suddenly hoisted up in the air gently like I was something breakable. A face looked down on me.

Pale skin. Lush pink lips and long wavy blonde hair.

It was a face that I knew. A face that I trusted and loved. Still unchanged despite the fact that I had not seen her since I was ten.

There was only one difference. The eyes I remembered as dark green were now dark red.

Gaia.

**Authors note: **_Leaving you with a little cliffhanger there. Thank you all for the very nice reviews. Makes it even more pleasurable to write. Big hugz to you all. _


	36. Chapter 36: The vampire fairy godmother

Cold fingers gently lifted my arm and I barely managed to hold back a scream of pain.

"Your wrist is probably broken. Your leg as well. A small concussion but I don't think you have any internal damages and all the other wounds are superficial. But we need to get you to a hospital."

I was supposed by be shocked by this sudden turn of events. Gaia who I trusted with my life, who I had known all my life, was a vampire. The most natural thing would be to start running screaming my head off. Not that I could in my condition but I should have wanted to.

Surprisingly I wasn't afraid at all. Knowing she was a vampire and thus more equipped than I was to deal with monsters and other things that lurked in the dark only made me feel safe. Gaia was a vampire but that didn't change the fact that she had been there most of my life. Caring for both my mom and I she had been like a fairy godmother always making sure we were safe and calling everyday even in the short period she and my mom were not speaking and constantly checking up on us even after we moved to La Push.

She could and would protect me and judging from the way she gently peeled off the sleeve from my broken wrist she knew what she was doing. I guess when you grew up with a ditz like my mom you pretty much appreciated expert help no matter where it came from. Even if it came from someone who lived off human blood.

Blood red eyes looked into mine and I flinched slightly at the unfamiliar eye color.

"You are not in shock are you?"

I shook my head and regretted it instantly as my head throbbed even more.

"Not really. I just don't think there is anything left in the world that can shock me."

Her bell like laughter seemed to cover me like a comforting blanket.

"I guess not. Besides you are a Heinz and made of sturdier stuff than most."

She cradled me gently to her chest and patted my hair comfortingly like she used to do when I was a kid and I relaxed as I leaned into her.

"My car is just down the road."

"You have a car?"

She raised a perfectly shaped brow at me.

"That's your only question? With all that just happened you are shocked that I have a car?"

I shrugged and winched in pain. For some reason I found the idea of vampires driving cars a little odd. Gaia shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"If I didn't know you I would have been assuming you hit your head pretty hard. But then again the way your mind works has never seized to amaze me. Even if I am over seven hundred years old."

That wasn't really comforting.

I knew my mind worked in odd ways much like my mom but getting that confirmed by someone who had lived for hundreds of years was not exactly soothing.

A little voice inside my head meant that I should have been more concerned about the fact that this woman I regarded as an aunt was several hundred years old rather than the fact she thought of me as odd.

Gaia's car was a silver BMW and she buckled me up gently her hands never even touching any painful spots but I still gasped in pain as the belt buckle touched my side. She gave me a worried look before going out of the car again.

It was dark outside and I could barely see her as she ran back and forth seemingly picking up something. A sudden burst of flames made her visible and for just a short second I saw those pink lips curled in an inhumane snarl that made my heart stop dead in my chest. Just as quickly as that expression came it was gone and left was only a slightly worried looking Gaia.

Of course. She was burning the vampire so that it died. Quil had told me that the only way to kill a vampire was to burn it but I had not paid much attention to him. After all it wasn't like that little bit of knowledge could do me any good as I would first have to convince the vampire to stand still so that I could set the vampire on fire.

Somehow I didn't quite see that working.

Gaia got back into the car and started the engine. The light from the growing fire illuminated her face and made her seem almost angelic. I had always thought of her as an angel and yet knowing that she was far from it didn't really change my opinion. It did of course help that she had threated my wounds much like a friend would and not even once seemed tempted or bothered by my bleeding in any way.

I was feeling dizzy and sleepy as the adrenaline was leaving my blood and the throbbing kept growing in my arm and leg until I wondered if it would be less painful if I just gnawed them off. It sounded very tempting about now especially with the pace it was swelling.

Before I could put my plan into life we were at Forks hospital.

Gaia tried to lift me gently out but it still hurt like hell. The nurse behind the desk just took one look at me before rushing after a doctor. I must have looked as bad as I felt.

The doctor presented himself as Jack Ripps and was a middle aged man with a friendly glint in his eyes. He had to have the most unfortunate name for a person in his profession as the first thing that came to my mind was Jack the Ripper. Not someone you would let anywhere near you with any kind of sharp object or medicine.

It was pretty much what Gaia had told me. A hairline fracture to my wrist, some cracked ribs and a broken leg and I needed to stich up a rather nasty gash in the back of my neck that still bled quite freely.

I didn't really care much after the drugs and only dimly noticed that Gaia introduced herself as a close friend of the family and that we had been out hiking and had not made it back until it got dark and I had tripped taking a tumble down a very steep and rocky slope. When asked about the finger shaped bruises on my wrist she explained that she had panicked as she dragged me to the car. Nothing in her face reviled that she was lying.

Actually she looked like the perfect worried relative as she petted my hair and listened to the doctor and not like someone who had just ripped apart someone just like her. Finally it was over and Gaia supported my weight back to the car.

"I need to speak to the wolves."

Her dark red eyes flickered over me.

"But I think that can wait. You look like you are about to drop pumpkin."

I wanted to ask how she knew about the wolves, why she had suddenly dropped by for a visit when I had not seen her for years and how this whole vampire guardian angel thing worked but my mouth felt like it was full of cotton and the sounds I managed to make sounded more like garble than actual words.

Even as she talked I could barely pay attention, my eyelids feeling like they were weighed down by stones and I probably caught only a quarter of what she was telling me, feeling a bit relieved as she promised to be the one to explain my injuries to my mom. Whatever she came up with would be much better than anything I could and telling the truth was really out of the question.

She suddenly stopped the car just near the border. Her beautiful face had a slight frown and she shook her head.

"They are coming."

She didn't need to say who they were.

"They will be here in a second so just sit here. We can take this confrontation when you feel better."

I wanted to protest. Being alone wasn't exactly on my wish list right now but before I could manage to make my mouth work she had brushed the bloodied hair off my face and then she was gone. Only a second after I heard the sound of wolves howling.

Sam was first out of the darkness, his black fur almost making him invisible in the dark background. His teeth gleamed as he sniffed around the car and he was soon joined by a larger russet wolf. I wondered dimly why I wasn't afraid. Two horse sized wolves were sniffing around the car and it was supposed to be the stuff of nightmares.

And then I saw a familiar dark silvered figure rushing towards the car. Paul was jumping around the BMW yipping and yelping like an oversized puppy. And all I could think about was to get out and to him. Where I was safe.

My injured hands slipped against the belt buckle and tore open the wounds on my knuckles but I didn't care. My feet were so unsteady that I had to lean on the car to stay upright.

Paul's dark eyes were fastened on me like nothing could tear them away and he yipped again, his tail wagging hesitantly behind him.

Usually he would have rushed towards me. Before I knew that this large thing was Paul he would but he seemed hesitant to do so now. Instead he lowered himself flat on the ground and whimpered. I almost tripped as I walked to him and buried my fingers into dark silver fur. My arms slid around his neck and I buried my face into neck not caring that my face was dangerously close to those large canine teeth.

It was the first time since I had found out that the wolf was Paul that I had initiated touching him in wolf form. There had been that time when Paul had his little break down but he had come to me then and I had not seen his wolf form since.

It felt like I was crossing some important boundary but I was too hazy to collect my thoughts. Instead I just hugged the wolf closer and breathed in the scent of wet wood and wet dog. Those two shouldn't be that pleasant but they were.

Safe. I was safe.


	37. Chapter 37: Paul the sleeping pervert

I blinked and groaned as I opened my eyes.

I wasn't in my room that was for sure. I was on the sofa in Emily's living room and Paul was sitting on the floor leaned towards it, his fingers entwined with mine in his sleep. It had to be a very uncomfortable position. His neck was craned and his mouth open as he snored. I was pretty sure there was drooling too.

I tried to slide my fingers out of his grip but he was holding on like my hand was a lifeline. Instead I gave up and lay back down again.

It wasn't like I wanted to get up anyway.

My whole body was sore and my world was still spinning from last night.

Vampires. When Paul and Sam told me about them I would never have guessed that I had one in my life on a regular basis. Gaia was sweet, tender and loving. My mind had never even ventured in that direction although when thinking about it she did have the traits that had been explained for me. The cold skin. Graceful. Fast. And extremely beautiful. But even now as I was staring truth in the face it was still hard to put her in the same category as the vicious killers the pack fought against and had been created to fight against. And even harder to put her in the same category as the monster that had attacked me.

"Ah you are awake. Are you feeling okay honey?"

Emily had a worried frown between her brows and Sam looked even more stone faced than usual. This time I did managed to wriggle my fingers out of Paul's grip only to get caught by the leg that wasn't in a cast as I tried to stand up. Emily giggled at the sight of the huge hothead currently clamping on my leg like it was a teddy bear.

"I will get you some food."

Emily gave Sam a warning glare and went into the kitchen. I bet she had held him off the questioning because I could not imagine Sam letting someone with valuable information go to sleep. He sat down and cleared his throat awkwardly.

"You were attacked?"

I nodded and regretted it as my head gave a protesting throb.

"Yeah. Gaia saved me."

I winched at the thought of the screeching and the sound of metal being ripped apart. And that smile the male vampire had. It was something that would haunt me for a very long time to come. Feeling helpless and vulnerable wasn't something I experienced on a regular basis.

"She drove me to the hospital and back to the boarder."

Sam's face hardened.

"Is Gaia a vampire?"

That was the thousand dollar question wasn't it?

I've heard the way the others spoke of Cullen's who used to live in Forks and there wasn't exactly much love there even if the Cullen's had an animal diet. I didn't know what diet Gaia followed and I was hesitant to admit the truth.

"Yes."

It came out as a weak squeak and Sam's face hardened. The next part was somewhat hazy but Gaia had been pretty insistent that I would repeat it.

"She said there were more. Many more. And that the rez should be put on lock down and increase the patrols because one of them doesn't have a smell. She said she would take him out since he poses the greatest danger right now and to call me to talk to you guys when she is done. And that if my mom or I got as much as a scratch she would have your hide."

More like take them out one by one and lay the rez empty but I wasn't saying that to a werewolf who was already shaking. Sam looked like a thunderstorm and the grip he had on the chair made it creak slightly. His grip relaxed as Emily came into the room holding a plate of waffles and a glass of milk.

"What does she want?"

I really didn't know.

"It sounded like she just wanted my mom and I protected. "

I tried to recollect what she had said to me but I had a feeling I had missed out a lot since most of what I remembered seemed broken up.

"She said that my mom and I were one of many descendants of her daughter. She called it her obsession to watch over the descendants and make sure they lived long and happy lives."

Sam didn't look like he believed me and wanted to ask more questions. He probably would have if I had not interrupted with a squeak. A very large and warm hand had found its way from my leg to the junction of my thigh. Someone had replaced my dirty and bloody jeans with sweatpants and there was only a thin cotton fabric between Paul's hand and my skin. And with his heath it felt like nothing at all.

Long fingers moved from my thigh and even closer to a place that should never be touched publically and especially not in someone else's living room while the two that lived there was close by. And if that wasn't enough a certain something was being rubbing gently against my leg.

This sure gave humping someone's leg a little more literal meaning.

"You go to be kidding me? Even asleep you are a total perv!"

I tried to get my leg away but Paul was too strong. Emily however just went into the kitchen and came back again with a steel spoon which she smacked Paul's head with in a manner that made me think she had done it a couple of times before. Well he did have a personality that made people want to smack him at times. Paul awoke with a snarl, friendly as always and his dark eyes flashed at Emily as he vibrated.

"What the fuck was that for?"

Sam was there instantly, shoving Emily behind him who just rolled her eyes at her overprotective fiancée.

"She did me a favor. You were humping my leg."

If I had expected an apology I was disappointed.

Imprinted or not he was still Paul and I would bet the last cash in my wallet that he had done a hell of a lot worse than just hump someone's leg.

He smiled his usual cocky smirk and I tried not to notice how endearing that fucking smirk had become to me or how it was always accompanied by an almost soft look in those brown eyes when he looked at me.

Paul was all sharp edges and heat. He would make the most inappropriate comments even when in company and he would do so loudly. But he would also touch me at times pretending to be casual and he would do the oddest nice things like serving me food first which in werewolf terms had to be something like a declaration of love judging from how they acted around food.

If he had been all nice and soft I would have left nothing but a dust trail in the belief he had been completely brainwashed.

And yes while I did believe that Paul would have never noticed me if it wasn't for the imprint it was still Paul who cared for me in a way an unmannered jackass cared for someone. And the way I felt when he looked at me right now made me believe that perhaps I didn't mind as much as I had when this whole thing had started.

"Even when you stink I want to hump you."

His cocky grin was back and I groaned on the inside. It had been one of those moments where I almost could admit that I sort of liked him and of course he had to go and ruin it.

"Nice Paul. Really nice."

Emily huffed and Paul looked surprised to see her there like even with his supernatural abilities he had not noticed her.

"What?"

Emily just rolled her eyes while Sam looked at her adoringly. It was an expression that seemed so very mismatched on his usual stone face that I never failed to take notice of it.

"If you don't get it yourself Paul then there is really nothing I can do."

Poor Paul looked confusedly after Emily as she strolled back into the kitchen.

"Because of the resent events I think we need to make some precautions. All the imprints would have to stay with their wolf at night when they are not on patrol and the imprints should sleep over at my house when they are on patrol. Hopefully the smell will turn any possible leeches away and the pack will work better if they know where the imprintees are at all times."

It took a time before my woozy mind managed to get what Sam was saying.

"Paul is not sleeping in my room!"

Paul looked offended but I didn't really care.

I had just about started to accept the whole soul mate of a werewolf thing and I still had moments were that little voice in my head urged me to head for the hills.

That and those hormones that urged me to jump Paul and lick those very delectable muscles made me freak out at random times and for him to be sleeping in my room would give me no time of my own where I could for just a while forget the U-turn from normality that my life had taken.

Not to mention sleeping Paul seemed to set fire to my hormones in a way that seriously disturbed me.

"It's for the best Jan. I need Paul to concentrate and he will not be able to do that if he doesn't know that you are safe. That goes for all the imprints. Time not spent at school will either be here with Emily or with Paul. If he has night patrol you will sleep here."

It wasn't a suggestion and I instantly bristled. He wasn't my alpha.

But what he said did make sense. My parents were going away this weekend for their anniversary and I would be alone in the house for a couple of days, something I wasn't too keen on right now. I had seen and felt how strong a vampire was and I knew that I had survived just on pure luck. If Gaia had not been a vampire. If Gaia had not been there.

Then I would be dead by now.

"Fine. But you are sleeping on the floor."

Instead of the look of disappointment I had been expecting I got a smirk.

"It's because I am so sexy that you are afraid you will jump me isn't it?"

I scooted back and smirked back at him.

"Nah. To be honest Quill is more my type."

It was hard not to laugh at the shocked expression on Paul's face and Sam smothered a smile with the back of his hand. With Paul's looks I was sure he had never been rejected before even with his asshole attitude and inflating his ego even if I was lying about Quil being my type, was entertaining.

Paul furrowed his brows and got an expression that told me that Quil was in for it. I refused to feel guilty for it after Kim had told me that I all the imprints had one time or another served as stars in his perverted fantasies.

Apparently Quil`s favorite fantasy of me was me dressed in a cowgirl outfit getting caught by the barbaric native.

If Paul kicked his ass it would at least give me some justice. Even if Quil didn't know I had intentionally sent Paul after him it would still be payback.

**Authors note: **_So that was Gaia. I like her although I don't think she is a morally good person like the Cullen`s are trying to be in regards of their diet. Single-minded and slightly obsessed. But hey. Not everyone that cares about you needs to be good people to care. And Quil. Poor Quil. He really should learn shouldn't he…Thanks for all the reviews=) _


	38. Chapter 38: Paul the not so deep thinker

It still seemed odd that Paul who was my age lived alone and had a whole house for himself. Had for a while. He had only lived six months at his grandmas before moving back into the house he had been abandoned in.

I wouldn't have done that but as I listened to Paul explain how much he had changed in the house I wondered if perhaps it was his own therapy of sorts.

From what I gathered the only thing really left of the original house was the structure. It had been built on, gotten a new roof, new tiles in the bathroom and he had even made the kitchen bigger just after he had phased. He told me it had been mostly because he couldn't even grab a soda from the fridge without bumping into something and one time after knocking his head on a cupboard he had phased in the kitchen and wrecked the sink. With Paul's temper I wasn't surprised.

He had started to build a porch when he imprinted to have something to do and it didn't pass me that there was a two seated bench there and that there were steel crooks hanging from the ceiling that reminded me of the ones a friend of mom had for a crib outside. I would have teased him for nesting if I wasn't sure that he didn't really know what he was doing.

The house didn't have many personable items or any decorations like it had been waiting for a woman's touch. Coming from a house full of clutter like I was it seemed empty of sorts and I tried not to think about all the things I wanted in the house. It wasn't a step I was ready for. I had barely started to accept that I cared about Paul.

The burning anger towards his father was a sign of it. It wasn't just anger at someone abusing a child but it was the burning want to crush him myself. A much more personal hate.

Paul sat me down on the brown sofa and nuzzled against my neck so quickly that I was barely aware of it. My leg was gently lifted up on the table and I moaned slightly at the relief. It had been a long day.

First I had to explain my injuries which insultingly enough had been accepted quite easily. I knew I wasn't the most graceful of people but I didn't tend to roll down hills.

Sleeping over at Sam`s however had not gone very well. My mom had been ecstatic instantly thinking it had something to do with a boy and I could see that her suspicions of me being a lesbian had been put to rest and it would be no more are you gay and that girl is really pretty don't you think so conversations.

Kyle however had not taken those news with grace. He had not bought into the whole criminal gang as Kim's mom had but everyone knew that there was always a bunch of teenage guys hanging out at Sam`s and that was Kyle's issue. It didn't help that those boys looked like grown up men and one of them had a reputation as quite a whore on the rez.

The only reason I had been allowed to go was his dad who had insisted Sam would make sure nothing happened and that Paul was deep down was a good boy and the rumors about him was highly exaggerated.

How he had not been struck by lightning when he said that was beyond me.

The second reason was that my mom started having the sex talk with shadow puppets and neither Kyle nor I would go through that again.

It did of course help that Emily was there. She had an air or responsibility and a caring motherly attitude that had cooled Kyle down some. But I knew that it wasn't the end of it. He would probably call several times a day and he had stutteringly asked me if I was on the pill. I hoped there would never be a repeat of that because after this evening I was sufficiently traumatized.

At least I was safer now with my own personal werewolf to watch over me. I still didn't understand how it was possible for them to destroy something that seemed nearly indestructible but I didn't get how it was even possible to suddenly burst into a wolf either. Or how it was possible to be technically dead and without a heartbeat and still be alive.

Paul dumped down beside me with a plate of pizza, tucking me into his side while he ate.

"So are you still going to the tribal bonfire? We can stay here if you don't feel up to it."

I didn't really want to but Kim's mother was making an appearance and I had promised to be there to keep the heat off her.

"I was supposed too but with the leg and all I don't know how I will even get down the slope."

Paul lighted up.

"I can carry you."

I glared at him but as usual it had no effect.

"Can you at least try not to grope me while you do that?"

On any other man that expression of innocence would have seemed real but I knew Paul wasn't the least bit sorry for groping me when he could.

"Don't know what you are talking about. It's much easier carrying you that way."

"You can probably carry me with your pinky. I don't see how grabbing onto my ass can't be avoided."

Paul just shrugged unapologetic as he finished the rest of the pizza. The second he was done I found myself squeezed even tighter against him as he sniffed my hair with a wide grin on his face.

"I never believed it you know. That there was someone out there that I was made for. I used to think the imprinting was crap too and that it changed people into mindless drones."

"It doesn't?"

It was something I wanted to ask but never dared to before. Paul shook his head slightly and stroked his nose against my neck making my hormones rear up again.

"Not really. I am still myself it's just easier."

He sighed like he couldn't find the words.

"It's hard to explain. At first I hated it a little. It was like I lost myself and I couldn't stop thinking about you and sometimes I tried to overcome it but then your face popped into my mind again and I couldn't."

I didn't even dare to breathe as the moment felt as fragile as crystal glass.

"But then I felt like it all fitted. I had something. Something precious in my life and I never had that before."

Oh please don't say that. I am melting over here. It was so much easier to pretend Paul just saw me as a friend that helped him out with the wolf thing when he didn't use words like precious. Guys like Paul were not allowed to use words like that. It melted brains.

My hair curled itself around his rough fingers as he stared at the wall like he didn't dare look me in the eye.

"Leah says that the imprint exists only to create perfect little puppies and I believed that too before. And perhaps it is but I think it's more. After all the gene did survive without any imprinting. I think that imprinting is what ties a werewolf to the people. For me at least before was just about the fight but now I am protecting someone. It makes me stronger and I fight better because of it. And I feel more at ease like the wolf and I has become more balanced and in synch. And I feel less angry. Before it was like my blood was boiling all the time but I just have to look at you and then it's gone."

He breathed deeply and tugged me so close that I was almost in his lap.

"I think that the imprint is like an instinct to find the person which compliments us. Hardass Sam was coupled with warm and forgiving Emily. Arrogant Jared was coupled with timid Kim. I am not sure about Jake and Bella mostly because I don't like her because of her dating a damned leech and knowing how much a danger they posed. And you. Nothing makes you back down. Even when I kept pushing you, you always looked me straight in the eye. Nothing seems to scare you and you have this do the right thing kind of moral that I know I seriously lack. "

Nothing seemed to scare me? Many things scared the hell out of me. Vampires for one. Being the imprintee of Paul freaked me out regularly and sometimes several times a day.

And to have Paul I am not afraid of anything Lahote sit there and tell me that I was unafraid was simply mind-blowing. If I had a mirror I would see myself gaping. Never in my life would I have ever guessed that Paul could say such things or even have any kind of insight.

"As for the whole brainwashing thing I think Leah is wrong that the shapeshifter would never even have noticed their imprints if it wasn't for it. Sam definitely noticed Emily before he phased and if it wasn't for Emily being Leah's cousin, Sam and Leah might have broken up sometime in the future. Kim was already in love with Jared and he would perhaps have noticed her if he had not been so wrapped up in his own popularity. And there is no secret that Jake has been head over heels for Bella even as a five year old."

He turned to look at me for the first time since he had started talking and I was momentarily lost in his brown eyes.

"And I did notice you too. Actually you were the first real girl I jerked off to. Having you look me straight in the eye when I bullied you, like nothing could make you look away was a serious turn on. "

So much for Paul as a deep thinker.

"Ewww! That's just… Ewww Paul! I don't want to know what you do when you are alone!"

I tried to wriggle out of his grip but my leg and his steel arms made it impossible. Instead I gave up and sunk back into him with a huff.

"You are such a dog."

Paul flicked my ear playfully and made a barking sound that startled me.

"Not denying it babe."

I waited for some sort of dread or a feeling of wanting to flee at the babe part but nothing.

Instead my inner voice seemed to be preoccupied with describing how Paul's abs would feel under my hands. Damned not even my inner voice was working lately. It just kept saying incredible dirty things about various body parts of Paul I had not even noticed before.

My inner voice was a pervert and I was simply put screwed if I couldn't even put up a token effort in panicking anymore.

**Authors note: **_What can I say? Paul is a pervert and as many boys he really knows how to ruin a moment. _


	39. Chapter 39: Talking it out

It wasn't Paul that drove me to the bonfire but a slightly nervous looking Embry.

After the attack the patrols had increased and Paul was on afternoon patrol which he wasn't too happy about.

The only reason he relented was if he got to choose who was going to pick me up. Apparently Quil had volunteered and that had not gone very well. Embry had murmured something about Paul dragging Quil by the tail for several feet so there was no wonder why Embry was keeping a foot distance at all times and trying to hold me as far away from his chest as possible when he lifted me into the car.

I didn't think that much of it until he almost dropped me lifting me out of the car.

"For god sake Embry. Paul will not kill you if you touch me."

Embry raised an eyebrow and tilted his head.

"Are we speaking about the same Paul here because the Paul I know will kill me. He actually gave me a preview of all the ways he would kill me if I crossed any boundaries."

He did have a point. Paul wasn't exactly levelheaded.

"Does he think I am a piece of property or something? Does he want to piss on my leg to mark me?"

Embry`s lips lifted in a slight smile.

"Actually…"

I cut him off with a desperate wave.

"Don't! Please do not tell me because I don't want to know. So do not tell me about anything that goes on in Paul's head."

Embry chuckled as he carried me down the steep slope down to the beach.

"Probably for the best I think. And for the record stay away from Leah today. Paul has been thinking so much about you lately that she dreamt she was kissing you last night. Safe to say she has issues with that."

O boy. As if Leah didn't have issues about the whole imprinting thing before the most recent imprint.

I didn't envy her.

Sure it would be cool growing some inches but to be in the head of a group of boys all the time… It wasn't a place I wanted to go.

Embry gently lifted me the last part and gave me the crutch, hovering behind me in case I couldn't balance. It wasn't easy walking on sand with one leg in a cast and one sling to keep my wrist steady and a crutch but I managed to haul myself to a log.

The large bonfire had yet to be lit and people were carrying crates with food and drink down the slope. I waved at Embry.

"I can manage by myself. Just go and help. Besides if you keep hovering over me I will have a fit and smack you with my crutch like I do with Paul."

Embry gave me a sly glance.

"Paul hovering. I never thought I would live to see it."

I didn't protest. After all he was right. Paul was hovering and Embry had probably seen it in his mind already. For some reason Paul in a very unlike Paul manner seemed to blame himself a bit for the attack.

Which was ridiculous of course. It was my stupid decision to walk home in the dark and the wolves couldn't be everywhere.

However Paul was stubborn as a brick and no matter of talking made him stop hovering. I just hoped it would stop when I got full use of my arm again because honestly it was driving me insane more than it was helpful.

A cold breeze made me tuck the blanket Embry had gotten me tighter around me. It still felt unreal and if it wasn't for the injuries left behind I would have doubted if it had all really happened. It was probably the human minds way of preservation. Knowing that there were human looking beings out that that lived off blood and could get you anytime wasn't healthy.

I spotted Paul walking down the slope followed by Rachel. Her hand was on his arm and I felt a brief flare of something that felt like jealousy. It couldn't be of course. I was not Paul`s girlfriend and I sure as hell wasn't jealous of Rachel.

"She has been after him since she arrived last week."

I jumped at the sudden voice and Quil grinned at me unapologetically.

"Following him around all the time, wearing reviling clothes and flirting. Billy is ecstatic that Paul has already imprinted so he doesn't have to worry about Paul deflowering his girl."

Quil leaned into me with a dirty smirk.

"Not that deflowering Rachel has been possible for years but no one tells Billy that."

Quil gave me a jovial smile.

"Of course Paul hardly notices at all. Kinda funny because he used to get around if you know what I am saying."

Like that was new. It wasn't like Paul being a manwhore was a secret in the rez. Even if I didn't listen to rumors I could count at least fifteen girls that I knew he had dated. Although a quickie in the backseat of his truck could hardly count as a date.

"And by the way you shouldn't be surprised if Lucia tries to get something started again. Apparently someone has spread around school that he is hopelessly in love with you."

Quil sounded gleeful like he was really enjoying himself and it was obvious just who had spread those rumors.

"Let me guess. You are the one that spread it around."

I didn't get an answer but the grin pretty much told me everything.

Fucking great.

Lucia would give me hell now that it was supposedly confirmed that I had stolen Paul from her.

The fact that she didn't have him in the first place didn't count because girls like Lucia didn't work by logic.

I watched as Rachel seemed to stumble and grabbed a hold of Paul to steady herself.

I wasn't sure if she was faking it or if it was real. The slope down was pretty steep and covered in rocks but the stumbling did show a lot of her cleavage. She was dressed in a light navy blue sweater and a suede skirt that made me feel like I was dressed as an Eskimo.

Paul didn't even seem to notice her as he scanned the beach. His face brightened up as he spotted me and Rachel nearly tripped in her high heeled boots as he strode towards me, Rachel still hanging off his arm.

Quil smirked and winked at me before wrapping his arm around me pretending to do it casually. I had no idea what he was doing but it become pretty clear as a slightly pissed off Paul gave him a glare and lifted me away from Quil leaving Rachel standing in front of me looking surprised at the way he blatantly had ignored her.

Rachel had always been one of the prettiest girls on the rez. Her skin was russet like the most of the people on the rez and flawless, she had long smooth black hair and beautiful almond shaped eyes. Her legs were long and she always empathized that by wearing short skirts and skinny jeans with high heels. I didn't measure up to her at all being midget sized and with fluffy blonde hair that I had given up trying to tame and eventually cutting it short because no hair clips or hairspray could ever keep it in place and it always got in the way.

It wasn't like I thought I was ugly or anything but I looked like a doll. Smooth face and plump lips and a small chest and no curves. Several times I had people looking at me disbelievingly when I told them my age and some were even brazen enough to ask for an id. I looked younger then I was and my mom told me it was a gene thing as she still had to show id when she was twenty seven.

Growing up in La Push wasn't exactly healthy for my self-esteem either. My pale skin looked almost sickly around all the russet skin and I felt colorless standing out like a pale patch of snow in the woods.

They way Paul looked at me however was like he was looking at a supermodel and as always his hand instantly started playing with my fluffy short hair.

Rachel looked me over like she was measuring me and by the way she sat down so close to Paul that their thighs were touching she obviously found me lacking.

"Hey Jan. Long time no seen."

Her smile was fake like vanilla coke and I steeled myself for the attack. Girl rules. Start with a friendly comment and then back it up with a semi insulting one.

"So you're what? Fifteen now?"

And there it was. Ouch. She knew very well I was seventeen.

"Soon eighteen and graduating this year."

Rachel nodded fake smile still in place.

"I have not seen you at any of the bonfires before. What made you come this time?"

And strike two. Rachel knew very well that only tribe members were invited to these bonfires and I wasn't recognized as one even if my mom was married to one.

"Honorary tribe member. Besides I couldn't just let her stay alone at my place."

That startled me and I craned my neck to look at him.

"Honorary tribe member?"

Paul just nodded and slipped a finger inside my jeans, gently rubbing my hipbone. Trust him to take every chance he got to feel me up.

"Yeah. All the pack, I mean girlfriends of the guys are honorary tribe members recognized as members of the tribe by the council."

That was… New. I guess it made sense. The pack were highly respected amongst the council and revered as protectors and creatures of legends. It made sense that the imprints were important too as we were the closest to them.

Rachel had an angry frown and the fake smile was now completely gone.

"What? So just any white girl dating someone from the tribe can be tribe members now?"

Paul didn't even look at her but seemed occupied with my hair.

"No. Just a few. Like Jan."

He hesitated and added with slight disgust.

"And Bella. That's why we had a bonfire a month ago where Billy told the legends. It was kind of an initiation."

That made sense. I had not thought about it at the time but the Quileute legends were not told to outsiders.

"What the hell? It's bad enough outsiders like her go to tribal school but not anyone get lets into the tribe!"

Rachel sounded pissed and Paul stopped playing with my hair and glared at Rachel who seemed confused by his sudden hostility.

"Things changed. It's not our fault that you have been out of the loop. After all you left."

Rachel jolted, clearly stung by the comment. She had left for college a couple of years ago which wasn't exactly frowned upon since the council were very positive towards young people getting higher education but she had not been back before now. That had not gained her many points in the eyes of the La Push inhabitants as all the responsibility fell on Jacob to take care of his father by himself. For a community like this, family was pretty much everything and she shouldn't be surprised for getting some not so good looks because of it.

If it was any other guy than Paul who said it I would have thought it was said in retaliation but Paul had never known any tact and usually said what was on his mind regardless of how harsh it sounded.

"But… "

"Let it go Rachel. Jan is a part of the tribe and the elders accept her as such. End of story."

Rachel made a sound and I knew she had only relented for now because Paul had pushed it.

"Paul!"

Sam waved and Paul reluctantly lifted me off his lap.

"Just a sec and I will be back."

He pulled Quil with him and I wished I had never said anything about Quil being my type because now I was left without a friendly buffer between Rachel and I. It didn't even take a second before she started.

"Just because you are Paul's girlfriend does not make you a member of the tribe."

Her glare was as cold as the air around us.

"He will just play with you and then dump you. Everyone knows that Paul plays around and he has always looked upon mixed marriages with distain. There is no way he is serious about you."

Her words played on all my insecurities even those about imprinting that she couldn't possibly know anything about.

I took a deep breath and thought of the talk Paul and I had earlier and that he admitted to being attracted to me before the imprint. Or at least that was how I interpreted his admittance of me being his first jerk off fantasy.

"I am not defending my relationship with Paul to you Rachel. It's none of your business. And as long as you are not an elder then the rest isn't either."

She shook her head and sneered at me.

"You can't be a member of the tribe. I am going to talk to my dad about this."

I rolled my eyes as she stomped away. She had never cared much about the tribe before and I couldn't help but wonder if it was mostly because of Paul she had issues with me being a member of it. Rejection had never sat very well with Rachel and she didn't seem to have become very different from the slight bitchy selfish girl I knew her as. Not as bad as Lucia but not far off.

"Making new enemies?"

Leah sat down looking as sullen as ever. I shrugged and steadied my leg.

"I don't make enemies but if someone wants to become mine then they are welcome to. Life is too short to go around and pretend to like people who hates you."

She nodded and I wondered why she had sat down beside me of all people. We were not even close to friendly terms even before I had become one of the imprintees she hated so much. I could sort of understand why she hated the imprinting thing. In just months everything had been taken from her. First Sam that she had lost to Emily. And then she had become one of them herself in the midst of a group of boys and her ex fiancée.

"Does it change how you look at him?"

Her sudden voice startled me and when I looked at her I saw her looking at Sam and Emily who sat closely together on a log on the other side of the bonfire. Somehow I felt that what I said would important so instead of shrugging her off like I had done with Rachel I breathed deeply.

"Of course it does. He can't lie to me for one. Not about important things. Or betray me. And he needs me. I think being needed is something deeply ingrained in most people. Perhaps especially women no matter how much we claim to be equal."

Leah seemed stiff and hesitant at the same time.

"But does it change how you see him?"

"Of course it does. Perhaps especially since it's Paul. Asshole extraordinary, manwhore and generally rather unpleasant. To suddenly have access where no one else has been… Of course it changes things. He is still an ass tough. But less ass towards me. And to know I can hurt him when I used to think nothing could. Yeah it's freaking me out a bit."

Leah seemed to relax beside me and her eyes turned from Sam and Emily to the bonfire.

"So do you think one day you will love him?"

I wanted to deny it but the truth was I was wavering. And Leah most of all deserved the truth.

"I don't know. Does that freak me out? Hell yes. He made my life hell for years and suddenly he adores me. That's a little hard to come to terms with. Not to mention I could crush him so easily. I never imagined being able to do that without some rather heavy armory and its humbling."

I looked over to Paul trying to quiet down those hormones that were now admiring his muscled back and try not to think about that those hormones had included his ass in its admiration of him.

"Will I come to love him? I don't know. I am just trying to wrap my mind around suddenly being served with a werewolf that thinks I am his soul mate and hey vampires exists and they want to eat you. On top of that's its Paul I fucking hate you Lahote."

Leah made a round circle in the sand with her foot.

"You are going to love him. And it's all because of this imprint shit. He becomes what you want."

I didn't deny the first part because just thinking about loving Paul made me want to make a run for it, crutch and all.

"Can he? He can only be what I ask him to be. And I have not. I have not even asked him to stop being an asshole and I am not going to. I don't have any answers Leah. Hardly any for myself and not for you. This whole thing is beyond me and frankly if no spirit pops up and tells you what imprinting really is then neither of us will ever understand it. What I do understand is that whatever this whole werewolf thing is it screwed you over."

Her head snapped up and her dark eyes fastened on mine with shock.

"First you lost Sam to someone close to you and then you turn into a ball of fur forced to watch the Sam and Emily channel."

The shocked look was replaced by a snarl.

"Don't pity me!"

"Oh for… I don't pity you! I am just saying I sort of understand. You got screwed over and you are not over it because getting over being fucked over takes time and getting stuck in their heads all the time doesn't really help. I am just saying… Be angry. Be bitter. Make them suffer if you want them to but sooner or later you will have to get over it. Not for their sakes but for your own. Bitterness poisons the one handing it out more than those receiving it. Moving on isn't the same as accepting and I am not telling you that you should either. I am just saying… These are the cards you were dealt and there is no fixing it only dealing with it."

"You don't know shit."

I threw my head back and laughed, ignoring that she was looking close to phasing so that she could bite my head off.

"Yeah. What the hell do I know? It isn't like I have ever been isolated or had people looking at me thinking what the hell is she doing here. No one has ever whispered behind my back either. No. I am just a paleface in La Push, the daughter of a teenage mom and everyone is okay with that."

The sarcasm in my voice made Leah look away and towards the bonfire with a thoughtful frown on her face that made her face soften.

"No one has ever told me that it's okay. Everyone tells me I should stop being angry and bitter. Even my mom."

I shrugged slightly and looked up at the clear night sky.

"In my opinion being the first female werewolf you are sort of entitled to being pissed off and somewhat bitter. Hell there isn't even any information for you to relay on and its never fun being the first at something scary. If they don't get that then let them suffer. Just don't let it go on too long. "

"Even if I am making Paul suffer?"

I snorted loudly.

"It's Paul. If he can't take it he shouldn't dish out. And frankly being inside a girls mind might teach him a thing or two. I doubt it will but it can't be unhealthy."

For the first time since Sam's breakup, Leah smiled. It wasn't the same carefree smile she used to have but it was a real one.

"Paul thinks of you as the insight girl. I am starting to understand why."

Her smile dimmed some and her dark eyes bored into my own.

"You know that you sound like you are in love with him already right?"

I groaned loudly and rubbed my neck feeling like she was looking straight into my very soul with those dark intense eyes.

"I prefer not to think about it. And I am still sleeping with a baseball bat."

Leah seemed more amused than angry now and shook her head before rolling her eyes.

"This doesn't mean that we are friends."

And just like that her expression was back into the stone mask that seemed to be more of less a permanent fixture.

I rolled my eyes at that statement and shrugged. It wasn't like I believed a heart to heart would ever make the two of us friends. She had not quite been the asshole that Paul had towards me but she had never been anywhere near nice towards me. Not even before Sam went furball and dumped her for her cousin.

Leah seemed to be done with whatever she had sat down beside me for and walked silently away without a word.

I didn't sit alone for very long before Bella came out of the shadows and sat down beside me. Her smile was hesitant and she looked bad. Her skin was paler than it had been just two days ago and she had bluish shadows beneath her eyes.

"I am sorry."

I blinked confusedly.

"What?"

"Your injuries. The attack. It's my fault."

I wanted to laugh but she looked so wrecked that it would have been really mean of me.

"How did you figure out me being thrown around as a ragdoll being your fault? Yeah you used to hang with vampires but I am pretty sure that it had very little to do with the attack."

Bella looked away and twiddled her hands nervously.

"No one told you did they?"

Since I had no idea what she was talking about I shook my head. Bella took a deep breath like it was hard for her to find the words.

"When I was with him a vampire attacked me. The Cullen's managed to kill him but now his mate is back to kill me as a revenge. The pack thinks that the vampire that attacked you were there to test the wolves. She wants me. Mate for a mate. Even though he left me."

It didn't pass me that she had not said his name once during the conversation. I also had no idea where she got the idea that it was her fault.

"It's not your fault. If anything it's his. He brought you into the world of vampires and then just disappeared without making sure that it didn't come back to hit you on the ass."

It didn't look like she believed me and I shook my head in expiration.

"Believe me if I was going to blame anyone it sure as hell isn't you. I could blame the Quileute ancestors for the damned treaty in the first place. If they had not agreed on the damned treaty then no wolves would have phased, the Cullen's would not have come here and then nothing of this would have ever happened. I could blame the Cullen's for coming here but I can't find any reason to blame you. Hell I am more to blame than you. I knew there were things out there that go bump in the night yet I decided to walk home alone in the dark. How stupid can you possibly get really?"

I pointed to my arm.

"So basically this is my fault. And it's my fault that I now got an overeager wolf babysitter who won't leave me alone for a second and who hands out death threats like it is candy on Halloween."

I gave her an encouraging smile and she smiled hesitantly back.

"I am not sure that last one is my fault tough. Can you believe he told Embry he would kill him if he touched me? Now Quil I can understand but Embry? It's Embry for Christ's sake. And Theo. Poor sweet Theo. He is the last guy anyone would ever think would be a threat. I don't even think he knows I am a girl and now he flees every time he sees me. And I don't believe Paul for a second when he said he had nothing to do with it."

I took a deep breath after my rant and Bella smothered a snigger looking a bit better.

"I can't imagine Paul being the caretaker of anyone."

I gave her a mock serious look.

"I can. He sucks at it."

That startled Bella into a laugh and several of the wolves around us were trying to pretend they had not heard me by smothering their own laughter.

He really did suck. He had burned the breakfast he was trying to make me and when he was helping me getting on a sweater he had been more groping me than actually helping. Not to mention he insisted on carrying me every time I tried to move.

At first I had thought nothing of it. Until I noticed that his hands were always firmly placed on my ass. He was in short being Paul. And yet I found it cute. Clearly that hit to the head was harder than I first had thought.

I yelped as I was suddenly lifted up. Paul sat down where I had been sitting and placed me on his lap, burying his nose into my hair with a content sigh.

I really should get these guys some bells or else I would get a heart attack soon. Perhaps one of those radar things that would beep every time he was within fifty feet of me. That would be nice.

Bella was trying to hide her amused smile but wasn't doing a very good job at it. I knew exactly how it looked. Paul Lahote, the hothead and asshole of La Push who seemed as soft as a military truck was snuggling into my hair like a little puppy, his nose wrinkled as he greedily drew in the scent of my shampoo while his arms surrounded me gently like I was breakable.

I on the other hand was slowly getting used to it. He was always touching me. At first it had been hesitant. Like he couldn't control himself and was afraid I would flinch away from him. Slowly the touches had become bolder and lingered more and I had even made a point of touching him too.

After Paul's little breakdown Emily had taken me aside and explained some aspects about imprinting and how I could prevent another breakdown.

Touching had been the most important aspect. Paul needed to feel that I wasn't rejecting him. That I accepted him as a part of my life no matter what role he would have in it. It sounded easy but it wasn't. His touch almost always made me feel jittery and it didn't help that my hormones seemed to really like it, whispering where else I would like him to touch me.

Touching him didn't come easy either. Josh had been my first and only date. Sure I had kissed a couple of guys but I had always been friends with them first and there had been more curiosity than actual feelings involved from both sides.

I tried to imagine I was touching Kim or any of my multiple sort of cousins but it was impossible. His body heat was always so hot that I could feel him radiate warmth even a foot away not to mention that even if I was short, neither Kim nor my cousins towered over me. Even his shadow could engulf me completely.

If he noticed my freak outs then he was nice enough to pretend he didn't. The plan had been to keep him at an arm's length but only two weeks after his breakdown I had pretty much realized that my plan was simply put impossible to follow through with. There was no keeping a distance in this thing.

Sam had torn Emily's face in half and they had become a couple. Bella had been hung up on her vampire ex from what Paul had told me and still she had become Jacob`s girlfriend. Kim didn't exactly count as I was sure she was doing a happy dance when she was told about imprinting.

But with two cases against me I was exactly betting on my odds for my plan. Especially since I was pretty damned comfortable right now. With my back against Paul's chest and his arms wrapped around me it was pretty much like having my own heating blanket.

Leah might have been right.

Maybe I was falling and falling so fast that nothing could to stop me. Not even myself.

**Authors note: **_Thank you all for all the reviews. It really warms my heart especially those who tell me they love Paul the jackass. It is exactly how I wanted you to see him. I didn't want him to be nice because that's not the impression I have of him and to be honest if the imprint had made him an all around nice guy then he would have bored me to death. If I had made him nice it would probably also sent Jan for the hills a long time ago as she is freaked out enough as it is. _

_I am also incredibly happy that so many likes my take on the imprinting and Jan`s reaction to it. For her to just accept him would be so not the Jan I created. _

_She really is my little lovechild and it's so nice to hear that she is a believable character and that people like her. Grown up in many ways but still a teenager prone to hysterics and hormones. (Lol) _

_And for those who wonder about the imprinting affecting her I will tell you now that of course it does but not in any voodoo or spiritual way. She is the human factor in my story. The "normal" girl with no special abilities what so ever who is just thrown into a world of myths and legends and simply trying to deal with it all. _

_Again thank you for all the reviews and thank you Cassy-Kay and many others that made me blush because of your reviews=) _


	40. Chapter 40: As logic as flying pigs

Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that this sort of peace thing between Paul and I wouldn't last forever. There was still some resentment from my side. Still some lingering insecurity from Paul and the fact that I was looking very much like a scarecrow didn't help on my mood. Not to mention the fact that Paul was an ass. It would only take so long before he said or did something that made me explode.

The cast made it next to impossible to maneuver any kind of buttons and asking Paul to help me undress and dress in more comfortable clothes after school when I didn't have anyone else to ask had to be one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

It didn't exactly help that my hormones started making lewd suggestions every time his hand brushed against my naked skin as he helped me with my shirt. And perhaps I snapped at him a little bit too much as a response to all the wicked things I was thinking.

That with the added patrols Paul had to take as the female vampire kept circling around looking for a gap to get to Bella made him really cranky.

Especially since she escaped every time without an actual encounter which left Paul with more pent up aggression than usual. It didn't take long before we were both tiptoeing around each other just waiting for an explosion. All it took to set him off was a phone call from Jason. Apparently Gaia had insisted that Jason took a trip back to his foster mother for a week and he would be leaving at the same time as my parents.

It was hardly a coincidence. Clearly Gaia thought it would be safer for Jason to be far away from La Push and Seattle. Paul just grumbled. It was the text message from Gaia who pretty much ordered me to stay with the wolves that made him loose it.

I didn't really get how his mind managed to take that the wrong way. After all Gaia had convinced mom and Kyle that I should stay at Sam`s while they were gone for their anniversary and he had seemed pretty content with the idea that I couldn't hide from him as I would be living with Sam and Emily.

He had grabbed my phone and it had crumbled in his hand after he read the message as he cursed Gaia with words I had never heard before. I had learned to speak and understand Quileute but school covered classes hardly covered the cursing part of it. And it wasn't like Kyle would learn me either.

I could have handled that better.

At least a little better and not thrown a plate at his head.

Rushing out of the house wasn't exactly a good idea either. I could always go home but I was pretty sure that it would be the first place Paul looked for me and I needed a break right now. The woods were out of the question for obvious reasons.

My leg could barely get me moving on flat surface and after my first meeting with things that go bump in the night I wasn't too keen on wandering off into the dark forest. I could always go to Kim. But our friendship was still awkward and Jared was one huge tattler. And I didn't doubt that he would be there as I had yet to see them separate except from Emily's wolfgirl night.

So instead I walked somewhat awkwardly along the road probably looking like some kind of a zombie. My hair was a mess because with a broken wrist and sore arms it was impossible to manage to brush it properly. And it wasn't something I wanted Paul to do. Getting dressed was necessary. Getting my hair brushed was not. I could always ask mom to do it this morning but there was a reason I learned to brush my hair when I was four.

I was wearing sweatpants because asking Paul to unbutton my jeans so that I could go to the toilet was something I rather not do. Unfortunately the only pants I had without buttons were my pj`s and an old sweatpants. The sweatpants was only slightly better than a bunny covered pj as it was two or three sizes too big, barely hanging on my hips and covered in splats of paint. The shirt was one of Paul's old ones as getting into anything my mom or I owned was impossible. Due to its size it was manageable to get my arm into without screaming in pain but it also looked like I was drowning in it. I didn't need a mirror right now to know I made a pitiful sight.

"What ya doing Jan?"

I twirled around at the sudden voice and only barely managed to swallow a scream. I had been so lost in my own angry rant that I had not even noticed the car driving up to me. Jacob was watching me with a slight smile on his lips and an amused look in his eyes that I didn't quite share right now.

"Walking."

The corner of his mouth twitched.

"Right. I can drive you if you tell me where you are going."

I rolled my eyes and turned my head back towards the road and kept on limping forward.

"Nowhere."

My short dismissal didn't seem to affect Jacob at all and instead of going on his way he drove slowly beside me, hanging out the window of his truck.

"I am heading over to Bella. She is having a movie night with some friends. You could come. Or you could just wander around on the road with one good leg."

It sounded like a better idea than just limping aimlessly alongside the road. And Bella was probably the last place Paul would look for me.

"Are you going to tell Paul where I am?"

Jacob grinned at my suspicious look.

"He is my pack brother but he is also the one that refers to my girlfriend as the leechlover, so no. I am not going to tell."

Satisfied with his reasoning I limped towards the passenger side. Instead of watching me do an awkward crawl into the seat, Jacob leaned over and easily lifted me into the car like I was a small kid. I was never going to get used to that.

Jacob hummed under his breath looking slightly smug. From what I had gathered, Paul had given him a lot of shit over Bella and he was probably satisfied Paul's imprint didn't exactly go smoothly. Normally I would have become annoyed at it.

Having any kind of relationship with anyone was not easy even aside the facts of magical imprints and furriness and knowing that a bunch of guys had the front seat to everything was off putting at least.

I tried not to think about it but it was hard when the guys looked like they knew what was going on or commented on things that had been said or done in detail when they had not even been there. I pretty much felt like the whole pack had a front seat to the awkwardness that was Paul and I.

Today however I was still too angry to feel embarrassed. It did of course help that I was with the one in the pack that was unlikely to comment on anything. The only other wolves that didn't comment were Seth and Embry. Sam would give advices with a worried frown between his brows, Leah would taunt and revile things I did not want to know and Quil would either laugh or give me a review on Jan fantasies that made me wonder if Paul had memorized Kama Sutra.

I was just getting used to having Paul served to me on a silver platter with soul mate stamped on his forehead and knowing most of the pack were following the hotheads imprint with interest wasn't good for my mental health.

I sank back into the seat while watching the scenery go by, feeling more relaxed then I had been for a while. Lately everything seemed to happen so fast that I had hardly dealt with the last U turn my life had taken before I was thrown another. And sometimes when I thought I had dealt with it then suddenly my fears and sudden urge to flee came back with a vengeance.

Logic didn't exactly help either since this whole thing was as far away from logic as flying pigs. There were not exactly self-help books on these things.

Besides how to deal when your former nemesis turns into a wolf and magically loves you for the rest of his life and you find out your family's benefactor is a vampire and his mortal enemy, would have been too long of a title anyway. And not likely to happen to many people so the sales figures would have been pretty low.

It would have entertainment value tough. If it wasn't my life we were talking about here.

I closed my eyes and tried not to think. I had been doing way too much thinking lately anyway.


	41. Chapter 41: Why me?

If one didn't know the boundary line between Forks and La Push one would still notice.

La Push consisted of small houses were even the carefully tended to still seemed ancient. The gardens were usually more useful than for show with small vegetable patches. Almost no one in La Push had fancy new cars but old beat down trucks that at best didn't look like they were patched together with different car parts.

Most of the houses in Forks were rather old too but most were built upon and well kept. There were no chipped paint, no garages and outhouses built for midgets that looked like they would fall over with a gust of wind. The kids in Forks didn't have jobs to help their families but to save up for college. Most of the La Push kids never went to college and there was hardly any point in saving for college when one hardly had the money to make ends meet even with part time work.

I was in the lucky percentage of La Push. Both mom and Kyle had college degrees and made a good living. I didn't have to worry about household bills and I didn't have to take a job to help out. I had been encouraged to have as many extra curriculums as I could and work on my art. I worked in summer at the convenient store or in Kyle's sister's souvenir shop but that was as far as my working experience went.

I was the odd duck out and perhaps I would have fitted into Forks. If I didn't live on the rez. If my dad wasn't a native.

There was a line between Forks and La Push that simply wasn't crossed. People from Forks didn't hang out with people from La Push. They didn't date. Didn't get married. Bella seemed unaware of it but then again she had not grown up here so that invisible line had never been intergradient into her. And since it was an unspoken rule no one would point it out to her either.

Jacob`s car drove up to a white house and he frowned when he looked at the two other cars in the driveway. Jacob muttered something that sounded like marshmallow but that made no sense so I had probably heard it wrong.

I wrestled out of the seat belt and would have fallen flat on my face when I tried getting out of the car if Jacob had not been there to catch me. He sniggered as I flayed in shock and managed to slam the arm that wasn't in a sling on his head.

"If you continue like this you will give Bella competition in the clumsiest girl category."

I didn't bother to comment as I had seen Bella in action myself. She could trip on air. I wasn't exactly a ballet dancer myself but I could at least stay on my feet.

Normally.

Jacob walked into the house like he lived there and headed straight to the living room. Five people were sitting on the floor, the books and notepads indicating that there was some sort of study session in progress. They all eyed my ragged looks curiously. Jacob sat me in the couch and patted my head like I was some kind of kitten.

"I found this one limping along the road and thought that I might as well take her with me."

Bella looked at me sympathetically clearly having some idea of why I was limping alongside the road. Jacob sat down beside her and wrapped his arm around her, getting a rather nasty look from a blonde boy which Bella didn't even seem to notice.

"Paul getting on your nerves?"

I snorted.

"Paul gets on everyone's nerves."

Jacob sniggered and Bella seemed to smother a laugh at my tone.

"You can stay here if you like. Charlie won't be home but Sam said he would drop by with some food from Emily."

I knew very well how good Bella was in the kitchen and when she said that Sam would drop by it hardly had anything to do with food, more like patrolling the house as the red haired vampire`s prime target was Bella. Gaia had told me to stay in La Push but with Bella's house on lock down I doubted it was anymore safer there than here. And I did need a break.

"Thanks."

I groaned in relief as I lifted my leg upon the table and tried to find a position that didn't make me want to chew the damned leg off.

The brown haired girl whom I remember was Angela, the preachers daughter, gazed at my leg sympathetically.

"What happened to you?"

Sticking to my story I shrugged.

"Rolled down a hill."

Disbelief flashed over her face.

"How did you get so injured by rolling down a hill?"

I could understand that. One wrist in a cast, one leg in a cast and scratches on my arms and neck didn't exactly indicate a simple fall.

"It was a steep hill. And there may have been rocks. I am not sure. All I saw was green. But there was a three at the end. I remember that. Or felt it."

The blond girl with the snotty face snickered maliciously like she found my pain funny. I wondered if she would laugh if I told the truth. Most likely she would think I was insane. Bella shut her book and stretched.

"Well I have had enough studying for today. Why don't we just watch a movie?"

Her suggestion was met with relieved expressions and the outspread books made me feel guilty. I was graduating this year too and I had not been studying as much as I should have been. I doubted any college would buy the excuse about vampire attacks and werewolves for my bad grades.

Instead of sitting down I excused myself with needing the bathroom. Instead of going inside the bathroom I sat down near the door and thumped my head once against the wall.

It was like everything was catching up to me. Whenever I thought I was dealing with this shit then I was suddenly thrown into a loophole. Everyone just wanted to talk but none of them were actually giving me any advice I could really work with here. It didn't exactly help knowing that there were more of those things that had attacked me out there either. Things that in this very moment were planning some massive attack on the place I lived.

"Are you okay?"

Bella was looking worriedly down on me. Was I okay? I wasn't really sure. Like she understood she sat down beside me.

"It's really hard to wrap your head around it isn't it? I was a mess when Jake told me about the imprinting."

Thank god. I was beginning to think everyone but me had been doing a happy dance when they heard.

"But then again I was a mess before that."

I had heard about it. Broken conversations about her being the Cullen boy's girlfriend and how he had left her in the middle of the woods.

"It took time to get used too. It still stuns me sometimes. And at first I was really afraid. Afraid to hurt him. Afraid that I couldn't love him like I did him or like Jake loves me. But then I realized he needs me. And he is never going to leave me."

Like him. She had not said it out loud but it was there. And the soft smile on her face told me that she was about as gaga over Jacob as he was over her.

And that left me. The only imprint that seemed incapable of giving anything back.

And the million dollar question. Why me?

There were tons of girls out there that would be ecstatic to have someone love them like that. So why me? Why not someone else who he had not bullied for years? I had no real ties of biological ones to the rez. All I had ever wanted was to leave.

Why not someone as Rachel? She would have been perfect and she was clearly crushing on him. And they would look good together. Then Paul wouldn't have been stuck with me and I wouldn't be feeling like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown every now and then.

Funny really. Before I had wondered why too. Why Kim had dumped me. Why Paul was acting so weird around me. Why Sam`s gang were acting weird towards me. I thought that answering those questions would solve everything. Instead it had brought on a much more panicked why. Like why me and what have I ever done to deserve this? Had I done something really bad in my previous life? A little bit of genocide perhaps?

"You know Paul was the one to reveal the secret to me too. He nearly attacked me after I slapped him."

My head snapped up and she blushed.

"Sorry. That was stupid of me. It hardly helps you."

I shook my head and tried to stop myself from tugging at that annoying cast around my leg.

"I hardly think anything helps right now. It's just something I have to deal with on my own. But a story about Paul messing up. Again. Not that might cheer me up."

Bella gave me a wide grin.

"Jake is a blabber mouth. I have many Paul messes up stories."

"Oh do tell."

I settled back listening to Bella telling me a story about Paul and a rather unfortunate cat followed by the amusing story of Paul and a tree. It didn't help my frantic inner monologue much but it did make me laugh.


	42. Chapter 42: I do not need help

Wobbling up the driveway to Paul's house I felt a hell of a lot better than I had when I left.

Hearing Paul messing up had cheered me up a bit and I did no longer feel like I wanted to drown him. Jacob was walking next to me to make sure I didn't stumble but he didn't hover like Paul so it was fine.

We were just walking up the porch stairs when the door slammed open. I had expected Paul not Rachel dressed in a short black dress looking like she had spent hours in front of the mirror this morning to make that complicated braid she was wearing not to mention that perfect makeup. Her wide smile instantly died at the sight of Jacob and I and poor Jacob was gaping at the rather reviling outfit she was wearing.

"What are you doing here?"

Rachel threw her braid back and glared at her little brother.

"I was thinking that since Paul lives alone I should make him dinner."

Yeah right. Like Rachel would have cared about the poor lonely people if they didn't have a body like Paul's.

"So you what? Just walked into his house without him knowing it and used his kitchen? And you can't cook!"

As interesting as this was I had no intention of being the witness to a sister brother quarrel. I just wanted to lay down for a bit to rest my leg and put away that annoying crutch for a while. If the Black siblings wanted to stand on the porch quarreling I was fine with it.

Halfway to the door Rachel stepped right in front of me.

"What are you doing?"

"Going inside to take a nap."

She glared at me and put her hands on her hips giving me a look like I was the one that had invited myself in. I had not even wanted to be here but Sam wasn't relenting on the whole never being alone thing so I didn't exactly have a choice.

"This is Paul's house."

Tell me something I didn't know. I knew very well that this was Paul`s house as it was my prison for the time being until those vampires found other things to entertain themselves with that didn't include hanging around La Push and Forks.

"I know. Now move."

She wasn't budging an inch and when I tried to walk past her I somehow got my crutch caught in the railing. I tried to pull it which didn't exactly end up as I planned as instead of pulling the crutch towards me I was pulling myself towards the crutch. For a second I tried to keep balance but having a cast on didn't exactly make me a ballerina. Just as I was about to tilt forward I was caught by the waist and lifted up.

"Jake! I told you to watch her so that she doesn't faceplant again."

I wasn't sure what I was more offended by. Paul's statement that I needed a babysitter or his lack of faith in my balancing abilities. And I had only faceplanted once since I got that damned cast on and only because I forgot I had a leg in a cast when trying to go down the stairs early this morning. And an hour later when I once again forgot and tried to jump out of Paul`s truck. It wasn't like I was a walking disaster waiting to happen.

"I can walk by myself thank you very much."

Paul grinned down at me looking extremely satisfied with himself, the previous anger fit completely gone.

"You sort of can't."

"Yes I can. And I don't need you hovering over me or helping me get dressed."

"Yes you do. You can't get a sweater on and you can't button any buttons so yeah. You do need my help."

He was right. I really did need help to dress. I just wished the one helping me wasn't a giant and a gigantic perv who pretended to fumble with the higher buttons. Coincidentally the very buttons right over my breasts. The same guy that spent forever on the buttons on my jeans. At least he wasn't commenting on my panties anymore after I had smacked him with my crutch. Pretty much the only thing I found positive about the damned thing was that it could serve as a weapon with long range.

"I will drive you home and pick you up tomorrow when your parents leave. Emily asked if you could make some of that cherry pie you do so good for tomorrow."

Paul looked around and seemed to sniff the air.

"Was Sue by when I was gone? The whole house smells like her secret recipe of fish fry."

Rachel seemed to be blushing and Jacob was rolling his eyes at her. Paul didn't even seem to notice that she was there before she shuffled nervously and still there was no appreciation in his eyes even though she was wearing an incredible short dress that clung to her like a second skin of silk. I wasn't sure who was most shock by his lack of interest. Rachel or me.

I actually felt a bit sorry for her. It must be incredible embarrassing being caught sneaking into a guy's house even bringing another person's cooked food to serve. She had clearly intended this to be some sort of seduction and instead she had been thwarted by her supposed rival and her little brother. It was something I would never have dared to do but then again I never had any particular interest in boys.

Being ignored didn't exactly make this less embarrassing for her. At least the guy she had planned to seduce didn't seem to realize how embarrassing this whole thing was. Not that it helped as he didn't even seem to care why she was on his porch.

Paul jumped down the stairs still holding me with one arm around my waist and the last thing I saw before he sped out of the driveway was Rachel`s pissed off expression. If she had not viewed me as an enemy before she sure as hell did now.

Great. Not only was I the enemy of Lucia and Sonya but now Rachel as well. All because of a boy I didn't even want. Somewhere someone was laughing their ass of but I sure as hell didn't find it amusing.


	43. Chapter 43: Naked natives in the morning

Something was constricting my breathing. I tried to get it off but it seemed to be caught under my head. I blinked and tugged clumsily at the offending fabric and finally got it off. It wasn't my blanket or the pillow like I would have assumed but a pair of shorts. Beige khaki shorts to be exact.

Or more importantly. Not mine.

They were too large for that and too long. That could only mean one thing. The reason I was sweating and felt like I was burning up was because I wasn't alone in my bed.

Turning I saw just what I had been suspecting. Paul was sleeping deeply. Apparently the sleep on the floor rule I had invoked only counted when I was awake to enforce it.

What really worried me however was the naked leg thrown over my quilt. He was naked. Naked and in my bed.

I doubted this was what Sam had meant when he had said that Paul would have to be staying with me at night.

That Paul had interpreted it like that, well that would hardly surprise me.

I was sure as hell not going to be the one to wake him up. Usually I would have no problem using my crutch to hit him over the head but I wasn't about to get an eyeful.

Even if I wanted to.

And there was that inner voice. The voice that was in league with my hormones and both was better off ignored.

I carefully snuck out of bed and luckily the cast didn't make a sound against the floor. Quickly I dressed in a robe and tried to tip toe over the floor. For once I was lucky. Paul didn't even budge as the door creaked as I opened and closed it.

"What are you doing?"

I yelped and barely managed to support myself against the wall. Jason raised a brow at me looking a bit startled by my extreme reaction.

"What do you have in there? You didn't pick up one of those stray cats again did you? Because you know how that will end. You and your mom will get attached to it and then your mom will walk around this house with a constant allergy attack until Kyle can't stand it anymore and finds a new home for it leaving your mom to mourn for weeks."

I so wished it was a cat. Because taking in a stray cat would not leave me mocked and teased for weeks like if Jason found out just who was behind my door.

"Yes cat. I will get rid of it tomorrow. I promise."

It was either the quick agreement to get rid of the cat or the slightly panicked tone in my voice that made Jason raise a brow and look thoroughly unconvinced. Before I could stop him he stepped forward and opened the door.

"That… Is not a cat."

No shit. It was a gigantic muscled and very naked native. Paul might be many things even a wolf or a dog at times but he was never a cat.

"What are you staring at Jason?"

Of course. Because I couldn't catch a break.

Mom was looking at us with a curious expression and for the first time in a very long time she looked awake and alert even though it was morning and she was in her morning robe with her usually neat hair standing out everywhere.

Normally she would just grunt at me and stumble downstairs looking for coffee but the one time I needed my mom to be lost to this world she was of course alert and observant.

There was nothing I could do but to stand still and wait for the disaster to happen. Mom peeked into my room and looked shocked. Just as quickly her expression turned to ecstatic and she clapped her hands together.

"Honey I am so proud of you. Here I was thinking you were this extraordinary rule following child and a perfect bore and then you sneak a boy into your room. And what a boy he is. I am so proud of you honey."

She wiped a fake tear from her eye and gave me a brilliant smile.

Great. Fuckintastic. Now she would be on me for weeks after details to what she believed was my first time and even demand that she bought me a pink cake like her friends had done when they were teenagers and had lost their virginity. This could not possibly be worse.

"Why are you all standing in the hall looking into Jan`s room?"

Apparently it could. Because I was Jan and things always ended up twice as bad as I first had thought they would.

Kyle shuffled over to us and stopped dead in my door. His jaw fell open and he looked closed to fainting as his whole body stiffened and his russet skin took on a redder hue than normal.

Kill me. Kill me now.

I closed my eyes and opened them again.

Nope.

Still no black hole to disappear in. And still no sudden idea as to how to explain this because face it there was no plausible innocent explanation as to why there was a naked teenage guy in a teenage girls room.

None at all.

I was going to kill Paul.

Slowly, painfully and in so many many ways for this high point of my teenage life.

Because it was all his fault. I had lived my life uncomplicated and as empty for embarrassment as I possibly could as a teenager and then he imprints on me and my life is a comedy show.

Every one of my most embarrassing and rather uncomfortable episodes in my teenage years were all completely his freaking fault. Those after the imprint and those before when he was my bully.

It was a curse.

This huge Paul sized curse on my life to forever mortify me. And no amount of voodoo or exorcism would ever make this curse go away.


	44. Chapter 44: Birds and the bees or Stuff

This was going to be painful.

Kyle was wiggling on the chair looking extremely uncomfortable which was always a clear indication that whatever he said was going to make me want to find that black hole that never seemed to be there when I needed it.

"So…"

He cleared his throat before straitening up and trying to look me in the eye. He was almost successful.

"Having boyfriends…"

He stopped and cleared his throat again.

"Having boyfriends is completely normal for someone your age."

I knew he wanted to tell me that it was completely normal to have boyfriends but not until I was thirty so it was hardly his honest opinions. It seemed that Kyle had upgraded his raise a child book collection to how to raise a teenager. Not that it seemed to do him much good judging from his pinched expression.

"And now that you have one I just want some simple rules. No sleepovers, no staying out on a school night after ten and remember protection if you do… Stuff."

All the air seemed to go out of Kyle as he leaned forward and his forehead hit the table with a smack. Clearly the books of how to raise a teenager didn't quite sit well with him.

"Just… Please tell me that Paul Lahote isn't your boyfriend and that you have never done… Stuff. With him or anyone else."

Kyle's voice was muffled and he was blushing. I couldn't see his face as it was pressed against our kitchen table but his ears were bright red. My face was probably redder as I could feel it heat up.

See? I knew this talk would be worse than watch Kyle throw things at a naked Paul and more or less throw him out of the house while mom was hanging off his arm trying to stop him while saying it was completely normal to have sex when one was eighteen.

"Paul isn't my boyfriend."

Kyle's head snapped up and he frowned at me.

"A nudist gay friend who was homeless for the night I hope or else I can't really find an explanation to what he was doing in your bed this morning."

I squirmed on the chair.

This was what Kim had been trying to tell me. How fucking hard it was to lie to the people you loved. Just thinking about lying to Kyle hurt like hell, made my heart ache, my stomach twist and simply made me feel like a despicable being. It wasn't like I was always honest with him but it had always been small white lies or simply not telling. This was not a simple white lie. This was huge. Life altering even as it sure as hell had changed my life.

"He isn't my boyfriend and I did tell him he could sleep on the floor if he couldn't sleep at his place. The naked part was unintentional I think because I woke up with his shorts on my face. He most likely took it off in his sleep. You know those guys hardly wear any clothes."

"You woke up with his shorts on your face? And he was supposed to sleep on the floor?"

I nodded knowing fully well that it so sounded like the worst lie ever. Kyle sighed deeply.

"I believe you. But Jan you must have noticed that what Paul feels for you isn't exactly friendship?"

Yeah that part was kinda obvious.

I was sure pretty much the whole rez and even parts of Forks knew that as well. I was after all the only girl who had kept his attention for more than a week and the only one he had ever trailed after. Paul never chased girls, they all came to him and he never bothered following them around. If Paul wasn't such a jackass no one would have noticed but him being who he was, everyone did.

"Yeah I know."

Kyle must have seen my reluctance to discuss it further and just leaned back on his chair.

"I know you are a good girl Jan but I also know that Paul isn't a good boy. So I will have to set some ground rules. If Paul for some reason is sleeping over then he will do so in the guestroom. And while your mom and I are gone you will be staying in Sam`s guestroom alone. I already told Sam that."

Kyle put his hand over mine and squeezed it gently. I wondered why he wasn't reacting more. After all me and random boy had always been his biggest nightmare. Paul and I had to be worse.

"And Paul is the only boy who can sleep over. No one else."

That was unexpected. I would have thought Paul would be the last boy Kyle would have allowed to sleep over. Kyle took a deep breath.

"When I went to tribal school his mother was one of my best friends. Before she married that jerk Peter and before she became addicted to painkillers she was a very nice girl. And I have watched Paul head straight for that very same road both his mother and father went."

That was news to me but perhaps it shouldn't be. Kyle had grown up in La Push like most of those who lived at the rez and it wasn't exactly a large community.

"Lately I have noticed a positive change in Paul and I believe that Sam and the council are the reason behind that. And since both including my father have all been pushing for the two of you to spend time together then I choose to believe they are right and that you are also one of those who has a positive effect on him. "

And once again Kyle surprised me. I didn't believe he had noticed the way Sam, Jack and the council had been pushing us together. The blind faith in the council and their golden boy however did not surprise me. Kyle believed in them in a way I could never fully understand. Blind faith wasn't my thing. People had reasons, most of them selfish ones and I would never be as trusting as Kyle. Or my mom for that matter.

In many ways I was still the kid that prodded everything several times to make sure it couldn't hurt me and that it was what my first impression of it was.

"Just… Don't do stuff. And if you feel it's natural too… You know. Do stuff. Then make sure I don't know that you are doing… Stuff. And be safe while you are doing… Stuff."

Wonderful. This wasn't awkward at all.

Unfortunately I knew this was just the start. I had two more people who would love to question me and either shove their advices down my throat or tease the hell out of me. Probably both at the same time.

Oh joy.

Paul was so going to pay for this.

I was even willing to sleep beneath my bed where Paul couldn't stuff his large body just to make sure there would not be a repeat of this. And I was so going to lock Sam`s guestroom even if I had to pay for a locksmith to install locks myself.


	45. Chapter 45: Blood and bones

"Still not talking to Paul?"

I shrugged and pretended that I was interested in the movie on the TV. It was a hopeless attempt as no one in the sofa was remotely interested in watching a movie about some pathetic lovelorn girl.

"Nope."

Kim shook her head seeming amused by it all.

"He is sorry."

Paul being sorry? Well that was one huge big ass lie. He was never sorry. He might say he was but there was never any long lasting guilt or remorse attached to it. At my look she blushed slightly.

"Sort of sorry anyway."

"He said that the bed was more comfortable and if I didn't want to be cuddled I shouldn't mutter about chipmunks in my sleep. I do not sleep talk about chipmunks."

"You sort of do. Mostly chipmunks but sometimes about giant popcorn houses and maneating cakes too."

I shrugged and helped myself to another fistful of chips. I knew when he had said that it was just his version of you were so cute I couldn't help myself but it was hardly a reason to crawl into my bed and I still felt traumatized by what had happened this morning. It wasn't every day the man I called dad found a naked man in my bed and it was never going to happen again.

I stretched out on the sofa trying to ignore the death glare Rachel gave me. She wasn't even supposed to be here as she wasn't one of the wolfgirls but she had found out that Sam`s house was the holding point of Paul and she wasn't about to give up yet and had invited herself over.

Unfortunately for her Paul had night patrol so he wasn't here. Emily wasn't either since an aunt of her had suddenly gotten sick so she and Leah had packed up and left. I didn't envy her. I rather be stuck here with Rachel than in a car with Leah. At least Rachel could not kill me.

Unfortunately having Rachel here made the mood kind of tense. We all had to watch our words so nothing slipped out and it was hard to do that when we were all used to not watching our words in this house. It was after all one of the very few places where we could speak freely about shapeshifters and everything that came with it.

A howl suddenly came from the forest quickly followed by another one and I watched Kim stiffen and her eyes widen out in fear.

"They wolves howl twice when they are hunting."

It was a sort of code were wolves meant werewolves. That meant that somewhere out there was a vampire and that the pack was chasing it.

I shuddered at the thought of that monster that had attacked me. I wasn't the only one to look worried. Kim was wringing her hands and Bella was looking outside the window with a faraway almost blank look in her eyes. She was the only one besides me who knew just how much damage a vampire could do and judging from her tense expression she was scared to death.

The door suddenly slammed open but the first thing I noticed wasn't the two coming in but the blood. Large droplets of blood that dripped and landed in puddles on Emily's pristine floor.

Sam was holding Paul, both of them dripping blood all over the floor. Paul was limp in Sam's arms and his eyes closed but what made me gasp were those jagged lines all over his body. Wounds so deep that they cut several inches into the flesh.

And the blood. I never knew someone could bleed this much.

"I had to rebreak the bones. His temperature won't go down so you will have to cool him down. Stich the deepest wounds if you have to. I have to go back out there."

I was petrified as Sam put Paul on the sofa and couldn't tear my eyes from those bleeding gashes. The blood in my head was making a whoosh sound in my ears and I could hear my own heart beat frantically in my chest.

It was like that night all over again. Just standing there watching someone die right in front of me, unable to move. Unable to do anything. Not even Sam slamming the door behind him could make me move although that voice in my head kept screaming at me to do something.

Cold hands touched my own and I looked straight into Kim's wide panicked eyes.

"Bella can't stand blood and I don't know what to do. "

Tears were streaming down her cheeks and still I couldn't move. Kim seemed to hesitate before drawing her arm back. Her palm hit my cheek with a smack and so hard that my head snapped back on impact. I blinked as she shook me lightly.

It was like I had been jerked back into my own body suddenly aware that everyone in the room was looking at me. Bella was pale as a ghost and Kim was trembling while Rachel seemed as stiff in shock as I had been. Someone had to take charge and unfortunately that very someone seemed to be me.

"Towels. We need towels. And ice cubes. Bella since you can't stand blood you can get those. And make food. Soup and normal food as we don't know if he can eat right now. He will need energy to pull him threw. Kim. Do you think you can help me hold the gashes together. I think they will heal faster if we do. "

Kim was still trembling but nodded and I knew she would do as she was told. Hesitantly I approached the sofa and swallowed bile as I saw that the gashes were deep enough some places to show the white of bones.

"We should call a doctor. And the police."

Rachel sounded hysterical and I gave her a glare. Calling the police or a doctor would be a very bad idea. For one there was no way his injuries could be explained in a normal not mythical manner and for the other I was pretty sure no doctor would overlook that their patient had a deadly wound that healed within hours.

"You do that and I swear I will knock you out and tie you to a chair! Either you help or you sit down and shut up!"

I kneeled beside Paul and pressed one of the gashes together trying not to throw up as the skin jiggled beneath my fingers and more blood oozed out of it as the edges met.

Rachel made a sound and then ran, slamming the door behind her. Even with the bathroom door closed I could hear her throwing up. No help from that side apparently. At least she would be to busy throwing up than to stand in my way.

Kim kneeled down beside me and helped me to push the skin together. Her face was abnormally pale and her forehead was dripping with sweat but she gritted her teeth together. That was one of the many things I loved about her. She might be the shyest person I knew and so far from a take charge person as possible but she always pushed herself beyond her own capabilities when necessary.

It didn't take long before my t shirt was covered in blood and sticking to my skin like a second layer and my hands were sticky with it. The skin kept slipping under my hands and it was healing so fucking slowly that I feared Paul would bleed out before they healed over.

The before brown sofa was becoming dark as Paul kept bleeding. A particularly nasty gash made me gag. It was so deep I could see the white of Paul's ribs several places.

My hands shook as I pressed the edges of skin together and I tried to ignore the nausea and kept swallowing the bile that made its way up from my stomach and up my throat. It seemed to take forever before the gash closed between our hands.

The worst of the gashes were now healed but Paul had yet to open his eyes and his skin was burning much hotter than normally. I didn't need to take his temperature to know that it had to be record breaking. No normal person could possibly be this warm and still be alive.

Bella deposited bags of ice cubes on the floor along with wet towels to clean off all the blood before disappearing into the kitchen. Most of the ice cubes melted within seconds and his temperature refused to go down. Just standing close to him made me sweat. He was going to die. Right there in front of me and I wasn't sure if I would start crying or hitting him.

His eyelids suddenly fluttered and I stopped breathing. Slowly they opened and he looked right at me.

"You look like shit."

I knew very well I had to look like hell. My t shirt was completely blood-soaked, I was sweating and I had to be pale as a ghost. I probably had blood in my hair too as I had several times stroked it back with my bloodied hands. I sniffled wetly and held back a hysteric laughter.

"And you are an ass but that's nothing new."

Whatever relief I felt instantly died when Paul`s face twisted in pain and a half scream came out of his gritted teeth. Painkillers. There had to be some sort of painkillers around here. I only had to look at Kim before she rushed into the bathroom. I heard rustling inside and Rachel yelling for her to get out. The door slammed open and Kim reached me a bottle.

"How many?"

"Just give it to me."

I frowned at him as I unscrewed the lid.

"The whole bottle? I don't think that's a good idea. You might overdose. "

"Just give me the fucking bottle."

Well at least he was feeling well enough to be an ass.

"Fine. You know best I guess. After all you are the one with a furproblem. Not me."

I watched him down the whole bottle and swallow it all in one gulp.

"I am hot. And hungry."

He sounded so pitiful that my heart lurched.

"Think you can eat?"

He tried to lift his arm but it was shaking badly and from his expression it hurt like hell. There was no way he would be able to feed himself much less grab a fork.

"I can feed you."

"I am not going to be handfed like a fucking baby!"

And there he was. The Paul we all knew and loved.

"Either you let me feed you willingly or I will ram the food down your throat."

He rolled his eyes and I took that as a yes to being fed. At least he was decent enough to not comment how my hand shook as I fed him pieces of hamburger meat that Bella had made. And he had an appetite. If he had not I would have been checking for a pulse no matter if he was awake or not.

Paul made a pained sound and I put more ice cubes on his chest and forehead. If they continued to melt this fast then we would soon be out and I had no idea what to do then. He couldn't get into the bathtub by himself and even if there were three of us I doubted we would be able to move him.

"So that's all it takes for you to talk to me when you are giving me the silence treatment? Some manly bleeding wounds? "

It wasn't funny. So not funny that if funny was a planet then this would be in another universe in another dimension.

Paul had nearly died.

It was a mantra in my head. He had nearly died. Still might if his temperature didn't go down. And this wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to be the invulnerable one. To see that he was not. To know that this could be the outcome of being a furball. Well it scared the living hell out of me.

"Seriously if you think this is a solution for me to stop being angry with you then I will kill you myself."

Paul's grin was weak but it was there and his hand gently touched my arm like I was the one that needed fucking comfort.

"I am a patient under your care. You should be nice to me."

"Yeah. Well you are an ass even as a patient and I am not a nurse. Being nice to you isn't a part of the treatment."

"You know if this didn't fucking hurt then I think I would like having you being my nurse. Especially if you could move that hand a little lower."

I yanked my hand away from his stomach and tried not to look down. In all the commotion I had completely forgotten that he was buck naked. Now I was all too aware of the fact.

Unfortunately that voice in my head was all too happy to start its own little mantra of Paul naked in between the other mantra of Paul nearly dying. I knew it was seriously something wrong with my hormones if not even a near death could get it to pipe down.

Finally it seemed like he was cooling down as the ice cubes didn't melt as rapidly as they had before. A warm hand grabbed mine and brown eyes met my own.

"I am sleepy. Stay."

It was more an order than a plead. Not that I would ever expect Paul to beg for anything. And yet I didn't feel like chewing his head off like I normally did when he tried to order me around.

And I wasn't heartless. Although he wasn't bleeding anymore he still looked like death warmed over and even if he had not asked me I would have stayed. Because he had looked like he was about to die and I had not realized how much that scared me.

I leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. Paul grinned widely at me and his hand tightened around my wrist.

"I like when you are being nice to me."

"Yeah. Don't expect it to last. I will be back to hitting you with my crutch shortly."

He grinned and closed his eyes still not letting go of me.

"I expect nothing else hellcat."

Hellcat.

That was an original petname. I didn't mind it really. It was better than babe as that was the name most teenage guys used. Baby made me want to hurl and was most likely the name Paul used on all his fuckbuddies as to not say the wrong name. And if Paul started calling me sweetie or honey I would start looking for that alien device in the back of his neck because imprinted or not that was just over the top creepy. Hellcat, now that was a petname I could live with. And it sort of fit our relationship. Whatever it was and whatever it would be in the future.

That little voice muttered what it wanted Paul to do to me in the future and I shuddered. Great. He was still bloody despite my attempts at cleaning it off and he was sweating and basically looking like hell and my inner perv still wanted to do him.

It was becoming obvious that Paul wasn't the only nutjob in this whole imprinting relationship.

**Authors note: **_Thank you for all the reviews. Nothing aspires a writer as knowing people like the story. Cookies for you all. _


	46. Chapter 46: Queen of the world

I opened the door just as someone yelled from the living room.

"Saying you are waiting patiently isn't being patient you twit!"

Paul was driving someone insane. Not surprising. What was surprising was that it was Bella doing the yelling. She was always so mellow and I would never expect her to lose her patience so obviously or call someone a twit. It was a rather weak insult but still kind of harsh when it came from her. And I had only been gone an hour with Embry to do some shopping. Apparently in just that hour Paul had managed to get to her too.

Poor Bella was red as a tomato and positively fuming. Apparently a Paul on bed rest was ten times as bad as a normal Paul. No wonder Embry had just helped me with the grocery bags to the front door before taking off. He probably already knew that.

I watched as Bella stomped into the kitchen and shortly appearing with a plate of bacon and eggs looking like she wanted to throw it at Paul.

"Bella. Why don't you go home for a bit? Jacob will be done with patrol soon and I will tell him that you went home."

Normally she would hesitate and ask if I was sure I didn't need any help but this time she only threw a glare at the stairs up to the room Paul was residing in before stomping out with a muttered thank you. And that left me with the werewolf who had a gigantic stick up his ass.

Quil and Jacob were on patrol. Seth would not come near Paul when Paul was in an especially bad mood and Embry had all but fled the premises. Sam was having a meeting with the council and Emily and Leah were still gone. Kim had started crying after Paul had been particularly mean towards her this morning and Jared had followed after her. Rachel probably wanted to be here but Billy and Sue had picked her up to explain this whole wolf stuff to her as she had gotten a bit hysterical when she saw the speed Paul had been healing.

That left me. I was the only one that seemed to be able to stand being here when Paul was on a warpath.

"I hear you are being a very annoying patient."

Paul's sour expression turned to a bright smile as I stepped into the room.

"I hate being in this fucking bed. And I can't even jerk off."

"I think we had this conversation before. It started with ewww and ended with things I do not want to know."

I managed to crawl into the bed beside him and placed the plate of food in his lap. He looked better but his leg was still a bit fucked up as Sam had to rebreak it this morning. For the next two days at least he had been told to stay in bed but I was relieved. He would be fine and I could just put the memory of last night down to a traumatic one but not life changing one. He was here. He was alive. And I was so fucking happy for that so I wasn't even annoyed by the fact that he had made everyone else flee this house.

Perhaps it was a sign that the radio had been playing the song Illuminated by Hurts when Embry drove me to the store.

I had spent so much time freaking out over this and suddenly everything seemed so clear. I had nearly died this week. Paul had nearly died. Perhaps it was time for me to just take what was offered. After all there was no guarantee of a tomorrow. It was something I had become painfully aware of lately. Perhaps I should live more in the moment.

"You seem to be thinking hard."

Paul was leaning towards me and his lips were just inches from my own. I reached out my hand and put it on his cheek. It was warm and surprisingly smooth beneath my palm. I let my fingers slide over the bridge of his nose and down over those thin lips and that fascination bow on his upper lip. For once Paul didn't say a thing just looked at me with smoldering dark eyes. I leaned in and touched his lips with mine.

That same electric currant I had tried my best to forget shot threw me the second my lips met his. It wasn't perfect. There was no way it could be. The position was straining, my injured wrist squeezed against his side and it wasn't like he could move much either. Yet when the tip of his tongue touched the corner of my mouth I forgot all that.

And he still tasted like cinnamon.

I opened my mouth and touched his tongue with mine and just that was enough to set my heart off and make me shiver. My hand knotted itself in his hair and I dizzily thought that kissing Paul was something I could do forever. Reluctantly I drew back to catch my breath.

Paul was staring at me with those deep dark eyes and when his finger touched my lips he got this look of wonder like he couldn't believe that I had just kissed him. I couldn't quite believe it either. But I couldn't think about it. Cause thinking lead towards bad bad things. Like freaking out or mental breakdowns. Instead I pressed my lips against his again and put my one functioning arm on his stomach.

The inner perv voice was doing a happy dance as my fingers slid over those abs that very same voice used to praise. My fingers suddenly hit coarse hair and Paul stiffened against my lips. Apparently my hand had slid a little lower than I had intended and was now just beneath his bellybutton.

I didn't know if it was because of the kissing or where my hand was placed but there was a very obvious dent in the blanket. Paul was turned on and I had not even really done anything. Curiosity got the better of me and I slid my hand down before I really got the chance to think about it.

It wasn't anything like I had expected although I wasn't even sure what I had expected.

It was smooth almost silky and so hot that it seemed to burn my hand. When I looked up Paul had his eyes closed and was leaning on the headboard with a tense expression. Had he been looking at me I would probably have chickened out but he wasn't so I dared look down again. He was big. Not that I had any live experience or anything. I gently squeezed the base and almost giggled as his legs twitched. Feeling encouraged I slid my fingers further down and got a moan. It was like an experiment. I got a curse if I squeezed, a moan if I pulled and a gasp when I rubbed my thumb over it and smeared the droplets seeping out of the slit over the head. A large callused hand was suddenly over mine pressing my hand harder around him.

"Please. Just… Fuck. Please."

So that was what it took to make Paul beg. And it couldn't hurt right? He did after all beg.

I let him guide my hand letting him learn me the pressure he wanted and the pace. And it made me feel like a goddess. Just watching the pleasure flitting over his face and the way he bit his bottom lip made me feel like the queen of the world.

I was doing that.

I was the one to make him twitch and wriggle beneath my hand. I was the one making him gasp. This was what power felt like. And power was the only word that came to mind when watching Paul jerk his hips up and into my hand.

His other hand carefully guided my injured wrist down and gently curled around it so that I was squeezing his balls just as his other hand pressed hard around my other hand that was curled around him. It twitched and he whimpered and then groaned. I watched wide eyed as he came in spurts over his own stomach.

That had been… Enlightening. I peeked up at his face and swallowed a snicker at his blissed out expression.

"What was that for?"

He curled his upper lip still not opening his eyes.

"And I sound like a fucking girl."

I swallowed a giggle and patted his leg.

"Throwing the dog a bone."

He lifted a brow and peeked at me throw half closed eyes. Apparently my jokes wouldn't cut it. He wanted to know where he stood and I could understand that.

"That means you are my boyfriend. I don't give a hand job to just anyone you know."

Well. I had never given a handjob to anyone before but he didn't need to know that. His ego was big enough as it was. Any bigger and it would need a house of its own.

Paul kissed my forehead a very unPaulish thing to do.

"I never been anyone's boyfriend since I was ten. But if it's you I guess I can manage."

The words didn't fit his expression at all as he was positively glowing.

Paul's girlfriend.

I could deal with that. Of course I was bound to freak out later but what the hell. Tomorrow was no guarantee and if Paul had died yesterday I would have regretted not even trying. So that was what I would do. Try.

It might not pan out and it might end in disaster but at least it would not leave me wondering what could have happened. It was time to take a page out of my mom's book and just live in the moment. It seemed to make her happy and to be honest I was so fucking tired of thinking all the time.

I curled into Paul's side and buried my nose in the crook of his neck. And well… This was nice after all.

**Authors note: **_Man this one was kind of hard to write. I kind of figured a more eh expressive language did not fit Jan at all. Despite her potty mouth she is still quite innocent in many ways and I just didn't see her thinking dick and cock. So I used my own experience in her description of it all. I remember calling my first boyfriends penis for IT. Funny that I came to think of how he hated that just now. He always said it sounded like his penis was some monster from a horror movie than no one got to fully see before the end of the movie. Lol. _

_Oh and just a bit clearing up. The story line lays is somewhere around New moon and as you all have probably noticed, not very canon at all. Thank you for all the reviews=) _


	47. Chapter 47: Quil never learns

Hoping that no one would notice the abrupt change in status between Paul and I had been a futile hope. I had barely sat down at the dinner table before Quil gave me a lecherous grin.

"Hey Jan. You kinda smell like sper…"

He never got to finish the sentence as a smack from Paul sent his head right into his hamburger and chips.

See. There were benefits of being with the violent one of them.

Paul gave Quil`s hamburger covered face a warning snarl before digging into his food with gusto. Emily just rolled her eyes before throwing a napkin over at Quil.

Paul's girlfriend. I was expecting a mental breakdown but nothing. Just this warm comfortable feeling like I had just found the answer to what had been troubling me these last weeks.

Could it really be this easy? Probably not. I might be fine right now but there was a loophole with my name on it somewhere.

And I really did suck at living in the moment. I was the thinker while mom had the patent on living in the moment. Hence my tendency of thinking too much. After all someone had to do that too.

"And did you see that jump. It was like swoosh and then crack. And the way she kicked that head."

Seth was literally jumping up and down on the chair. He was way too tall and muscled to be a kid but I was reminded of the fact that he was the pack puppy every time he opened his mouth.

He didn't look like a kid. Granted he was smaller and more slender than the rest of the guys but then again they were huge and Seth could still easily pass as a nineteen year old even if he couldn't legally even drive a car. That probably gave his overprotective sister quite a headache.

"And then she just threw the guy like up in the air and jumped, grabbing his neck. I know she is a vampire but Gaia is awesome."

My head snapped up. Gaia? What the hell did Gaia have to do with all of this? Seth caught my eye and grinned.

"No one told you yet? We met her in the woods last night. I totally thought Paul was toast and that we never would get to him in time. There were like five on him and more coming but then she was just there. She took like two of them out in seconds. Totally cool."

His statement of cool gave him a couple of annoyed looks. Cheering on the vampire wasn't exactly something team wolf was supposed to do.

"Was she okay?"

Paul gave me a glare. This was clearly an issue we would never agree on but vampire or not she was still the person who had a huge hand in raising me.

"Oh she was fine. She climbed up in a tree when we arrived and pretty much told Sam how to rebreak Paul's bones. Then she said we needed to have a meeting soon and that we had to bring you as she wasn't about to waste a second of her afterlife on us if she didn't have to."

That was quite a weird statement from someone who had saved Paul's furry butt. But then even after knowing Gaia for so many years she was still a mystery to me.

"We agreed on having a meeting as soon as Paul was healed."

Paul turned his glare on Sam who glared back. He didn't seem happy about meeting a vampire either but for some reason Sam saw it as necessary. Necessary enough to bring me, the puny squishy human, along as promised.

Now that was not something I looked forward too. I wanted to meet Gaia again of course but meeting her with the enemies of vampires sounded like it would be tense at least. Hostile was probably a better word for it.

And Paul was not known to be levelheaded.

He even threatened poor Theo like that skinny teenager was some kind of serial killer that wanted to drag me off into the woods.

How he would act with Gaia. Well I could more or less imagine it. It involved a large amount of swearing and insults followed by furriness. The only reason he wasn't protesting now was probably because Sam had slapped him with some Alpha mojo. Wished I could do that.

"So. Are you okay with this?"

Sam looked worried like he expected me to say no. Not surprising as it wasn't that long ago since I had a rather unpleasant meeting with a vampire but Gaia had been the one to save me. And it wasn't like I wasn't aware of the potential risk I would be putting myself in. As Bella had explained, blood was pretty much like a drug for vampires. But I figured that if Gaia had been holding herself back when I was a kid I didn't run any higher risks back then than now when I knew what she was.

"Sure."

Paul lifted a brow.

"I don't think it is a good idea."

Shocker. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Paul. That woman or vampire, whatever, pretty much raised me when I was a kid. I doubt she did that just to fatten me up to eat me."

I refrained from telling him that Gaia had told me that she was my ancestor. I had told Sam so Paul probably knew even if he conveniently had forgotten that fact. And I did believe her as I couldn't find any other reasons to why she had been there for my mom and during my preteen years.

Even vampires couldn't possibly be so bored with their eternal life that they indulged themselves in a mind game going over years and with so many people. She wasn't just our benefactor but also Hailey's. She was the one to fund Hailey`s free clinic and make sure that all of Hailey's foster children were financially secure. And she had always told me how important family was expressing several times her disgust over my grandparents who had kicked my mom out and later cut all contact with Hailey when it became clear that my aunt neither shared their religious beliefs nor their future plans involving marriage and children. Hailey was perfectly content being single and taking in other people's children.

I didn't see anything wrong with that but apparently my grandparents did. I didn't even dare think about what they would think about Kyle. Not to mention Paul.

Scratch that.

I would actually love for them to meet Paul. His potty mouth would have made grandma do the cross at least twenty times during an hour and perhaps he would even have made them stop the preaching and instead flee the premises in fear that he was the devil himself.

I had only met them once and even as a nine year old I had hated them intensely. It was either hating them or start crying.

Grandparents were after all supposed to be soft and loving. They were not supposed to tell a little kid that she would end up in hell because of her parent's sins if she didn't repent. Nor were they supposed to look at you like you were something dirty and just touching you would transfer that dirt on to them.

If mom had not been that wonderful stubborn and loving person she was she might have agreed for them to send me to one of those homes for children born out of wedlock. Homes for lost children. Bullshit. Religious brainwashing camps were more like it. I knew very well how those homes were as one of Hailey's foster children had lived in one for years before she came to Hailey.

My soul didn't need fucking saving. It was fine and healthy thank you very much.

"What are you thinking about?"

I answered before I could think it through.

"How much my grandparents would hate you."

Paul scooted back on his chair and looked at me in fear like he was afraid I had changed my mind. I couldn't really blame him. I had sort of been sending him mixed signals ever since he imprinted on me going from being fine to a complete mental breakdown.

"Can you promise me something?"

He nodded wearily.

"That if you ever meet my grandparents can you be twice the ass that you normally are? And swear as much as you can and possibly just underline a couple of times that you are Quileute and don't believe in God? And perhaps bring Quil so he can shock them with his perviness?"

"What? So I am some sort of teenage rebellion?"

His tone was playful but there was something in his eyes that made me believe that it was just a front.

Come to think of it he sort of was the perfect teenage rebellion if some girl wanted to piss off her parents. He was the child of the former rez slut and an abusive alcoholic asshole. He was violent, prone to temper fits, swore like a sailor and basically was the bad boy of the rez if not the bad boy. It made sense that girls had used him to freak out their parents in the past. Even thinking I was one of those brainless girls was kind of insulting really.

"Hell no. If I wanted to rebel, which I don't, I could sure as hell find an easier way to do it than to date a werewolf."

Like an older guy with tattoos and a bike. That actually sounded like less trouble.

"As for rebellion against my grandparents, they pretty much think I am going to hell whatever I do and I don't particularly care enough about them to do anything to piss them off. As for my parents. Kyle has a problem with boys in general. I could date Theo and he would have a fit."

Paul growled as I mentioned Theo and I rolled my eyes. He really had to get over that insane idea that Theo was in any way a threat. Squirrels were more dangerous than Theo.

"And my mom. Well she thinks you are hot and thinks we have done it already."

I ignored the clearing of throats to hide the chuckling around me.

"Judging from the way she was dancing circles around me two days ago while singing like a virgin I think she approves. As a matter of fact she thinks you are insanely hot so you can just get used to her calling you Jailbait. And it's hardly rebellion since Kyle hardly believed me when I said we were not dating and mom believes we have ever since you started stalking me on my way home. And you are an ass for even thinking I would stoop to the cliché of teenage rebellion."

Paul grinned and I pretended not to notice that the whole pack was listening in.

"Yeah I am an asshole. Nothing new there."

There was something about the way he said it that seemed to be some sort of warning. Like I didn't know what I was walking into as Paul`s girlfriend. I was probably one of few that knew just how much of an asshole he could be after being his victim for years.

Oddly enough that wasn't as off-putting as it used to be. It was just Paul. He would always be an ass. He would say things that made me want to smack him and I probably would smack him a lot of times too. He would never sugarcoat things but tell it as he saw it no matter how much it pissed people off. He would provoke people just because he wanted to and he would never be the guy that begged for forgiveness or brought me flowers just because he wanted to.

Being with Paul would probably never be easy even aside the whole furriness issue. Yet I still couldn't muster up any of that head for the hills feeling that had plagued me ever since I learned about the whole imprinting thing.

Perhaps the imprinting wasn't as far off as I had first thought. Still far off just not completely fucked up.

Cause I could deal with Paul. I could deal with his anger issues, his temper outbursts and even the fact that he would probably alienate me from many people by scaring the hell out of them and I had already proved that I had no problems what so ever with the whole furriness issue.

Not even once had I been scared enough of him to cower away even when he went out of his way to make me. I always met him head on like some chipmunk with a suicide wish going against a rapid pitbull even though it would probably be wiser not standing up to him again and again and thus make bullying me rather amusing for him.

"I know you are an ass. It's pretty much stamped on your forehead."

Paul smiled that smirk again and I rolled my eyes.

"So you are a couple now? So that why Jan smelled like sper…"

Once again Paul smacked Quil`s head so that he faceplanted on his plate. The pack perv really should learn to keep his mouth shut to prevent himself from getting injured.


	48. Chapter 48:They glitter?

I really had not been looking forward to this meeting. Not only the meeting itself but the way there.

One leg in a cast wasn't exactly good for hiking. Luckily I didn't have to worry as Paul had lifted me on top of his shoulders without asking. He was still limping a bit but otherwise he was completely healed and I wouldn't be human if I didn't hate him a little bit for it.

He had to rebreak his leg and here he was two days later while I was still humping along like some wood legged pirate with only one fully functioning arm. So not fair.

Paul let me go when we walked a little further into the forest and phased quickly behind a tree which meant Gaia had to be close. This time it was Jacob who lifted me up. Apparently they had decided that one of them should stay in human form to talk and I wasn't that surprised that the person chosen for that task was Jacob because face it. Paul would only take a look at Gaia and then poof. Hello furriness.

The place chosen for the meeting was a large clearing and Gaia was sitting in the middle of it with her eyes closed. She didn't even seem to be breathing and looked like a masterpiece of a statue. Then suddenly the sun peeked out from a cloud and a ray of sunlight touched her face. Her skin seemed to glitter like a million tiny diamonds.

You had to be kidding me. Immortal, superstrong, blooddrinker, predator and glittering? That last part did so not fit. Dangerous beings were not supposed to glitter like Barbie's ball gown. She opened her eyes and grinned slightly.

"I knew you would find that amusing."

She stretched slightly and I couldn't help but to think it was on purpose as her movements were especially slow. And it wasn't like she needed to stretch as vampires didn't really get uncomfortable until someone ripped off something. Probably she did it to seem more human.

She didn't seem worried at all that there were now five wolves around her instead she seemed faintly amused.

"Jan. Tell me does these mutts mean anything to you? That dark grey had your sent on him and still does. That was why I lent a hand. "

It was an odd question. And did they? The answer was there immediately. Of course they meant something. Several of them annoyed me more often than not but still… It felt like a family. A dysfunctional one and a severely annoying one but somehow along the road they sort of felt like home.

"Yes."

Gaia nodded slowly, her hair fluttering slightly in the wind.

"Okay then."

Jacob stepped in front of me looking menacing, an expression I before had not even imagined possible as I had always viewed him as a walking talking ray of sunshine.

"What does that mean?"

"That means puppy boy that I am at your full disposal. Any question you have I will answer honestly and without resistance. Anything that is in my power to give is yours."

Jacob looked slightly stunned but then again it wasn't everyday your enemy offered to help.

"Then why are you here?"

"I wasn't supposed to be but the recent vampire activities and their interest in this place worries me. I have not stepped a foot near La Push nor Forks before then. I did hear the legends about the wolves and I didn't want my presence to trigger anything."

Jacob's shoulders relaxed a small fraction but he still looked tense.

"That didn't quite answer my question."

Gaia smiled looking faintly amused and her dark red eyes met mine.

"When a human turn they burn for several days. The pain and the shock burn away most human memories. The last thing I was thinking about was my daughters and when I woke up they were all I remembered. All I cared about. You can say that my family became my obsession. Ever since the day I changed I have been watching over them making sure they live long and happy lives. That is all I have been doing for the last seven hundred years or so."

Jacob didn't seem convinced and his brown eyes narrowed.

"That sounds like a lot of people to look after."

Gaia shrugged and broke eye contact with me to look up at the sky. Her expression was almost sad.

"Less than it should be. I can't be everywhere and I can't do everything. But I have done what I could to the best of my abilities."

"But you still eat humans."

A slightly sinister smile appeared in that angelic face.

"Who do you set to watch a crate of chocolate? The one that has already eaten his fill or the one that hungers for it? Feeding off humans desensitize me and makes it safer for those I watch after."

"That sounds a bit hypocritical. Protecting your own family and eating others."

Gaia giggled, the sound seemingly too young for someone looking so wise.

"Yes but then again I have never claimed to be otherwise. Most of the time tough I do limit myself to the scum of the earth. Murderers. Sexual predators. It has become easier with time to sort these people out. The sexual offenders list for example. It's like a menu."

That sounded really disturbing. Logical but still extremely disturbing.

Gaia tilted her head looking almost like a painting of an angel with her wavy blond hair and that smooth beautiful face.

"You are not going to defend the right to live for pedophiles are you?"

Whatever argument Jacob had seemed to die on his lips. Gaia smiled smugly and stretched out her legs.

"I got rid of the one without a sent and most of those who he had passed on clothes too but there are still more out there and I don't think their leader has given up despite this little set back."

"Clothes?"

"Yes. Apparently he had gotten a hold of some clothes to spread around so that the newborns could recognize the smell."

"What smell?"

"The kind of sent that you vaguely smell of. Someone you care about perhaps?"

That had to be Bella then. And Jacob seemed to come to the same conclusion judging from the slight vibrations that shook his frame.

"This harlot is creating newborns. Plentiful of them. It seems like she is planning an attack. I would not take her lightly."

Gaia `s face changed from amused to an expression I remembered from that day my biological father had died. Her lips were pressed tight together and her eyes were slightly narrowed.

"Creating newborns takes a lot of self-control and determination. It is not done on a whim. And they are hard to control. The only reason someone would create a group of newborns would be to create an army. In their first year they are stronger and faster than older vampires. All they are is strength and killing instinct. You got a war on your hands puppy and unless the harlot dies or she gets what she wants this will never end. And there is another tiny little problem as to how much attention this newborn army will get."

Gaia threw her head back and gave Jacob a look through half closed eyes.

"There are rules. Even for my kind. Humans are not supposed to know. If these rulers find out about the reason for it all they will exterminate the source of it. And they will not take kindly to your existence either. And they are lot harder to deal with than one obsessed vampire."

I shuddered at the thought that there was something out there more dangerous than an army of super vampires.

"And where do you stand?"

Gaia smiled softly and looked at me.

"I stand on Jan`s side for as long as she lives and her descendants after that."

"We can't patrol Forks if you are there."

Gaia rolled her eyes looking like she was starting to get annoyed.

"Puppy, do I look like a fucking Cullen to you? Believe me when I say the Cullen's and I are very different species. And whatever agreement you had with them is with them and not me. You can piss all over Forks for what I care. The only thing I care about is to keep Jan and Gina safe and unfortunately for me that now seem to vaguely include you and your flee covered pack. I don't like it but I have done worse to keep my family safe. It seems like our goals are somewhat the same pup. Talk it over with the elders to come up with a treaty with me. But I warn you now. Dismissing my help when offered is not a very wise choice to make. This is beyond your experience. Beyond what your legends can learn you. Jan has got my number. Call me when you set on a new meeting."

She slowly got up, her every movement deliberate and I pushed my shoulder into Paul.

"Say thank you."

Paul looked at me like he thought I was an idiot and I wasn't sure if it was because he was currently in wolf form and couldn't talk or because I was suggesting that he should thank a vampire.

"Just bow or something. She did save your butt."

Paul growled a bit but did make a bow. It didn't look grateful at all as his teeth were showing in a snarl. But it was Paul. Just him making the bow was a progress in manners. Gaia seemed amused rather than offended by the less then halfhearted attempt of a thank you and stroked her hair away from her face.

"You are welcome Cujo."

Yeah. There would be no braiding of friendship bracelets in the near future.

Gaia shot him a taunting grin and he growled at her. Then she waved like this had all been a meeting between friends and slowly disappeared into the forest. I was so caught up in looking after her that I yelped when something very cold and wet nuzzled into my neck. Paul gave me what I assumed was a grin but to be honest I wasn't sure because all I saw was teeth. Huge white teeth. If that was a grin Paul should never do it again because it was not at all reassuring nor did it look very friendly.

"We will have to have a meeting with the elders."

Jacob looked at me with a serious expression on his normally sunny face.

"You will have to come with Jan."

Wait. What?

"Eh no."

My answer must have come as a surprise because Jacob raised a brow.

"Why not?"

If he gave me an hour I would give him an essay as to why I didn't want to.

I rather hit my thumb with hammer. I rather walk into Sunday mass at church naked. I rather flash Chief Swan. There were a lot of things I rather do than to attend a meeting with the elders. Like ride my bicycle over the edge of a cliff. The landing would be painful yes but it would be over in seconds.

A meeting with a bunch of old native guys who looked at me like I was a genetic freakshow for having Paul imprint on me would be painful for the whole meeting and then make them impossible for me to ignore after. I was fully comfortable with pretending they did not exist. Besides I knew myself well enough to know that the chances of a Jan rant in that situation was highly possible.

I didn't like them before. Now I liked them even less. Mostly because I didn't quite understand why the hell they had any decision making power with the pack at all.

They were not wolves. They had never known any wolves at least not as adults. All they knew was what were in the legends and to be honest that didn't have much relevance to being a wolf today.

They didn't risk their lives every day. And sure the pack got a paycheck for their work as La Push protectors but that hardly covered the food the wolves consumed, the clothes they burst out of nor did it in any way make up for all the broken dreams or broken relationships that came from turning into a furball.

It was the elders that had decided that only they should know about the whole furball issue. Which meant that Embry was treated like a delinquent by his mother and Sam`s mother thought he had become like his father and Jared`s mother thought her son was some sort of druggie.

All because they were not elders.

Honestly being the mother or father of someone should trump being a stuffy old man with his head stuck so far into the legends that they didn't see that become a wolf warrior these days was not an honor but rather a life damaging curse.

And yes perhaps my opinion of them was pretty much painted by the fact that they didn't like Kyle being with my mom nor the fact that I was living in La Push but I hardly felt guilty by thinking of them that way.

I was perfectly comfortable with despising the elders. Except Billy Black and Sue Clearwater. They had always been nice to me. The rest of them could jump off a cliff for all I cared.

So no.

I was not going to a meeting with the elders.


	49. Chapter 49: The elders and hopping away

I had been looking at Sam`s back for at least thirty minutes.

The only reason he was holding me over his shoulder and not slung over it was because he found out that I wasn't beyond pulling his boxers up and try to give him a wedgie while being slung over his shoulder. Completely childish but I took what I could to make my dissatisfaction known right now. Even if it was acting like a brat.

I was really tired of this no vote thing. Because clearly I had no vote. No one asked me if I wanted to be sucked into wolf town. No one asked me if I wanted to know that there was more out there than I thought.

Sure becoming Paul`s girlfriend had been my choice but really what choices were there out there for me? No one that's what.

Not unless I wanted A) For Paul to go insane thus leaving me with guilt extreme or B) Die a virgin and alone because no man with half a brain would even look at me when Paul was snarling and growling at every man that got within five feet. So I had taken the best option of becoming Paul`s girlfriend and see if there was any chance for this to work.

If it came back to slap me in the face then at least I had tried.

Paul gave me a half amused and half apologetic look. He had been slapped with an alpha order just in case I asked him to help me escape. Not that I would ever ask him to go against his brothers because I wasn't a heartless bitch.

Although the thought had been one of many desperate options I had gone by ever since Sam told me I had to go to this freaking meeting. But then again setting myself on fire or try to jump out of the car had also struck me. Neither of them very sane.

And face it. I had been in this position enough to know that when kidnapped by giants there were no escape routes.

The only thing one could do was to hang there limply while cursing them. Not really helping but calling Sam a huge ass with a serious do as I say complex had helped a bit especially when his left eyebrow started twitching a half hour into my rant. I couldn't fight my way out but I could make them reconsider the whole the end justify the means way of thinking and make them think twice before making me do anything I didn't want to do.

Billy Black smothered a smile as I was carried into the light of the bonfire and Sue Clearwater did not hide her amusement at all, grinning widely like I had just made her day. The others looked disapproving and Jack looked like he wanted to walk away from it all.

Me being somewhat related to him probably made my undignified transportation method embarrassing for him.

Sam put me down and kept a hand on my shoulder to prevent any escape attempts. Not that I would try. That would pretty much end in me being dragged back and I didn't have half the stamina or the speed he had.

"What did the leech want?"

"She wanted to make a truce. She said that all she wants is to keep Mrs. Heinz and Jan safe. She says that they are her descendants whom she has watched over since birth."

The eyes leveled at me were not at all friendly. It seemed I could add descendant of vampire with being a paleface. Goodie.

Like they didn't think this imprint was fucked up before.

Not that you could really be the descendant of a vampire since, well they were not fertile. I wasn't even sure what to call it really. Pre vampire descendant perhaps?

"Are you saying that an imprint is in league with a vampire?"

The way old Quil said it sounded like I was the enemy or at least in league with the enemy. Sam frowned clearly displeased with that assumption.

"No. Until recently Jan wasn't even aware that she knew a vampire. She has always believed the leech was a distant relative."

Yes please speak for me because I don't have a mind or opinion of my own. I am just an intended broodmare whose sole purpose in life was to create pre puppies.

"We cannot trust her. And as she isn't a Cullen we have no treaty with her."

I didn't bother listening as my opinion hardly counted. I wasn't a wolf. A Quileute perhaps but only because I didn't have a tribe and apparently I needed one to be an imprint. I didn't even pretend to understand the logic of that as it would probably give me a headache.

"What do you think Jan?"

I startled and looked straight into old Quil`s brown eyes. He seemed reluctant to even ask me.

"What?"

I heard Quil snicker behind me, a sound that was quickly choked as his grandfather gave him a stern look.

"This vampire. Do you think she can be trusted?"

There was only one answer. Gaia was a vampire but she was also someone who had always taken care of me. Given my mom and I a roof over our heads when dad died. She had babysat me often and been the one to learn me how to cook and how to sew.

Her being a vampire did not change the fact that she had been one of the most important people in my life and still was a very important person to me even if my comfort and stability no longer depended on her.

"Yes."

It wasn't the answer old Quil wanted judging from how his normally squinted eyes narrowed even further.

"She is a vampire. Not to be trusted. And you should know as you were attacked by one."

David Whitespear looked slightly purple and I got the feeling that he wanted to put me in a corner for a time out for voicing such an insane opinion.

"Should I be ducking?"

It was funny watching him and the rest of the council look at me like I was insane.

"What?"

"Well . You pretty much told me that I should not trust Gaia as I was attacked by a vampire. Your son threw a rock at me once. Should I expect you to do the same?"

He looked stunned for a moment as he had not known that Gareth had done that but quickly composed himself.

"That has nothing to do with this."

I shrugged and resisted the temptation to roll my eyes.

"That's a matter of opinion. I know that vampires drink blood. I know that ultimately I am prey to them and no I don't see myself fully trusting a vampire as it would be like trusting a lion not to chew on me when its instincts take over. But I do trust Gaia. To me she isn't just a vampire. I knew her long before I even knew vampires existed and knowing she is one now doesn't change the fact that I do trust her. All my life she had only my best in her mind. Knowing what she is only makes that even more special to me."

Judging from the looks I got it would be a miracle if someone didn't have a stroke soon.

"I trust her more than I do you."

Old Quil jumped on his feet with an amazing speed for such an old man.

"You are Quileute and we are your elders. You should both respect and trust your elders."

"Bite me!"

I winched. Perhaps I should have phrased that differently but even as I thought about stopping myself my mouth just kept running.

"You say I should trust you? No one asked me if I even wanted to be a Quileute and I sure as hell do not trust you. Trust is earned and you have not earned it. And don't think I do not know the only reason I am a part of this tribe is to make it a little more easier to accept that a wolf imprinted on a paleface. Yeah I get that I don't really have a vote but I sure as hell am not a mindless follower or a brain-dead broodmare and I do have a mind of my own and I do make my own opinions! So yeah I trust one vampire. Because the trust I had in her as a child has yet to be misplaced. As for you. To even stand here and demand that I should trust you when at least two members of this council have muttered….. behind my back several times."

Oh great. A Jan rant. Splendid. I just knew this was going to happen.

And that word. I had not meant to say it. I wasn't even sure what it meant but as I had never learned it in class and the tone it was always spoken with and the fact that it was always muttered indicated that it was a bad bad word and thus I had never bothered to find out what it meant.

And judging from the reaction around me I was right in not wanting to know.

Sam had gone as pale as russet skin could go. Billy, Sue and even old Quil and Jack looked shocked and Paul… Paul was furry and growling. It had happened so fast that I had not even expected it.

Most of the elders except Billy and Sue shrunk back as Paul waved his massive head trying to find the person he should attack. I glared at the growling wolf.

"Paul. We have had this discussion before. I can fight my own battles so be a nice puppy and sit."

Paul huffed but walked over to me and sat down looking sullen.

Seriously. I should get him one of those dog chew toys if he didn't stop sulking every time he didn't get to bite someone. Although that would not put him in a better mood.

As he often reminded me he was a shapeshifter. He did not have a furproblem as I tended to call it and even if he turned into a wolf he had no desire to lick his own butt or piss on trees. That one butt licking episode had a one incident thing and would never happen again.

I didn't believe that as he sometimes even looked at me like he wanted to piss on my leg to mark his territory.

He was still growling and I tugged his ear to stop him from scaring the shit out of the elders. Not that it wasn't funny to watch but most of them were old and could end up having a heart attack.

"So you are saying we should trust her?"

Billy looked at me not even glancing at Paul like his little explosion never had happened.

"Yes. She knows a lot and didn't seem to have any problems or reservations sharing. And she did save Paul`s ass because of me."

Old Quil didn't quite glare at Paul but he did look stern and somewhat disappointed.

"He would not have needed saving if he had not walked knowingly into an ambush."

Of course. Now why didn't that surprise me?

Without a second thought I lifted my crutch and smacked it over Paul's head.

"You moron! If you do that again then being killed by vampires will be your last worry as I will kill you myself!"

Paul whined and I could almost feel the shocked looks directed at me.

So perhaps smacking a horse sized wolf over the head wasn't the brightest thing to do but the wolf was still Paul just with more teeth. And I smacked Paul on a regular basis.

Old Quil took a deep breath and the shock on his face was replaced with determination.

"What do you mean by she saved Paul because of you?"

I tried not to wriggle at the mere thought of why.

"Because she said he smelled like me. She figured he was someone close to me and someone I cared about."

Although Paul smelling like me did have more with his inability to follow rules and stay on the floor as I had told him to. But I wasn't about to elaborate that part.

I made an inelegant attempt of getting up and would never have made it if Paul had not stuck his head beneath my arm and hoisted me up. Old Quil gave Paul the wolf a fearful look before seemingly composing himself giving me the same stern expression he had given Quil.

"Where are you going?"

Like I needed his permission to leave. I bit my lip trying not to go into another Jan rant of complete honesty.

"I am hopping home."

"Sit down!"

And that was the end of my patience and the end of what little restraint I possessed.

"Why? My opinion doesn't matter. You have already decided to not accept her help and instead entrust the lives of the people here and the wolves to what you know. Which I must say when it comes to vampires isn't much. I for one will not be the imprint that stabs herself to distract the vampires. Sure I am all for that everyone lives especially the wolves as I have come to look at them as annoying but well-meaning and somewhat a kind of dysfunctional family but I have no intentions of dying and frankly I don't like most of the people in La Push enough to sacrifice my life for them."

I put the crutch under my arm and glared at old Quil.

"So this faulty imprint without a vote is hopping home. And next time make some coffee so I can at least have something to drink when I waste my time."

Walking away unfortunately didn't happen as fast as I wanted it too. That damned cast made it impossible to make a quick or graceful escape.

I was halfway to the car when the rest of the pack trotted up to me. Surprisingly Leah was with them. Normally she avoided being with the pack when she could and I was even more surprised when she lifted me into the backseat of the truck and dumped down beside me. Leah took a deep shaky breath like she was holding something in.

"You know. I don't think Paul imprinting on you was that insane after all. Cause you don't sugarcoat things do you?"

It was like her comment sat all the others off.

Quil was clutching his stomach and I was shocked to see Sam leaning over the steering wheel while his back shook in laughter. I had expected him as the pack alpha to berate me instead it looked like he was crying with laughter. Even Leah was doubled over.

I sank back into the backseat.

See. I knew I wouldn't be able to restrain myself.

And I so wasn't going to another meeting with the elders even if they served the best coffee in the world. Not when it lead to this. Another Jan rant that left me feeling like my mouth had a mind of its own was not on my agenda.

It seemed that my defense when I felt pressured into a corner was to rant. Not exactly a skill aimed towards survival. Unless one counted being viewed as slightly unhinged was a way to survive.

Quil leaned over still wiping away tears with one hand and patted my head with the other.

"You really are precious you know that Jan?"

It wasn't sulking. Just wishing my mouth did not live a life on its own completely separated from my mind.

"Shut up Quil.»

**Authors note: **_So the ….is a native word roughly meaning white whore. Couldn't find any translation for it but as you see from the reactions its something really really mean to call someone. Ty for the reviews=)_


	50. Chapter 50: Smug Paul and mortified Jan

After being Paul's girlfriend for only two days I had come to some new discoveries about him.

For one Paul could compete with Houdini and had a secret talent of appearing where he should not be able to. Locked doors and locked windows did not stop him at all although I still had no idea how he did it as nothing was broken or lifted off its hinges in the morning despite the fact I swore I had locked myself into the bedroom quite efficiently every night.

Yet I always woke up with Paul curled around me.

Another thing was that Paul wasn't only a perv in his sleep he was also a sleep cuddler. I always woke up with him curled around me like I was a teddy bear.

Another thing was that he was a really heavy sleeper and he snored. Not loudly like Kyle more like a quiet rumbling sound. If his body heat did not wake me early in the morning then that rumbling sure did.

I poked his nose and it twitched but his eyelids didn't even flutter. I could probably put my whole finger in there and he wouldn't even notice. Pinching his nipple also didn't wake him up nor did it make him let go of me. Tugging his hair had proved to be a very bad idea as it seemed to make him crush me into his chest so hard that my back made a protesting squeak.

Apparently getting out of bed in the morning had become a test in gymnastic. I didn't even know I was that flexible before I started to slide out of his death grip every morning.

I waved frantically with my one cast free leg as Paul's arm tightened around my waist. Thank god no one saw me because this had to look quite ridiculous.

Finally Paul breathed out and I managed to use that fraction of a second too slide down and slide off the bed with a loud thump. My butt made a rather hard impact on the floor with no legs to catch it and I threw a cautious look at Paul.

He was still sleeping deeply.

For a so called protector he was completely useless when he was asleep. If vampires ever attacked when Paul was taking a nap then we would all be pretty much screwed because unless they brought the roof down then Paul would sleep through it all.

I made my way to the bathroom and stopped briefly in the living room.

Paul had agreed to bring over some of my things as my parents had decided on a longer trip than first planned something I believed was Gaia`s influence. Since I spent most of my time either here or in Sam`s house then it sounded like a good idea to have my things accessible. I just had not expected him to bring my whole room.

His shelves were stacked with my books on art and his DVD shelf was now a rainbow with my pink, green and light blue between his black and red DVD`s. The pillows from my bed were in his sofa and he had even brought over my sketchbooks, half-finished paintings and painting equipment and placed it in a room that had previously been empty. It looked like I had moved in permanently.

Wasn't guys supposed to freak out when their girlfriends started bringing stuff over in the early stage of a relationship? Not move their girlfriend in themselves.

I knew Cosmo could give me no advice at all in this odd relationship because obviously Paul did not follow the common relationship rules at all.

I hopped into the bathroom and nearly tripped on my cast.

The main reason I was staying over at Paul`s was that he had a rather large bathroom with a shower with a sliding door that made it possible for me to shower without spending hours on wrapping my leg in plastic or in danger of slipping as I would in Sam or my own bathtub.

But this wasn't the bathroom I had been in before I went to bed.

The plastic sliding doors had been replaced with the green plastic sheet from my own bathtub back home and a chair had been placed in it so that I could sit with my leg outside the shower to prevent it from getting wet and thus avoiding the whole slipping issue.

That wasn't the only change.

A new cabinet had been put up probably for my toiletries and there was a large plastic math on the floor to prevent slipping.

Paul must have done all this while I was sleeping.

I wasn't sure if I should be freaked out or grateful that he had made it easier for me.

I opened the cabinet and frowned. Yes. All my toiletries were there even the makeup I rarely used and the unmentionables. Just thinking about Paul touching my tampons was giving me a vague feeling of panic.

It wasn't that it wasn't nice of him. Because it was. But really. What boy moved his girlfriend in?

Paul was nesting. Nesting with my things.

I took a deep breath willing myself to calm down and concentrated instead on my rather disheveled look.

Sleeping with a werewolf wasn't exactly very good for my appearance. My skin was icky with dried sweat and my hair looked like a rather poorly built crow's nest. It didn't help that I never felt completely clean anymore. It was difficult washing my hair with only one hand and I longed to give it a really good shampooing.

And that was one thing I wasn't going to ask Paul to help me with. It was bad enough that I needed help getting myself dressed sometimes.

Sighing I started wrapping my wrist in plastic and cover the cast on my leg in plastic so that I didn't spray water on it. At least I wouldn't have the cast on my wrist on for very long as it had just been a hairline fracture.

I studied my naked body in the mirror and frowned. The bruises from the attack had lost most of the purple and deep blue coloring and were now just ugly blotches of yellow and green. And I had lost weight. Weight I couldn't really afford to lose.

I had always been on the skinny side but my hip bones did seem to stick out more than they had before I got sucked into wolf town. Clearly eating more would have to be on my agenda.

I couldn't help but compare myself with Paul`s previous conquests. They were all mature looking with their time glass shaped figures. Large breasts, tiny waists and curvy hips. Compared to them I looked like I was just a kid.

My hips were boyish and could hardly be counted as curves something that ran in the family. My breasts were hardly there at all. They were barely a handful by normal standard and by werewolf hands standard not a handful at all.

No wonder people assumed at first glance that I was fifteen because face it. I didn't have curves at all and my body looked like I was just starting puberty. The only thing I was somewhat satisfied with was my butt.

And what the hell was I doing?

Standing in front of the mirror bemoaning my lack of femininity and comparing myself with others? I never did that.

People were different and the only things I used to bemoan were my lack of height, the fact that I stood out in La Push like a patch of snow and the annoying fact that I looked younger than I was. I didn't bemoan separate body parts like an angsty teenage girl.

See what this imprinting was doing to me?

It was frying my brain cells and making me act like such a freaking girl.

I gave my mirror image a last disgusted look before I stepped into the shower. The small chair was a godsend. With it I could easily put my leg outside the shower and I was in no danger of slipping and thus injuring myself further. Washing my hair was still a pain but much easier when sitting as I didn't have to lean on the wall for support.

Getting up however was not that easy at all. I barely managed to grip the toilet as I stepped out of the shower and prevent a fall that would have been rather spectacular. Thank god I was alone because gripping onto the toilet was hardly my most dignifying moment.

And I had forgotten my clothes. Or rather Paul had moved the bag of clothes I had put in the bathroom yesterday. And that meant I had to go on a naked search for it as getting dressed in my sweat smelling pj was completely out of the question.

I tucked the bath towel securely around myself for once quite happy that I was small and short as it covered me down to my knees. Hopefully Paul wasn't awake yet because boyfriend or not I was not ready for him to see me naked.

I tip toed over the floor and shuddered as my heated skin was met with the cold air outside of the steamy bathroom.

Tip toing with a cast was a form of art. And not something I was good at. The cast made a clunk noise every time I moved my leg and I was seriously failing in the stealth department.

Something very warm touched my side and I squeaked in shock. Suddenly I was engulfed in a warm cocoon. Paul was awake. Very awake judging from that rather hard thing pressed against my back. And he was only wearing boxers.

I felt him bending a bit forward to lean his chin on my head.

"You really are very small. You would have to stand on something just to make it possible for me to hold you without curving my spine."

Well thank you Paul. Like I wasn't aware of the fact that I was a midget. It didn't help that the giants were all extremely tall thus further dwarfing me.

"You smell really good today."

I could feel him inhale my sent and was painfully aware of the sudden hitch in his breath and how his hips suddenly jerked into my back.

I was about to tell him to keep his hands off but froze as I met his eyes.

His eyes were not the familiar brown with specks of bronze but had a near yellow tint in them. Emily had told me about that but I just couldn't remember why they were yellow as I had been more occupied with wishing myself far far away at the time than actually listening to her.

Paul growled and I found myself squeezed into his chest with my feet dangling in air.

Now would be the time to tell him to lay off.

And I was about to when an extremely hot hand found its way into the towel and came to rest just beneath my belly button. The hand slowly moved down and Paul growled into my ear.

No one had ever touched me there. Ever. I had touched myself plenty of times as I wasn't the prude my mom accused me of being but that felt nothing like this.

Paul's hand was warm and rough against my skin and nowhere near what it felt like when I touched myself. And when one finger brushed my clit every thought of protesting seemed to dribble out of my ears as my inner perv voice started a litany of rub there, rub there.

And then he rubbed.

One finger gently circled my clit and my legs turned into jelly.

It was amazing, fantastic, fucking wonderful and please more.

His finger increased the pressure and I shivered against him. My blood felt like molten lava and I wasn't sure if it was his heat or mine that made it feel like my skin was burning.

His finger suddenly disappeared and I made an involuntary protesting sound that to my embarrassment sounded like a whimper.

Paul growled again, his chest vibrating against my back and something very hot was suddenly pressed against my core. Paul cursed and his hips jerked again.

Oh my god. Oh my fucking god.

I didn't need to look down to see what that burning thing was that was now between my thighs.

"Press your legs together."

He made a sound that sounded close to a whine as I didn't comply.

"Please. Just fucking please Jan."

I didn't know if it was his desperate begging voice or if it was the fact that I couldn't string a sensible strand of thought together that wasn't interrupted by rub there, that made me comply but I did squeeze my legs together as best as I could when being held in the air by the arm around my waist.

I was rewarded by the return of the hand and his finger once again rubbed against my clit. The rubbing barely made me aware of that hot thing between my legs that was now sliding in and out between them.

"Fuck you are wet."

If I had been in my right mind I would probably have been mortified by that comment and the fact that I really was wet and that wetness was rubbing onto Paul.

But I wasn't.

Or else I wouldn't have made those small whimpers as Paul kept rubbing my clit because I never whimpered. Ever.

One finger moved further down and I squeaked as it pushed slightly into me. It felt weird but I was distracted from it by the finger that pressed harder and harder against my clit. The finger pushed further in and Paul groaned.

"Fuck. You are really tight hellcat."

I twitched as his hot breath brushed against my ear and squeaked as a wet tongue gently traced my earlobe.

"You know what I dream about hellcat? You on top of me riding me. You would like that wouldn't you hellcat? Making me beg for it."

Now that he mentioned it I would. Or my inner perv would as it was doing a happy dance at the mere idea of it.

"But first I would lick you. I bet you taste as good as you smell. A taste a man could die for. I`ll beg for that too you know."

He chuckled as I made an odd sound when his finger increased the pace and his other finger slipped deeper into me.

"Does that embarrass you hellcat? Even your breasts are blushing."

"Shut up!"

As far as an order went that one was rather weak and ended in another whimper. His teeth grazed my ear.

"Don't you like me talking dirty to you hellcat? Then I shouldn't tell you that the way you are squeezing my finger right now makes me think about how wonderful it would be to have you squeezing my cock. Or how that little hand of yours gave me the most intense orgasm I have ever had. I felt like I fucking busted my balls and that was just you touching me. "

I wanted to tell him to shut the hell up again but I was starting to feel dizzy.

My clit was starting to feel sore and this would be the time I would normally stop and wait a bit before continuing but Paul's finger was merciless and then I couldn't think anymore.

I was dimly aware that I was writing against his finger and then Paul growled and nearly pressed me into the wall. If it wasn't for the arm around my waist he would have as his hips were now smacking against me as he slid faster and faster between my thighs.

His one finger turned into two and he slammed them in as one finger pressed harder circles around my clit.

My legs twitched as the coil in my stomach just grew and grew. It felt like my whole body was tied together with a string going from the tip of my toes all the way up. The string was pulled up harder and harder and then it snapped.

It felt like my whole body just shattered into a thousand pieces all I saw was white light burning so brightly that it blinded me. It felt like my whole body was burning and it had never felt like this. Touching myself didn't even give me a fraction of this and it was good and painful at the same time.

My core was throbbing like all the blood had gone from my brain to down there and my clit felt like I had rubbed sandpaper against it and still it felt like heaven. I felt like I didn't have a muscle or a bone in my entire body anymore and was just a bundle of twitching nerves.

Something dug into my shoulder and I was barely aware of Paul's teeth sinking into it as he growled around the skin.

Something extremely hot, almost burning, splattered against my thighs as I was gasping for breath.

I don't know for how long I was dangling in Paul's arms but it seemed like forever before he gently put me down and removed his hand from my now sore and throbbing sex .

My one functioning leg caved in beneath me and Paul had to grab me around my waist again so that I didn't fall face first into the wall.

And then it was like reality slammed into my mind and I was aware that I was naked as the towel lay forgotten on the floor and that an equally naked Paul was behind me.

Holy fuck! Fuck, fuck and fuckity fuck!

I flailed my arms in panic trying to get out of his grip and managed to slap Paul in the face unintentionally. He let me go and I made a rather undignified escape almost falling again as my leg was still feeling like jelly and the one in a cast made me even more unbalanced.

I slammed the bathroom door behind me and almost managed to slam the bolt over my fingers in my haste to lock the door.

Oh my god. That had so not been me. I would never have gotten off in the fucking hallway with my boyfriend for less than a week. I wasn't a prude or anything but less than a week?

And shouldn't I have been at least considering getting physical with him before I plunged in head first?

Until now I had done my best to not thinking about Paul in that way as getting used to being his girlfriend was somewhat disturbing enough.

It was those hormones guided by that inner perv voice that was at fault I was sure of it. I should start thinking about having it medically removed.

"I put the crutch and your clothes outside the door."

Paul sounded so smug and satisfied that if I wasn't naked I would have stormed out to hit him.

Like he could read my mind he chuckled from the other side of the door.

"Are your breasts still blushing?"

On reflex I turned towards the mirror. He was right. I was still blushing and my skin had a rosy hue all over.

My shoulder caught my attention. Paul's bite had almost been hard enough to pierce the skin and I could see that it would soon turn into a bruise in shape of teeth marks making it impossible to pass it off as anything else than a bite mark.

"You are a fucking jackass and I hate you!"

Paul only laughed.

"Hellcat. From the way you writhed against my fingers just seconds ago I doubt that you hate me."

The smug tone in his voice made me want to stomp my leg in a childish fit but instead I hopped towards the shower for another clean up as I felt I really needed it right now.

A really cold shower to make that fucking blush go away.

And in the meanwhile perhaps I would gather enough courage to face that sexual deviant on the other side of that door instead of staying inside the bathroom for the rest of the day.

Or the rest of my life.

**Authors note: **_A smutty part for you. Hope it sounds believable. Thank you for all the reviews once again. _


	51. Chapter 51: Fertility and Neanderthals

I eyed the coffee cup in Leah's hand suspiciously.

Leah had brought me coffee. If it had been anyone else I would have grabbed the cup eagerly but it was Leah and Leah never did anything nice so that cup had to have some huge secret agenda behind it.

"Why did you bring me coffee?"

Leah rolled her eyes and nearly shoved the steaming cup into my face.

"It's just a fucking cup of coffee and I didn't poison it or anything. And I was in the kitchen anyway so it isn't like I went out of my way to get you one."

I raised a brow still eying the cup suspiciously and she huffed.

"Fine. Paul has been acting like a fucking Neanderthal all day and you look like you want to shoot him or yourself. And you are looking all haggard and close to a mental breakdown. So I am giving you a cup of coffee because I feel a little bit sorry for you. A tiny tiny bit sorry for you. Practically nothing at all."

Wow. It had to be really bad for Leah to feel a little sorry for me.

I grabbed the cup and resisted the urge to dip my nose in it. Coffee always made things better. And I really did have a bad day.

The mortification from his morning aside, Paul had been more of a jackass than he normally was.

Quil had barely touched my shoulder in greeting before Paul had jumped him.

Paul attacking someone wasn't exactly out of the norm but it usually required a little more than just Quil touching my shoulder. The fight had even left a dent in the wall and even Paul was normally careful inside Sam`s house to not damage any of Emily's property. Mostly because that meant no food.

And he was hovering even more than he usually did not even moving two feet away from me at all times even growling at Jacob who already had an imprint and I doubted had ever taken a second look at me nor fantasized about me like Quil did. So there was no reason for him to act like Jacob was the enemy.

Leah leaned over me and seemed to be sniffing.

"Well that explains why Paul is more of an ass than usual."

"What?"

Leah shrugged as she sat down beside me.

"You smell."

What the hell?

I had sat in the shower for at least an hour switching between ice cold water and scorching hot.

Partly because I was stalling and partly because I didn't want the others to smell Paul on me.

I knew they would see what had happened this morning as soon as Paul phased but I didn't need to have that neonsign hanging over my head the second I stepped over the doorstep of Sam`s house.

There was no chance in hell she could smell him on me with all the scrubbing I had done to prevent that.

Leah rolled her eyes at my mortified expression.

"Guess you didn't listen when Emily explained that part. Paul is acting like a jackass or rather more of a jackass because his wolf is in a mood. Basically Paul is protecting his rights as your mate."

It sounded like a line from a wolf documentary and I should really be used to it by now but I still had no idea what she was saying. Yes our relationship had changed but he had not acted like this before.

Leah made a suffering sound like she really did not want to be the one explaining this to me.

"You smell fertile. So basically Paul is being more than an asshole than usual because he is sort of defending you from other males and making sure everyone knows that you are his mate."

I nearly dropped my cup.

They could smell that? And Neanderthal Paul would make an appearance once every month?

I was not okay with that. Not okay at all. Normal Paul was volatile and aggressive but Neanderthal Paul was a snarling beast that made normal Paul seem like a catholic schoolboy.

"You think you have it bad? I have to suffer through the constant stream of x rated thoughts all the wolves have when their imprints are fertile. It's bad normally and completely excruciating when their imprints are fertile. And it's seriously affecting my dreams. Last time I was dreaming about Bella's creamy skin and licking her all over and I have never had a dream about a girl that way. Nor do I have any desire to see one naked or lick one."

She shuddered and I winched in sympathy. That did sound really unpleasant. And the whole fertile thing did explain why Paul was constantly sniffing me and why he had attacked me this morning.

Hopefully.

Paul was a perv so I couldn't be sure.

Wait a second. If he could smell when I was at my most fertile didn't that mean that he could smell…

Leah gave me an almost sympathetic look.

"Yes. All the wolves know when you are going to have your period long before you do."

The sympathetic look was gone so quickly that I might have imagined it.

"Oh don't be such a pussy about it. At least you have it."

Her expression turned bitter again and she looked away like she had said too much.

I had absolutely nothing to say. Sure I hated my period as well as those cramps but if it had disappeared I would have freaked out. And it wasn't like she could go to a doctor to check out why she didn't have it anymore. It probably made her feel less of a female than she already did as men were the only ones supposed to be able to phase.

A low growl interrupted my thinking.

Paul had finished eating and was now back to hovering over me and he clearly didn't like that Leah was sitting that close to me.

Leah threw her hands out and growled herself.

"Oh for fucks sake Paul! It isn't like I can impregnate the girl even if I fucking wanted to."

Paul must have said something because his lips moved but it was so low I could not hear it.

Leah's chair screeched as she shot out of it and she twirled around so that she was only inches from Paul's face. They were both growling at each other now and vibrating slightly.

In the pack Leah was second when it came to having problems controlling her temper and for a second I feared that there would be a furry incident right here inside Sam`s living room but then they both stepped back at the same time and their vibrating stopped.

"That's it! I have had it and I bet Jan is getting pretty fed up about this whole thing now too."

She bent over and lifted me up.

Great. Even the pack bitch was treating me like some kind of luggage.

Paul growled and Leah shrugged behind me.

"What? I am only taking her for lunch at my place and then out for some shopping. My mom wants to meet her."

Paul growled again clearly not wanting me to go.

"I promise I will bring her back without a single misplaced hair and I promise to keep all men on a distance of five feet. Besides you are off on patrol soon anyway. Don't you feel a little bit better that she will not be here with Quil and will have her own female guard?"

She underlined the female part and Paul seemed to be wavering. Then he nodded.

"Fine but bring her back here before I end my patrol and don't you dare leave her side for a fucking second nor let your brother anywhere near her."

"For fucks sake Paul! Seth is a kid and the only reason he even thinks about those things is because you perv`s stuff images like that into his head on a regular basis."

She gave Paul a last disgusted look before stomping off towards the door with me dangling in front of her.

And once again.

No vote. No opinion.

No one even asking me if I minded being treated like a pet or some kind of kid.

Or luggage.

If this continued I might as well hand in my brain card because if I wasn't even asked before being carried off somewhere then clearly I didn't need it anymore.

**Authors note: **_I really do love writing Leah. She is such an interesting complex character. And Neanderthal Paul. I thought that a fertile imprint sounded a hell of a lot more believable than a mating season. After all such things are regulated by the females and not the males. And Jan is human. Not a wolf that goes into mating season. _


	52. Chapter 52: Leah wants to get drunk

Shopping with Leah.

And I had believed that my life couldn't get more bizarre. And I really should stop that way of thinking because clearly I was always jinxing myself.

Like every time I thought that things couldn't be worse they usually became worse just seconds or minutes later.

And it was really weird. For one Leah didn't strike me as the shopping mad kind of girl. And neither was I. I bought clothes when I needed them and usually viewed the whole shopping thing as a chore that had to be done rather than something to do for fun.

And it was Leah.

I would never have imagined the two of us doing anything together and especially not voluntarily. Although the volunteer on my part was more like not given a choice unless I wanted to embarrass myself by finding out that even Leah were much stronger than I was.

Besides I wasn't quite sure what would have been worse. Being stuck inside Sam`s house with Quil or go shopping with Leah.

Leah walked slowly in front of me and didn't seem interested in any of the few stores in Forks at all, barely glancing at the store windows as she walked by. I decided that asking her and risk pissing her off was better than this very awkward silence.

"What are we doing Leah?"

She stopped and pretended to be interested. It would have been more believable if she had not chosen a store that seemed to only contain short skirts and the colors light blue and pink. Not to mention the frills. Leah didn't strike me as a frill kind of girl.

"I don't like you."

I rolled my eyes. That didn't surprise me. I doubted there was anyone out there except her mom and her little brother that she did like.

"But I like you far better than any of the other imprints. Bella is a depressing weakling and Kim has to be the most cowardly girl I have ever met."

She had not mentioned Emily but then again she really did not have to. To say things were strained between them would be an understatement.

And I could understand that.

In a way Emily had stolen Sam although I doubted anyone in the whole Sam, Emily and Leah drama really had any choice at all in the way things had ended up. The other possible endings would not have been any less painful really.

Although I wasn't going to say that out aloud as I didn't have a death wish.

"You at least have some balls and you don't do the whole starry eyed thing that pisses me off."

Starry eyed over Paul.

Yeah that was never going to happen. Not unless he had a complete personality change from an ass to a normal human being. Or as normal as a wolf man went. Sure he was my boyfriend but me smacking him was a far more reasonable outcome than starry eyed.

I didn't even think I came in starry eyed mode really.

Still didn't explain why Leah had dragged me out to go shopping.

Leah looked over her shoulder at me and rolled her eyes like I was seriously annoying her.

"Fine. It is my birthday and my mom has been on my ass all week for me to celebrate it. You are my alibi so that she doesn't give me one of those isolating yourself isn't healthy talks. And it isn't like I can invite out any of my old friends as I pretty much had to cut all contact with them until I got control over my phasing and now all of them think I have either lost it or have become pathetic as I always hang around Sam`s little club. And if anyone of them give me the this isn't like you or Sam is not coming back just because you trail after him talks then I might phase and seriously injure someone. So we are going shopping and then to a movie."

Nice of her to give me a choice.

"Happy birthday."

Leah gave me a disgusted look before stomping into the frilly store giving me no choice but to follow if I didn't want to stand outside on the street looking like an idiot.

Frills, frills and more frills.

I shuddered at the sight of all the frills and pink. This shop looked like a Barbie nightmare. Leah pretended to be interested in some sparkly tops but I could see it was fake interest as she had shuddered before picking one out.

I moved over to a display of necklaces and bracelets that didn't hurt my eyes. They looked nice actually and one deep purple stone shaped as a star hanging from a simple silvery chain caught my attention. It was elegant and simple yet beautifully made.

"Can I help you with anything?"

The store clerk smiled widely at me with teeth so white and perfectly placed that they had to have been made by a dentist. And if the store was a nightmare then she sure as hell looked like one with that pink mini skirt and a light blue top covered in sequins. Just looking at her directly could make someone go blind as she was shining like a disco ball.

"I want that one."

"Good choice."

She quickly wrapped the necklace and I paid hoping to get the hell out of this creepy store as fast as I could. However I was thwarted by Leah who threw some clothes at me.

"Try this on."

If it had been pink and glittering like most of the clothes in here I would have protested even if she threatened to wrestle me into the changing room. But somehow she had managed to find some clothes that were black and grey in this pink and glittering nightmare. And she did look ready to force me if I said no.

The clothes although the color was acceptable were not something I would have ever picked out myself. The grey jeans was way too tight, clinging to my legs like a second skin and went way to low on my hips so that if I bent down my ass would probably fall out. The only good thing about it was that it ended just over my cast so I didn't have to roll it up at the legs.

The top looked okay from the front except the fact that it together with the jeans showed way too much of my stomach. It was grey with the words rock on printed on it and a little baggy but the cleavage was way to low showing my bra and it was open in the back. I wouldn't have worn it even if I lived in a climate more suited for t shirts.

Leah nearly dragged me out and gave me a critical look over before tying the knot in the back harder before she looked satisfied.

She had also changed and was now wearing an incredibly short demining skirt and a purple low top that showed off her cleavage. Something she had and I didn't. She looked like a model with those incredibly long tanned legs.

"Pay for it and then we will go."

Did she expect me to go to the movies looking like this? I looked like I was going to a meeting for the loose and easy. Or hang on a corner waiting for clients.

"Either you pay for it or I will."

Judging from the look in her eyes she meant it too. And I couldn't let her pay for this ridiculous outfit.

The Clearwater`s were not poor even by Forks standard but they were not exactly well off either and I knew that Leah earned her money herself like most of the teenagers in La Push. There was no way in hell I would let her pay for this outfit even if it was rather cheap.

I had barely drawn my card before she tugged me outside and literally dragged me down the street like she was on a mission. That warning sign inside my head started blinking as Leah on a mission couldn't possibly lead somewhere good.

"We are going to a bar."

I tried to dig my heels in but Leah was merciless and trying to stop only caused me to stumble forward and I barely avoided being dragged after her.

"A bar? Are you insane? And I am not even old enough to get in."

Leah gave me a disgusted look like I was the one with an insane idea.

"Your stomach is showing and everyone can see your bra. I doubt anyone will stop you in the door when you are looking like this. Even if you do look underage."

Why thank you. Like I didn't feel like a slut in this outfit already.

"And I have not been asked for ID since I phased so I don't think it's going to be a problem."

"Why are we going to a bar?"

"Because it's my birthday and I want to get drunk."

Was that even possible? From the way the pack consumed food they had to have a very high metabolism.

"Can werewolves even get drunk?"

She shrugged and stopped for a short second so I could gather my crutch beneath me but didn't let go of my arm like she expected me to make a run for it. Not that I could with this stupid leg even if I desperately wanted to right now.

"I don't know but tonight I am going to find out."

Great. Going to a bar with Leah who wanted to get drunk. Perhaps staying with Quil had been the better option.

Leah had been right. The door man only glanced at her cleavage and my bare stomach before letting us in and Leah lifted me into a seat before ordering two beers.

I eyed the golden liquid suspiciously and barely stuck my tongue out to taste it. It tasted just as bad as it looked and smelled. There was no way I could drink it up. Leah rolled her eyes while chugging down her own like she had done it a million times before.

"Not to your taste?"

I jumped at the sudden voice. The bartender was a man in his twenties with curly blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes with a friendly open smile.

"Not much of a beer person."

And I wasn't even if I had just found out that.

"Let me make you something else. On the house."

He winked at me and Leah made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat which the bartender ignored. He seemed to mix something with several colorful bottles and poured it into a tall glass. It was bright green with leaves in it and didn't look any more tempting than the beer had.

Seriously. If it wasn't tea then there shouldn't be leaves in it.

Hesitantly I took a sip. It tasted really good. Like lime with a sugary aftertaste.

"It is called Sweetness. I figured it would fit you. And you looked like you could need something sweet."

He nodded at my leg that dangled awkwardly from the tall barstool.

"What happened?"

As a bartender he had probably heard tons of crazy stories but I doubted had heard anything like mine nor that he would believe it. So I stuck with my story.

"I went hiking."

More like walking home and got thrown around by a vampire but I wasn't about to be thrown out of a bar for being too drunk when I had not even had one drink yet. The bartender smacked his tongue.

"Unlucky."

"Scott. You can flirt with the cute girl later. Help me serve some beers first."

Scott gave me an apologetic look before walking over to the other bartender, an older man with black hair greying at the edges and I looked after him confused. Had that been flirting?

"Yes that was flirting. When guys throw around drinks with names like Sweetness and tells you that it fits you they usually are. Bad pickup line but still a pick up line. You are incredibly naïve for someone that constantly pisses people off by purpose."

I didn't have anything to say to that and took another sip of my drink while Leah chugged down my beer.

"So what is this? The genetic freak shows hanging out?"

Leah looked surprised for a moment before she grinned. On anyone else a grin would seem pleasant but on Leah it just left me feeling like bad things were headed my way.

"Genetic freak shows. I like that. You the palefaced imprint and I the female phaser. You do know that if it was possible and if they could the elders would have kicked you out of the rez so Paul could imprint on someone else right?"

Oh I was perfectly well aware of that. The elders were not exactly pro mixed relationships and to have one of their precious protectors imprinting on a white girl really bother them. And it wasn't like most of them hid their reluctance towards the imprint either.

In front of Paul perhaps because they were slightly afraid of him but they sure as hell did nothing to hide their dislike of the imprint in front of me.

"I don't give a fuck."

Leah nodded and waved her hand for another beer.

"And that is why we are here."

I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about but at least she didn't look as bitter and hostile as she usually did.

And it was her birthday and I didn't exactly have a choice here.

So I might as well enjoy this odd little truce and this surprisingly delicious drink.


	53. Chapter 53: Two drunks in a bar

Werewolves could get drunk.

Granted it took a hell of a lot more alcohol than for a normal person and probably way beyond what most people could afford in one night but thanks to the little crowd of fascinated men surrounding Leah who paid to see her down beer after beer she was well on her way to being drunk.

She was laughing and looking way more relaxed than I had seen her since she graduated from high school and oddly enough it looked like she was enjoying the male attention.

I was not.

Leah attracted all kinds of men but it seemed that I was a magnet for creeps who believed I would be an easy prey. Probably because I looked fifteen and thus they believed that I would fall for their extremely bad pickup lines and not so subtle attempts at trying to make me come home with them.

If it wasn't for Scott the bartender shooing them away then I would have started to become seriously worried. But Scott was an unusually attentive bartender and gently convinced several guys that I wasn't going to go home with them.

That left me with three drinking buddies.

Landon, an older gentleman who told me he always had a beer after work and told me that I reminded him of his granddaughter. Which wasn't a lie because he showed me pictures and she and I really did look similar with the same fluffy blonde hair and blue eyes.

He also kept the creeps away with a grumble and a rather menacing stare that had quite an effect as he was built like a bear and if it wasn't for his friendly smile and gentle eyes would have looked just about as friendly as one with that ragged beard of his and the tattoos covering his massive arms.

Tony, a college student visiting La Push had immediately sat down when I heard I lived there and as a cultural major was very interested in the rez.

I liked him because from the way he glanced over at Scott I was pretty sure that Tony was as gay as a sparkling fairy in May so I was in no danger of being grabbed or groped. And he seemed like a sensible person as he seemed a little bit afraid of Leah and didn't dare to try to talk to her about La Push even if she looked like a native and thus more knowledgeable than I about the history of La Push.

Then there was Chris.

I wasn't sure about him. He seemed nice enough but he gave me the creeps and he was constantly looking down my cleavage like there was actually something to see down there.

My cellphone rang and I tried to press the button but for some reason I couldn't hit the right one. Scott picked it out of my limp hand with an amused smile and answered.

"Yes she is here. The Rooster`s nest."

The person in the other end must have hung up because Scott gave my phone a startled look. I had this ominous feeling that I was so busted.

"Who was it?"

Scott handed back my phone with a confused frown.

"He didn't say."

"Did he growl?"

Scott raised a brow at my odd question but the fact that he didn't look confused by it made me think that I was in trouble.

"No. More like snarled."

Oh. I really was busted. Neanderthal Paul would soon make an appearance and I doubted he would be very happy about this.

"Leah! We are busted!"

Leah stumbled away from her male admirers and fell giggling into a chair beside me.

"We are in trouble."

If the stumbling had not tipped me off then that goofy smile and the singsong voice would have.

Leah was sloshed. Completely sloshed. And from the hazy edges in my own vision I wasn't exactly sober either.

When had that happened? I had only had like three drinks. Or four. Might have been six really. Perhaps even seven.

"What did you mean by that you are in trouble?"

Leah waved her hand almost slapping Scott who barely dodged it.

"It means that I have a very pain in the ass boss and she has an asshole. And neither will be very happy with this. Cause we are drunk. And we shouldn't be. Because there are dangerous beings out there. Not that it matters for Jan because she is defenseless really. Just look at her all wide eyed and so…"

Leah hiccupped and then belched loudly before continuing.

"Small. Who would ever have expected the ass to imprint on her?"

Great Leah. Why don't you give away all the packs secrets while you are at it. Scott tilted his head as he discreetly moved Leah's beer away from her and closer towards himself and out of her reach.

"Imprint? What is that?"

Leah wobbled a bit before straightening up and I really hoped she at least had some restrain on her drunken babbling.

"It's a slang we have for an arranged marriage."

Nice save. Or not really. Damned Leah making people think I was some sort of Turkish giveaway bride or something.

"Arranged marriage?"

I winched at the loud voices coming from all around me and desperately wished my leg wasn't in a cast so that I could give the excuse of going to the toilet or something. But I wasn't desperate enough to attempt that again as I had nearly given myself a brain damage the last time I tried going there.

"I didn't think such things happened anymore."

Leah noticed that Scott was trying to kidnap her beer and snarled at him before taking the glass, splashing beer all over the counter in the process.

"Oh it's rare. And she doesn't have to marry him. She is just stuck with him really. Either being with him or watch him chase all other men away. And they all hate that she is white and he is an ass but that's the way it is. It's all about… "

She hesitated a bit and for a second I feared she would really say something reviling.

"Tradition."

I breathed out relieved.

"You are arranged to be married?"

Poor Scott looked horrified and I couldn't really blame him. It did sound bad. Like Kyle had accepted a couple of horses in exchange for my hand in marriage and I was being forced along with it. Better say something to correct it.

"Not really. I decided to be his girlfriend and see how it goes. But Leah is right. He is an ass. An angry huge jackass. Used to bully me a lot. You know. Before. Now he is just a possessive ass and not a bullying ass."

That didn't sound any better and I tried to make it sound a little bit more normal and not like I had been forced into becoming Paul`s girlfriend.

"Well he still bullies others. But not me. And he hurt Quil because he touched me. Neanderthal Paul doesn't like anyone else touching. Would not like Leah touching if she could impregnate me either."

I winched. Clearly I should not be drinking and talking at the same time as alcohol turned my brain into mush and made the things coming out of my mouth sound even worse than the usual Jan rant.

Leah burst into a fit of giggles at my rambling and poor Scott looked horrified and Landon seemed to be cracking his knuckles.

"He sounds like a real piece of work. Does your parents agree with this?"

I frowned trying to think of what my parents would think of it.

Kyle was a blank there. He didn't like boys in general but he respected the elders so I wasn't sure what of those two would win out if he knew about the whole Paul the wolfman issue. Perhaps send me to a monastery for nuns to avoid the whole issue or demand that Paul would only be my friend. Or something like that. I was having trouble thinking clearly and honestly had avoided thinking about it before.

And mom. Well she would have romanticized the whole issue. After all Paul was hot and would put an end to her whole my daughter is gay worry she had. And in the whole imprinting issue she would only see the soul mate version of it and not the whole broodmare thing.

"Mom is a romantic and read too many trashy novels."

As an answer it was rather weak but Scott seemed to take it as they were all in for it and judging from the cross between pity and horror in his face he did think I was one of those poor teenagers forced into an arranged marriage.

"What the hell are you guys doing?"

I turned so fast that my vision blurred. Embry was frowning at Leah and I looking like he wasn't sure what was going on.

"Embry!"

I nearly fell off the barstool and faceplanted into his chest.

"You are drunk. And Leah. I didn't even know you could get drunk."

Leah smiled happily which seemed to worry Embry even more.

"Well I can. Thanks to generous gentle men and a lot of beer. A lot lot of beer. But I did watch Jan and she only had like three drinks."

Leah waved her hand in the air. I squinted. It was a bit blurry but I was pretty sure she wasn't holding up three fingers. It seemed to be all five. Well seven really but I was sober enough to realize that one hand only had five fingers.

Embry gently lifted me onto the barstool again while looking at the ceiling like he was praying for patience.

"Jan please let go of my neck or Paul will kill me."

He was right. My arms were really around his neck. And if Paul saw then he would kill him. I nearly fell of the barstool again when I let go and was barely caught by Embry before I slammed the back of my head against the bar counter.

"This is bad. Really really bad."

I wanted to disagree with him. This was nice. I felt all warm and dazed and it was a nice feeling really. And my leg didn't itch anymore like it always did beneath the cast and that was a good thing.

Scott handed me another glass. This one filled with water and I took it eagerly but only managed to swallow a mouthful as the rest of it splattered down my chest.

"Sweetie. If your boyfriend is that possessive of you that other people can't touch you then I think you should dump him."

I shook my head feeling lightheaded.

"I can't. He will go insane if I am not a part of his life. Everyone says so."

It seemed like Scott was taking that as killing himself if I dumped him. Like Paul would ever do something like that. Go insane now that I could believe. He wasn't the most stable of people from the beginning but kill himself was a no go. He was far too stubborn and filled with too much aggressiveness to just lie down and die.

I was starting to feel too warm and stumble across to the door while Embry was busy arguing with Leah. Something about irresponsibility, promises and so on.

It wasn't much colder outside but at least the air was fresh and I could breathe more easily. And I wasn't alone. For some reason I had a freaking entourage.

Landon and Scott were eying Chris warily while Tony seemed as blissed out as I was as he lightened a smoke. I hummed under my breath and was aware that I was swaying a little bit.

"So Paul finally drove you to drinking."

Jacob came out of the shadows and I giggled a bit at the looks his large muscled frame got. He did look a bit menacing dressed only in shorts and a way too tight t shirt. Not to mention that he was so tall that he even towered over Landon.

"No he didn't. Leah drove me to drinking. She is inside and she is pretty drunk."

Jacobs's eyes widened and I could almost see him thinking that a drunken Leah was a disaster just waiting to happen. She wasn't really. Apparently drunken Leah was goofily happy Leah and a not as menacing nor dangerous as she usually was.

"Right. You stay right here and don't go anywhere. Mr. Higgs can you watch her for me a bit?"

Landon nodded and gave Jacob a friendly smile as he gently steadied me. I had not even been aware of the fact that I was tilting towards one side before he did so and the walls were no longer moving.

"Sure thing Jacob."

"You know him?"

Landon nodded and steadied me again as I tried to turn around. Apparently moving was a really bad idea right now and I had forgotten my crutch inside the bar. I wasn't sure if the fact that I managed to walk out without it was a good thing or a really bad thing because I had not been able to walk without it more than a couple of feet ever since I broke my leg.

"Sure. I own a construction company and hire some of the kids at the rez sometime to do some work for me when I have a lot of work coming in. Good kid that Jacob. Although he doesn't really look like a kid anymore. Nothing like that scrawny fifteen year old that worked for me last summer. No one of those kids look their age anymore. "

The others were eying Jacobs back as he walked into the pub with wide eyes as Landon said that Jacob was only sixteen.

"Are they all that big? Is your boyfriend that big?"

I nodded and regretted it as it seemed to rattle something inside my head making my vision even more blurry.

"Yes. Paul is really huge and so are the others. But most of them are nice. Except Quil. He is a perv. And except Sam but it isn't his fault his got a stick named the pack up his ass. And Paul. Because he is a temperamental jackass with serious anger management issues. He even put his fist threw the wall this morning. Poor Emily. And I can't feel my mouth. I think that's a bad thing."

I pinched my lip but felt nothing. Tony laughed and then abruptly stopped staring wide-eyed over my shoulder. I twirled around to see but either my cast was in the way or I was more drunk than I had first thought because I stumbled and was caught by a pair of arms I knew all too well. I tried to tip my head back but got dizzy halfway and bopped my head forward instead.

"When did shopping and lunch turn into a drinking binge?"

At least he sounded more amused than angry and overprotective. And I had not exactly expected a lecture either as that would be very hypocritical of him and was there one thing Paul wasn't then it was a hypocrite.

"I wasn't planning on drinking."

Paul chuckled and his chest vibrated against my back as he held me.

"And otherwise? Do you feel fine?"

"Can't feel my leg. But that's a good thing."

"I don't think it is hellcat."

"Is so. It doesn't itch anymore."

A warm hand stroked the hair out of my eyes and Paul wrapped his arms firmer around me.

"So. Is this going to be a recurring event every time you are pissed at me?"

I tried to snort but it came out as a very loud hiccup instead. Like I would ever do that just because Paul was an ass. If I did that I would become an alcoholic in no time.

"Hell no. I am not going to turn into an alcoholic because of you."

Paul nuzzled my neck and then leaned over my head and judging from the faces in front of me Paul was not giving them a friendly look. I tried to slap his arm but managed to smack myself in the face instead.

"Stop being an ass. These guys were just being nice towards me."

"I bet they were."

It was mumbled but I heard him.

"Mr. Higgs."

Landon nodded and for some reason he smiled at Paul like he was relieved that my asshole boyfriend was Paul Lahote.

"Good to see you there Paul. Take care of your girl now. Not safe for a cute little thing like that to wander around alone at night."

Scott didn't seem as reassured as Landon by Paul. Then again Paul didn't look very reassuring either. No one would ever claim that Paul looked neither safe nor reassuring. At least the way he looked wasn't deceiving and fit his personality.

Except the ass part. He didn't look like an ass. Dangerous and possibly a criminal with that menacing air always hanging around him but he wasn't ugly. I could totally admit that even when the world wasn't spinning around like it did right now.

"Are you sure you want to go with this guy Jan?"

Paul only growled at Scott and he must have had an awful expression on his face because Scott stumbled back.

Leah came out of the pub followed by two resigned looking giants. It seemed like her werewolf metabolism had got rid of all the alcohol in her blood.

Leah smiled goofily the second she saw me and danced towards me.

Or perhaps not. Because sober Leah didn't skip like that.

"Jan!"

She ripped me out of Paul's arms and squeezed me so hard I could hear my ribs creak in protest.

"I like Jan. She is like this little kitten all ruffled and with huge eyes saying protect me please."

I was mildly offended by that. I wasn't a kitten and I didn't look at people like I wanted them to protect me. I could take care of myself thank you very much.

Sort of take care of myself at least.

"And she told the elders to stuff it. She is great."

Paul seemed as stunned as I was by Leah`s happy sounding drunken rambling.

"Shouldn't she be sobering up soon?"

Jacob sighed looking all suffering and shrugged in resignation.

"She would have been if she had not jumped over the counter and downed a bottle of vodka a second ago."

Paul eyed Leah`s arms around me like he was wondering if he had to cut them off to make her let me go.

"Right. Leah let go."

Leah growled at Paul and only squeezed me harder.

Well that would hurt in the morning.

What followed was an odd tugging match that left me feeling like I was the rope in a thug of war between two snarling dogs. Leah finally let go and Paul almost dropped me barely managing to catch me as I was suddenly flung towards him.

"Let's get them in the car and Leah, Sam isn't very happy with you right now."

Her goofy expression changed back to the old Leah for a second and her eyes flashed angrily.

"Sam can stuff it. He doesn't own me."

She sounded very sober and very Leah for a moment then ruined it with a loud hiccup.

Paul rolled his eyes and gently cradled me in his arms. It was either the alcohol or the warmth of his body but I was starting to get sleepy and waved lazily at my stunned drinking buddies. For a second Scott looked like he was going to protest but he cast a second look at the three giants and seemed to change his mind and just gave me a halfhearted wave back instead.

Paul lifted me up on his lap as he sat down in the backseat of the truck and Leah dumped beside him.

That was right. I had something for her. Getting the packet out of my pocket was a lot harder than I thought and Paul looked like he was seriously suffering as I wriggled around on his lap.

"Here."

Leah grabbed the small packet and frowned at it.

"It's a birthday present."

It looked to be a good idea to give it to her now as I was sure sober Leah would have thrown it back in my face. Drunken Leah was much more approachable and opened it with a childish look of excitement on her face. She eyed the purple star and grinned widely.

"Shiny!"

Yeah. She really was drunk. And from the way the car seemed to move even if the motor wasn't running, then so was I.

I woke up as Paul carried me inside Sam`s house and up the stair into the guest bedroom.

"Let's get these clothes off you because you smell like a bar."

That made sense as I had just been in one. Didn't he understand that?

"I was in a bar."

Paul snickered and started tugging off my socks.

"I know."

Why was I on a bed? It was way too early to go to bed and I wasn't feeling sleepy at all.

"I don't want to go to bed."

I tried to crawl away but Paul grabbed my leg and gently pulled me back. In no time at all he managed to get my clothes off. He grabbed my waist and pulled me into his chest and groaned as I tried to wriggle away.

"Stop that."

I wasn't pouting. Not at all. So why did my bottom lip seem to be sticking out?

"I don't want to."

Paul groaned as I tried to grab the edge of the bed and my ass seemed to rub against something very hard behind me as I tried to pull myself out of his arms.

"Stop torturing me hellcat. I am trying to be a nice guy here and not take advantage but being nice isn't in my nature and you are really pushing it."

Pushing it? I wasn't pushing anything. I was trying to use the edge of the bed to drag myself out but no matter how much I pulled I still seemed to be going nowhere.

"I am not pushing anything. And it isn't my fault you want to impregnate me."

Paul stiffened behind me.

"What?"

"Leah told me all about it. How Neanderthal Paul will make an appearance every month. But you can't impregnate me because I am on the pill so hah!"

I frowned. That had sounded a hell of a lot more logical inside my head.

The sheet rustled around me and I looked down. Where had my bra gone and why was I only wearing panties? I was naked. How had that happened and why couldn't I remember getting undressed?

"Why I am naked? Are you trying to take advantage of me?"

Something made a loud thump noise behind me and I turned slightly. Paul's head was pressed against the wall and his eyes were closed while he muttered something I couldn't hear.

"Are you praying? Why are you praying?"

His cheek twitched but he didn't open his eyes.

"Yes I am praying. Go to sleep hellcat."

Was he going to sleep here too? Then why did he have all of his clothes on? One didn't sleep in clothes and Paul never wore clothes to bed. If I had not threatened him with castration then he wouldn't even have been wearing boxers when he slept next to me.

"Are you going to sleep too? You shouldn't do that in your clothes. They get all wrinkly."

His cheek twitched again and he seemed to be squeezing his eyes shut.

"This is hell."

I frowned looking down wondering why he said that because this was a bed. Not hell. If that place even existed because I wasn't too sure of that.

"No. This is a bed. Hell is all warm and burning while beds are soft. And you look like you are in pain. Why are you in pain? Can I make it better?"

Paul's eyes slammed up and his mouth opened like he was about to say something but he smacked it shut with a click and closed his eyes again.

"This is torture."

I was pretty sure it wasn't. Because torture rarely had anything to do with beds. It usually involved dark dungeons and equipment. Like stakes, shackles, needles and such. I must have said that aloud because Paul placed his hand over my mouth.

"Sleep Jan. Just please go to sleep and stop wriggling and talking because everything you say right now seem to make things harder for me."

"You are a sourpuss."

It was muffled behind his hand but Paul had to have heard me because he groaned again.

"Well you would be too if you were so hard it fucking hurts."

That didn't make sense at all. Because I was a girl and girls couldn't get hard as they didn't have anything that could go hard.

"I can't get hard I only get wet."

The hand was gone so fast that I wasn't aware of it before Paul jumped out of the bed. He seemed to be muttering to himself. Something about can't do this and torture.

"You are an evil evil drunk hellcat. Now I am going to take a cold shower. A very cold shower and you are going to sleep."

That sounded like a good idea. I was sleepy and I didn't want to take a cold shower because that just sounded stupid. Who took cold showers anyway?

The sheet was too warm and I threw it off. Paul's eyes widened and then he stomped out slamming the door shut after him. What the hell had crawled up his ass? Probably something painful as he looked like he was in pain.

I yawned. So sleepy. Clearly drinking made me sleepy. It wasn't a bad feeling really.

Not at all.

**Authors note: **_I am actually feeling a bit sorry for Paul here. And drunken Jan and Leah was really fun to write. Love the reviews and that people think my fic is original. Cause that was what I was aiming for=) _


	54. Chapter 54: The morning after

I wanted to die.

There was an orchestra of trolls banging drums inside my head and my mouth tasted like something had crawled in it to die. Just thinking that made me want to gag. And from my twisting stomach there was a chance that the toilet and I would get closer acquainted today.

My hope that Leah was suffering as much as I was died quickly as I spotted her at the living room table. She looked as angry as ever but not like she wanted to die like I wanted too. As a matter of fact she looked as beautiful as ever and although I had not yet dared to look in a mirror I could imagine that I looked like something someone had picked up from a ditch. It really wasn't fair.

Judging from Sam`s furious expression he had just berated her thoroughly and I winched as he turned towards me. Just the sound of the creaking of the floorboards today made my head start pounding even worse and a lecture from Sam might kill me.

"What would your mother say Jan if she found out you went out last night and got drunk?"

His voice was booming inside my head and I whimpered in pain.

"That there is a time and place for everything and it is called college."

Sam`s jaw dropped open before he composed himself into a stern expression.

"Stop joking. I am sure she would have been very disappointed in you."

"Call her and tell her then. I bet you twenty bucks she will say that and then ask how the hell I got in because she didn't get in anywhere when she was my age and still have to show ID sometimes. And you can lay off the talk because I am never ever going drinking again. Because I am in pain and I don't like pain."

It was a promise I was quite sure I would keep right now as I felt a bit like grinded meat.

Sam sighed and gave me a cup of coffee and I grabbed it eagerly.

"I really should call her and tell her about this."

Leah snorted and rolled her eyes.

"Get over yourself Sam. You might be the pack alpha but Jan isn't pack. You have no authority over her at all."

Sam and I must have made similar faces of disbelief because Leah looked disgusted at us both before stomping off. As she walked out of the door the light from outside was reflected in the star shaped stone around her neck.

Had she just defended me? Sort of anyway.

And she was wearing the necklace I gave her.

As far as Leah went that was a sort of I don't hate you declaration.

I doubted she liked me as she didn't seem to like anyone but it seemed I was below the pack on her hate list. That was a huge improvement. As I had understood all the imprints were above the pack on her hate list because as she had said we were not brainwashed by the imprint so we had no excuses for being sucked into the whole thing.

Sam shook his head clearly deciding that he was giving up trying to understand Leah right now and turned to me.

"Quil was supposed to drive you to the hospital today but Bella has to go there anyway. Jared and Embry will be staying close on your way to the hospital and back for safety."

I had nearly forgotten the whole doctor's appointment which was odd because I couldn't wait to get that fucking cast off my wrist. And the whole arrangement sounded weird as I knew Paul didn't want me near Bella the vampire magnet in case of collateral damage. As in me being the collateral part. It seemed that Neanderthal Paul was willing to overlook that in favor of the no Quil factor.

"Is it always going to be like that?"

Sam looked confused.

"The whole smelling fertile thing. Will it always make Paul act like a total animal?"

Sam`s ears turned red and he cleared his throat. For the pack alpha he really seemed uncomfortable with the whole mating aspect of it.

Well to bad for him because I wanted to know and he was the best source for it. And it wasn't like I had anyone else to ask. I wasn't about to ask Quil about it that was for sure and asking someone younger than me didn't feel very comfortable either. Paul was out of the question for obvious reasons and there was no way in hell I would bring up the subject with Jared. Or Leah as I would get a whole lot of hate from her and not much actual information.

"It will become a bit better when your relationship has become more stable and Paul doesn't feel like he is courting you anymore."

Right.

What part of Paul`s treatment of me could be called courting? Because I sure as hell couldn't find anything about it that had even a vague resemblance to courting. Courting was flowers and chivalrous behavior. Not sneaking into my bed at night or sniffing me. Not to mention the groping and that near attack in the hallway.

Something in Sam`s eyes made me think that he wasn't that sure of that things would improve and I just had to point it out. Because how was I supposed to deal with this whole thing when I didn't understand it?

"You don't seem so sure of that."

Sam sighed and looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here and do anything but having this conversation.

It was a feeling I could sympathize with as it had been more or less a reoccurring feeling for me lately.

"The wolf is in many ways a separate being from us. I don't quite know how to explain it but possessed by a wolf spirit is the closest I can come although I don't like the word possessed. The wolf feels like us and still it is a completely different entity. And all of the wolves are different and have their own role inside the pack. Like Embry is the peace maker. His first instinct when someone starts quarreling inside the pack is to diffuse the tension."

That didn't surprise me as it sounded a lot like the calm peaceful Embry I knew.

"Jared is the law enforcer. His first instinct is always to correct someone when they do something I wouldn't like. That is why I made him my beta because my wolf felt it was right."

Sam took a deep breath looking uncomfortable and a little worried that I would think he was crazy. It sounded insane. Like they were all possessed by another being but then again I felt like my mouth had a life of its own so who was I to judge.

"Paul is the front fighter in the pack. He has always been a lot more intense and aggressive than any of the others. Everything about him is intense from his fighting skills to the way his wolf thinks."

That told me very little and Sam seemed to realize that.

"All the wolves are possessive over their imprints Jan. My wolf thinks of Emily as mine. It is the same with all the other imprinted wolves. Because of our mindsharing everyone in the pack can see that."

Ouch. No wonder Leah was such a bitch if she got that slammed into her head regularly. Sam's deep brown eyes met my own.

"When Paul or the wolf thinks of you his wolf also says mine. But it's stronger and more of a litany than a simple word likes the others."

I was still blank and still didn't understand a thing. Sam groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"When my wolf thinks mine it goes like a jolt to the others. When Paul's wolf thinks of you it's more like a litany of mine, mine, mine and instead of a jolt it's more like getting the word slammed into our heads."

Well. That sure explained a lot.

Paul`s wolf was an over possessive little fucker compared to the others.

Oh joy.

And that meant that Sam wasn't convinced he would calm down much on the Neanderthal part. I had not only gotten the human asshole of the pack but the wolf was an asshole as well.

I suddenly liked it less than I had before.

I wasn't even aware that I was thumping my forehead against the table before Sam's hand stopped me and he patted my head somewhat awkwardly.

"I always knew based on Paul`s wolf that his imprinting would be a bit hard but I think you are handling it quite well."

Odd words for someone who had just seen me trying to slam my head threw the table.

And I didn't feel like I was handling very well at all.

I could deny it with my whole heart but a part of me was fully aware that part of that drunken binge last night had been frustration over the imprint.

And the biggest problem would be the whole the more I know the better I can handle it deal of it. It had always been my motto but the more I knew about how the whole phasing protector thing worked and the imprinting then the more at a loss I became.

And no matter how much I knew about it, it still didn't make sense.

I just couldn't comprehend how someone could just look someone else they had known for years in the eyes and suddenly that person became their whole world.

It was just so far away from reality that it was out there. But then again so was the whole poof wolf deal.

I just didn't get it and a large part of me hated not getting it no matter how much information I got my hands on. And another part of me simply refused to accept that I would never understand it. Because everything in the world was understandable if one just got the right information and spent time puzzling it together.

Or that was what I had believed.

Realizing that some things would forever be a mystery didn't sit well with me. Mysteries were there to be solved. Not hang over my head like dooms day. And not getting it would also mean that I would never find a solution and much less fully accept it.

And now my head was hurting even worse.

Thinking and hangovers did not go well together.

Not at all.


	55. Chapter 55: The return of the Cullens

I grinned at my now cast free wrist.

It was still a bit sore after being in a cast for weeks and the skin beneath it was even whiter than my usually shade of white but it was nice getting it off and being able to move my hand unhindered.

"Just be careful not to strain it too much and it will be okay."

Nurse McKenzie gave me a wide smile. She was the type of person that looked like the perfect nurse. She was a neat person in a perfectly ironed nurse uniform with her hair in an orderly ponytail and was a little chubby with a friendly smile and soft caring eyes that instantly put people at ease.

Completely unlike the nurse that had helped me with my broken nose. That hag had even squeezed my nose to see if it was broken.

Like I needed my injuries prodded when I could very well tell her that judged from the crack when Paul hit my nose there was no chance it wasn't broken.

"In a couple of weeks we can remove the cast on the leg as well as it is healing a lot faster than the norm. In the meanwhile don't go hiking."

I wasn't planning on it.

Nor was I planning on meeting any more vampires. Not that it was really up to me as I had not exactly wanted to meet the little bastard that broke my leg. At least he was dead and gone forever.

Unfortunately there were more out there and according to Gaia they would come headed this way sooner or later. That made me want to move somewhere were the sun never went down.

Not that sunlight could hurt them but the way they were glittering they had to stay out of it because I didn't think anyone would ignore someone sparkling like that.

And I still found that completely ridiculous.

Monsters were scaly, slimy or hairy. They did not glitter like someone hit them with a fairy wand.

I waved goodbye to nurse McKenzie and hurried down to the parking lot to were Bella was waiting, breathing out in relief as I walked out the door. I didn't want to spend a second more in that building than I had too.

For some reason seeing all the injuries, sneezing people and snotty noses always made me feel a little bit worse than before I entered. Ironic really.

And the sterile white walls were severely depressing.

Would it hurt to put some color on them so that when people woke up in the morning they didn't have to pinch themselves to be sure they were still alive and that the white walls were not the famous white light?

Bella was waiting in the car and gave me a quick look before blushing. I didn't even need to ask her why she had a doctor's appointment. That blush was confirmation enough.

Not that I understood why it was embarrassing to get some pills from the doctor. Going on the pill didn't mean sex. It could be to lessen the cramps or to get it regulated.

My mom had suggested it to me when I was fourteen as my cramps usually left me begging for someone to just kill me and end my misery and usually left me completely useless for at least three days.

Now condoms on the other hand…

That was embarrassing because it wasn't like they had any other function than one and buying a packet was pretty much advertising what you were going to do later.

I glanced at her in the car mirror and winched slightly.

She looked bad.

She had bags under her eyes and her skin was even paler than mine. Even her hair seemed lifeless and she seemed to have lost some weight since the last time I saw her even as it had only been less than a week since the last time I saw her. She looked sick and it didn't pass by me that her hands were trembling slightly on the steering wheel.

I remembered overhearing Jacob talking about Bella having nightmares but surely nightmares didn't explain the weight loss or the sickly pale skin?

The car made a sudden jolt and made a sound like a cat dying before stopping completely. Bella tried starting it again but it only made a slight choke before dying again.

'"Should we check under the hood?"

She smiled sheepishly as I raised a brow. Even if we checked under the hood I doubted any of us could see what was wrong unless the whole engine had exploded and even then it wasn't like we could do anything about it.

I grabbed my phone but there wasn't any reception and judging from Bella's frown she didn't have any on her phone either.

"We can yell. The guys are supposed to be around here somewhere."

I barely stepped out of the car before two cars pulled up beside us.

I didn't know much about cars but even I could tell they were expensive and not something anyone from neither Forks nor La Push drove. They were lowered and light gray in color. Not something you drove on the rather bumpy and dusty roads of Forks or La Push.

The doors on the two cars opened at the same time and I stiffened at the sight of the people coming out of them.

They were all beautiful but in different ways.

The older couple looked like a pair of movie stars from a movie from the fifties. Clean, neat, not a strand of hair out of place and so perfect that it almost hurt looking at them. The younger looking ones were all extremely beautiful but in their own way.

The tall slim blonde was a classic beauty and even had a beauty mark over her lip and the man beside her could easily had been the airbrushed picture on the cover page of Sports Illustrated with his broad shoulders and bulging muscles. Not to mention the dimples. It was like God himself had pressed his thumbs against the man's cheeks leaving two perfect small impressions near the corners of his mouth.

The other girl wasn't a classic beauty but more like a teen idol with a short thin body and a doll like face topped with short brown hair. The man standing behind her was equally stunning despite his blank expression and looked like a mischievous angel with his wild blond curls and perfect smooth face. It was the kind of guy that posed in model pictures in a leather jacket leaned against a shiny bike smirking at the photographer.

The last one was equally beautiful with perfect ruffled bronze hair and he looked younger than the others and like the short girl he looked like a teen idol or a model for hair wax.

It was like someone had gathered beautiful people for everyone's preference and lumped them together into one group.

And they all had the signs of vampirism that had been burned into my brain ever since I met that monster on my way home.

Pale skin, impossible perfected beauty without any faults. Their eye color was soft amber and not crimson red and thus didn't quite fit into what I had expected but I knew perfectly well what they were.

Vampires.

Bella jumped behind me and clamped her arms so hard around my waist it hurt and she buried her face in my hair.

Yeah that would help.

Like my very soft and squishy body could serve as any kind of buffer against these monsters. It was pretty much like using another human as a shield against a military tank.

And it wasn't like she could hide behind me as I was shorter than her and they had sharpened senses so that even if they could not see her they would have been able to smell her.

The bronze haired god took a step forward his elated expression turning to confusion.

"Bella?"

They knew her name. Of course they knew her name. Perhaps Paul had not just been his normal asshole self when he called Bella the vampire magnet.

"Bella are you hurt?"

Bella whimpered into my hair and squeezed her arms around me so hard I could feel her bony arms press into my ribs.

I jolted by the sudden realization.

These were not just vampires. They were the Cullen's.

And that bronze haired guy had to be Bella`s vampire ex.

The same guy that had dumped her in the middle of the forest and left her there broken, lost and alone.

She wasn't clamping onto me because she was afraid but because she was breaking apart at the mere sight of him.

The Cullen's were back.

And I couldn't help but to think that this was a disaster on a whole other level than man drinking vampires.

Roughly translated to not good.

Not good at all.

**Authors note: **_Cliffy for you=)Ty for the reviews as always. _


	56. Chapter 56: Without the human mask

"Bella?"

The bronze haired vampire came closer and I backed away almost tripping on both the cast and Bella's legs. Bella made a pained sound at the sound of his voice and was now holding me so hard I was sure she was going to give me bruises. For such a skinny sick looking person she sure was a lot stronger than I would have assumed.

"She doesn't want to see you."

He didn't seem the least bit discourage by me and kept coming closer.

Asshole vampires. Couldn't he just respect the fact that she didn't want to talk to him? Even a blind person could see that.

He stiffened and suddenly turned his wide eyes straight at me.

Right. The mindreader. Fucking fantastic.

Might as well put the cards on the table as I couldn't exactly just stop thinking.

"I know what you are and I don't appreciate being here alone with you guys so perhaps you could just leave or something."

Not that I could make them or anything.

Puny squishy human vs. vampires.

I knew from experience that didn't end well.

And even if they were veggies I didn't trust them at all. Gaia was one thing. I had known her all my life. For these vamps I was just a human. Mortal and just one in a million. Primarily their source of food. And I didn't think that even if they were veggies that they cared much if one of them decided to munch on me other than the disappointment for breaking their lifestyle for a split second.

The blonde girl took a step forward looking extremely menacing for someone with such a beautiful face.

"Did you tell her Bella?"

Bella seemed to shrink behind me and I snorted loudly. Like Bella could even talk about them. Most of what I knew about the Cullen`s had come from overhearing Jacob reciting Bella and not from her own mouth. Hell she couldn't even say his name.

"She didn't tell me anything and I didn't exactly break my leg in a hiking accident. But as I don't want to end up in an insane asylum that is the story I am sticking to."

A blur suddenly appeared in front of me and Edward was thrown away. Just as quickly the blonde guy rushed towards us and was blocked by the same blur of color.

It was Gaia but not the Gaia I was used to.

This was Gaia without her human mask. Her lips were drawn back in an inhumane snarl as her blonde curls danced around her face and she looked like a goddess of war rather than the angelic looking woman I knew.

The blonde man was just inches away from her and he was snarling too. They seemed to be measuring each other and whatever the blonde man saw made him take a step back and out of her space.

"Edward, don't."

Edward seemed to freeze and his eyes were fastened on Gaia. Gaia grinned a malicious grin.

"You can't read my mind. He can't get a read on my feelings and that little pixie can't see me. No powers at all work on me. Isn't that right god of war?"

The blonde man nodded so quickly I barely saw it and the older man took a step forward looking anxious.

"Have you met her before Jasper?"

"In a way. Although the encounter was brief."

Gaia's grin seemed too widened and I shuddered slightly at the dangerous look in her eyes. Even if I knew and trusted her she did look scary as hell right now.

"Met and met. More like briefly saw him in passing."

Gaia suddenly threw her head back and giggled.

"I must say I am surprised to see you here. The god of war, a Cullen. Maria must be so very disappointed to lose her right hand man and executioner."

I watched in amazement as the amusement was gone in a blink of an eye and that snarl back so quickly like it had never been gone.

"I suggest you leave now. My patience with you was wearing thin even before I met you."

Edward's eyes turned towards Bella again with a look that worried me. He looked obsessed and I doubted he would ever leave.

"You left her Cullen and thus she went under my protection by association."

I didn't even see him move but I did see him land. One second he was standing in front of Gaia and in the next his back broke a tree in two with a deafening crack. He seemed somewhat surprised but didn't seem to be giving up anytime soon as he got up from the splintered remains of what had been a very tall and sturdy looking tree with a fierce expression of determination on his face.

"Bella is under my protection!"

Gaia rolled her eyes at him and her expression turned to disgust.

"Protection. Is that what you call it when you leave someone in the middle of the woods, defenseless and alone without even checking if she was safe? If I had been otherwise inclined Cullen, she would be dead by now. Actually she would have been if that harlot had not caught my sent and decided to make another try another day when she could be sure that there were no one there to stop her. Funny how my actions however unintended have saved her life more than your intentions to save her has done her any good. Your actions have brought hell upon her and the whole of Seattle. I find it amusing that your family who lives off animals have with your unintended actions caused more deaths than I have done in a decade."

Gaia tilted her head and her eyes flickered briefly over all the Cullen's, her disgust over all of them clearly written on her beautiful face.

Edward looked furious and looked like he was about to make another dash for it but the older man stopped him with a raised arm. It did not however make him shut the hell up.

"She is my mate!"

Gaia put up a mock puzzled expression.

"You dump her. Then you come back to claim her as a mate. Does her opinion matter at all? Child. You love in the same way a little boy loves his favorite toy."

I wasn't aware that Gaia had slowly made me take small steps back until she suddenly turned around and shoved me. Both Bella and I barely managed to stay upright by the force of it and Gaia looked extremely pleased with herself.

"Well would you look at that. They are in La Push now. Don't your family have a treaty with them? I think it starts with don't bite anyone and don't cross the La Push boarder. And judging from the unpleasant odor I think the La Push mutts will be here any second."

Judging from the victorious smile on her lips that had been her plan all along. Gaia shook her head and smirked.

"Idiots."

It was muttered just loud enough for me to hear and based on the angry looks from the Cullen`s if was intended for them.

Edward was looking panicked and made a dash for it but was stopped by the blonde man.

"Don't Edward."

"But the dogs are coming. Bella will get hurt."

Wow. That was quite a hypocritical thought of him. He was after all the one that had hurt her the most and left the pieces for Jacob to put back together.

Edward`s head snapped in my direction again.

Damnit. Fucking stupid mindreader.

Wasn't it enough that I was treated like a piece of luggage by the supernatural? Did the fucking supernatural have to have a full access to the inside of my mind as well?

A growl alerted me to the presence of the pack and one by one they came out of the bushes with a snarling Sam in the front.

Bella let go of my waist the second the russet colored Jacob came out of the bushes and threw her arms around him ignoring the way both the wolves and Edward were growling.

Paul placed himself in front of me and looked ready to jump the Cullen's so I grabbed his tail before he could step outside the boarder. He gave me a glare and I yanked his tail again.

"That's the line stupid. Shouldn't wolves know their own territory?"

Paul whined and seemed to be sulking again. I was so getting him a chew toy because that sulking was annoying as hell and the puppy eyes looked really misplaced on him especially just after the foaming at the mouth thing he did when he wanted to rip something into pieces.

Edward was staring horrified at Bella as she clung to Jacob and I snorted.

Dangerous my ass. That he as a vampire that thirsted for blood could even say that was completely ridiculous. He could call himself a veggie all he wanted but that didn't stop the temptation of blood nor the risk that would always be there.

And I was holding the tail of the most dangerous one of them and still didn't exactly fear for my safety.

Annoyed and slightly afraid that there would be a full out battle right there in front of me but not the least bit afraid of Paul the wolf.

Because unlike vampires he didn't want to eat me and he was experienced enough to keep distance to me when he phased even as the one of them that went poof the most.

"It looks to me that we need a meeting but I will not attend one until all of you have calmed down. I have no desire to deal with children and especially not emotionally stressed children that can't control themselves."

"I am not leaving without Bella!"

Gaia looked like she wanted to rip Edwards head off just to make him shut up. It was a feeling I could sympathize with as the fact that she didn't want to even look at him didn't seem to make him think twice.

She was clinging to Jacob like he was a safety line. Did that somehow look like she wanted to come with him to him?

"You managed to before so I am sure you can do so again if you put your mind to it. And in the meanwhile I suggest that your little future teller takes a good look around to get updated. Things have changed around here."

The older man grabbed Edward`s arm and talked so fast and low that I could not hear a thing but whatever he said seemed to sway Edward although he did look very reluctant.

"Tomorrow perhaps?"

Both Gaia and Sam nodded although Sam's nod was reluctant. I watched in relief as all the Cullen's got into their cars. Gaia`s dark eyes followed the cars until they disappeared before sighing in annoyance.

She clearly wasn't happy that the Cullen`s were back.

I wondered how she seemed to know so much about them then shook my head at my own stupidity.

She was seven hundred years old and almost restricted to places were the sun didn't make a regular appearance. And the Cullen`s as a veggie vampire family did stand out a lot even among their own kind. The chance that she had never heard of them was far less likely.

Suddenly Sam phased right in front of me and I was looking straight at his naked ass.

Fuck. I really had no need to see that. Paul made a huffing sound that sounded like his wolf laughing as I closed my eyes.

"I think we need to talk. Quil take the girls to Billy`s. We will be there shortly."

A large dark brown wolf made a yipping sound and jumped away from Paul`s snapping yaws. Paul clearly wasn't happy about it and gave me a lick and then another warning growl in Quil`s direction.

Bella had not moved an inch and didn't look like she was letting go of Jacob`s furry neck anytime soon. Sam seemed to realize this too because he sighed.

"You might go as well Jacob."

I threw a look at Gaia who gave me a reassuring nod. Stupid of me to worry really as she was far better equipped to deal with this whole supernatural mess than I was.

Reluctantly I followed Quil until he stopped beside a reddish old truck. And then I wasn't staring at a dark brown wolf anymore but a butt naked Quil. Unfortunately I didn't manage to close my eyes fast enough and got an eyeful.

"Oh for fucks sake Quil! Was that necessary? Couldn't you do it behind some bushes or something?"

Even with my eyes closed I knew he was grinning.

"Why should I when this is so much more fun? And I have seen you naked in Paul`s mind so I just thought it was fair that you got to see me."

Quil seeing me naked was wrong on so many levels and me seeing him was just even more wrong. Fair was hardly the word I would use.

"How is that even remotely fair? Unlike you I have no desire to see you naked."

Quil chuckled and I heard rustling fabric.

"Are you sure about that Jan? And you can look now."

I opened my eyes and slammed them shut again.

He had been putting clothes on just not on the part I had assumed. Quil had put a t shirt on but his manhood was fully visible and I had just gotten my second eyeful.

"Fuck you Quil!»

**Authors note: **_I had decided to leave it at the Cullen's return but then I changed my mind and decided to be nice so you get this chapter too. Just a little warning that there will be some negative feelings around the Cullen's from the characters in my story. After all they are the indirect reason the wolves phased as well as the indirect reason Jan`s world was sent into a tailspin. And Gaia. Well she doesn't like anyone but the very family she is protecting and the Cullen`s actions have made her work a hell of a lot harder. Not to mention the fact that she has watched her humans for several hundred years. I doubt she would look very positive at someone who just left behind someone they were supposed to care about even if it was for that persons own protection. So don't expect much positive feelings from her. lol. Oh Quil. I just never get tired of writing you. _


	57. Chapter 57: I am in hell

Billy wasn't home but Rachel was. And since Jacob instantly brought Bella into his bedroom to try to calm her down that left me with a very amused Quil and a Rachel that thought the imprint was just as wrong as the elders did only she was louder about it.

Apparently knowing the whole wolf secret made her even worse in her pursuit of Paul than she had been and it did no good for my left over hangover.

"He shouldn't have imprinted on you. You are not a Quileute!"

It seemed that Rachel thought that underlining that in several different ways would just stop Paul being imprinted on me.

I was in hell.

And from the determined look on her face nothing I said could make her shut up. She had that obsessed look I remembered on girls that believed they had found their one.

And unfortunately for me she had found out about imprinting which was probably a romantic ideal for her. For what girl didn't want borderless love?

She glared at me which I tried my best to ignore and pretend I was interested in my cell phone.

"You have done nothing to deserve him."

Well she was right about that. I had done nothing to deserve Paul. No genocide nor directly evil things to other people. As far as Paul imprinting on me it was completely underserved. Just not in the way Rachel thought it was.

"I think they are perfect together."

Quil didn't seem the least but put off by Rachel`s glare which was now directed at him.

"I don't get hard I only get wet. That one was epic."

Yes this really was hell.

Quil saw it as his job to recite my drunken rambling and Rachel saw it as hers to try and break the imprint by talking judging from that fierce determination in her eyes.

And I was stuck between them with a growing headache.

And there was nothing I could do to make the two of them stop because they had one trait in common and that was to ignore my suffering expression.

It didn't help that I was worried about Gaia either. It was probably pointless as a seven hundred year old vampire could probably look after herself but that didn't stop me from worrying.

"You don't even look good together. You seem paler and more colorless beside him. And an imprintee shouldn't be white. "

Like I wasn't aware of that. Being Paul`s imprint just made me more aware of the fact that I was white. As far as not liking the imprint there was a club she could join. It consisted of the elders and well… Me.

Even if I had relented and become Paul`s girlfriend that didn't mean that I had liked being sucked into wolf town. Ignorance was after all bliss. And not having these problems at all would be a hell of a lot better than being forced to deal with them.

"He should never have imprinted on you. You didn't even grow up with the legends and thus can't be strong enough or prepared to handle it."

That nearly got a snort out of me. Like simple story telling could prepare anyone to be faced with the fact that they were real.

Mom always told me stories about leprechauns when I was a kid but I hardly believed that would make me freak less out if I found out that they were real.

And the legends told about the protectors and their fights. It didn't even mention the day to day reality of it.

And it wasn't like Rachel had stood out much at her first meeting with the after effects of the supernatural. Even Bella who couldn't stand blood had been more useful than Rachel had as Rachel had spent most of the time Paul had been bleeding with her head into the toilet.

"You can't impregnate me because I am on the pill so hah."

Quill nearly fell off the chair and I gazed at the ceiling praying that this would soon be over.

The door suddenly opened and Sam stepped in with Paul right behind him.

Rachel jumped out of her chair beaming at Paul. Her smile quickly turned into a ugly frown as Paul`s dark eyes instantly found mine, completely ignoring that Rachel was there and before I knew it I was lifted out of the chair and pressed up against the wall.

Paul`s hands seemed to be everywhere and it took me a while before I realized that he wasn't groping me but checking for injuries.

Then his lips slammed against mine. The kiss soon softened and he gently stroked his tongue in the corner of my mouth. On instinct I opened my mouth and his tongue brushed against mine and I was lost in the feeling of it. No matter how much Paul pissed me off his kisses always left me feeling like I could kiss him forever. He ended the kiss and his dark brown eyes met my own.

"Don't ever do that again."

My jaw dropped and I just stared at him. What the hell? What part of this whole mess had been the slightest bit my fault? It wasn't like I had sought the Cullen`s out nor had it been my fault that the truck broke down and pretty much made me stuck there with the Cullen`s. .

"Talking back to them. Don't ever do that again."

My shock gave way for anger.

"Excuse me? What the hell was I supposed to do then? Besides I was stalling. Hardly the best plan in the world but running sure as hell didn't work the last time."

Paul only growled which meant that technically I had won but he would never admit it.

The stairs creaked and Jacob raised an eyebrow as he spotted us from the stairway.

"Guys. There will be no PDA in this house unless it involves me and Bella. So please let Jan down Paul."

He did let me down. Sort of. Instead of pinning me to the wall he used his hands to keep me pinned on his lap. And I knew better than to try to wriggle out of his grip as that usually left side effects and it wasn't him letting me go or loosen his grip. And I wasn't too keen sitting on Paul`s boner in front of others.

Sam sat down with a heavy sigh and rubbed his forehead looking like he had a really bad day.

"So. What did you talk about the leech with?"

"I made a treaty with her."

Jacob raised a brow but the protests I had expected did not come.

"The elders will not like that."

"What choices do I have? There is an army headed this way and we are not prepared for it. She knows more about this and now we have the Cullen`s here too. You saw the look on his face Jacob. He isn't about to let Bella go."

A shiver went through Jacob and his lips curled slightly before he composed himself.

"I told her about the imprint."

Paul`s hands dug into my hips and I wriggled to let him loosen up before I got finger shaped bruises on them and Jacob looked shocked.

"You what?"

Sam shook his head and seemed oddly resigned.

"I needed to be sure she really was on our side of this. She wasn't too happy about it but seemed to accept it when I told Jan had decided to become Paul`s girlfriend and she had no objections after that."

"The elders are really not going to be happy about this."

Perhaps not but the elders being unhappy made me happy. And I felt a little better now that the pack would be taking advice from Gaia. After all she knew a hell of a lot more about vampires than the pack or the elders did. From my point of view she was more useful than a bunch of old men.

"Are you sure about this Sam?"

Sam shrugged and looked slightly pained, clearly not happy about any of it. Cooperating with a vampire was probably not something he had wanted to do.

"No. But it was obvious that she doesn't like the Cullen's and her only goal seems to keep Jan and her mother alive. That none of the Cullen`s powers work on her might make her a powerful ally if we can't convince the Cullen`s to leave. And it's obvious that we can't make Gaia leave. She even admitted that even if she has not crossed the border line she has been skulking around without our knowledge. We simply can't afford not to make a treaty with her. And what she told me it's worrying. Really worrying."

Sam looked over at Rachel who was pretending to do the dishes and clearly wasn't going to elaborate when she was there. And probably because I was there also.

He rarely discussed pack stuff when other non-pack members were nearby which was completely idiotic.

Yeah I was completely aware that there was nothing I could do or help with but still I would like to have the facts.

Because I like it or not was involved.

I lived in La Push the intended targeted area. I was Paul`s girlfriend and under Gaia`s protection. I was involved and what was going on would affect me in one way or another. Going around blindly wouldn't change that.

"There will be a meeting with the Cullen`s tomorrow. Gaia demanded that Jan would be there. And the Cullen`s demanded that Bella would be there."

The shaking happened at the same time but only one wolfman ran out. I found myself deposited on a chair before I knew what was going on and the door slammed shut so hard that one of the hinges broke.

Paul was the one that couldn't restrain his reaction to an imprint involved in a meeting with vampires.

Shocker.

"I don't like this."

Sam shook his head and leaned into the chair, spreading his long legs and sighed.

"I don't either Jake. But fact is that this thing is larger than the pack can handle. I don't like it but if the Cullen`s offer their cooperation I don't see how we can afford to say no. For now I think you should tell Billy and together make a plan to make Chief Swan agree to let Bella stay in La Push. With the Cullen`s back we can't be in Forks and Gaia seemed sure that the second our backs are turned that the leeches will approach Bella."

No surprise there. He sure as hell didn't show any sign of wanting to back off nor did he seem to notice or at least not care that Bella didn't exactly seem like she wanted to talk to him.

"I am sorry Jacob but it is necessary. But I will make it clear that the leech is not allowed to approach her and if he does that will be the end of the meeting."

Jacob still seemed reluctant but he nodded.

"I will talk to her about it now. But if she absolutely doesn't want to I am not going to make her Sam."

Sam nodded and seemed suddenly a decade older than he had this very morning.

"I will go and talk to Paul. Do you have any objections Jan?"

"No."

I didn't really. It wasn't like I wanted to meet anymore vampires but Gaia wanted me there and I didn't think she would just risk it without having some agenda behind it.

And I was curious.

Both to what would happen at the meeting and what Gaia`s secret agenda was. Sam looked a bit relieved as a no from me would make things a little bit harder.

"Guess I'll just go and have a talk with the more temperamental part of you."

I wasn't sure I liked the way Sam indicated that Paul was my other half. Although the temperamental part sort of fit. I preferred asshole but temperamental wasn't too bad either.

The second Sam was out Rachel turned to me again and completely abandoned her charade of doing the dishes.

"So you are a traitor too. Socializing with vampires. I will ask the elders to break the imprint! I am sure they agree with me that you are not the one for Paul."

Like breaking the imprint had never crossed my mind before. Hell I had been ready to beg for it in the beginning until I had resigned myself to the fact that these were the cards I was dealt and there would be no fixing just dealing.

And the one for Paul. What the hell did she think imprinting was? Some sort of internet dating site were one was paired together because of matching interests?

"Yeah sure. You do that Rachel."

She blinked confused like she had expected me to argue with her and then threw her head back.

"I will."

I watched her stomp off feeling relieved that at least she wasn't a pain in my ass and would soon become the pain in the ass for the elders. God I wished I could be there when they told her that breaking an imprint wasn't possible. It would have made my day at least a little better.

Quil had not said a word but he was leaning against the wall drinking a coke and that grin on his lips pretty much told me that he had watched the whole thing with amusement. Like my life served to entertain him.

"Do you want popcorn with that soda?"

My sarcasm did nothing but increase his amusement.

"May I just come with an observation?"

I raised a brow at the odd question because Quil never asked before giving his opinion he just gave it no matter how unwanted it was. And most of the time it wasn't even related to things going on.

"Why ask me? You will stuff your opinion down my throat whether I say yes or no."

His grin only widened.

"Oh Jan you know me so well."

"I like to not know you at all."

Quil chuckled at that.

"You really are perfect for Paul. For one you let no one push you around."

I had no idea where the hell he got that from as I felt like I had been pushed around all over the place ever since Paul imprinted on me. Even before I knew about the whole wolf and imprint thing.

"You have a moral Paul lack and yet you have no problem with offending the hell out of people if they get in your face."

I watched Quil suspiciously as he pushed off the wall and stepped right in front of me.

"And you are strong. Next to Emily I think you are the strongest imprintee. Just in a whole other way that Emily. She prefers to be behind Sam and support him in his decisions and mother the rest of us but you… Hell when you hated Paul you had no issues defending him. Or us. I even heard you defend Leah the other day."

Fuck. If Quil had overheard me tearing into Sonya yesterday for calling Leah a pathetic slut hung up on Sam then Leah would soon know if she didn't already. And I doubted she would be very pleased with that at all as she was hell bent on taking care of herself. The defender pretty much got the same treatment as the insulter.

Quil bent slightly down so that he could look me in the eye and for once he wasn't grinning. A serious Quil made me worried. More than his lecherous grin did.

"Rachel might spew out that she would be a more perfect imprint but I think that is a total lie. She isn't half as strong as you are. Oh she might be seen as strong but she would never get her hands bloodied and she would only stick around for as long as she wanted to."

That seemed about right. After all she had more or less fled the rez at first given opportunity and she had not been back for two years. Quite odd for someone who know claimed heritage over me as a better person to imprint on.

Quil`s eyes glimmered in the badly lit kitchen.

"She would never have stood up to the elders and told them what you did. She wouldn't have set out to make things easier for Paul the way you have albeit reluctantly. It didn't even take a day after you somewhat accepted the imprint before you found out that the hunger hits Paul hardest of us and make sure you always had food for him. That's the thing about you Jan. You might not like it and you might wish with your whole heart that this didn't happen to you but still you set out to make it easier for him and didn't even think about what you could get out of the whole deal."

What I could get out of the whole deal? I had no idea what he was talking about and Quil seemed to realize it because he grinned and shook his head.

"See. The mere idea of it never even crossed your mind."

I was slightly stunned by the words coming out of Quil`s mouth. It was like his personality had completely changed from the guy that had intentionally flashed me just seconds ago.

I was so stunned by the realization that Quil wasn't just the simple pervert I had assumed him to be that I was just half aware that his hands were on my shoulders. Then suddenly rough warm lips were covering mine. It only lasted a second and then Quil took a step back grinning madly.

"Paul was right. You really do taste like vanilla."

That fucking ass!

Quil took a step back holding his hands up as I grabbed my crutch.

"Even if you smack me with that it was still totally worth it."

"And if I aim for your nuts? Will it be worth it then?"

Quil paled slightly and took a step back.

"Now Jan. Be reasonable. It was just a little kiss. Practically nothing at all."

I waved the crutch and Quil barely managed to jump out of the way. With a last grin he aimed for the doorway as I stumbled after him and barely managed not to smack Sam who was coming in.

Quil phased the second he jumped of the stairs, bursting out of his clothes. A loud roar made me winch and Quil seemed to stiffen, his chocolate brown fur rising on the back of his neck.

It all happened really fast.

Paul the wolf came bursting out of the bushes and Quil jumped. Paul was fast but Quil was faster, dodging Paul's snapping jaws and in a mighty leap disappeared into the bushes with Paul on his heels.

"What was that?"

Sam waved his hand and sighed deeply like he regretted the question.

"Never mind. I am sure I don't really want to know."

He shook his head and rubbed his temples like he was getting a headache.

"Guess that I will be the one driving you to my place then."

He didn't even wait for me to agree but lifted me up like I was a little child.

I was really really getting sick of that.

Hopefully this whole lift Jan up habit would stop when I got the cast removed and could move on a normal pace.

Although I wasn't betting on it.

Sam was silent on the way to his house and seemed to be brooding. No wonder really. It had been a long day for him and he probably wasn't looking forward to the meeting with the elders. For someone that wasn't standing on the front lines of this whole thing they sure had a lot of opinions.

Stuffy old men.

There was a car in front of Sam`s house but not just any car. It was a police car and Chief Swan was standing beside Emily.

That the chief dropped by wasn't that unusual. Bella used to hang out at Sam`s house like the other imprints and as far as I knew Chief Swan only had his service car so it didn't have to mean anything.

Yet a bad feeling was starting to twist in my stomach.

As we came closer that bad feeling only grew.

Chief Swan had his business face on and Emily looked worried. A policeman showing up at ones door was always a bad thing and even worse when one did so in the rez. La Push preferred to keep the law enforcement out of their business and rarely was something reported around here. Not until the crime was common knowledge and had been tried in front of the elders first.

"He wants to speak with Paul."

Sam's face darkened and I could see the change from just Sam to Sam the pack alpha.

"He will be here shortly. Is something the matter Chief?"

Chief Swan`s business stance turned awkward for a split second and his eyes flickered away from Sam.

"I just need to speak to him."

A sudden flash of memory hit me. Something I had nearly forgotten.

It had been raining and Gaia was there. I had just been brought home after the check up at the hospital and even tough mom wanted to stay with dad, the doctor had urged her to settle me back home to lessen the trauma of that night.

Two men in uniform had come in and they had said something that made my mom wobble and then I watched from behind my bedroom door how mom`s shoulders had lowered and how her back had started to tremble.

The two policemen had the same expression Chief Swan had right now. Pity and awkwardness over delivering the message that my father had not made it.

See?

Whenever I thought it just couldn't get worse it did exactly that.

**Authors note: **_Well would you look at that. Quil has an intelligent brain. All for the span of five minutes. No one saw that one coming. _


	58. Chapter 58: Comfort and first times

It seemed forever before Paul arrived.

Emily had managed to convince Chief Swan inside for a cup of coffee and tried to make small talk but it was stilted and forced.

As usual Paul`s eyes immediately sought after me the second he walked through the door and then he noticed Chief Swan and his face turned blank.

It wasn't like I had not known that Paul had been picked up by the cops a few times. It used to be a regular even really. Either it was for speeding or underage drinking with his now former buddies. I wondered why I had not taken notice of the sudden change in him when he joined Sam`s group but then again back then I tried not to think of him at all. Much less the frequency of him doing things that landed him in the back of Chief Swan`s car.

Chief Swan cleared his throat awkwardly.

"I need to have a word with you son."

"Whatever you have to say you can say it here."

Chief Swan`s eyes flickered before he seemed to straighten up.

"I regret to inform you that your mother has passed away."

Paul didn't even blink instead his face seemed to turn to stone right in front of me.

"How?"

"She was found in her apartment in Seattle and declared dead at the scene. Overdose."

For a cop Chief Swan really couldn't lie. His eyes flickered as he said it and he didn't meet Paul`s eyes.

"That is not the whole truth is it?"

Sympathy flickered over Chief Swan`s face and he looked like he wanted to pat Paul`s shoulder but the stony expression on Paul`s face seemed to make him change his mind.

"It is regarded as a suicide."

Paul just nodded and without a word he walked into the kitchen.

It was the lack of surprise that stunned me. Like he had expected it.

I knew very little about Paul`s mother except from the rez gossip. But I remembered her as a very beautiful woman, the kind that turned heads. Back then I had been too young to really understand the whispers and the looks of disgust the adults looked at her with. And later I had not really cared. After all I wasn't a part of the community and had long since accepted the role as an outsider thus ignoring any kind of gossip that reached my ears.

I winched at the sound of something slamming into the wall inside the kitchen and Chief Swan looked like he wasn't sure if he should be the one to check if things were all right in there.

"I will go and check on him."

Sam gave me a grateful look and Emily looked like she wanted to protest but instead gently patted my shoulder as I passed her.

Paul was standing with his back towards me when I closed the door behind me. The unlucky item that he had unleashed his anger on was the kitchen window. The floor was littered with pieces of it and blood was dripping from Paul`s clenched fists.

I startled as he suddenly lifted his right arm and slammed his fist into the wall. It went right through and the jagged edges cut into his already bleeding hand.

He didn't stop with that.

His fist pounded against the wall like he could punch out all the anger.

I had absolutely nothing to say. What do you say to someone who had just lost their mother? The same mother that had abandoned them when they were just kids.

Dads could suck. They could leave and they could be cold unfeeling asses. But mothers were supposed to love you. It was like a universal law or something. A mother abandoning her child was almost unheard of and a mother killing herself was in many ways even worse. It was a selfishness that didn't quite fit with the word mother.

I didn't even know what Paul thought of her. He never once had even spoken her name and I had never asked him about her. But perhaps a small part of him had hoped that she would one day return.

If he had that hope had just been crushed.

And in a very Paul like manner he reacted with the same burning anger I had always associated with him.

At least before he had imprinted on me.

I had never thought of it that way but looking back some of that anger, that menacing air had lessened after he imprinted.

Oh he was still a major asshole but I could only remember a handful of times he had gotten into a fight at school after he imprinted and then it had been mostly related to people talking shit about me and not just because they were in his way.

"That stupid selfish bitch!"

I winched as his fist connected with the wall again. If someone didn't stop him he would demolish Emily`s kitchen.

"Let's drive somewhere."

His head whipped in my direction like he had not noticed me even with his supernatural senses and I almost jerked back at the expression on his face.

His eyes were just dark pools of pain. So much pain that didn't have anywhere to go and nothing could ever make it better.

Without a word he stomped out of the kitchen and I hesitated a moment before following.

Paul didn't even look at me as I did an awkward crawl into the front seat and his eyes were staring blankly ahead like he was fiercely concentrating on the road.

"What is your mother like?"

That was an odd question for someone who had just lost theirs. And hardly something that could be of any comfort to him.

"Tell me about her."

It wasn't quite begging but his voice had a near desperate tone.

"People don't see her as a good mother. She pretends it doesn't bother her but I know it does."

I closed my eyes finding it easier to talk when I couldn't see Paul`s tense frame from the corner of my eye.

"She was too young when she had me. Not even seventeen and barely able to take care of herself. And her mother was a mentally abusive religious nutjob so she didn't exactly have a good role model. But I didn't even realize how hard it was for her before I got much older. Guess that means she did a good job."

The silence it the car was crushing and I took a deep breath trying to let the words flow easily and not let him notice how fucking uncomfortable this was.

"She is a dreamer and in many ways more like an older sister than a mom to me and I guess our relationship is a little odd but we make it work. She can't cook. Actually she is a deadly hazard in the kitchen and I have lost count of all the disastrous meals she has served me. She makes a mess out of most motherly tasks like taking care of me when I am sick or baking. But she always tries and tries thinking that one day she will get the hang of it but honestly I don't think she ever will."

I opened my eyes but closed them again when I noticed Paul`s hands trembling on the steering wheel.

"I quit asking her to give me things when I was a kid because she does everything she can, going so far as to skimp on her meals to afford giving me what I want. I didn't think much of it when I was a kid but when we didn't have much money she would trifle threw the second hands store for things for herself while I always got the best of everything. She wants me to have everything she didn't and when she grew up she wasn't allowed to dance so when I was four she signed me up for ballet even though I was a complete disaster but didn't even sulk when I told her I wanted to quit. When I asked her for a pony when I was six she worked double shifts for months so that she could afford sending me to riding school. She will defend me with teeth and claws and I have lost count of the times she has yelled at people for me yet she is the most peaceful person I know and will never confront someone for speaking bad about her but when someone speak bad about me she will turn into a mother bear."

I took a deep breath feeling like I was hurting Paul with every single word. Like I was driving a knife into him for every word I said.

"She doesn't protect me from reality nor does she smother me but her main focus has always been on me. I know that she dreamt about being this big shot lawyer when she was a kid but she doesn't resent me for sort of ruining that for her. She once told me that if she could choose she would have done it all over again just to have me and that she doesn't regret a thing. And I know that is true because she has never once lied to me. It sounds like a cliché but I know this because even the most intrusive and rather odd questions were answered when I was a kid. She even gave me the grown up answer when I asked what she and my biological dad did when I caught them doing it once so already as a four year old I sort of knew what sex was.

Even now I shuddered at her explanation that had not exactly traumatized me then and there but had given me a hell of a lot of problems when I was caught explaining it to a group of five year olds the next year as my kindergarten teacher had overheard me.

"She even told me once that her biggest fear is that the fact that she had me as sixteen will affect me badly. And unless I really screw up my life I don't think she will ever be disappointed in me. Not even if I get pregnant in high school like she did. And I know she worries that I am not the regular kind of teenager. That's why she always wants to talk about boys and when she suspected I might be gay she would always make it quite clear that it was perfectly okay with her. As long as I am happy."

I took a deep breath and resisted the urge to open my eyes to look at him.

"Even going so far as to comment on girls. I hardly ever ask her for anything because I know she will do her best to give it to me and even try to hide the sacrifices she makes to make my wishes come true. If I told her I didn't like Kyle she would never have married him and if I had told her I didn't want to live in La Push then we would have moved. Because my happiness means more than hers."

I looked out the window as I didn't have anything more to say and watched the scenery go by until the car suddenly stopped. We were on a small clearing just above the cliffs and from here I could see the ocean.

"She wasn't always a bad mom."

Paul`s voice was void of emotions like he was describing the scenery to me and I didn't dare look at him afraid that my words had somehow made everything worse even if he had asked for them.

"She used to play with me a lot. And stand between my father and I when he was drunk. Then he pushed her off the stairs once and the doctor prescribed painkillers for her. It was like those painkillers replaced me and she hardly ever noticed me anymore. Then I came home from school one day and she wasn't there."

She wasn't there.

It sounded so clinical and yet my heart lurched at the hidden pain in them.

I couldn't even imagine how that was like. Not even after my biological dad's death had I ever feared that my mom would leave me.

Never once.

She had never made me feel like things could be easier if she didn't have me in her life instead my mom made me feel like I was the only thing holding her together. Perhaps it wasn't the healthiest way of consoling a child that had just lost her dad in a traumatic incident but it had left me never questioning her love for me. Not even once.

"I have not seen or heard from her since she left. And I never believed she would ever come back."

Just listening to Paul talk fucking hurt.

He had just been a kid.

The natural thing would be for him to at least believe she would come back the first years but something about Paul`s mom had made him think that she never would return even as a small naïve kid.

"I am not surprised she killed herself. I have been expecting it for years."

I reached over and entwined my fingers with his suppressing my winch as he squeezed my hand way too hard.

I wished I could say something to make things better but the truth was that there just wasn't anything to say.

I could tell him that the pack was his family but they were not blood. Not the ones that were supposed to love you.

So I did the first thing that came to mind and leaned over, pressing my lips to his.

Paul stiffened for a second and then it was like he suddenly woke up. Before I knew it I was in his lap and his hands were tugging my hair like he was afraid that I would disappear too.

This wasn't anything like the kisses we had previously shared.

It was like he was trying to devour me whole. I heard a ripping sound as his hands slid beneath my sweater and knew that my twenty bucks bra was a goner and yet couldn't really be bothered about it right now. He wasn't satisfied with that and it didn't take long before his hands found the zipper on my sweatpants.

As my leg was in cast I had bought some sweatpants with zippers on the sides to make it easier to get dressed and Paul quickly zipped it down on both sides until I was sitting in his lap with only my panties on.

One finger found its way inside my panties and the first touch was like an electric current making me stiffen and then I froze completely as something else was pressed against my core.

Paul leaned back on the seat and just looked at me with smoldering dark eyes. And I just knew he wouldn't push further even though his eyes had that same yellow tint they had in the hallway.

My fingers curled around him and I awkwardly lifted myself up, my cast banging against the door before pushing myself down.

It was harder than I had assumed and then something snapped inside me and I lost my balance more or less slamming down on him.

And fuck it hurt.

It was like impaling myself on a freaking battering ram.

Tears filled my eyes and an unwilling whimper forced itself up my throat.

Paul was like frozen beneath me and when I opened my eyes again he was smiling smugly albeit a little strained.

Of course.

I had hoped to hide the fact that he was my first just so I wouldn't increase his ego but apparently that had not been possible.

Gently he put his hands on my back and pressed me into his chest.

I had imagined having sex before. After all I was a teenage girl but it had never hit me just how intimate it was.

I could feel his pulse inside me and all around me and his heart pounded against my breasts. Not to mention the warmth. I knew werewolves ran a higher temperature than normal people but Paul was burning inside me.

Oddly enough it did help with the pain.

It still hurt but I didn't want to smack him screaming for him to pull out anymore.

Wriggling a little I tried to find a better place for my injured leg and the wriggling caused Paul to stiffen completely beneath me with a groan and I felt him twitch inside of me.

This wasn't going to be good for me I realized that. It was my first time and the position was uncomfortable to put it mildly with me on top of him and my leg in an odd angle as the cast made it impossible for me to have it in a kneeling position and Paul looked like he was really fighting to stay still.

"Let go."

The words were barely out of my mouth before his hips lifted up and the only thing keeping me from being shoved off his lap were his hands on my hips. I barely managed to gasp for breath before he thrust again, his hips lifting from the seat as he slammed into me using his hands on my hips to push me down at the same time.

I could feel the muscles on his back moving beneath my arms as I clung to him trying not to dig my nails into his skin. His chest was rumbling against me as he growled.

Suddenly he wrapped his arms around me forcing me down as his hips slammed against mine with loud smacking noises and it seemed like he was sliding impossibly further inside me with each thrust.

I yelped as his teeth dug into my shoulder and then I felt it.

He jerked inside me and stilled completely with his teeth still in my shoulder and I could feel him coming inside me as it stung and burned like hell at the same time and felt his teeth sink further into my flesh muffling the low snarl coming out of him as he came.

So…

That was it. I wasn't sure if I was disappointed or what but the fact was that I was no longer a virgin. Like I had to be a genius to come to that conclusion as he was still inside me.

It seemed to take forever before he moved and I whimpered as he pulled out feeling split open and empty at the same time.

I yelped again as he suddenly slammed the car door open and hid my face in his neck in mortification as he lifted me naked out of the car.

With one hand he opened the back and gently put me down in the back of the truck. I resisted the urge to cover up as his eyes slid down my naked body.

"I think I bit you too hard."

My hand instinctively went up to my shoulder that was throbbing just as much as my core. My fingers met blood. The bastard had bit threw the skin.

I glared at him as he closed the truck door behind him but it seemed to only make his smirk even smugger.

Slowly he put his hands on my thighs and gently pushed them apart.

I swallowed my mortification at being spread and open in front of him but had a feeling that my glare was rather weak as my face felt like it was set on fire.

My eyes widened as he bent forward and he leaned down resting his elbows next to my thighs.

"What are you doing?"

It wasn't a whimper. Or that was what I was desperately trying to convince myself it wasn't.

Paul didn't answer just leaned further down until I could feel his breath against my still sore and throbbing core and I resisted the urge to yelp as the movement was so fast that I didn't even get the time to try to get away. And then it really turned into a yelp as his tongue brushed against me.

"You really taste good. And I like the taste of me on you."

I tried to wriggle away as I covered my flaming face with my arm but Paul`s hands kept me in place.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Like that wasn't obvious.

"Making it better."

I was about to tell him that that wasn't going to make it better. The only thing that would make it better would be a packet of ice and not his fucking tongue.

And then his tongue brushed against my clit, my legs jerked in shock and I nearly swallowed my own tongue.

This had to be the most embarrassing thing happening to me ever. His face was between my legs and his tongue was stroking my clit and I just wanted to die feeling more mortified than I had ever felt before.

Unfortunately my body was a complete slut and really liked what he was doing and no amount of tightening my muscles could make my legs stop jerking at every stroke of his tongue.

And then he went for a direct attack, using the whole flat of his tongue against my clit instead of just teasing me with the tip of it.

Something snapped and I had not even been aware that I had been that close before my legs turned into jelly and was only half aware that my hands were in his hair pressing his head into me as hard as I could.

My head slammed against the carpet and I couldn't fucking breathe as my body twitched helplessly.

"Beautiful."

I had to blink to clear my vision and felt like I could not move even if I had wanted to.

Paul had somehow managed to get fully undressed without me noticing and was looking so smug that if I could lift my arm I would have smacked him right now.

Instead I made a sound that sounded almost like a purr as one warm rough hand gently stroked over my breast.

He leaned over and kissed me gently before pushing into me again. This time it didn't hurt at all. I still felt split open and it still felt a bit weird but weird in a good way.

"Fuck you are tight."

"Please don't talk."

Paul chuckled, his breath tickling my ear.

"But I like to talk dirty. And I love the way even your breast blush and the way you squeeze me when I do."

Like my body was reacting to his gruff voice it twitched and Paul groaned.

"Fuck you are perfect. I could stay inside you forever. Don't you feel it? The way you clamp around me?"

Yes I felt it.

I was perfectly aware of every throb he made inside me and even more aware of the fact that his body was covering mine from tip to toe. On top of me like this my lips could just reach his shoulder and unless he could curve his spine then kissing was impossible.

On the bright side if someone caught us then all they would see would be a naked Paul as he completely covered me.

I was distracted by him sliding out and jerked beneath him as he slid in with a low rumble coming from his throat.

"Fuck you are really tight. And so wet. I could come just by being inside you. You are fucking burning my cock hellcat."

Instead of telling him to shut the hell up I aimed my mouth at his shoulder and sunk my teeth in. It didn't quite have the effect that I had aimed for as instead of a pained yelp I got a hard thrust and a growl.

"Do it harder."

Figures.

Paul was a biter and he liked being bitten.

But I did sink my teeth in further and then he hit something inside me that made see white instead of the black roof of the truck. And then he hit it again and everything just felt extremely good.

It wasn't as brutal as the first time and when Paul came I went careening straight over the edge with him as his finger just brushed my clit.

My breath went out of me in an oomph as his large body fell limply over mine with deep groan. He was so heavy I couldn't breathe and I hit him furiously over the shoulder blades until he realized that he was squashing me and rolled off.

He pulled me into him and gently kissed my nose before nuzzling into my neck and I could feel his heart beat furiously inside his chest like he had just run a marathon.

I felt sweaty, sore and still throbbing and I was perfectly aware that it wasn't only my own wetness I was feeling but right now I didn't give a damned.

Blissed out was the nearest description I could find and I didn't even freak out at the thought that I had just lost my virginity, sort of in the backseat of a car.

Not that I had imagined petal covered beds and champagne but I had at least figured my first time would be in a bed and not in the car like some slut.

I didn't even worry about the fact that this spot wasn't exactly private as it sort of served as the make out point of La Push and we could be caught any second and our nakedness would not leave a single doubt as to what we had been doing.

Instead I was drowsy and the way Paul was stroking my hip seemed to lull me into sleep.

I could get used to this feeling.

**Authors note: **_Damned this one was really hard to write. Writing someone's first time was really hard. Hope you guys liked it=)_


	59. Chapter 59: Things change

The walk of shame.

I had never really fully understood that sentence.

I sure as hell did now. Because it fit perfectly.

My hair was a mess even thought I had been trying to comb it with my fingers and it screamed that I had been having sex with the odd way it was ruffled. Paul had ripped my sweater so I was wearing his and I had no bra under it as my bra was a goner.

He had ripped it in two like it had been a piece of fragile string and tying it together had not worked at all.

It wasn't visible of course as my breasts were small and Paul sweater was at a couple of sizes too big but I was fully aware that I didn't have anything under it.

Not to mention I probably reeked of sex and a werewolf nose would discover that immediately. I really hated their superior noses even more than their annoying strength.

Sam eyed us worriedly the second we walked in then his eyes widened and his ears turned red. Really obvious then.

Great. Just… Great.

It didn't help that I had to pull up the sweater all the time as it slipped down my shoulder and reviled the very visible bite-mark. If Paul continued his habit of biting me there it was bound to become a scar in the future.

At least it was only Sam. The one that wouldn't talk about that aspect at all unless he was cornered and forced too. Although I knew the second Paul phased then everyone would watch as I lost my virginity. No privacy in the pack as Jacob used to say.

If anyone commented I was going to kill that someone.

It was bad enough that they knew. Even worse that there would be an audience to Paul`s memories of the whole thing.

"I am going to take a shower."

Sam's ears became even redder and I averted my eyes as I passed him while Emily was looking like she wanted to corner me and either ask me things or give me advice. Both were rather unwanted. Had been before and was definitely not wanted now. Although I doubted she would let me get out of the next wolfgirl night now.

Paul didn't look like he was willing to let me go and for a second I wondered if I actually had to slam the bathroom door in his face but Sam held him back and I walked as quickly as I could up the stairs.

I locked the door behind me and tried not to notice the furious blush on my face in the mirror.

Showering was unfortunately out of the question as I would probably seriously injure myself trying to shower in Sam`s bathtub so instead I washed myself furiously with a bath towel and washed my hair over the bathtub. It wasn't a full shower but better than nothing.

And hopefully had gotten some of the smell off as I wasn't going to have breakfast with the pack smelling like sex. I rather keep that one for myself for as long as I could.

I stopped in front of the mirror. It was the same body as just hours ago and it wasn't like I had expected it to look different. It wasn't like losing one's virginity was stamped on ones forehead but still.

My core was still sore and throbbing and the bite mark was like a freaking neon sign on my shoulder but the mark didn't actually prove what we had done. Yet I felt like everyone could see it.

Ironically really since the whole of La Push except the pack believed Paul and I had sex months ago. That included my mom although Kyle preferred to think that I would never do stuff as he called it. He would probably think so long after I got married and probably completely disregard the fact that one had to have sex to get pregnant and have children.

Sighing I leaned my forehead against the damp mirror. I could not fool myself into thinking that it had not changed anything between Paul and I. Because I could feel it. I wasn't sure how it had changed things but it had changed. And denying it was useless.

The talk in his truck had changed things too. It was like I had without even noticing it been collecting puzzle pieces about Paul trying to make a picture of it.

He wasn't the unfeeling ass I had always assumed. He could feel pain. He could feel sorrow. He just had a completely different way of dealing with things than normal people.

Did it changed how I looked at him? Yes.

Was he still an asshole? Most definitely.

It just didn't bother me anymore. Oh I would still hit him when he was being too much of an ass but it was Paul and the ass factor was a part of him. And I was starting to, albeit reluctantly to like him.

Quil, the annoying perv that he was did have a point. I had been defending him and I had placed myself in front of him in conflicts without thinking about it at all.

And he wasn't the only one.

The giants whom before had pissed me off had somehow become people I now cared about. People I defended.

And yes I still wanted to pummel Quil into a bloody mess for that kiss and I still frequently wanted to run in the other direction when I saw Leah but I cared.

I cared about their wellbeing and for me that was a huge step as I had made it a point to not care about anyone in the rez. Because caring hurt. It was a lesson I had learned early. Too early perhaps.

Caring meant to give pieces of you away, pieces you then risked losing when those you cared for either went away or didn't return your feelings.

Not caring was much safer.

How naïve it had been of me to think that spending time with this very complex group would not change how I viewed them.

And they fully accepted me without questions. That was completely new to me. And yes Paul`s imprinting was a huge factor in that but none of them questioned the imprint. They had welcomed me into their midst with open arms without hesitating.

Except Leah but then again accepting wasn't really a word anyone would ever associate with her.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for meeting Paul as I couldn't hide in the bathroom forever and I rather sleep on a bed right now than on the bathroom floor.

He was sitting in the bed with the sheets wrapped around him looking out the window with a faraway look in his eyes.

"You okay?"

He didn't turn around and I could see his shoulders tensing a bit.

"I called my grandmother. She is taking care of the funeral as the rest of the family won't come forward to deal with it. The ashes will be spread over First Beach as soon as they release the body."

The body. Not her name. Not even her body. Just the body like she didn't have a name or a gender. Like she had just been a thing.

"You going?"

Paul shook his head still looking out the window.

"I let her go years ago."

I crawled into the bed and managed albeit a little clumsily to kneel over him. He seemed startled and I smiled at the confused look in his eyes as I pressed a chaste kiss to his lips.

"You really okay?"

His fingers slid into my hair and he smiled slightly.

"Yeah."

I wasn't convinced about that but then again perhaps his wounds had time to heal. Perhaps he had grieved his mother long before she actually died and her actual death was just a small sting right now as he had already viewed her as dead to him.

I curled up on my side and instantly he was there, pulling me towards his chest so that his chin was resting on my head.

"Sam has decided that we go in wolf form tomorrow. He will be the only one unphased and I want you to stay close to me all the time."

Usually that me man you woman act would have pissed me off but I wasn't about to be anywhere near any of the Cullen`s without any buffer between me and them. Because I knew all too well how fast everything could go to hell.

I wasn't about to stand anywhere close to them without Paul or Gaia close by that was for sure.

"Sure."

"And I don't want you talking to them."

I met his eyes over my shoulder and raised a brow. Not talking? Did he even know who I was? Not talking especially if something or someone pissed me off would be like not breathing.

Paul rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Fine. Just try to keep the provoking to the minimum."

Look who was talking. Like he was the one to tell me that. The guy in the pack that seemed to be set on the mode provoke should not tell me that I was provoking people. When I did it then at least it was relevant and most of the time justified.

Paul sighed and kissed the top of my head.

"Right. Let's just keep it at when you provoke anyone step behind me. Or even better. When you talk step behind me."

See. That was better. He really knew me after all.

"I don't provoke people I just tell the truth. I am not an ass like you."

I could feel him smiling into my neck but he didn't comment instead he just wrapped his arms firmer around me.

"Oh and just so you know. If you have some magical super sperm that manages to impregnate me despite the fact that I am on the pill then you better phase and start running because I swear to god that I will hunt you down."

It didn't quite get the reaction I had been aiming for.

Instead of a nod or fear Paul started laughing behind me.

But I wasn't kidding.

Because if he got me pregnant then a vampire war would be the least of his worries. No matter if he was a supernatural warrior wolf. Machinegun, car whatever. I would find something that worked.

**Authors note: **_I got a question about the whole Paul smelling that Jan is fertile aspect of it and it is a good question. Jan is on the pill but the pill doesn't really stop the whole being fertile thing it just makes it a hell of a lot harder in several stages. And since there hasn't really been any studies or proved that a girls smell changes by using the pill I am just going with smelling fertile and not actually being fertile. Unless Paul has as Jan said, super sperm. Lol. And yes I actually had to look up the effects of the pill which was a bit funny as I use it but never have really read what it does.=) _


	60. Chapter 60: Someone has to

To say that things were strained would be an understatement.

The whole pack was more tense than usual and Paul was even more of an ass seeming dead set on pissing everyone off.

Unfortunately he had sort of set his eyes on Bella blaming her for this whole thing and not even Jacob`s increasing anger made him lay off.

It was a bad day when I was the calmest person in the room.

I took a bite of the huge pile of bacon and eggs on my plate and watched as Paul turned to piss off Leah after leaving Bella tearful and Jacob seething.

Seriously this was ridiculous.

Why was I the fucking calm one?

Even Emily was jittery and dealt with it by trying to stuff enormous amounts of food down our throats. Kim was clinging to a brooding looking Jared while Embry wasn't even trying to diffuse the tension as he normally would. Seth was sulking as he wasn't allowed to go to the meeting as he was the pack puppy and Sam was a ball of tension.

Ironic that the one that was the most vulnerable was the only calm one in the group. I was even surprised with my own calm. I was after all soon going to be walking straight into a meeting with people who I was the natural source of food for.

I didn't even have any relationship with these people like Bella had and she looked like she was breaking apart at the seams.

I barely managed to move away when Paul sent Quil flying and decided that the only way I was going to be able to eat would be away from here. I grabbed my plate and settled outside and was a little surprised when Bella followed after me.

She really did look sick. Even worse than she had yesterday and her eyes had a dull sheen like she wasn't even really there. I was worried about her.

And not just only her.

It had not passed me by the way she looked at them when her face had not been stuffed into Jacob`s fur. Longing. That was a bad sign.

"When you were with Edward did you ever wish to become a vampire?"

She jolted and seemed to shrink together into a little ball making it seemed like I was bullying her just with that little question.

"I am not trying to corner you here Bella. I just want to know."

"Yes. I wanted him to change me. But he didn't want to."

Well that sounded intelligent of him. Perhaps he wasn't just an obsessed vampire jerk after all.

"Why the hell did you want that?"

"Because I wanted to be with him. Because I wanted to be like them."

I nearly dropped my toast and she winced at the wide eyed look in my eyes.

Seriously? Yes they were perfect looking and beautiful but I couldn't understand why someone wanted to be like them. Who wanted to live forever and not really be involved in life at all? For me it just sounded boring.

"You are selfish."

It was like I had slapped her and for the first time ever she actually looked me straight in the eye.

I bet no one had ever told her that she was selfish before. Most people usually called her selfless by the way she always cared for other people before taking care of herself but this wish of becoming a vampire was the most selfish thing I had ever heard.

"And you are acting like a child."

Again probably not something she had heard before as Jacob was going on and on about how mature she was.

I didn't quite see it like that. A mature person would hide their pain or try to pull themselves together as to not worry people around them. That's what I had been doing all my life and to see her break apart like that not even trying to pull herself together and thus drive everyone around her nearly frantic with worry was not a very mature thing to do.

I was pretty much feeling like I was torturing a small defenseless animal as she looked at me with huge brown eyes filled with tears.

But someone had to say it.

Everyone around her except perhaps Paul and Leah were treating her like she was this fragile little thing but in reality she needed to get some reality slapped into her. Leah and Paul would perhaps do it but then again the two of them never felt like they were giving you the truth but more like attacking you.

"Being a vampire, beautiful and immortal is a childish selfish dream. You think that by turning into a vampire you turn into this superstrong, beautiful, confident and immortal being but that is just seeing the upsides here. By doing so you die Bella. Not only physically but in the eyes of the people that care about you and your parents you have to die to become one. In many ways for them you will be doing suicide. And that is the most selfish thing you can do."

I took another bite of my toast and frowned at the still blank look in her eyes behind the sheen of tears.

"And not to mention the other selfish aspect with it. By turning to a vampire you don't only cut the people that care about you out of your life but you are saying that you don't care that you will kill other people."

Bella flinched and looked at me again.

"But the Cullen`s don't kill humans. They hunt animals."

I was stunned by her naivety.

"From what I have been told newborns are not the most rational of beings and I wouldn't bet that the Cullen`s would be able to stop you every time for the year it takes to get some control. And the Cullen`s. Are you saying they have never slipped up?"

She looked away and I knew I had been right.

"By becoming one you are sacrificing lives of others for your own selfish desires. Not to mention that if you change you wouldn't be you. Gaia said you burn when you change and most of your human memories will be gone. That means that when you wake up then you will not really be you. Because we are greatly formed by our own experiences and who are we without those memories?"

She was still looking blank and I felt like she had not really thought threw the whole becoming a vampire part just being with Edward forever part of it. Like she was some heroine and Edward was the hero and if she changed they were guaranteed a happy for ever ending.

"And why would you even want to become one? They don't do anything. They are for the most part not involved in anything and since they keep for themselves they don't influence others. They are just there. Excising but not really living. Is that what you want? A perfected reality where nothing ever happens? Where nothing around you can reach you? Where you are just a shadow limited to the contact with one family?"

She twitched and finally I got a reaction other than that blank look.

"Living hurts. It's filled with disappointment, failures, sickness, loss and broken dreams. But there is also the success of finally managing something you have never done before. It is also the feeling of success, growth and change. Who would want to be perfect? It sounds perfectly boring to me."

Bella was looking out in the air again and I wasn't even sure she was listening to me anymore.

"I am not saying that I hate vampires. They are what they are. I don't like them but that's because I am on the lower scale of the food chain and I am really not comfortable with that. And they can't really help what they are but to want to be one? That's a childish dream along the lines of being a princess. The kind of dreams you have when you have you are a child and don't see the consequences of your dreams."

I took a deep breath and tried to catch her eye but she refused to look at me.

"I am not saying you should stay with Jacob. It's not my place to tell you that even if I have made my choice to at least give it a shot with Paul. But if it is a romantic dream you are after I would rather bet on him. He will always be there and you won't be stuck with the decisions you make with him. If you turn into a vampire and it doesn't work out then you are stuck with the decision you have made. You are a naïve child to not even think about the effects of the choice of being a vampire and just see the rose colored part of it. So do yourself a favor and just grow up. Cause life hurts sometimes. That's it. Being a vampire might not change that at all and it will be irreversible. So you think about that. And the fact that they left you."

She winced again but I wasn't going to stop just because I was hurting her. She needed to think about this because life wasn't a romantic book with a happy ending.

"No e mail addresses. No phone numbers. They just upped and left. No one around you now have left but done the best to deal with the mess you have been. They were there in the after math and they should be the people highest on your list just for the fact that they love you even when you feel that there isn't much to love and that you have nothing to give them in return for their love."

She was crying silently now and I felt a bit guilty for talking to her like this but no one else seemed willing to pound some reality into her head.

"You might think I am harsh right now even cruel but what I am saying is the truth and questions you should have asked yourself. And yeah perhaps I am being a bitch to you but I have not been sheltered from reality like you have. I know the meaning of sacrifices and I know that I am the living breathing result of a lot of sacrifices. That's why it sort of pisses me off that you seem so easily to write off the sacrifices that have been made for you. Hell you don't even seem to notice them at all. "

I took a deep breath and stood up.

"They are all talking about how grown up you are and how selfless you are but honestly I don't really see it. I think that the grown up effect you have is a side effect of never really being a child and thus you missed the growing and learning to deal with life part of it. And I think in large part you wish to become something else because you don't like yourself."

Her head snapped up and it looked like I had hit the bull's eye.

"Becoming a vampire isn't a solution to that. Feelings don't change just because you become something else but only with emotional growth. And how can you do that when the only people you associate with would be the Cullen`s?"

She was looking away again, her shoulders slumped and Jacob would kill me for making her cry and I wasn't particularly happy about being the one that had to say this to her but hell. She needed to hear this and if everyone had decided to either be pussies or just too angry to tell it to her clearly then I guess it just had to be me then.

"And decide soon Bella. Do us all a favor and do so before you drag the lot of us into a war. Because the pack are all ready to defend your life. And what point would defending you be when you want to be a vampire? Then you could defend yourself instead of hiding behind the wolves and risk their lives just so that you can later become something they hate."

I sighed feeling incredibly old right now and honestly a bit more than just annoyed with the girl.

"Just… Think about what I have said Bella. And the fact that those who stick around are those who truly love you without reservation."

I walked in leaving her with her own thoughts and was met with the pack all staring at me.

Damn it. Of course they had heard.

Because I didn't have any privacy at all anymore.

Jacob didn't look angry instead he gave my shoulder a quick pat before he walked out to look after Bella. It almost seemed like he was happy for what I had said to her even if I had made her cry. Paul on the other hand was beaming and that meant I really had been a bitch.

"Great hellcat. That was just what I told her."

I rolled my eyes but ruffled his hair.

"It so wasn't. You told her she was a leech lover and you were not about to sacrifice your life for her. That isn't even remotely the same."

Judging from his grin he honestly thought so.

I sat down and was instantly lifted into Paul`s lap. I decided to not try escaping his grip. After all if I was sitting on him he couldn't piss someone off.

Well.

Not get into a fight with anyone.

As far as pissing someone off I believed he could manage to do that without even saying a word. That smug smirk of his was like created to make people angry.

**Authors note: **_Thank you for all the reviews people. _


	61. Chapter 61: Gaia the general

Awkward didn't even start it. Uncomfortable, painful and just plain not good would be right.

The Cullen`s seemed tense as were the wolves and Gaia seemed annoyed by the whole thing.

And it didn't help that Quil managed a lecherous grin even in wolf form and I just knew I would have to listen to a whole lot of comments about my first time later.

Bella was holding tightly onto the russet Jacob and Edward was all but drinking her in with his eyes.

Uncomfortable. Really really uncomfortable.

Paul`s lips curled slightly and I could tell that he really didn't like that Gaia had chosen to stand closer to me and the wolves than the Cullen`s but he had yet to try to drag me away. If she came any closer on the other hand all bets were off.

I entwined my fingers in the fur on his chest and sat down in front of him preparing myself for a long and rather uncomfortable meeting.

"Well. Is anyone of you going to talk or are we just standing here? Or shall perhaps someone do a formal introduction?"

Gaia looked almost human in her worn jeans and a pale blue sweater. Not like the Cullen`s who were all dressed to the nines in clothes that probably cost more than a month paycheck not to mention the clocks and jewelry. I bet that necklace the blond girl wore cost more than I would ever make in a year.

No one answered Gaia`s questions and she rolled her eyes.

"Fine. The russet one is Jacob. The grey over there is Paul. The light grey is Leah."

Leah growled at Gaia who rolled her eyes again.

"The spotted one over there is Embry and the brown one next to him would be Quil and the darker one over there is Jared and the one in human form is Sam the alpha."

I wondered how she knew that as even Sam looked shocked that she knew who they were.

"And the humans are Bella who all of you know and Jan, my great great great something granddaughter."

She turned towards the Cullen's.

"And these are Carlisle Cullen and his mate Esme Cullen. Rosalie Hale and her mate Emmett Cullen. Edward Cullen and Alice Cullen and her mate Jasper Whitlock."

Something flashed in the curly hair man's eyes as she mentioned his name and I noticed that several of the Cullen`s seemed a bit uncomfortable at her introduction of him. I had to ask her about that later.

"So. Are we done with the introduction now and can start with the actual business?"

The little brown-haired girl took a step forward her eyes sliding over to Bella.

"First we want to know if Bella is okay."

It was rare I had ever seen Gaia surprised but right now she looked slightly stunned.

"Are you serious? We are facing a freaking army lead by a red haired harlot that wants to kill the girl and you are worried about the puppies? Are we even on the same page here?"

Edward growled and I could feel Paul`s fur rising beneath my hand as he growled back.

"I want to see Bella alone."

That made the whole pack growl and Gaia shook her head.

"Child. She doesn't want to see you. And shouldn't you be a little more worried about the impending death hanging over her head rather than rekindling your romantic flame?"

Edward really didn't like being called a child and growled at Gaia. Then suddenly Gaia was holding him by his neck, shaking him lightly before dropping him with a disgusted expression on her face.

"That was a warning kid. If you growl at me again I will put you over my lap and spank you because obviously you never learned to respect your elders. And Carlisle. If you insist on treating the one you sired as a son then you better start disciplining him like one because I am getting awfully tired of his disrespect and his childish tantrums."

I swallowed a giggle at the stunned expressions all around. I didn't know how old Edward was but I doubted anyone had called him a child in a very long time.

Carlisle didn't seem to know how to handle this whole thing but gave Edward a weak warning look and nodded slightly in Gaia`s direction.

"Good. The fact is that an army is headed this way any week now. Big enough that the wolves can't handle it alone nor the Cullen`s can. And I know you all hate it but to eviscerate them we will have to do it together."

Gaia rolled her eyes again as growls came from every direction and placed her hands on her hips like an annoyed teacher trying to make two groups of people work together on a project.

The beautiful blond girl took a step forward and snarled.

"Why should we?"

"Because you created the problem. Any idiot would realize that destroying the half of a pair solves nothing. You should have known that she would come to get her revenge."

Gaia turned to Jasper and tilted her head at him.

"I am guessing that leaving the red haired wasn't your decision?"

Under her attention Jasper seemed to straighten up and put his hands on his back like he was in the army.

"No mam."

Gaia shook her head in disappointment and seemed like she was starting to get fed up by the Cullen`s.

"One freaking war veteran empath, one mind reader and one future teller and you still managed to create a mess out of it. How you managed to create this mess with all these powers at your disposal is simply beyond me."

I was surprised to see that the brown-haired girl actually looked a little ashamed of herself.

"You seem to know exactly what is going on. Mind telling me how you know?"

Gaia shrugged slightly and grinned seeming more like the Gaia that I knew for a moment.

"I have my sources and that is all I will say about that. I know you are used to being privy to more than you need to know because of Mr. Invasive over here but you are not privy to my mind. I know this James person set out to hunt Bella and that you Cullen`s killed him. I also know that one in his group was killed later by the wolves as I was around the area at that time and I know from the harlot herself that she is dead set on killing the girl as a revenge for her mate. And that is all you need to know about what I know. It hardly matters anyway except for what we are going to do about it."

Jasper and Alice seemed to exchange looks and Alice took a step forward.

"Jasper and I want to help."

Carlisle frowned at the pixy looking girl looking a bit torn.

"This should be a family vote Alice."

She turned and hissed, looking more dangerous than I would have believed such a short and cute looking girl could ever look.

"Like it was when we left?"

I watched as they seemed to quarrel, too low for me to hear and it didn't seem to be anything important as Gaia seemed bored.

Instead her crimson eyes were sliding over the pack. And then she froze her eyes stiffened in Bella and Jacobs's direction.

Bella was rubbing her wrist and didn't even seem to notice the pair of crimson eyes directed at her but Jacob did and curled his lips up showing an impressive set of teeth.

"May I?"

Jacob growled as Bella nodded wide eyed. Gaia didn't even seem concerned about those huge teeth as she knelt on the ground just beside Jacobs's jaws and reached out her hand. Hesitantly Bella reached out her arm.

Gaia`s face was soft and caring. More like I remembered her than this general like woman I had seen these last minutes.

Gently Gaia turned Bella's hand and I frowned at the mark on her wrist just over the vein. It almost looked like a bite-mark.

Gaia stroked over the mark with a thoughtful frown.

"A vampire bite mark. Tell me little one. Why are you not changed?"

"He… He sucked it out."

Yet again she didn't say his name.

Gaia`s face was soft and caring as she leaned closer and Jacob growled again. Gaia didn't seem worried at all even though her head was now right in Jacobs's way. He only had to turn a little to snap her head off. Gaia leaned closer until her head was just inches away from Bella. Bella wobbled looking dazed and to my surprise she seemed to lean against Gaia, almost toppling over as Gaia slowly moved away.

Gaia got up and then suddenly Edward was flying, smacking right into a tree.

"You stupid little child! You should have changed her or let her die. Anything is better than this!"

She ignored the growls coming from the wolves and seemed angrier than I had ever seen her with her lips drawn back, crimson eyes flashing and her chest heaving with unnecessary breath.

"It is bad enough to kiss her and subject her to your venom but to leave her living with that!"

"What do you mean?"

Gaia's furious face turned towards Carlisle and she seemed to be searching his face before she snarled.

"You honestly don't know. Of course you don't. You wouldn't have let this continue if you had being the humanitarian that you are. And now I have to teach you like I sired you myself."

Gaia shook her head in disgust.

"Did you really think kissing a human thus subjecting them to venom is safe as long as it doesn't go into the bloodstream? Did no one notice her reaction to it? And to bite her leaving a piece of flesh hard and cold as a vampire would leave her unchanged? And of course you don't even know. Keeping an animal diet is fine. It's your choice. Parade around as a human if that is what you want but denying what you are and the consequences that comes with it is just stupidity!"

Carlisle looked stunned and somewhat confused.

"What do you mean?"

For the first time since this meeting Sam spoke and Gaia turned towards him.

"She has nightmares doesn't she? Problems eating? Tends to break down or see things or hear things that aren't there?"

Sam seemed stone-faced to me but Gaia must have seen something because she shook her head.

"Bella here is in constant withdrawal. In short she is a junkie in withdrawal. Venom doesn't just change people when it hits a human's bloodstream. It also has a side effect. It is addictive. It's a safety trigger if you will. If a human comes in contact with it they will either end up killing themselves, dying from the symptoms or go looking for the source of their addiction. She will never be able to think clearly and she will forever be drawn to people of my kind. And they in return will be able to smell her out. I give her six months perhaps even less before something happens. And even with protection you cannot stop the hallucinations nor help the lack of appetite."

Oh. I winched. I felt really bad for talking to her that way now. But then again it wasn't like I had known. Judging from the faces around me no one had. I didn't really regret it either because even if she was affected by the venom thingy a part of her had still been attracted to them before something else played in. Or else it would never have gotten this far.

Edwards face changed from shock into anger.

"It wasn't my venom! She loves me!"

Gaia growled and her hands twitched.

"Did I say she never did? Stop putting words in my mouth. All I am saying is that she is a junkie. And junkies love their drug above all."

"Is there no solution?"

Gaia`s face softened at Alice`s question and for the first time she didn't look like she rather have all the Cullen`s burned at a stake.

"I truly don't know. That our venom attracts pray and makes them addicted to it is common knowledge. But it isn't exactly a researched part as our kind normally doesn't care about humans. And it is rare that our kind lets someone live after being that close to them."

"You are lying!"

Edward looked desperate but Gaia seemed unaffected by his desperation.

"Why should I? And I have seen the effects myself. It is rare that our kind is interrupted during feeding but there was one man that survived my teeth grazing him as I was interrupted by another of my kind. When I finished he was gone but when I met him a month later he followed me willingly even though I am sure he remembered me breaking his arm."

I shuddered at her clinical description and Paul noticing it gently nuzzled his cold nose into my neck.

"Will it always be like that?"

Bella's voice was shaky almost desperate and Gaia`s face softened into the warm caring expression I held dearly.

"I don't know little one. Technically the venom would have left your system by now. It is the unnaturalness of the bite-mark that worries me. It might help to burn it off but I can't be sure. Fully changing you is the only solution I can be sure will work."

Jacob turned and shook out of Bella`s grip looking like he was seconds away from attacking Gaia.

"I… I want to try that then. Burn it away. I want to be well. To think clearly."

Gaia shook her head with a sad expression marring her angelic face.

"I am not sure that will help. The whole thing has to be burned away and if the wolves have not smelled the scent of vampire on you then they will be unable to tell just how far it goes."

Bella hesitated then her face turned to silent determination.

"But you can. And Carlisle might be able to. Either of you is fine."

I was stunned by her quiet determination.

This was the girl that Jacob had seen. The girl he had fallen in love with even before the imprint and I was shocked by her sudden bravery.

I wasn't even sure I would have been able to want that even if I was suffering.

Gaia exchanged a look with Carlisle and in that short moment they seemed to come to an agreement.

"We will both be there if the wolves agree."

Sam didn't look like he liked it but he seemed convinced by Gaia's explanation.

Rosalie suddenly took a step forward. Her expression that had been disgust all the time like she didn't even want to be here at all had changed to a blank unreadable surface.

"I want to join the fight too."

The large man behind her did a near skipping jump towards her while smiling and looking eager like one really big kid.

"I get to fight?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes but her tone was loving.

"Yes Emmett. You get to fight."

I watched as all the Cullen`s agreed to join in, Edward with his eyes still on Bella who had buried her face in Jacobs fur again. Sam agreed to and I felt a little odd about the whole thing.

Vampires and wolves working together.

That could either be a very good thing or a disaster in making.

It wasn't like they got along or would ever get along.

Paul didn't seem happy and I was happy that he was in wolf form right now and his rather heated opinions was only limited to the other wolves.

Unfortunately sooner or later he had to phase back and he would not be very happy at all.

**Authors note: **_Thank you for the grammar advices. I will try to remember them in the future although I can`t make any promises. It has been a while since I had English class and honestly I don't remember much. (I am not going to tell anyone how long ago, it is a sensitive topic right now as my mother once again barrowed a baby so she could stuff it into my face and ask once again if I didn't want one like it because she wants to be a grandma and that she thinks it is about time I start spawning. My words. Hers was more like starting a family).One of the few things I remember clearly is my English teacher's glare of doom every time any of us sounded too American. Not to mention her horrible fake British accent. Nails on the blackboard. Just horrible. By the way. Sorry for the update break. Real life decided to show up on my door and kidnap me for a week and it even confiscated my notebook. Didn't take my pen but I wasn't about to write a chapter on my stomach although some might wish I had. Thanks for all the reviews. _


	62. Chapter 62: All hail Jack

"I don't like this."

Sam rolled his eyes looking like he was restraining himself from giving Paul an alpha order to just shut the hell up. Admirable as I would probably abused that particular skill if I had it. Multiple times most likely.

"Yes Paul we heard you. A thousand times in between all the cursing. And you are going to fix my car. Next time at least get away from it before you phase."

Paul huffed looking like he was the all suffering one and not the one making people suffer. It wasn't a good look on him at all.

"It was either the car or Emily`s newly planted flowers. And you told me you would do unspeakable things to me if I ruined another one of her flowerbeds."

I bit my lip as to not start laughing again as I had just managed to stop. Perhaps it was because the former tension had gotten to me but it had been extremely funny to watch Paul suddenly phase in anger because he had slammed the car door to hard and it had gotten stuck.

Not to mention Sam`s expression when he suddenly had a wolf scratching the paint on his car. That had been funny as hell. And then Paul had started gnawing on the door angrily like it was to blame for his phasing. Seriously he had no impulse control at all. And those teeth mark would take a while to remove. Even more time than it would to remove the scratch marks.

Sam turned to me as I made an effort to swallow the laughter bubbling up and I put up my most innocent expression. It didn't quite work as I was sure the corner of my mouth was twitching making me look more deranged than innocent and Quil didn't help at all as he was clutching his stomach howling with laughter.

That was the very positive thing about Quil. He always reacted loudly and had no qualms laughing when one shouldn't really laugh which made it easier for everyone else to hide their own smiles and smothered snickers.

I headed for the door and nearly tripped on my own feet.

Jack was sitting on Sam`s porch smoking his pipe looking at me with half closed eyes. That he was looking at me was a bad sign. Usually he pretended I wasn't there and for him now to look at me when I was surrounded by eye-catching giants had to be a very bad sign.

I could only remember one time he had really looked at me.

When Kyle brought my mom and I to the rez and invited his dad over. I had been sort of impressed by him back then.

Jack was taller than Kyle, looked sort of young despite being the father of an adult and had only weak lines around his eyes and mouth. He also had a confidence in every movement he made that Kyle lacked and a sort of authority air around him further emphasized by his straight back and the calm look in his deep brown eyes. He looked like those native warriors I had seen in old movies and I felt sort of judged when he looked at me. Like he was seeing straight into my soul and found me lacking.

He never looked at me again.

Not really looked at me like that first day. And in time it didn't matter. I grew older, tougher and more confident and Jack had become just one of those people whose opinion of me no longer mattered. As a white girl in the rez you either grow or you wilt. And I grew like a weed in a flowerbed despite the odds against it.

But to have him now looking at me with those deep dark eyes was mildly put unnerving.

Like Paul noticed my unease he moved next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist and I gave the muscled arm an annoyed look.

I didn't need protection. Sure I was more than happy to have it when faced with vampires but I didn't need nor want it around mortal humans. Not only was I used to stand up for myself it was also a skill I was proud of. And I sure as hell was never going to allow myself to become the type of girl who hid behind her large Neanderthal boyfriend.

And if Paul thought for just a second that I wanted to or that I was remotely like Bella or Kim who seemed to use their boyfriends as shields then I was going to have to make him understand that it was not acceptable.

I tried to remove the arm and what followed was some odd sort of limping dance as Paul didn't want to let go and I was not strong enough to remove the arm around my waist nor quick or flexible enough to slip out of it. It wasn't before I slammed my cast into his right leg that he let go.

Not the most subtle or dignified way to do it but it worked. And honestly when it came to Paul I should just be happy to get the end results that I wanted because face it. Dignified, yielding and subtle wasn't words anyone would ever associate with Paul. Not to mention I`ve had enough embarrassing moments around him to realize that looking like an idiot was better than letting him do what he wanted which sometimes led to me being mortified.

Jack got up from his seat still looking at me and it struck me how little he had changed in seven years. His hair had more stripes of grey but he still moved like a man twenty years younger than he was and the lines around his mouth and eyes had not deepened much.

And to my annoyance I still felt judged by the look in his eyes despite being very different from the kid I had been the first time I had met him.

Jack strode down the stairs easily and stopped beside his car which I had not noticed when Sam parked his truck. Probably would have hopped in the other direction if I had.

"Let's go for a drive Jan."

Translated to let's have an extremely uncomfortable talk that neither of us really wants to have.

I didn't want to but one of the things I knew about Jack was that he was stubborn. If I said no this time there would be another time where he would corner me. Most likely using Kyle as a cover and I sure as hell did not want to get angry at the old man when Kyle was near. It was after all Kyle`s father whom he respected and he did call Jack my grandfather sometimes although neither Jack nor I was happy about that. He didn't want to be my grandfather and I didn't want to be his granddaughter. And much like mom`s parents I preferred to pretend whatever relation we had did not exist.

Oh he was more subtle in his dislike for me than mom`s parents and he never outright said anything bad about my mom and I but that had more to do with Kyle than with us. To him we were unwanted. An inconvenience and frankly standing in the way of what Jack had always wanted for his son.

Sighing I hopped towards Jack`s car. Might as well get this over with. I rather do this chat now than let Kyle overhear a Jan rant that didn't exactly pain his father in a good light or would make Kyle see just how much I disliked his father and that the dislike was returned in full. Kyle did after all not need to know that.

I ignored the satisfied expression on Jack`s face as I crawled into the car and ignored Paul`s worried look as well. The faster this was over then the sooner I could forget that I had any relation to this man.

Jack didn't say a word as the car headed towards the beach and he didn't look bothered at all by the very tense silence nor by my uncomfortable wiggling.

Kyle would have tried to break the silence, babbling away and revealing his every thought but Jack and Kyle were like night and day. How this man could have raised the uncomplicated and slightly naïve Kyle was beyond me. But then again mom had raised me and we were not much alike. I sure as hell had not gotten my sense of reality from her. Nor her temper for that matter unless one counted mother bear mode I had hardly ever seen her angry and especially not angry at anyone. She said I got my temper from my biological dad and that was honestly something I preferred not to think about at all.

Jack stopped the car and I didn't hesitate trying to get out. The sky was the usual grey with the promise of rain in the near future and I sent a small prayer that it would start raining soon. Perhaps even a storm. Anything that gave me an excuse to go home and get away from Jack.

I hopped over to a stone and watched as Jack sat down on one next to me. He looked over at the ocean as he lighted his pipe.

"I heard you changed your college application."

So much for confidentiality between student and student guide. Should have expected it really. No secret stayed a secret if one of the elders wanted to know.

"The college you are betting on is now in Seattle and not New York as you had first planned. Mind telling me why?"

Yes I minded very much. And honestly he knew very well why.

"You know why."

Jack peered at me from the corner of his eye and tapped his pipe with one finger making ash fall from it. The flakes of ash fell slowly towards the ground like small flakes of snow.

"Do I?"

I huffed and tried not to look as defensive as I felt. Somehow I always felt defensive around the elders more than anyone else on the rez and especially around Jack and I wasn't about to reveal that fact to him. When dealing with people like Jack it was always important to act casual or else he would soon get the whiff of the fact and interpreted it as a possible sign of weakness.

"I was planning to go to New York but the whole imprinting stuff makes that kind of impossible."

Jack only raised a brow and seemed more interested in the ocean than our conversation.

"I always got the impression that you were not fond of the rez and that you were planning to leave after graduation. Why should the imprinting change that?"

It was like he completely overlooked his own role in making the rez unpleasant for me and I tightened my fists against my thighs.

"Because I am not a cruel selfish little bitch. And despite Paul being an ass he doesn't deserve to go insane."

The words made Jack`s eyebrow twitch and I got some satisfaction from causing some kind of reaction. That was rare as his face was usually blank and expressionless.

"And I don't mind the rez. Its ninety percent of the people here I don't like. If it was only up to me I would have my car running through the whole graduation and head for the border the second I got my diploma."

"It is still up to you."

I rolled my eyes. He made it sound so easy but reality was that it was anything but easy.

"I prefer to think my mom raised a good person. And no good person would do that."

Jack inclined his head like he agreed with me, his eyes still looking over at the calm ocean.

"Are we done now?"

This time he did look at me with a faint expression of surprise on his face at my abrupt question.

"Not quite. The elders want to have a full initiation. The same kind of ritual all the teenagers in the tribe have when they are fourteen to mark their journey into adulthood."

My fingers tightened against my thighs so hard that my knuckles turned white.

That made me a full member of the tribe. A full recognized member with all the rights that came with it and not just an honorary member without a voice in tribe matters. There were huge differences between the two.

And it made me want to throw something at Jack.

He said it so easily. Like it was fucking normal. It sure as hell wasn't. No white girl ever had that kind of ritual. No white person at all really. Kyle would be ecstatic as this would make me his daughter in more than just a white man`s paper. Mom would be to because she wasn't that in touch with reality that she saw it for the insult it was. The daughter was accepted but the mother was not.

If this were the old times I would pretty much get an appointed mother figure too like I was some child the Quileute had stolen from their family and adopted. Cause that was what they did back then. Erased the child's past and put their own people into the role as family to make the child a real Quileute. They couldn't do it like that now of course but it still felt like they were trying to erase my mom by giving me the rights as a tribe member and at the same time denying it to her even if she was the one married to a Quileute.

"I guess you think that it is an honor. Do you think I am a moron?"

Jack looked startled by the tone in my voice.

"I have never said anything against you or your mother."

I snorted loudly. Like a man with such a presence like Jack needed to say anything to make his disapproval come across.

"That is what you like Kyle to think isn't it? That it is all fine with you that he married a white woman. Kyle is naïve. So is my mom. The truth is that the only reason you have never spoke out against it is because you are afraid that if you do he will move from the rez after finally coming back. So you just sit back and wait. Not publicly accepting it but never speaking out against it either. You just sit there on your ass hoping that one day other people's disapproval of them will do the job for you. That mom will start hating the rez or Kyle will get fed up defending their relationship and fall in love with a more appropriate person. A native woman. "

Jack`s expression didn't change at all and if I was a less confident person his lack of reaction would have made me falter but I knew I was right. I had years of watching him and the way he used his body language to talk for him instead of words. A stranger wouldn't have noticed but Jack wasn't a stranger to me although I was in many ways a stranger to him.

"And the only reason I am going to be a Quileute is because you need me. You need me to stay here with Paul. You make it sound like it is acceptance but I am not so stupid that I am falling for that. It is reluctant acceptance created by the situation. But the thing is… I don't need any one of you. I don't need nor do I want your approval. It will not change anything for me really and frankly I couldn't care less. And whatever is going on between Paul and I, it does not include any other people on the rez. Because whatever happens is between us. There are only two people in a relationship. Not two people and a whole community even if you like to think so. "

Jack puffed on his pipe and I was momentarily distracted by the cloud of bluish smoke coming from it.

"Is that a no then?"

Oh how I wished it was. Really wished.

"Oh you would love it wouldn't you? To have me sit here and tell you that you can take the ceremony and stick it up your ass. That way you can gloat when I come to you later and tell you I want to. But we both know you will win this round because you have already told Kyle. And he will be so ecstatic not even seeing this for the mind game it is and of course I can't deny him this."

This time Jack`s eyes did widened and he looked stunned, his lips hovering over the pipe open like he was going to inhale but something had stopped him.

"So what are you saying then?

"I am saying that I see right through your little mind games and this time you have won. But I warn you that this isn't a way you should continue with. So yeah. I will wear the clothes, let them fix me up and go through this whole thing with a smile on my face. Don't let it fool you. The next time you try anything remotely like this you will be surprised just how much of a fight you are in for. Because I am stubborn and I don't like people trying to manipulate me and I like even less others using the people I love to do so."

Jack leaned back, his confidence regained and although he didn't look smug I knew very well he was.

"So you intend to fight. Care telling me just how you are going to do that?"

He thought he had me now. He honestly believed he could use the people I loved again and again to make me relent to his plans and it was logical. Because I had already said I wasn't about to leave Paul and make him go insane and I couldn't tell Kyle what his dad was doing. From Jack`s point of view I was stuck so he could afford looking like he had won not only a battle but the whole war.

"You would be surprised at just how devious I can be. Like children. The elders want me to have them. That is why they have agreed to let me into the tribe with the hope that Paul and I will marry one day and start a family. But not having them will not go against my earlier statement of not make Paul go insane. He wants to make me happy. If I don't want children he will not argue with me."

The corner of Jack`s mouth twitched but he was still looking at me like he wasn't threatened.

"And you may think that sacrifice will be too big for me to make and sooner or later I will give in but I could always adopt. Matters little to me if my children are my own or not. Will not matter much to Paul either as long as it makes me happy and since he has not impregnated any of his many previous conquests then I assume that children isn't something he greatly desires since he has been so very careful not getting any. And from his past I would say he might even perhaps have some issues becoming a father so I doubt he will push me into having our own when I much rather adopt. But it will matter to you that he doesn't pass on his genes."

It wasn't a lie. Not exactly. Yes in the future I did want children and I would like to have them myself but adopting was hardly a sacrifice. If I couldn't have children naturally for some reason it wouldn't have made me fret much.

My aunt had taught me that blood didn't matter much when it came to love. But it did bother Jack. And it would bother the elders. They counted on the imprint being for passing the gene on and one imprinted wolf without biological children would be a loss for them.

Jack`s face smoothed into unreadable again and he blew out another cloud of bluish smoke. I watched as it twirled around and then dissolved into nothing.

"This didn't go the way I had planned it to."

Finally an open admittance at manipulating.

"Of course it didn't. You don't know me. You made an effort in not knowing me and ignoring the fact that I exist. But Jack. I know you. Puts you at a disadvantage doesn't it?"

Jack smiled slightly and inclined his head, this time looking me straight in the eye and I got a feeling that this was the very first time he actually saw me and not just looked straight through me.

"Indeed it does."

"Are we done here?"

He nodded and got up, brushing nonexistent dust of his worn jeans looking like we just had a casual friendly conversation.

"I believe we are."

I flinched slightly as he suddenly stopped right in front of me. This was the closest I had been to him ever and the look in his eyes was even more intense close up.

"You remind me of my wife."

My eyes narrowed and he smiled slightly at me.

"No mind games. You really do. She was like that too. She could butt her head against a wall forever not even caring if she would ever be able to overcome it. The strength others find in winning their battles was the same strength she found in the fight itself. Clearly I have underestimated you."

For anyone else that would have sounded like an admission and thus an outreached hand for a truce. But I was me and Jack was Jack. So it wasn't a truce at all. This was just an attempt to make me lower my guard and that wasn't going to happen. Not until he said it right out and most likely not even then. He was too intelligent for it to be safe being around him with an open guard.

Jack was a manipulator on the grand scale but he wasn't a liar. He was too god of a manipulator to use anything but white lies because he simply didn't have to outright lie to get his way. Thus it was also hard to see that he was manipulating and I was sure very few people were aware of the fact simply because he was frighteningly good at it.

"I of course will be the one to paint your face and offer you the pipe as your grandfather."

I rolled my eyes and awkwardly got up from the stone trying not to tip over as I did so.

"You are not my grandfather. You are an old coot who spends way too much time playing the puppet master. You should get another hobby."

This time the smile was wide and real and something glimmered in those dark eyes.

"That too. I think I have found one too. After all just watching you and Paul together is amusing and could count as being a hobby of sorts. Like bird watching just much more exciting. As is watching you head-butt against everyone and shock them with your hostile rants. It does amuse me a lot and I can't remember having this much fun watching other people since my wife passed away."

I must have been the perfect picture of complete horror because Jack threw his head back and laughed.

I had never heard him laugh before and somehow it didn't feel like a good sign despite his laugh being deep and real.

Fuck. Just… Fuck.

I preferred him ignoring me to that excited look in his eyes that was directed at me. And the twinkling in his eyes. The twinkling really worried me.


	63. Chapter 63: The bracelet of Doom

I poked the leather bracelet with my fingernail.

Some things never changed. Imprinting or not Paul Lahote still thought that I was an idiot. The evidence was there right in front of me.

A leather bracelet with colorful beads and complicated knots.

Bought it for me my ass.

I knew very well bracelets like these were not for sale and I also knew that he had made it himself. And I knew what it was and clearly Paul thought that I didn't know. Or else he would never have tried to pass it on as a spur of the moment gift. Which it so wasn't.

Yes I did not know what all the knots or the colors meant but I knew what it was. It wasn't a bracelet. It was a promise bracelet.

Pretty much the same as an engagement ring.

It wasn't that common anymore and had sort of fallen out of practice but no Quileute would just give his girlfriend or friend for that matter a bracelet like this without meaning it. Without being prepared to stand by the statement. That would be like spit on their heritage or something.

I wasn't sure if I was pissed at Paul for thinking I didn't know what it was. I had lived in the rez since I was ten and my dad was a Quileute so I wasn't some ignorant paleface which clearly Paul thought I was. The other part of me wanted to make a run for it because this meant that I wasn't just the girlfriend of Paul Lahote but the girlfriend he intended to marry.

One didn't just hand out these. These were given by Quileute men to make their intensions known and the knots and beads had meaning although I only caught his name, my own name, passion and heart as I had not exactly studied the knot language of the Quileute. It was something taught to kids by their parents.

Kyle had taught me of course but I had not really paid attention as I had never imagined ever needing to. It wasn't like I was going to have that kind of relationship with anyone from the rez. That was what I had thought anyway.

I poked the leather bracelet with the tip of my nail again.

It was beautiful and Paul had clearly spent a lot of time on it. The knots and beads represented Paul`s feelings for me and his promises to me as a future life partner. It was perfect, the knots barely visible hidden between the larger leather bands and I could only see them if I held it up to my face and squinted.

For someone with huge hands like Paul and a less than patient temper this bracelet probably had taken weeks to finish and based on his all but controlled temper he had probably phased at least four times or more while making it. And probably spent even more time thinking about what he wanted it to say.

And yet he had handed it to me with the excuse of seeing it when he was in town and thinking it would stop me from scratching my wrist which was still sore after being in a cast for several weeks.

Which brought me back to the fact that Paul Lahote thought that I was an idiot.

And that he seemed to want to fool me into thinking this was just a bracelet and put it on so that the whole of La Push could see it. So that the whole rez could see it and know that I wasn't just one of his many flings or just a fluke but the one for him. So that everyone could see that he had basically proposed to me.

What the hell was he thinking?

It was bad enough that he thought I was an idiot but to wear this without knowing what it was?

When a shitstorm was heading my way I at least liked to be prepared for it. And this innocent looking leather bracelet was a freaking invitation to a shitstorm.

As far as I knew no white woman had ever worn one of these.

Mom didn't. I didn't doubt Kyle`s love for her but he probably had not given her one because he felt it was like taunting the elders not to mention a provocation as they had yet granted him a ceremony with mom despite the fact that they were already legally married.

Wearing this would cause a ruckus for sure. Oh the elders couldn't protest. I was after all an imprintee but the rest of the rez wasn't exactly aware of the supernatural imprinting thing and putting this on would get me a whole lot of looks.

Not to mention just the people at school.

It wasn't like anyone was hiding their disgust or disbelief over the fact that Paul was my boyfriend and wearing this was bound to make some people disapprove quite loudly. Not to mention it would make Lucia and Sonya so angry that they would be spitting nails.

And Paul wanted to make me walk into that mess unaware.

Saw it in a store my ass.

I poked the bracelet again, gently pushing it over the table.

It was actually quite beautiful. And it seemed to be made for my taste. Subtle, rough and yet beautiful. It wasn't girly nor was it so shiny that it blinded people. Quite beautiful for a freaking shackle. And innocent looking. It should have dooms day written on it. Because Paul proposing to me imprint or not had to have just about same meaning as hell freezing over.

The door slammed open and Seth skipped in making a skidding halt as he noticed what was on the table and his face beamed at me.

"Oh. Paul has given you a…"

"No!"

I nearly screamed it out and poor Seth looked stunned at my outburst.

"You don't know what it is? It's a… "

"Bracelet. A pretty bracelet. Really pretty and shiny. Nothing more."

Seth tilted his head looking confused by my interruptions and I prayed that he would just get it but obviously he wasn't because one, Seth was a boy. Meaning he was slightly dim and didn't get subtle hints. And two, he was a young boy with Leah for a sister so subtle wasn't exactly a part of his education about females. You could even say that having Leah as a sister was a disadvantage as she was about as subtle as a hammer to the head.

"Promise bracelet."

I slammed my head against the table and groaned.

"Great. Now you have done it. Because now you know that I know what it is and that means that Paul will know that I know what the bracelet means. And that means it will be very uncomfortable between us until we talk about it which in turn will make it even more uncomfortable and I don't really want to talk about it because I don't know what to say and everything will just turn really uncomfortable either way and even worse since this didn't need to happen if you had not said anything."

Seth blinked his head still tilted and the poor guy looked really confused.

"I am… Sorry?"

And as a male he didn't even understand what he had done wrong but still apologized.

I groaned into the table and wished I had taken my inner dialog somewhere else than in Emily`s kitchen which was the place all pack members seemed to gravitate towards.

"Are all girls weird?"

I looked up and Seth blushed and looked away.

"I am not saying that you are weird. Just… You know girls in general. They are always you know… And they get offended easily. They are just weird."

His shoulders lowered and I was reminded that despite his height and size he was still just a kid. A kid in the body of a nineteen year old man.

"You are not going to give me any of the cookies you made are you? Because I said you were weird."

And a wolf man as he was very easily distracted by the promise of food. I would gladly feed him every time I saw him if it distracted him from thinking about me knowing about the meaning of the damned bracelet.

"Help yourself."

Seth beamed at me and sat down, eagerly reaching for the bowl of cookies I had made.

"So. Who did you offend?"

Seth shrugged and looked slightly miserable as he stuffed his mouth full of cookies.

"I told a girl in my class she had become really pretty. She threw her book bag at me and called me a jerk."

Well that one was easy.

"You implicated she had been ugly."

Seth`s eyes widened and small crumbs fell out of his open mouth.

"I never thought she was ugly."

"No. But telling her that she had become pretty means that you thought she was ugly before in girlworld."

Seth pouted and reached for another cookie. It was fascinating watching just how many cookies he could stuff in there.

"I don't think I like girlworld."

"No guys do. But unless they want to become hermits they will have to learn a thing or two about it. So don't use the word become. And never compare girls with other girls. Those are a few of the main rules."

Seth`s eyes widened and he pouted slightly.

"Just a few? There are more?"

Oh so innocent he was. It was kinda cute really. Not so cute when they got older. Then it was just very annoying.

"There are loads of them."

"Oh. Can I… Can I ask you about them? I have tried to talk to Leah but she just brushes me off saying I am too young to think about girls or just pushes me away saying I am an idiot like all males."

I shrugged and leaned back on the chair.

"Sure. Why not."

Seth beamed at me and took another handful of cookies.

"Thanks Jan."

I watched him skip out of the kitchen looking like he didn't have a worry in the whole world.

That would be nice really. Having no worries or being a worriless person by nature. I never had been and if I had, I had been too young when I was to remember it now. And with vampires, imprints, Paul, Jack, the elders, Gaia, the pack and my parents I had to be pretty stupid not to worry.

I glared at the bracelet again. And this was yet another worry and I had no idea what to do about it. Trust Paul to complicate everything. The ass.

And he just happened to give me this the very same day I was going to have the stupid ceremony probably trying to make me wear it during the whole thing.

The only bright side about this was that Kyle and mom couldn't attend since they were still on their honeymoon and I suspected Jack had planned it like this since my mom couldn't attend. Of course that never struck neither Kyle nor mom because they were just blissfully happy that I was going to be accepted as Kyle`s daughter in the tribe.

Mom mostly because of her intense focus on me and my wellbeing she tended to forget about herself. She didn't even seem to notice the fact that this acceptance was only aimed at me and not her.

Kyle probably thought that this was a step in the right direction because well he was naïve. If it was a step in the right direction they would have held a wedding ceremony for him and my mom first. But I could not hold it against him really because he didn't know about the imprint which was the main reason for this whole circus.

I wasn't looking forward to it at all and I would never have said yes if it wasn't for the joy in his voice when I spoke to him at the phone yesterday. Saying no would be like saying I didn't want him as a father and calling him dad had only been a ruse and I couldn't do that to him.

I really should have been less smart and more of an idiot because then I wouldn't have known that this whole thing was just to make sure I was tied to the rez and could marry and make babies.

Then I wouldn't have felt bad that mom wasn't included in this whole thing and I wouldn't have seen it for the charade it truly was. I wouldn't have known what Kyle would have thought if I had said no and I wouldn't know what the bracelet truly meant and believed Paul when he said he had bought it.

Stupid people really had it easy. Because they never looked for hidden meanings and they probably never felt conflicted. Never before had I wished I was a simple kind of person.

And I didn't really wish for it either. Not really. But it would have made my life a whole lot of easier and less angsty.

Sometimes I wished I could be more like Quil who saw the humor in everything. Or like Seth who was blissfully unaware of power and mind games. Bella who was naïve to the max so that she seemed like a child when it came to social interaction or Kim who probably saw what was going on but always went along for the ride simply because it never occurred to her to dig her heels in. Sometimes even Leah who would have stood up for what she wanted and not cared or noticed when she hurt others.

But I was just Jan.

A Jan that would plaster a smile on her face all night trying to restrain her mouth and who would probably head straight for the mushroom mix or what the hell kind of mildly hallucinogenic drug they consumed during these events to get closer to the spirits. Although spiritual advice wasn't what I would be aiming for.

More like the ability to not think or to forget the fact that my life was a row of pitfalls all with my name on them. Or a vain hope that whatever I was served made me less talkative.

A hopeless thing to hope for really when one looked at how I was when I was drunk but at least what I said then was more rambling than conscious rambling. I preferred that over a Jan rant of pure honesty.

Because face it, a Jan rant made enemies not that I minded that so much it was the honesty in it I had issues with. And some things should not be put out there in the open no matter how true it was.

I sighed and pushed the bracelet away so that I couldn't see it but unfortunately I was painfully aware that it was still there.

It was so easier when I didn't care. When the pack was just people that vaguely annoyed me and Paul was just an enemy that seemed to appear impossible to hurt.

Everything had been so simple back then before myths came to life and I found myself irrevocably involved in the whole mess.

I felt a bit disgusted by my own thoughts. Life wasn't about me. Wasn't about anyone really and this amount of self-pity wasn't me. I dealt with things as they came along and I wasn't a simpering weakling who hid instead of dealing with it. I never had and this whole mythical mess was not going to change that.

Chin up high, eyes straight forward and keep walking. That was me.

That was the person I had been and that was the person I strived to be. The kind of person I wanted to be.

And I might not want to, and I might not like it but I was going to hold my chin up high during this ceremony even if it killed me.

Because no matter what happened in life Gaia had at least taught me this. That a Heinz didn't go out with a whimper but a bang. And I was sticking to that.

**Authors note: **_I really felt that Seth didn't get enough attention so here he is. And he is just so cute. _


	64. Chapter 64: The poser

There were times in a teenage girl's life that she felt like a woman.

This was not one of these times.

Whoever owned this dress before me had huge breasts which made me look flat as a plank despite Emily`s attempt at making it fit me more. Unless half the beads on the chest of it were removed it would still make me look flat.

Unfortunately that was only half the problem with this dress.

It made me look like a poser.

Wearing this dress practically screamed hey my name is Cheryl and I just love Native American culture topped off with a silly smile and a head tilt. I might as well have poser stamped on my forehead.

And I hated myself for losing to Jack.

But even after hours of thinking I had not found any way out of the whole thing. Jack held all the cards and not even faking sickness would help as it would make Kyle and mom take the first plane home and I would then have effectively ruined their anniversary. My life was a mess but that didn't mean I wanted to ruin theirs as well.

I hated when people did one over me.

The bracelet was still in the pocket of my jeans and even thought I could not see it, it was taunting me too.

I still had not seen Paul and wasn't sure if I should be relieved to postpone the talk we were bound to have or angry at the fact that I couldn't have that talk right now and just get it over with. Might as well top of this bad bad day with the talk so that I didn't have to ruin a pain free day with it.

Emily put a final stitch on the side and took a step back looking satisfied.

"And we are done."

Hah. I just wished it was so. Instead I had to parade in front of the whole fucking tribe pretending that I was totally okay with this and ignoring their whispers about why a white girl was welcomed into the tribe as a fully-fledged member.

Paul went poof and then Jan`s world went to hell.

Someone should make a book about it.

A real book and not some romantic twaddle with heroes and heroines. Because I wasn't a heroine. Not of the brave sword yielding type and neither the stand by her man type or rather stand behind her man as most romantic books were about.

And Paul.

Well he sure as hell wasn't a hero. He liked killing vampires more because it was fun than because he was protecting the rez that I was sure of. And it fit his temper to a tee.

But here we were.

Tied together by some wolf mojo no one quite understood.

Paul the ass and I. Whereas I kept wanting to throw away all my morals and jump on the first plane to about anywhere as long as it was away from here while Paul was to brainwashed to do anything but stare at me with stars in his eyes.

So not a romantic story.

Emily had gone from altering the dress to fix my hair. I could have told her that it was impossible. My hair was so thin that it needed a whole can of hairspray to avoid being fluffy for just a couple of hours and since I had not cut it for a while it was now so long that it touched my shoulders. I had been meaning to cut it but when you fall into the twilight zone cutting your hair doesn't really reach the priority list.

"There you go. All finished."

Emily had done a great job really. Despite the dress being deer skin and practically ancient she had managed to sew it in and the single small braid in my hair was perfect ending in a small hawk feather. It didn't look bad at all but unfortunately it didn't make me feel like less of an idiot.

And I had no idea who that girl in the mirror was.

This was the girl about to be most likely the only white girl ever a Quiliute. The girl in the mirror was Paul`s girlfriend and a part of Sam`s gang.

Not the me weeks ago who wouldn't touch Paul unless it was with something qualified as a weapon. And more likely hitting that touching really. The me weeks ago shunned pretty much everyone and did not bake for a group of food frenzied giants. The me before would never sit in the same room as Leah willingly and would sure as hell never go out drinking with her unless it involved some kind of death threat.

I frowned at the mirror image of myself.

And if I was starting to think of myself as two different personalities just because my normal world had been spun of its axis then I really needed professional help.

I had this sudden urge to bang my head against the wall.

Not that it would help much other than give me a massive headache as the cherry on the top of this excruciating night.

Sometimes I wondered if it had just been easier if I had made a run for it the second Paul had started to act oddly. If I had not known about the whole imprinting thing then I could just have left blissfully unaware of the fact that my former nemesis needed me to stay sane.

Emily tied a leather bead bracelet around my wrist. It was smaller than the promise bracelet and not so complex but there was no way in hell I would wear the bracelet of doom or so much as admit that Paul had given me a promise bracelet. Even if the whole fucking pack would know I had it as soon as Paul and Seth phased with them. Then Kim, Emily and Bella would know too. No privacy in the pack stretched a bit further than just the pack unfortunately.

With an expression like I was led to my own execution I let myself be led into the car by Emily who was nearly dancing as she walked looking like it was a party in her honor and not mine.

Worst part of this would be to plaster a smile on my face and pretend it was fine. That I had not been pushed into this with my heels digging into the dirt. That I had wanted this.

Most suffering was probably my pride.

For years I had made sure that everyone knew that I didn't care. I didn't care that I was the only white person at school. It didn't bother me that I wasn't a Quiliute by any stretch of the word and I made sure everyone was aware of the fact that I didn't want to be. That I didn't care if they accepted me or not.

Sure being the white kid had bothered me and yes when I first came to the rez I wanted to be accepted but when it became obvious that I was never going to be I made a point of making it obvious that I didn't want to fit it.

At least I had that.

I didn't have friends. I would always have the not so nice nicknames referring to the color of my skin. But at least I had my pride.

Not anymore of course.

Hard to when I was about to parade around in this outfit in front of a bunch of people who did not want me there and if it wasn't for the approval of the elders would have been pretty loud about it. It would make the front I had put up disappear. It would make people think that this was what I had wanted all along.

I was sure that somewhere in my mind my pride was laying whimpering and licking its wounds. I had serious doubts that it would ever recover from this blow as it was still smarting from how easily I had said that I forgave Paul for making my life painful. At least I could claim not in any state to be accountable for my actions with the fever and all but there were no excuses for this one.

Except that I had been backed into a corner by someone a wee bit experienced with mind games than I was.

Jack really had planned this perfectly.

By calling Kyle first he had made the first move and by Kyle and mom being out of state it was also impossible for me to postpone it by playing sick because I knew the second I made that move he would call Kyle and Kyle being the overprotective dad he was would come rushing back home to take care of his so called sick daughter. And of course mom would start fussing.

There were reasons as to why I never told her I was feeling ill. Many reasons. Most of them had to do with her fascination with natural remedies. I had swallowed fouler tasting so called healthy remedies than I cared to remember.

Some made me throw up. And those were the nice ones. One had even landed me in the hospital because of an allergic reaction.

People could say what they wanted about medicines but at least those bought in the apothecary had a warning label on them and had been tested and approved. Mom`s so called natural remedies were probably not. Judging from the hallucinations I got from one batch of tea I suspected she didn't even buy them all in shops either. Only a mother like mine would buy helps for everything remedies and actually believe that they would work.

She could at least have tested them on our neighbors cat before feeding it to me.

I let Emily drag me over to the car and did an awkward crawling in. I was so looking forward to getting that cast off. Not only did the skin under it scratch like mad at times but hopping wasn't really the most efficient way of moving forward. Nor the safest way for someone who was born without balance or any kind of reflexes.

We picked up an excited looking Kim down the road and they chattered happily about how fun a coming of age ceremony was.

Fun wasn't the word that I was aiming for.

Excruciating. Painful. Unwanted. There were a whole lot of words to pick from and fun didn't even make the list.

Why was I doing this again?

Oh yeah. Poof. Imprinting. Cornered by a stubborn old goat.

I briefly considered jumping out of the car but then again those kinds of escapes only ended successfully in the movies and frankly would do nothing but postpone this whole thing on top of leaving me injured. And it was after all better to get this out of the way when Kyle could not attend.

The only thing that could possibly make this worse would be to see the proud expression on his face while my brain was screaming just how much I did not want this.

_Authors note: Sorry for the long break guys. Tried to write when I was on vacation but being way up in the mountains pretty much made it impossible to bring a pc and a notebook doesn't really cut it when it is raining either. Not that I didn't try but I pretty much gave up after the goat incident. And that incident will never be mentioned again. It is enough that it was videotaped and will be shown at every family gathering from here on and until eternity. But I did get some good ideas and I have been putting them down on paper as quickly as I can. Thank you for all the reviews written in the meanwhile. It was really nice coming home and reading them and it makes me so happy that so many of you like my not so rose colored take on imprinting. Besides she wouldn't be Jan if she took the whole thing as a gift and not a curse. _


	65. Chapter 65: Jan the not heroine

I had never figured hell would have beaches. I had imagined the classical burn for eternity version of hell and beaches didn't quite fit into it unless one counted rock covered ones with a sea of lava.

But there was no mistaking it.

This was hell.

I was wearing a dress that made me look flat as a plank and with my hair and skin the dress pretty much screamed poser.

The looks I was getting didn't help much either. Nor did the face paint that Jack had taken his time painting on me while smiling smugly. The painting of faces were always done by the family`s elder. That more or less meant that Jack was my grandfather and everyone on the rez would view him as such. That with the fact that people were staring at me like they were wondering just what I had on the elders that made them take me into the tribe as a full member made this hell.

And Paul was smug.

That didn't help much either.

Yeah I was his girlfriend which meant that I didn't hate him with a burning intensity anymore but that didn't mean I liked the Paul smirk. The Paul smirk was about as endearing as a skunk with its tail up meaning it was supposed to be somewhat cute but you just knew what it meant and thus making it not cute at all.

My glares only seemed to give him that adoring look on his face like I was a small ruffled hissing kitten taking up a fight with something more than triple its size. And that was creepy and honestly I preferred annoying instead of creepy. Besides being looked at like I was adorable when I was angry did nothing for my mood.

The ceremony itself was pretty simple.

Basically after having my face painted all I had to do was sit there while Billy told a story. As the so called guest of honor I was served first and it didn't pass by me that Emma was sitting beside me. Usually the seats beside me would be for family but I didn't think it was a coincidence that Jack sat by my left side and Emma by my right and that Paul was sitting beside her. Emma`s brown eyes were filled with amusement and she seemed to be hiding her laughter every time I squirmed or tugged on that very annoying dress.

It seemed I was destined to surround myself with people who found my misfortune amusing.

The second part of the ceremony was the smoking of the pipe. The elders went first and I eyed the pipe suspiciously when it was handed to me. It smelled weird, like burned leaves with an underlying scent of something sweet that made my head feel heavy even before I had taken the first inhale.

It wasn't the first time I smoked although the pipe could hardly count as a cigarette and what it contained wasn't just tobacco and probably illegal.

It was Jason who stolen a package of cigarettes when I was thirteen and we had hid behind the old garden shed with Jesse and Damien.

It had been horrible. Horrible like Brussels sprouts leaving a bitter taste on the tip of my tongue as coughed until my lungs hurt.

The pipe was nothing like that cigarette.

It was actually worse.

The smoke seemed to burn the inside of my throat and my eyes watered as I tried to not cough up a lung. It did of course not help that all the elders blew a puff of smoke at my face and when it was over my eyes were stinging and I felt dizzy.

The world seemed to be moving around me and I was sure the trees were moving. Logically of course trees did not move. But logically speaking they were not silver either. It looked like I was in a dream as my surroundings turned into this odd misty silver color and I was barely aware that someone was speaking to me but I couldn't seem to find the determination to try to find out who was speaking or what they were saying.

For some reason I got the sudden urge to get up.

My legs felt weird. Like I had been drinking and I stumbled over a blissed out looking Emily who was gazing up at the sky like she was seeing something.

I craned my neck to see what she was seeing and nearly took a tumble into the fire. Would have if someone had not grabbed me around my waist and stopped my almost fiery end. Jacob gently put me back on my feet and seemed to roll his eyes as I continued walking straight to the fire. With a sigh he lifted me up and turned me around, the way one does with a moving toy when it goes in the wrong direction.

I must have looked like a right idiot the way I stumbled over people but for some reason I just had to go to the forest edge. I needed too.

Something moved just near the forest edge. It was a bobcat. Smaller than a lynx and with beautiful golden grey fur with black spots. Its fur was fluffy making it look a little bit pudgy and it seemed to be staring at something in the distance before it turned and looked at me. Those tufted ears shivered slightly before it turned again and started walking into the forest on paws that looked a bit big for its body.

I was stumbling after it before I was even aware what I was doing. Not until I couldn't hear the voices from the beach anymore did it strike me how utterly idiotic it was to follow a bobcat. And then of course it was gone and I realized I had no idea where I was.

The silvery forest didn't look familiar at all but then again I had the same sense of direction as a drunk moose so the road could be just a couple of feet away for all I knew.

What was it one was supposed to do when one got lost again?

Something about staying put. It did sound a bit silly really. No one knew I had walked in this direction. Those who had seen me were probably too high to remember. I could sit here until I starved to death with my particular luck.

Well. That was an exaggeration because hey, mate of a wolfman. It was pretty much like having your very own rescue dog. Obsessed rescue dog really. I just didn't want Paul to rescue me.

You had to have something to hold on to when one was surrounded by supernatural beings that made one feel both slow and weak and up to now I had been quite self-sufficient thank you very much.

Except with the vampire but then again that had been extremely unfair odds.

Besides getting lost when I had lived in the rez all my life was pretty pathetic and I didn't doubt for a second that both Quil and Leah would remind me of it for the rest of my life.

Wasn't my fault really. Not everyone could just sniff themselves back to where they had come from.

Which brought me back to how utterly stupid it was to follow a bobcat, an animal that was likely a figment from my high as a kite brain if I was judging from the silvery forest. The trees of La Push had never been silver in color. I wasn't high enough to not realize that little fact. I shouldn't have inhaled that smoke.

I should start writing a book about things one should not do in La Push. It would start with not look any Quiliute in the eyes.

Who would ever have guessed that such an innocent normal thing would send my life careening off track? If I had known I would have fled like the devil was at my heels that day and honestly been more afraid of Paul than I ever had been.

Yes I was his girlfriend. It was however not something I had come by on my own but the simplest solution to a mess that didn't have an easy way out. Which lead to me being lost in the forest in a dress I hoped no one had any evidence that I had ever been wearing.

Hopefully. I had not seen any cameras so there was this small hope that there would be no pictures of me in a dress that made me look like a ten year old kid. Not that I would bet on it as my luck up till this point had been rather well nonexistent.

If I ever heard someone say their life was boring I wasn't sure I would be able to restrain myself from punching said person.

Something made a snapping sound and I jumped before I recognized the shadow emerging from the silvery colored forest.

Paul strolled casually towards me which made me think he had been following me all along since he wasn't frantically searching for deadly wounds on my body as he always did when I had slipped out of his sight for too long. Sometimes I wondered if he honestly believed that I would drop dead the second he looked away.

My eyes went automatically to the cast on my leg. Well. I sort of understood that one a bit as I almost had dropped dead on one occasion and sort of got myself tangled into the vampire family drama on of the few times I was without wolf company. With my luck and the imprint brainwashing it wasn't that odd that he wouldn't let me out of his sight for very long. It was still annoying tough.

I looked at him as he strolled casually towards me, the moonlight making his raven black hair shine. As usual he was only wearing jeans that had been cut off inches above his knee and nothing else not even shoes. His lips were slightly turned up, not into the usual smirk but it wasn't a full out smile either.

Honestly those were rather rare.

I mentally compared him with the Paul of the past before the whole wolf thing which I only had a vague memory of despite knowing him for years. To be honest I had avoided looking at him back then but as far as I could tell there were not that many differences. Except he had gained several inches since then and quite a lot of muscle mass. Not that he had been particularly lanky back then but he had not been all smooth muscle as he was now.

The main difference would be the way his shoulders lowered when I was around. Paul even before turning into the wolf man had always been looking like he was on the verge of something. Always strained and always tense, always moving like he would explode if he stood still. Around me the difference was very noticeable. He would relax slightly, his shoulders would lower and that intense energy that was his trademark would lessen somewhat. I had never really taken any notice of it as the way he looked at me was distracting enough.

I was never going to get used to being the center of someone's world. It was disturbing enough being looked at like that even if the person looking had not been Paul.

Paul stopped right in front of me, his arm brushing against my own making a trail of goose bumps were our skin touched.

He was handsome. Both before and after and I could admit that. Strong jaw, oddly perfect shaped nose and deep brown eyes. His lips were a bit thin but had an interesting eye-catching bow on the upper lip. His lashes were long, longer than mine and his ears were oddly enough good-looking too.

Might be the drugs talking because I had never noticed anyone's ears before.

It was no wonder why the girls at school always giggled and whispered when he was near. But the fact that he was handsome had always been overshadowed by the fact that he was a giant ass and his handsome face used to have a smirk around me that made my blood boil. It was hard to appreciate someone's looks when the second you saw them you expected pain in some form. Or humiliation.

"Seems that you have finally caught on to how hot I am."

And just like that my appreciation of him was broken by the smug tone in his voice and that mother fucking smirk.

"You!"

I poked my finger into his chest and regretted it deeply as it felt like I was poking a brick wall and thus make my poor finger throb in pain.

"You gave me a shackle! "

Paul blinked like I had just smacked him and then he shook his head.

"I gave you a shackle?"

He said it slowly like he was talking to a small child and the condescending tone was just as infuriating as his usual smirk.

"Yes! You gave me a shackle because you think I am too stupid to see that it is a shackle. I am not an idiot!"

Paul gently tilted my head up and those brown orbs stared intently into mine.

"You hellcat are high as a kite. And your pupils are huge."

I tried to slap his hand away and ended up smacking myself instead. Apparently it wasn't only my mind that was affected with whatever it was that I had smoked. Luckily I was affected enough that it didn't hurt as much as the impact sound indicated it should.

"Screw my pupils. You gave me a shackle. A pretty shackle. Very pretty and I like it very much but I will not be wearing a shackle. Cause it is a shackle."

"Right."

Paul drew the word out and looked at me with a puzzled frown like I was a difficult puzzle he had no idea how to solve.

"I have no idea what you are talking about and what the hell are you doing out here all alone? It is not safe."

"I followed a bobcat but that isn't the point. The point is shackles and you thinking that I am an idiot."

"You followed a bobcat?"

I frowned and shook my head trying to clear it. This conversation was not going where I wanted it to. I wanted to yell and rage but the words were slurred and I wasn't even that angry anymore. I wanted to be but like my vision my feelings were dimmed.

"Yes I followed a bobcat. A figment of my own imagination."

I was expecting him to laugh at me but instead he smiled slightly.

"Your spirit animal. Can't say I am surprised. Small, fierce, takes on beings bigger than itself and surprisingly strong for its size. Should have figured it would be a cat really."

"There are no such things as spirit animals."

Paul turned me around and wrapped his arms around me, his breath making my hair flutter.

"I didn't believe it either. Then I turned into a wolf which is supposed to be impossible so I figured those legends might be true."

He did have a point. Turning into an animal wasn't normal. Wasn't reasonable or in any way in the realm of what was possible yet he and the other guys did turn furry quite regularly.

And then there were vampires.

Something that didn't have a heartbeat and didn't need to breathe simply didn't belong in the world I once had known.

Still I refused to believe a bobcat was my spirit animal because I was not pudgy. Perhaps it was a bit childish of me but I wanted something a little more impressive. Like a cougar and not an overgrown housecat.

My thoughts suddenly snapped back to the topic that had been bothering me and I twirled around and would have fallen if Paul had not grabbed my arm. I really should stay far away from any kind of alcohol and drugs when I had a cast on. Or at all really since I wasn't known for my grace or my stable mind and not being sober wasn't exactly agreeing with either grace nor mind.

"Shackle! You gave me a shackle!"

Paul frowned but the corner of his mouth twitched like he found me very amusing. It did nothing to calm my anger.

"Did you think I am so stupid that I wouldn't understand what it was? Bought it in a store my ass!"

I poked him again and I really shouldn't do that because for one it hurt. And it wasn't like he felt it much either. And when I was on the I shouldn't I probably should have waited with this argument until I wasn't seeing silver trees.

"Ah. The bracelet. Damned. I really believed that would work."

I must have been gaping. It felt like I was gaping at least although I couldn't really feel my face ever since the fourth time I inhaled the smoke from the ritual pipe.

There were no excuse forthcoming not that I had expected it because hey it was Paul and Paul didn't offer apologies unless Sam bitchslapped him with an alpha order but I had expected at least a token expression of regret. Instead he pretty much looked like I had foiled his plans and that he was already looking for another angle.

"Sometimes I really wish you were stupid you know. It would make things a lot easier for me."

Now I knew I was gaping because he gently closed my mouth with his hand.

"There is a reason I only dated stupid girls. They are a hell of a lot less complicated for one. Easier to deal with and easier to satisfy and generally much easier to dump. I bet if I had dated and dumped you, you would have made my life a living hell."

"I would never have dated you if you had not imprinted on me."

Something flashed in his eyes that looked surprisingly like hurt but then it was gone and I must have imagined it because there were no way what I had just said could hurt him because it wasn't like everyone in on this didn't already know that. My sporadic freak outs were pretty sound proofs of that.

"Yeah I know."

He sounded completely unconcerned so I must have imagined the whole hurt thing. I was expecting a I wouldn't have dated you either but instead he wrapped his arms around me. I tried to wriggle out of the grip to give him a piece of my mind when a loud scream made me jump. It sounded like someone being tortured.

"It's Bella. They decided to burn the scar off her tonight."

I blinked and repressed a full body shudder.

"Does that mean that the Cullen Doc is here?"

I didn't like the thought of that. It wasn't like I disliked him or anything and he seemed like a nice guy. For the walking undead anyway. But any vampires except from Gaia gave me the creeps and honestly I felt a lot better far away from any of them. Humanitarian doctor or not.

"The tribal council decided that he had too much personal investment in the whole thing so they decided to reject his offer and only bring in your leech aunt to help. She has gotten a onetime exception from the law and will be escorted out as soon as they are done."

I decided to overlook the whole leech aunt insult. Not only would it not do any good protesting the term but I did understand why he didn't like her much. He was after all her enemy of sorts and vampires were the reason he turned all fluffy and was stuck here for the rest of his life.

And why he had imprinted on me although he was less reluctant to that fact because he was well. Brainwashed. If he had not been then I was sure that he would never have been looking at me like he was right now. Like I was something precious and adorable despite being high as a kite and with what I assumed looked like a rat's nest on my head after stumbling around in the forest. It was unnerving still but it no longer freaked me out.

Paul wrapped his arms tighter around me and pulled me closer. That was normal. After all it seemed impossible for him to get by a minute without touching me and it had only gotten worse since we slept together.

Much worse.

It was like losing my virginity to him had triggered something in him which made him twice as possessive as usual something Quil had been so unfortunate being the first one to find out when he lifted me up the stairs before the ceremonial dressing and Paul had thrown him into the door breaking it clear of its hinges.

Clearly Sam had been wrong when he had tried to explain that having sex would make a wolf less possessive as sex would solidify Paul`s status as my mate.

Or I think that was what he was trying to tell me. It was hard to tell between all the stammering and cryptic wording. Sam`s sextalk was even worse than Kyle`s don't do stuff talk.

I got a better grip on my crutch in case Paul`s hands would once again start to wander but instead of groping me he pressed a surprisingly gentle kiss on my forehead setting that little voice in my head onto a frantic litany of run for the hills.

Yeah. So not over the freak out phase.

Another scream filled the forest and my inner freak out was effectively disrupted as I shuddered.

I had never heard someone scream in pain like that and to think she was willingly going through with it was awe aspiring.

Bella might be naïve and stuck in some romantic rose-colored view of the world but she also possessed an inner strength that I couldn't even begin to phantom.

It wasn't my place to judge but I was rooting for Jacob. He would let that strength in her grow and support her into becoming someone independent and strong while Edward seemed like the smothering kind. And frankly I didn't believe a relationship between a vampire and a human could ever work.

He was much older than her for one not to mention the whole unequal setting they were on. Not that any of us humans could be equal to the wolves either but at least they had human needs while Edward was frozen in time.

Not to mention the whole eat me problem.

At least Paul didn't want to eat me although one would not believe it from the way he was looking at me most of the time. And I did believe that if she did decide to turn into a vampire it would become something she would regret. The effects of that would be to big especially now that she was involved with the wolves as an imprint. Her choice would crush a lot of people.

I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts. It was her choice really and not something I should get involved with as I had problems of my own. Mainly the werewolf that was now sniffing my hair like I was something particularly delicious. He was the trigger to the insanity that was now my world and I had too much on my plate right now to be sucked into the Bella drama.

The elders. The man that had suddenly decided to call himself my grandfather after ignoring me most of my life. My parents who would soon return home and the fact that for the first time in my life I had to hide something from my mother who was far to intuitive when it came to illogical things and who knew all the legends of the tribe by hand and whom I feared also believed as she did believe in leprechauns and fairies.

Then there was school, Gaia, Jason and college. The pack of course although I now found them less irritable than I once had. Then of course there was the chance of a full blown war between the pack and an army of newly turned army trained vampires and a vampire hell-bent on killing Bella even if she had to burn down the whole world to accomplice that.

Bella might want to live in a romantic story but I on the other hand had just wanted to live an uncomplicated normal life void of the whole epic word.

If someone was to write a book about my life it would start like this.

Once upon a time there was a girl who wanted to go to college, become an artist and live a peaceful calm life. Then she got sucked into twilight zone, started to question her sanity and wondered why of all the people in the world that wished to live extraordinarily lives would she, who wanted nothing more than a calm peaceful life, would have to be the one thrown into insanity. If I had gotten my way the book of my life would have been incredibly boring to read. Instead I got an epic tale of vampires, werewolves and wolf mojo love. A good book perhaps. Not so much fun when one was the main character.

Then again if I had been the main character in a book I would probably have been a whole lot braver and not wonder where the hell the off button was.

I was suddenly hoisted into the air as Paul cradled me in his arms and he grinned as his hand was placed right on my ass which I doubted was coincidental.

And that was how I knew that I was still me and not some character in a book because no author in their right mind would write someone as Paul as the main characters love interest. He was not a hero, not romantic, not nice and basically just one big ass proven further by the unapologetic grin as I glared at him.

"Come on hellcat. Let's get you into a bed."

"You are not joining me."

Paul just smirked as he started walking ignoring the way I kept smacking his arm with my crutch to make him move his hand and I just knew that I would once again go to sleep alone with Paul on the floor and wake up sweating and wrapped into the arms of a very naked Paul as per usual because clearly my opinion only mattered when I was awake enough to enforce it with my crutch or yell for Sam to slap Paul with an alpha order.

Yeah. So not a romantic character in a book.


	66. Chapter 66: The misfortune continues

"And that's that."

I grinned at my now cast free leg. Yes it was still weak something I quickly figured out when I tried to stand and would have face planted if it wasn't for a quick nurse and it was disturbingly hairy but the cast was off and I could finally get rid of that annoying crutch.

I was going to miss it as a convenient weapon against Paul but not as walking aid.

Leah rolled her eyes as I made an awkward dance over the floor relieved to finally have my leg back and didn't even thank the doctor before grabbing me and dragging me towards the car. I just knew she had been ordered to follow me to the doctor because being nice wasn't something Leah did and I wasn't too happy about having her with me either but as Paul threatened with violence against even Sam when I happened to spend one minute alone with him in the kitchen it wasn't like I had any drivers to pick from.

Honestly Paul was off his rocker lately.

It had been Sam for god sakes and I doubted Sam even thought of me as a girl as he was imprinted and he probably wouldn't even if he wasn't imprinted. Even Seth was now the target of Paul`s over possessiveness which was frankly even more ridiculous than Paul`s jealousy of Sam. Seth was a just a kid despite his overgrown body and he treated me like some kind of big sister after I had given him advices on girls.

That meant that to avoid Paul flying off the handle that Leah was my guard when he was on patrol which neither she nor I was happy about. At least most of Leah`s anger was directed at Paul and not me.

Most of it.

Not all of course because Leah hated the imprints only slightly less than the imprinted wolves. Not logical of course since I was a reluctant imprint but then again Leah had never been very logical in her anger. It wasn't exactly like I had been wearing a sign with Paul imprint on me that day at school or had known that it was not a good idea to look him in the eye.

Leah stepped so hard on the breaks that I would have had an unpleasant meeting with the window if it wasn't for the seatbelt and gave me a glare that told me I should get the hell out of her car or else.

I wasn't that interested in finding out what the or else meant as I was sure whatever it was it would hurt. It wasn't that we didn't get along after the drunken night we spent together but Sam ordering her about always made her unleash on everyone remotely near her. Next time I needed a baby wolfsitter I would ask her myself because honestly I didn't want to be her punching bag because she was pissed at her alpha.

I was barely out of the car before it sped out of the driveway. At least Leah`s anger gave me some much needed time for myself. In Paul`s house but at least I was alone for an hour before Paul came straight from patrol.

If it wasn't for those patrols I would have probably shot him by now as having someone breathing over my shoulder all the time was seriously annoying. And if he wasn't breathing down my neck he was looking at me or touching me and when he wasn't doing that he was just there. Either sitting beside me or stepping in between me and another pack member like they were going to molest me or something.

Which was ridiculous really.

Fine, perhaps not when it came to Quill but Jacob? Embry?

Jacob didn't see anyone but Bella and according to the taunts had only seen her for years ever since they were kids. Embry couldn't hit on someone even if you gave him a manual and a map and even then he wouldn't be stupid enough to as much as wink at the imprint of the packs most volatile member. And that was just the pack.

At school it was worse.

Much worse.

One of these days I was sure poor Theo would drop dead of fright and he had now started to walk the other direction every time he spotted me. Or rather jog in the other direction. It was making our biology project really hard to finish when Theo was looking over his shoulder all class like he was expecting Paul to stand behind him ready to kill him for just talking to me. Even more annoying as Paul wasn't even in that class yet managed to put poor Theo near a heart attack.

Paul was even growling at the teachers and it wouldn't surprise me at all if the second mom and Kyle came home they would be called in for a parent teacher conference concerning my overprotective and possibly abusing boyfriend.

Either way my reputation as an adult serious student was all shot to hell that was for sure because nothing ruins a girl's reputation as dating the schools bad boy. At least no one could put dating Paul Lahote on my college application and it was just under a year left until I was done with La Push high. Back in the day I had assumed that meant more or less done with La Push in general. How wrong I had been about that.

I deposited the crutch that I no longer needed in the kitchen and found some crackers and some milk. All in all it was a nice house despite belonging to someone who had no interest in decorating. Paul had told me he had built on it himself and the only remains of his original childhood home were the main structure and I would have loved to live here.

The kitchen was spacious with large windows bringing the light in and it was always a joy making food in there. For a guy that could hardly boil water the kitchen was wonderful. The living room was perhaps my second favorite place after the kitchen. The garden was Emma`s idea but the large windows seemed to bring the outdoors inside and despite the rather grey La Push weather the windows made the living room lighter. And the bathroom was wonderful. The shower could easily fit five people and the dark blue tiles on the walls made me almost feel like I was under water. It was nothing like the cramped bathroom back at my place or the shower at home that never seemed to spray hard enough.

Paul had even started working on a large porch outside and the drawings he had showed me clearly showed that Paul had a knack for building things. He had even planned a swing beneath the roof after seeing me lull myself into sleep in the one at Sam`s house.

Those perks about Paul`s house could distract me from what he was currently working on in the bedroom and the drawings I had found of what looked like plans for an atelier much like the one I had at home. It didn't pass by me that Paul had replaced his old bed with a larger softer one that looked a lot like my bed and I didn't doubt for a second that the bed was made with me in mind as Paul could sleep standing just as comfortable as he did in a bed.

No guy installed a princess bed in their own home without a girl in mind. It didn't pass by me that the house seemed to acquire a girl intended item every day either. A large cabinet in the bathroom. A larger closet both in the bedroom and in the hallway. A trashcan in the bathroom with a lid. A shoe rack which must have been for me because Paul hardly ever wore shoes and so far I had only seen a pair of sneakers. A rug in the bathroom just the day after I slipped and nearly concussed myself on the bathroom floor. More kitchen equipment. Extra towels and washcloths.

Paul was nesting for a girl and I wasn't that good of a liar that I could convince myself that it wasn't for me.

Luckily I had managed to repress that fact to the point where I only freaked out when a new item showed up in the house and instead kept my mind on how wonderful the house was.

It wasn't that I disliked my own home it was just that mom was a hideous decorator. She picked the most disturbing colors not to mention she loved weird and odd-looking things.

That was what she called them. I on the other hand tended to use the word disturbing.

How she even managed to find creepy owl lamps was beyond me and that stuffed fox in the hallway with its mouth wide open still almost made me piss myself every time I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.

Not to mention the pillows. Large fluffy pillows with pervy embroidery on them like Why buy the cow when you can get free milk or mom`s do it better. It was almost as traumatizing as the naked leprechaun painting in the hallway. Yes his bits was covered behind a leaf but it was still a naked leprechaun with a leaf bigger than his head in front of his bits and my imagination could well enough imagine what was behind it.

And then there was the cow in the hallway. Although strictly speaking it wasn't a cow, it was some sort of art work with a difficult name I never remembered but it looked like a cow. A rainbow colored cow in full size. It was the first thing guest saw when they walked in the door. At least after seeing it they were not completely shocked when they saw the stuffed fox, the owl lamps, the bright purple walls in the living room and the pillows nor were they stunned by the glass table that was held up by an angry looking bull with surprisingly life like genitals.

Paul's house was void of any of those things. Not that I had expected him to have any of those things at all as my mom's taste was as she always told me, unique. Safe to say I learned very early that unique was just a polite way of saying utterly insane.

I stretched out on the couch as the door opened. For a brief second I thought the man coming in was Paul. He looked like Paul just older. The jaw was the same, the nose and even the ears. Only he had lines near his eyes and mouth and there were grey stripes in his short cut black hair. It was obvious who he was because Paul was a spitting image of him.

Paul's dad.

Paul's alcoholic abusive dad.

And Paul would be home any minute now. Bigger, stronger and angrier than he had ever been when his dad had lived with him. Not to mention his rather lacking self-control and the whole furry issue.

This was bad. Very bad. And it couldn't possibly end well. Hell just this morning Paul had nearly phased in the house because he didn't manage to open a hermetic can of peaches and I wouldn't bet on the odds of this going smoothly at all. Actually I would willingly bet my lifesavings on the opposite.

It was becoming obvious that the misfortune fairy had smacked me over the head with her bad luck stick. That was the closest explanation I could find for my recent bad luck streak. Because no one could be this unfortunate by coincidence.

_Authors note: And here is a cliffy for you=)_


	67. Chapter 67: Meeting Peter

Paul`s dad looked about as stunned to see me in the house as I was to see him. God knows what he was expecting to see. It had been years since he left and if he expected everything to be the same around here then boy was he in for a surprise.

Especially when he saw his son.

Paul was not a little boy anymore that was for sure. Even though he wasn't eighteen yet he could easily pass for being twenty five being tall as a house and with muscles that pretty much made people back away. Or it might be the menacing air around him that made people cross the street when they spotted him. Not someone a sane person would ever behave threatening towards and sure as hell not the little boy this man had beaten.

If Paul had not told me he had been beaten as a kid I would never have guessed it.

He never backed down, never showed fear and the kid that this man had beaten was long gone. The man he was now would rip this man into pieces much like he had done with the peach can this morning. Just thinking about it made my fingers twitch nervously. The peach can incidence had left pieces of peach and metal all over the kitchen. A man was much larger than a peach can but easier to rip into pieces.

And I betted it would be a whole lot messier.

Paul`s dad smiled a friendly charming smile and I was a bit stunned by the similarities between the two of them. They even had the same smile and the only thing that really separated them was the fact that Paul was several inches taller with more muscles. But then again a normal person had to spend hours a day in the gym to gain Paul`s muscle mass.

"Hello. I am Peter. Paul`s dad."

He reached out his hand and I hesitantly shook it. It was a firm and friendly handshake. The whole man appeared friendly really. He smelled vaguely of aftershave, not even a hint of alcohol and his clothes were regular jeans and shirt but both were clean.

Nothing about this man should have made my alarm bells ring and I probably would not have been the least bit suspicious of him had I not heard the stories. But I had and from two of the people who knew him the most. Paul and Emma. No matter how nice and harmless he seemed I knew he was not.

And I believed that there was something fundamentally wrong with someone who beat their wives and children. Something in them that made them someone one should never trust and being alone with this man made me really uncomfortable.

"I am Jan."

Peter smiled wider showing a set of perfect pearly white teeth and put his hand just below his hip.

"Oh I remember you. When I saw you the last time you were about this big and all blue eyes and fluffy hair. Always knew you would grow up to be a beautiful girl."

It was the same prattle anyone seeing you as a kid would say and there was absolutely no hidden meaning in his words and I should know because growing up in the rez as the white kid had pretty much made me an expert on that. I wouldn't have been edgy around him if I had not known what kind of person he was. A man that had beaten his wife and own child. And judging from the little things I had managed to coax out of Emma, had blamed Paul for his wife leaving. A man that blamed the rest of the world for his self-inflicted misery. I had met enough foster children at Hailey`s farm to know that a man like him was dangerous.

Act friendly. Don't give any clues that you are uncomfortable. It might trigger something. Make a statement that someone will come soon and make sure to refer to people you both know.

The voice in my head was defiantly my aunt Hailey. I had barely known what stranger meant before aunt Hailey started her stranger danger talks. Hence my rather traumatic experience with Santa Clause when I was younger. Big stranger with a deep voice who wanted me to sit on his lap saying he was going to give me presents was pretty much everything aunt Hailey had warned me about. Seriously adults should be a bit more consistent when raising kids because I had been scared to death by Santa for years and lived in fear every time that time of year came around. At least I was getting some benefits from those talks now.

Aunt Hailey had repeated her lessons until they were stuck in my brain and I could remember every word even the tone of voice she had when she explained to me what to do and what not to do. Instead of heading to the door to escape like I desperately wanted to I forced myself into a more relaxed position on the couch and turned on the TV.

"Paul had to pick something up from Emma and said it was okay that I grabbed some food while I wait for my ride. Don't know when he will be home but Sam Uley is picking me up any second. If you are looking for Paul he is probably at Emma`s still. Think he promised to help her with some heavy lifting in the garden."

There. I had made sure to tell him that I knew his mother by referring to her by her first name, added in that someone would arrive soon and that it was someone he knew and made a bait by pretending his son was at his mother's place.

I prayed that he would take the bait. If he didn't I didn't know what to do and this man would be splattered all over the living room just like that can of peaches.

"I might as well head over there then. It has been a while since I have seen my mother."

He gave me another charming smile and I forced myself to smile back pretending to be completely relaxed around him and not reveal that I knew what a son of a bitch he was.

Paul had a temper and that might come from this man one way or another. Either genetic or environmental heritage. And I knew this man had no problems beating kids and women. Paul on the other hand despite his temper had never lifted his hand against a woman. Except that time he broke my nose but then again he wasn't really himself at the time as he had phased that very same day and perhaps I had known in some way that something about him was off that day because I had never not even once feared a repeat.

"It was good seeing you Jan."

I gave a short wave and pretended to turn my attention back to the TV. Not until I heard the sound of a car backing out of the driveway did I breathe out.

Thank fuck. Finally I was getting a mother fucking break in my bad luck streak. It felt pretty much like I had dodged a bullet. Or rather dodged becoming an accomplice in murder. Cause I was pretty sure I was the one who would do the washing up after the pack had buried the body because a wild animal the size of a bear making its way inside the house didn't sound like a very plausible story. And it would be rather hard to explain too without going mythical.

Luckily that wasn't an immediate danger anymore. Now at least Paul would be prepared. And have backup. I doubted Sam would let him meet his father alone. Not after constantly being in Paul`s head for so many months.

Like summoned from my thoughts I heard the now very familiar sound of Paul`s truck and just a second later the front door opened. Paul stopped in the doorway and frowned. I could see his nostrils vibrate. Of course. He could smell that there had been someone here. I was never going to get used to that whole increased smell thing.

Taking a deep breath I braced myself for the explosive reaction he was bound to have and hoped that at least this time he would make it out the door and not phase in the living room as he did this morning. I just wished I wasn't the one having to tell him but he was going to find out sooner or later and it was best he did now as no one were there to see him phase. Chances were that if I didn't tell him he would find out in a very public place and I doubted someone turning into a wolf would just be ignored. His father was in the rez and there was no chance in hell that he wouldn't find out. The rez wasn't exactly big and news around here spread like wildfire.

"Your father was here."

Paul didn't start shaking like I had expected him to. It was supposed to be reassuring as Paul always started shaking when he got angry. His expression however was not comforting at all. I had believed I knew all of Paul`s expressions. Most of them smirks with various meanings but I had never seen an expression like this on his face before.

His whole face was just completely blank like an empty canvas. No smile, no frown, not even a smirk. Just blank. And it was the most terrifying expression I had ever seen on Paul`s face and I had pretty much seen them all.

I was so stunned by the blank expression that I squeaked as he was suddenly beside me. Without a word he threw me over his shoulder and I heard the plate I was holding smash against the floor. Paul didn't even seem to have heard it but hurried towards the door. In no time at all he had placed me in the car and the engine started with a roar. The tiers squealed in protest as he sped out of the driveway just barely missing the trash can.

What followed was the most scary car ride I had ever had. Pretty impressive as my mom drove like a blind person. I didn't even know an ancient truck like his could go this fast. The scenery just flew by and when the truck turned in a sharp curve I nearly slammed my head against the window. I turned to yell at him for driving so fast and stopped at the expression on his face. That deadly blankness was still there and his hands were so tight around the steering wheel that I could hear it creak beneath his hands.

My mouth shut with a click. Asking questions or saying anything right now would probably be a very bad idea. And if he curved this car around a tree I was pretty sure he could just walk out of the wreck by himself. Something I probably or most likely wouldn't be able to. And I wasn't about to go out with a bang with a werewolf behind the wheels just because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Instead I braced myself and tried not to get slammed into the door again when Paul turned the steering wheel sharply and the car veered around the second curve while I tried frantically to fasten the seatbelt. A couple of minutes later I was very happy that I had fastened it.

Paul slammed in the breaks so hard that the car skidded over the gravel at First Beach parking lot and the only thing preventing me from head-butting against the window was the seatbelt. I was practically airborne before the seatbelt slammed me back into my seat. Paul didn't even remove the seatbelt as he slammed my door open. He just ripped the thing apart and I got a glimpse of twisted metal before he threw me over the shoulder again.

My sore ribs that probably had belt shaped bruises on them protested being rubbed against his shoulder as he jogged down the path in a speed that didn't make me feel any safer than the car had. He didn't even slow his pace down the steeper part of the path where I could hardly walk without nearly tumbling down. He increased the pace when his feet hit the sand and made a sudden halt near a couple of logs. Like I weighed nothing he sat me down by holding me under my arms. Pretty much the same way one would put down a toddler.

"I need to talk to Sam. Sit here and don't move out of my sight."

Normally this would be where I told him to fuck off and remind him once again that being my imprint and a supernatural wolf did not make him the boss of me and I was about to but… His face was still blank and even if his eyes were on me I got the strangest feeling that he wasn't looking at me at all.

"Are you okay?"

It was a perfect opening for another one of his teasing comments followed by one of his mother fucking smirks. Instead his face stayed blank and he was looking over my shoulder.

"Yeah. I am fine."

I watched him walk away with a frown. So. That had to mean not fine at all. And that worried me. There was no anger there and no anger in Paul had to be some sort of bad sign. Like pigs flying, Satan drinking tea with God and the end of the world kind of bad. Because he was always tripping for a fight no matter whom he faced. He even treated the whole possible upcoming vampire war as some kind of game. At least I had expected some anger at his father's return. Not outright panic. Or as close as I believed Paul could ever come to panic.

At least he was going to talk to Sam and Sam would probably talk to the council for a solution. He was the one inside Paul`s head regularly so he would know just how ugly this situation could turn out. Slightly comforted by my own thoughts I leaned into the log and rubbed my bruised ribs.

"Lahote still bullying you I see."

Looking up I saw someone I had not seen for nearly two years. Lacey had not exactly been a friend of mine but we were on friendly terms which pretty much made her one of the few on the rez that was friendly towards me and didn't treat me like an outcast. She was two years older and we didn't have any classes together but she used to pitch in as teacher in the art classes and we got along well enough. And she was one of the few that seemed to think it was completely ridiculous that people kept harping on me for being white. But then again she pretty much hated the rez just as much as I did. Perhaps even more as she didn't get along with her step mother and had not been very happy when she and her dad moved from the Makah rez to live in La Push.

She looked about the same as she had done when I last saw her at her graduation. Her long black hair still had blond stripes and she had added some blue too. As always she was wearing her Makah necklaces despite those heavy necklaces being unpractical and mostly used in ceremonies. Personally I believed she only wore them to separate herself from the Quileute. Some sort of statement that she wasn't one of them. If she had been in my class we would probably have formed some sort of misfit club.

"Hey Lacey. How is college?"

She grinned widely and I noticed she had added a tongue piercing to her piercing collection.

"A fucking relief I tell ya. College is great. I wouldn't have come back if it wasn't for my old man nagging about how a lousy daughter I am. I bet you can't wait until your time at high school is done so you can get the hell out of here too."

Yes that was what I had believed at the time. Before the blindfolds fell and I saw the things the guy next door was spared for. It was of course my decision to go to college in Seattle but I knew with every fiber in my body that if this whole wolf thing had not happened I would have sped out of La Push and never looked back. But letting another person go insane or even die when all it took was a small sacrifice on my part wasn't something I believed I could have lived with. Lacey looked over at where some of the pack was playing soccer and smiled widely at the sight of a group half-naked muscled guys.

"Holy shit. Can't remember there being any hotties in the rez."

She was eyeing Quil`s bulky form with a crooked grin and I grinned back.

"That's Quil."

It was hilarious to watch her expression go from leering to shocked disgust as she realized she had just been drooling over a guy that wasn't even legal.

"Seriously?"

She shuddered and looked away with a frown between her perfectly shaped eyebrows.

"I think I need a shower because I feel really dirty now."

I could sympathize. Sometimes I did catch myself admiring the pack before remembering just who they were and the fact that some of them were barely legal. Or in Quils case, immature and slightly disgusting.

Lacey grabbed my arm and hauled me up like she always did when she wanted to show me something. It was something she had in common with Paul and the pack. I was beginning to believe that people believed that they could treat me like some sort of kid just because I was shorter than everybody else.

"I brought some friends with me and you just have to meet them. They are really cool."

I knew her well enough that she wouldn't even hear me protesting and it wasn't like it could hurt. Paul had said stay in sight. Not that I could not move. And it pissed me off a bit that I was even listening to him when he had used that tone like he was the boss of me.

"So what else is new around here?"

Now wasn't that a dangerous question. Oh you know. The guys in the tribe turned into wolves. Paul is my destined something because of some wolf magical mojo and I was attacked by a vampire. It wasn't like I could tell her that so I just shrugged.

"Oh same old same old."

Not even near the truth but it was about the only thing I could tell her that would sound plausible. After all in theory nothing ever happened in La Push.

Lacey`s friends had set up a campfire next to the rocky part of First Beach and Lacey manhandled me beside a blond guy with green eyes before dumping down beside a guy with green stripes in his brown hair. They were actually pretty mellow in looks compared to Lacey who would soon make clinking sounds when she walked if she got any more piercings. She had to be a nightmare for anyone in the security control at the airport.

"Guys this is Jan. Jan these are my friends. Kai, Irene, Jackson and my boyfriend Lance."

The blonde guy gave me a brilliant smile and his hands lingered a bit when he shook my hand.

"So Jan…"

Lacey`s eyes twinkled and I got a really bad feeling because she looked mischievous and the last time she looked that way we somehow ended up with terrible hangovers in Mrs. Grey`s old barn. I still had no idea where we had gotten the sun hats that we were wearing when we woke up other than a very bad feeling that we had nicked them somewhere.

"Still single or do you have a boyfriend tucked away somewhere?"

It was an odd question really. Not one of the first things you ask someone after not seeing them for two years especially since she was pretty much aware that I wouldn't date any of the Quiliute boys unless I had been forced to. Which I sort of had in a way. I should lie really. There was no way Lacey would believe I had just become Paul`s girlfriend as she knew very well how much I had hated him. But this was La Push. If she had not heard it yet then she soon would. And I didn't believe La Push had many exciting news that would push the fact that Paul Lahote was dating a white girl into the background.

"I do have a boyfriend."

She shared a look with Kai before shrugging.

"Someone I know?"

"Paul."

She blinked and scratched her chin looking puzzled.

"Paul? I don't know any Paul. Except for… "

She blinked and my expression must have proved her brief suspicion because her jaw fell open and she looked at me like I had just told her that I wanted a gender change.

"Are you fucking shitting me? I am gone for two years and you what… Lost your mind?"

I could sympathize with that really as I went through that same freak out at least two times a day. Just this morning I had a smaller scale hyperventilation fit when I woke up with a naked Paul wrapped around me with his whole face in my hair and his arms so tightly around me that I could feel his heartbeat against my back. And I was still freaked out every time someone called me Paul`s girlfriend. Jean who worked in the local diner probably believed Paul was abusing me or something because I pretty much had made a foot high jump when she called me that.

"Seriously Jan. Are you insane? He is an asshole. The biggest jackass in La Push. He tortured you mercilessly for years. Did you hit your head or something and forgot how he used to push you around in the hallway and all the nasty things he called you? Or the time when you were twelve and he cut your ponytail off in art class?"

No I had not forgotten that incidence and I doubted I ever would as it was one of the most humiliating moments of my life. I could still remember how he had waved my cut off ponytail with a triumphant grin and how I had seen it the day after hanging from the flagpole. The images were still burned in my mind. It was also the first time he had ever got a suspension for tormenting me because aunt Hailey had visited and she had not believed my lies about cutting my hair myself and insisted that the teachers took action. As a social worker she carried some weight and Paul had been suspended despite my parents being completely oblivious to the reason behind my new haircut as I refused aunt Hailey to tell them anything.

It was one of the two times Paul had gotten punished for being an ass towards the white girl and yes it still stung a bit that I had to have an enraged aunt who was a social worker for the school to even take notice of such a blatant evidence of bullying.

But I wasn't really angry at Paul anymore.

He was an ass. He had his issues apparently and although that hardly excused any of the things he had done to me in the past I was bitterer towards the teachers at school who all could have done something more than just ignoring the whole issue. Besides I had gotten my revenge. Paul had neon pink hair for several days after as I had picked open the lock at the boy's dressing room and replaced the shampoo in his bag with my very own special mixture of hair dye. So I just shrugged at Lacey`s perplexed expression.

"Seriously Jan. I know how Paul is. He is probably pulling some prank on you."

Yeah I sort of doubted that. It had to be a very deliberate one to make me see people turn into huge ass wolves not to mention the pack and the council's involvement in the whole thing. Not that Paul would be brilliant enough to plan such a complex scheme either.

And I doubt he would even have taken a bet about bedding me back then no matter how much that would have humiliated me. Not that such a thing was beneath him in any way but he had said more than once that he would not have touched me with a ten inch pole. I always responded with good because then there was no chance I could catch STD from him. I shrugged again and tried to pretend it was completely normal to date your former bully.

"Things change."

It was the truth although hardly a solid argument as I couldn't exactly tell her why things had changed. Not unless I wanted to confirm her suspicion that I had gone around the bend.

I should really count myself lucky that no one had asked why I was with Paul before. Kyle was more preoccupied with the fact that I had a boyfriend and freaking out over it. Mom only saw a hot boy and neither of them knew just how much of an ass Paul had been towards me. The rest of the people in the rez didn't know me at all so they pretty much believed I was an idiot with the memory span of a goldfish. The only other person that might ask me why was Kim and she knew why.

Lacey was still staring at me like if she could stare hard enough she could see what was wrong with my brain when Irene suddenly giggled.

"So… Is your boyfriend around here?"

I scanned the beach. Finding the giants were easy even on a day like this when the beach was filled with people due to the way they towered over people. Paul was standing just by the rocky part of First Beach talking to Sam. Paul looked more relaxed so whatever Sam had said it appeared to be working.

"The one in the cut offs over there."

I nearly fell off the log as Irene squealed and clapped her hands in excitement while Lacey looked like she wanted to thump her over the head just to make her stop.

"Oh my god!"

She fanned her face and gave me a grin with perfect almost too white teeth.

"Lucky lucky. What a hottie. I am green of envy over here."

Lacey gave her friend a glare clearly not happy about her friend swooning over the hated Paul Lahote. But even she didn't deny the fact that Paul was looking good. Hard to when he wasn't wearing a shirt so that everyone could see his rather impressing muscles.

And clearly we were not the only ones admiring his half naked form. Rachel was walking determinately over to Paul followed by a group of her old friends. I swear that girl had to have some sort of homing device with Paul as a target.

Sam seemed uncomfortable being suddenly surrounded by a bunch of giggling girls while Paul seemed to enjoy the attention. It was funny to watch Rachel positively fuming as her friends surrounded him intent on not letting her take the spot light. It almost looked like a shoving match the way they tried to discreetly elbow themselves closer to Paul. Clearly there was no honor amongst boy crazed girls.

It was a bit funny to watch. Like a pack of piranhas circling around their pray. Piranhas with a lot of makeup dressed in short miniskirts. A disturbing image really but amusing. I snorted and Paul with his inhumane hearing instantly turned his head in my direction. And he did not look happy.

What the hell was his problem now?

I was still within sight and I had only moved a couple of feet. He should have been happy that I even took his words into consideration and not just stomped away to prove a point. That he couldn't order me around and if he tried it would most likely result in just the opposite of what he wanted.

Rachel and her little band of girls were left sulking as he didn't even cast a look at them before walking towards me. Once again I was lifted up and placed on his lap.

See this was why I believed being what the imprinted wanted was just completely bogus. Because I had never harbored some deep wish of being on someone's lap all the time.

He gave Kai a glare and the poor guy instantly jumped away. So that was the stick lodged up his ass. Kai had been sitting too close to me in his opinion. Which meant closer than two feet which seemed to be about Paul`s tolerance line between other guys and me.

Lacey grimaced and narrowed her eyes at him looking like she wanted him to burst into flames. If looks could kill Paul would have been a smoldering pile of ash by now. Then again if looks could kill he would never have made it to sixteen.

"Lahote."

"Blackarrow."

There was no love there that was for sure and if I had not already known that their frosty tone would have convinced me. Come to think of it there were very few people that liked Paul. And vice versa for that matter.

"We were just talking about the time you cut of Jan`s ponytail."

Yupp. No love whatsoever. Paul didn't seem bothered by her hostile comment at all, instead he buried his hand in my hair with a smirk.

"Yeah I remember. Your hair is just as soft as it was back then."

Lacey seemed stunned by the unapologetic tone but I couldn't say that I was. Paul had offered one apology for all the shit he had pulled on me during the years and that pretty much meant it was done and over with in his world. Since he didn't exactly carry grudges he pretty much assumed that the rest of the world didn't either.

Gently he tilted my head up and kissed me. Paul could really kiss. Before I was pretty sure that it was the feelings one had for the other person that made a kiss fantastic but I had been proven wrong because no matter how much I wanted to strangle Paul sometimes his kisses made my knees weak and sent my head and hormones spinning. If there was a class in kissing Paul would have achieved an A+ and I could reluctantly admit that I had known nothing about kissing until he kissed me.

It wasn't just a kiss with Paul. He would nibble my lips with his own, tickle the corner of my mouth with his tongue before nibbling again and first when my head was spinning and my knees were jelly would he slip his tongue into my mouth. It wasn't just his way of kissing that made it special. It was the way he touched me. He wouldn't just hold me like the guys I had kissed in the past had done, but his hands were always moving. Stroking my back, my arms or the inside of my palms. Or they would rub circles on my neck or just beside my ears. Sometimes he would slip his hands up to my hair and card those fine strands between his fingers. This time was no exception and my hormones were doing a happy dance as he nibbled on my bottom lip as his rough fingers rubbed a circle just below my ears.

I completely forgot I was pissed at him for being such a possessive ass and when his tongue stroked against mine I completely forgot that we had an audience. Only when Irene squealed did I remember that I had never been a fan of PDA and jerked away.

My breath seemed to be caught somewhere in my chest and my head was spinning slightly as I shivered beneath his rough fingers still circling the sensitive skin below my ears. He could never know just how affected I was by his kisses because I was hundred percent sure he would take horribly advantage of the fact that I could not breathe much less think when he kissed me.

Paul gave me a smug smile and pressed a gentle chaste kiss on my lips. Yeah. He defiantly must never know. It was bad enough that he knew from my sent just how turned on I was by his kisses and I didn't even dare to think of how he would take advantage of the fact that my brain dribbled out of my ears every time he kissed me.

"We are sleeping over at Sam`s. Ill drop you off and then I will go back and collect your things."

That was… Not reassuring. Paul never wanted me to sleep over at Sam`s place preferring his own house and he usually looked pissed when Sam enforced it. And even then he would say today or tomorrow. Always give me a timeline to how long I would be staying at Sam`s place.

"We will go now."

I didn't want to go. I wanted to talk more to Lacey. She was about the only person that I had liked in the rez and was now the only person I was comfortable with that wasn't in on the whole pack deal. Sure I got along with the other imprints, I even liked them but I knew that they were not on my side. Not really. As much as a jackass of a pack member he was, I knew their loyalty was foremost to their imprinted wolves and thus the pack and they were all rooting for Paul. It didn't bother me that much really but it would be nice to spend some time with someone that wasn't emotionally involved in this whole mess of an imprint.

"But…"

That was as far as I got before I was once again hoisted over Paul`s shoulder. Lacey jumped up probably to stop him but Paul started jogging towards the edge of the forest as effortlessly as he usually did and even tough Lacy tried to keep up with him it was pretty much futile. He could run a hell of a lot faster that this but kept to a human pace so I knew he wasn't about to get tired anytime soon.

Clearly Sam and Billy had been lying about this whole becoming what I had wanted him to be because this was so not what I had wanted. I felt that in a way they had been selling me a Rottweiler telling me that I could train it to be whatever I wanted. A guard dog, a family dog or an agility dog. In reality the Rottweiler had been a wolf and it just settled into my personal space like it belonged there and regarded me as pack.

Yes it would always be there for me. Trainable however it was not. See. This was what I had wanted people to tell me. The motherfucking truth and not some imprint propaganda. Because no one could be exactly what another person wanted. Everything was interpreted from the first persons point of view and I really should have known that Paul`s point of view of what I wanted was… Well basically not what I wanted. I should really have taken the fact that dogs became what you wanted if you were consistent about the training. A wolf on the other hand. It looked a bit like a dog and you could call it a dog but it would never be a dog and that you could never train it like a dog. Oh the wolf might love you very much in the way a dog would but in the end of the day you were still a part of the pack and not the one that gave orders.

And that was defiantly what I was going to tell the new imprint that came along. That and give her a book about wolves. And buy one myself because clearly I needed help and since there was no such thing as an imprinting book, a book about wolves was the only thing I could think of that might help. Because boy did I need help with my very possessive jackass of an imprinted wolf because I was pretty tired of him either breathing down my neck or treating me like luggage. And the human approach of showing my displeasure with words clearly was not working.

Not working at all.

Neither did smacking. Briefly I thought about biting him. It required a bit of wiggling but I could probably get a straight aim at his neck before he knew what I was planning. Then again Paul liked it when I bit him and that would go against the point I was trying to make. I really missed my crutch right now. It hardly had any impact on him of course but the sound of it hitting Paul gave me at least some satisfaction.

_Author`s note: For those of you who wonder, it is my intention to finish this fic because there is nothing I hate more than to read a fic with no ending. Thanks for all the reviews and I am so happy that I am making some Paul fans out there. _


	68. Chapter 68: In need of a Paul manual

Paul and I had a rhythm going when he carted me around like luggage. I preferred not to think about how disturbing it was that we had a rhythm going for it as that was a proof that such a thing wasn't just an occurrence but a pattern.

I would call him a jackass, a fucktwit, a Neanderthal and some other not so flattering things. He would ignore me. Then I would kick him or smack him. And he would ignore me. Then I would give up and he would use my momentary silence as an opportunity to grope me.

That was why I was momentary stunned when I was suddenly lifted down from his shoulder a couple of minutes after I was done with my rant and the following struggling.

We were in the middle of the forest, maybe a half an hour on foot or shorter with wolf speed from Sam`s house and usually Paul didn't let me down before we had arrived. Puzzled I looked up and regretted that I had. Paul was not smirking like I had expected but neither was his face blank like it had been earlier today. I was used to Paul looking at me like I was the center of the world. Well not used to but it wasn't an unfamiliar look in his eyes.

This look was different.

It was like he was trying to stare into the very depth of my soul and the intensity in those dark brown orbs made me squirm. There was something new in his eyes that I couldn't interpret and honestly it was really making me worried.

His hand gently touched my face before moving down to my hip. Suddenly he was on his knees and he had moved so fast that I jumped slightly. Normally this would be where he teased me and told me that I always looked a bit like a kitten when startled but he didn't say a thing. He was just staring at me. It felt really weird having Paul on his knees in front of me. Mainly because even on his knees he was so damned tall. And he was still looking at me with that look that I didn't understand.

One hand disappeared under my shirt and gently rubbed one of my hipbones, an area that Paul was currently fascinated with. Last week it had been my neck and the week before that it had been my palms. It made me wonder if he was mapping out my body piece by piece.

I watched wide eyed as he leaned in and pressed a kiss next to my bellybutton. Still he was looking at me with that strange look in his eyes and I wasn't sure if I should look into those dark brown eyes of his or at the large hand rubbing circles over my hipbone. There was something strangely intimate about the way he was looking and touching me and I felt more naked now than I had that time in the car. That time had somehow felt rushed and had more to do with comfort than this burning intimacy.

His other hand moved to the lowest button on my shirt and hesitated a bit like he was asking for permission. Normally this was where I would stop him. Yes we had already had sex but that was a special kind of circumstance and I didn't feel ready yet for a repeat. And had he smirked or been his normal self I would have knocked him on the head and said something about pervy wolves or something like that but the look in his eyes made me feel breathless and incapable of moving or saying anything.

Mesmerized I watched as he popped one button after another open until the large shirt was open.

I had never been the fancy underwear type. For one I didn't have much to show off. I didn't have any curves to pretty up and I hardly had any breasts so frankly I had not seen the point and always aimed for plain and comfortable underwear but the way Paul was zoning in on my bra one would believe it was one of those sexy laced ones and not an average sports bra.

One finger snapped it open with an ease that couldn't come from anything but practice and suddenly I was half naked as Paul gently tugged it off. I resisted the urge to cross my arms over my chest and looked away feeling like I would start squirming if I met his eyes. Instead I fastened my eyes on a tree in front of me.

I felt like such a virgin. Technically I sort of was one. I had only had sex two times, in a row, and both times had been rather rushed so I could just as well be one. Didn't help either that I knew Paul had loads of experience. I knew at least ten girls he had slept with and even more that I suspected had slept with him.

Paul had never been particularly picky when it came to girls, mainly aiming for the easy and the curved ones. Which made it a bit ironic that I was his imprint. I wasn't curved and hardly experienced having only kissed five guys and two of them at a dare during my summers at Hailey's farm. Paul was the first guy I had seen naked. The first guy I had gone further with than just kissing. Not to mention the first guy that had seen me naked except from Jason and that was one incident we both rather forget. It had been like being seen naked by my brother.

I jumped when Paul`s hand made its way to the first button on my jeans but still didn't dare to look down. I could feel his hand hovering over the button for a couple of seconds before he flipped it open. I thanked the gods that I was wearing plain white panties and not one with snoopy print or something equally ridiculous.

I nearly stumbled as he gently eased me out of my jeans and only the hand on my hip kept me from tumbling back. I could hear him move, settling back to watch me and I was sure my face was flaming.

This was… Embarrassing.

I had never in my whole life felt this exposed before.

Something wet touched the skin below my bellybutton and I squirmed away when those lips moved further down. I was so not ready for that. Paul seemed to understand because instead of moving down his tongue trailed over my bellybutton and up instead.

An odd almost yelp came out of my mouth when a very hot tongue suddenly circled my nipple. I knew breasts were a pleasure zone, I had just assumed that it wasn't mine as I didn't have much in that department but Paul proved me wrong. Every kiss and every lick made me shiver and I wasn't cold anymore. Instead it felt like I was burning and those large hands seemed to be all over me. Caressing my back, rubbing my neck and stroking my stomach, leaving a trail of goose bumps everywhere they went.

A burning hot hand slipped into my underwear and drew me closer to him. With one hand he made me move against him in circles and I had to put my arms around him to not lose balance. The muscles in his back moved beneath my hands and I couldn't fucking breathe as his lips continued to map out every inch of my breasts. It was… Sensual in a way I never had imagined it could be with Paul. He was all about intensity. Always rough and always aggressive no matter what he did. This was… Completely different.

His lips moved to my neck and I was only half aware of my panties sliding down my legs. Like I weighed nothing he lifted me up and placed my legs just over his hips. I wasn't prepared when he slid into me. Had not even noticed him taking off his cut offs and instinctively my nails dug into his back at the unexpected pressure.

It was still a bit uncomfortable having him inside me not to mention just weird having another person inside of me and Paul stilled like he was waiting for me to get used to it. I had expected his resolve to break. For him to thrust into me roughly but he didn't. Instead both his hands grabbed my ass and started moving me in circles as his own hips made circles into my own. He was controlling my every movement not that I could move much on my own with my legs around him like this and I could feel how his muscles strained beneath my hands and became slick with perspiration.

I could feel his heart beat against my own and it felt like his high body temperature was burning me up. One hand slid down between our stomachs and gently stroked straight over my clit and I jolted. The next stroke made me whimper and I could feel something tightening in the pitch of my stomach for every time his finger slid over me. My whole world was him as his body seemed to surround me and all I could hear was the way his breath hitched next to my ear as I twitched.

And then I exploded. That was the only word I could think of to describe it. Whatever heat that had gathered in my stomach spread into every cell of my body as my vision turned white. Paul groaned into my ear and tightened his grip on me as his hips made short hard thrust against me like he could force himself deeper inside of me. His legs trembled against mine and I lost my breath as one hand suddenly appeared on my back squeezing me even firmer against him so hard that I lost what little breath I had.

It seemed like we were standing there for hours before he gently hoisted me down, keeping one arm around me as I tried to get my spaghetti legs to hold my weight. He didn't even let me dress instead he picked up my clothes and gently manipulated one body part after another until I was fully dressed.

I was simply put stunned.

This wasn't the way Paul usually did this. He was always rough and he never shut up, loving the way I squirmed and blushed every time something dirty came out of his mouth. I wasn't aware that I had my eyes closed until a soft kiss was pressed against one of my eyelids. His eyes still had that strange intensity as he stroked strands of sweaty hair away from my forehead. It was like he was trying to tell me something and I had no idea what.

Clearly what I needed wasn't an imprinting manual. It was a Paul manual. Because I had no idea whatsoever what he was trying to tell me.


	69. Chapter 69: Patterns and reliability

I was still abnormally warm when Paul lifted me down just outside the door of Sam`s house and my legs were still a bit shaky and unsteady.

Paul had been silent the whole way there and I was dying to ask him what the hell he had been trying to tell me but didn't dare ask as I was afraid of the answer. If I got one. Paul didn't exactly talk about feelings when asked.

The door slammed open and Rachel stumbled out with a blinding smile on her lips. Great. I doubted it was a coincidence that she just happen to go to Sam`s house when we were headed that direction. It was proven further by the slightly resigned expression on Emily`s face who was standing behind her.

Rachel's smile died the second she spotted us. I knew I should have insisted we stopped at the small creek just a couple of feet down from Sam`s house or at least tried to comb out the knots in my hair to at least try to hide the fact that I looked like I had been ravaged.

The next smile she put on was obviously forced as she bounded down the stairs and gave Paul a hug like she had not seen him just an hour earlier. Something tightened in my stomach as her hands wrapped themselves around Paul`s neck and I felt slightly nauseated. She knew what we had been doing. There was no doubt in that and I felt sort of sick by the thought that she knew and was still touching him.

Rolling my eyes trying to ignore the rising anger I walked past the two of them. Emily`s lips mimed sorry at me as I entered the house like it was her fault Rachel was a hussy that just couldn't take a hint.

The first thing I spotted was a blue bowl of food on Emily`s table. The bowl was much smaller than anything Emily used as she was usually feeding an army and the content of it was not something Emily had made. She was a master in the kitchen and the whatever it was that was in that bowl was not a masterpiece. It was some sort of meat and bean mix. Or I believed those shriveled black things were beans. It smelled of too much spices and burned meat. Anyone who ate this would probably have indigestion problems later. Emily seemed to share my opinion as she gave the bowl of food as much as a disgusted look sweet motherly Emily could ever make. Rachel came in with her arm around Paul looking very proud of herself.

"You guys are always hungry so I made some food for you."

It didn't pass me by that she had so obviously stated that she had made food for Paul. Paul winced as he spotted the sloppy mass of meat in the bowl and turned a puppy look my way clearly wanting me to make some food for him. I tried not to glare at Rachel's arm which was still around Paul`s waist and put on my sweetest smile.

"Isn't that nice Paul. Rachel made all this food for you and doesn't it look simply delicious. I am not hungry so I think I will just take a shower. Enjoy."

Rachel beamed like she had won while Paul looked slightly green around the edges. It had to smell more horrible than it looked because none of the guys were even the slightest bit picky when it came to food and I hoped it would sink like stones in his stomach.

It wasn't jealousy. I was just uncomfortable with Rachel touching Paul when my sweat was still cooling down on his skin.

I resisted the urge to slam the door closed and locked it in case Paul tried to come in because I sure as fuck did not want to see him right now.

Hurriedly I undressed and stepped into the shower. Under the pleasurable warm spray of water my anger dissipated somewhat and gave way to bewilderment.

I didn't get Paul.

I had thought that I did because after all I had known him since I moved here as a kid and I had believed I had even gotten the wolf aspect about him but clearly I had no clue whatsoever. His weird reaction when he heard his father had come back. Not anger as I had expected but something so close to fear that it deeply worried me. Sure even the bravest of people could feel fear when coming close to past abusers but Paul`s reaction had not been outright fearful. To be honest I had no idea what he had been feeling or what he had been thinking.

And then there was how he had been in the forest. I didn't get that either. I hated not understanding things. Even as a child I had this deep urge to know things and it had not lessened much as I got older. I liked predictability. I liked to know what would happen and I liked that people reacted to things the way I assumed they would.

Paul had thrown me in for a loop ever since he imprinted on me. Every time I believed I had it all figured out he just threw me for a loop and made me rewrite the things I believed I knew about him. And rethink it again and again until I was starting to feel edgy and jumpy. I liked having answers and with Paul I had none as it was becoming more and more apparent as time went by.

Paul was like a complex maze that one believed one had found the pattern too only to be stuck in a blind way and forced to rethink the pattern.

If I had to be a part in a fantasy book couldn't I at least have been imprinted on by someone else? Someone steady, understandable, reliable and normal. Someone that acted the way I expected them to. Someone like Embry perhaps. But oh no. I got the freaking mystery out of all of them.

Why me? Who almost always read the last chapter of the books I read to find out the ending. Who got frustrated with films that didn't ended the way I had expected or annoyed when the murderer wasn't who I had thought it would be. I didn't like mysteries and I didn't like the unknown.

Everything in life had patters, something reliable to hold on to and it was becoming more and more obvious that Paul didn't have any answers. Just question. Bucket loads of questions and no answer in sight.

I pressed my forehead against the shower wall feeling utterly drained after this weird day.

One of these days I was sure my brain would make a snapping sound and I would be officially batty. At least that sounded like the reliable outcome if nothing else did.

_Author`s note: I wonder sometimes why it seems the character's I write seem to take a life on their own along the way. Like Rachel. I really had not intended her to be such a well you know the word. It is quite funny as I went over my character outlining yesterday and realized how little of it that fits anymore. Thanks for all the reviews people. They really are like drugs to me and I get giddy when I get one. As for updating, I will when I can so there will be a little bit here and there mostly because I aim to always update a couple of chapters instead of just one each time I update. And here is a little spoiler for you. Peter, vampire babysitters and Paul with a goldfish expression. God I just love writing this fic and I hope you guys enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing it. _


	70. Chapter 70: The wild hunt

The packs hearing were annoyingly good.

I knew that Sam and Old Quil were arguing based on their loud voices but I couldn't hear what they were saying. But all the craned heads around the table told me that the pack heard every word of what was being said outside. It made me jealous. Extremely jealous.

Not that I wanted to be a wolf. Knowing other people turned furry was weird enough. If I had turned furry I was pretty sure my phasing career had been rather short as I would probably have a heart attack then and there.

But I would love to have some of their other abilities. Like the hearing, strength or reflexes. Paul could move his body like he was not bound by gravity at all but I on the other hand was a victim of said gravity on several occasions thanks to my lack of balance and coordination. If I had tried any of his moves when he was fooling around I would probably have broken something and most likely that something would have been my neck. He could twist and turn in the air as easy as breathing while I could hardly jump an obstacle which I knew very well as my P.E couch had pretty much banned me from most athletic games. Honestly it was stupid to believe someone like me could even get over even one obstacle without hurting myself. More than one was a done deal in the injury department.

It bothered me a bit how clumsy I was around them really. Bella was just as clumsy as I was but at least she didn't seem bothered by it. Not much anyway judging from the way she smiled every time Jacob saved her from near disaster.

I didn't smile when Paul saved my ass.

Then again it could have more to do with the fact that he saw those times as an opportunity to do some groping rather because it was mortifying not even being able to walk down a staircase without wobbling or nearly breaking my neck.

Rachel seemed to be annoyed too but I was guessing that had more to do with the fact that Paul had told her he wasn't hungry to avoid eating what she had made and now just an hour later he was stuffing his face with the food Emily had cooked. He didn't even pay her any attention when she accidentally spilled some water over her cleavage. I could have told her that trying to get Paul`s attention was rather fruitless. An imprinted wolf might as well be gelded when it came to other females than their imprints.

It was a conclusion I had reached after neither Sam nor Paul seemed to notice the least bit that her cleavage was so low it looked like her breasts were going to fall out while Quil was drooling and Embry was looking in another direction blushing.

Surprisingly there was one pack member that noticed Rachel's attempts at getting Paul`s attention and her hidden insults towards me and served as a slightly aggressive buffer. Odd enough that was Leah. I knew they had been friends before Rachel moved but they were defiantly not friends now. Surprisingly as they had seemed very friendly just after Rachel came back to the rez. It might have been the whole werewolf out of the bag but I was starting to suspect it had more to do with the obvious way Rachel was trying to get Paul`s attention. I didn't believe it was on my behalf but rather more to do with the fact that Leah hated when someone tried to seduce someone already in a relationship. Not that she was a fan of imprinting but clearly a woman trying to steal an already taken man was higher on her hate list. With Leah around Rachel had dimmed her hidden insults towards me somewhat as the responses were not hidden insults aimed at her from Leah.

Which was why Leah was sitting next to Paul after nearly shoving Rachel to the floor when she tried to take that seat. And she hated to sit next to Paul for very obvious reasons.

Paul of course didn't seem to notice the way the two of them had elbowed each other for a seat next to him. Because he was a guy and as an imprinted guy he was twice as oblivious and almost unable to function in society really. The only thing he seemed to be all too aware of was when people were looking at me. Which was why I was wearing one of his shirts and not a tank top every time Quil was in the house. It would have annoyed me if it wasn't for the fact that I preferred to be covered too when Quil was around. Even more now as I knew I was the star in some of his perverted fantasies. I preferred to not have him looking at me with a dreamy smile as I was more aware of what was going on in his perverted mind than was strictly healthy for me.

The door slammed open and Sam stomped in followed by both Jack and Old Quil.

"It is tradition Sam. A rite of passage and it has always been done without exception. And we need to do it soon. There is a battle coming and the pack needs to be at its strongest."

Sam shook his head clearly disapproving of whatever event the two old goats had in mind.

"We are strong."

"Not strong enough. We can't take any chances Sam."

Sam seemed torn about whatever the two old goats wanted and I jumped slightly as he suddenly slammed his fist into the wall leaving a fist sized hole in it.

"Ask them then. But if any of them don't want to do it then I will not do it."

I got the strangest feeling that it would be a very good idea to sneak out of the door by now as both Jack and Old Quil turned towards the table. Unfortunately I had pretty much lost that opportunity as sneaking away wasn't really sneaking when someone was looking at you. Old Quil gave Sam a look and Sam nodded.

"All of you out. The imprints stays. And no growling Paul."

Paul rolled his eyes but reluctantly followed without growling for once. Shame Sam didn't place an order for Quil not to whine about being interrupted while eating cause boy could the boy whine. Rachel straightened defiantly as Jack turned his attention to her.

"It's pack business Rachel."

"I am a Quileute."

"Yes but you are not an imprint."

Rachel's chair clattered as she got up and she gave me a glare like it was my fault I was an imprintee before storming out in a huff. I should start wearing a t shirt with not my fault on it one of these days just to clear that up to her. And for the council for that matter. I wasn't sad to see her go and honestly I wished I could have followed her just to get out of the house. I didn't have any good experiences when the council was involved at all and pretty much would like to be anywhere than here about now.

"There is a tradition the imprints used to do and regretfully that tradition has been pushed back because of recent events."

Jacks eyes slid over to me before he looked away and I guessed the white girl imprint was probably one of those reasons. I bet that put a dent in their gene theory and honestly it did please me a bit. I wouldn't have been human if it didn't.

"An imprint is very important. It ties a wolf to the tribe and you are their support and the ones closest to the wolf and in the old days there were rites to strengthen the relationship between the spirit wolves and their imprints."

I hated how the council liked to babble instead of getting straight to the point. My fork made a sound against the plate as I shuffled up some mashed potatoes and Jack gave me a glare for being so disrespectful as to eat when he was talking. Well too bad. I was hungry and I wasn't halting my dinner just because he was making one of those cryptic council speeches.

"Usually this rite was done only between the wolf and his imprint but as none of you have done the rite and time before the battle may prove to be short the council has decided that you will all take the rite together."

I noticed he completely disregarded Sam`s demand of asking us if we wanted to do it and instead was discreetly telling us to do it. And not even telling us what he wanted us to do.

"Can't you stop eating while I am talking?"

I just frowned at him and licked my fork.

"If you get to the point I might."

Jack`s lips twitched and I wasn't sure if it was because he was annoyed or amused by my complete disrespect.

"Fine. I will get to the point. The rite is between wolf and imprint. The imprint and the wolf go together to a secluded spot and spend the whole night together and he has to stay phased all the time. This time we have decided that instead of just the imprinted pairs the whole pack will go together to the appointed place for safety where the imprinted couples will be alone with their wolves until sunrise while the other wolves will stay close and act as guards as we know that there are vampires in the area."

Well that didn't sound too bad. And apparently that wasn't the common opinion because Bella and I were the only ones that didn't seem worried. Kim looked like a deer in headlights and Emily was rubbing her hands together nervously. Even Jack and Old Quil looked slightly apprehensive like they were thinking that they were asking too much.

I didn't mind. It wasn't the first time I had been around Paul the wolf and honestly he was a whole lot more pleasant most of the time compared to Paul the man. Mainly because the wolf didn't grope me and neither did it smirk. Nor could he talk. Basically it was just this huge fluffy thing that liked to have its ears rubbed.

"It is what is best for them isn't it?"

Emily stopped rubbing her hands together and seemed too straightened up still looking a bit pale but determined.

"I will do it. The battle worries me and if this makes Sam stronger I will do it."

Kim on the other hand looked like she wanted to say no but still nodded while clutching her chair like it was a lifeline. Both Jack and Old Quil looked relived that all the imprintees had agreed.

"We will arrange for this to take place tonight. The sooner the better."

The second they were out the door Kim turned towards me.

"You seem okay with this. How come you are not afraid? They are wolves. Huge wolves."

I raised one eyebrow at her question.

"Have you met my imprint? Paul. Paul nasty temper Lahote. If I am not scared shitless by him and his temper tantrums then do you really think Paul the pup scares me?"

Kim frowned and tilted her head slightly.

"That… Actually that makes a lot of sense."

I patted her reassuringly on the shoulder and tried not to laugh at her expression of realization.

"Think of it like this. The wolf is still Jared, just bigger, more hairy and with more teeth. That's how I think of Paul the pup."

Kim's lips twitched and she smothered a giggle in her hand looking more amused now than afraid.

"Yeah you would. But still. I have only seen Jared as a wolf once when I didn't believe him when he told me that the legends were true. And I kind of freaked out and after that he has not phased in front of me."

I resisted the urge to look over at Emily and Kim seemed to be very careful of not doing so also. We both knew that Emily could be the possible reason as to why Jared wouldn't phase anywhere near Kim. After all he was the second wolf to phase and Sam`s anguish about hurting Emily must have hit him hard. I couldn't even imagine how horrible he must have felt to hurt her and I didn't even quite grasp the whole you are my world aspect of it.

And it wasn't like I had handled the whole poof wolf incident any better. Granted I had not even been warned like Kim had so I had no idea such a thing was even in the realm of possible. And going from kissing your date to see Paul go poof had not gone over well. I had just stood there gaping as my brain was stuck on the word what. And questioning my own mental health but then again anyone would have. I probably would have been scared if I had not been so completely shocked by the whole thing.

Or perhaps not.

I had been the only one of the imprints who had met the wolf first before knowing that beneath all that fur there was a man. Bella didn't quite count as she had been freaked out by a vampire before seeing the wolves while I had been blissfully unaware that myths did exist.

The wolf despite his abnormal size had not freaked me out. Coming to terms that Paul and the wolf were the same had taken more time. Frankly it had freaked me out more when I realized that the cute monster wolf that had its head in my lap a couple of times was Paul.

"If Paul had any issues about phasing in front of me then we really would have been having problems because self-control isn't really his thing. Did I tell you what he did this morning?"

I threw myself into the tale about Paul and the peach can making sure to make it as descriptive and funny as I could and when I came to how I had been washing peach pieces off the floor while yelling at a sulking wolf Paul on the lawn even Emily was laughing.

To say there was tension in the air would be wrong. State of near panic was more like it.

Emily had been staring out in the air for a while now and it was simply impossible to hold a conversation with her longer than a sentence. Kim was fiddling with her dress, a nervous habit she had and it was seriously starting to annoy me because if she wasn't fiddling with her own dress she was fiddling with mine always finding something to tuck in or straighten.

At least this ceremonial dress was much more comfortable than the one I had worn during my initiation. This one was more a shirt than a dress ending just below my upper tights and the pants was soft leather and very comfortable although it ended on my calves so my legs were cold. And it didn't have a beaded chest piece. It of course still made me look flat but it didn't underline that fact like the beaded dress had done.

Even the elders seemed nervous except from Billy who looked like he was really enjoying himself. Always knew he was an odd one.

Other than him it was just Bella and I who were calm. Bella in fact was so calm that she looked close to falling asleep leaned against a large tree tucked into a blanket to keep warm.

And I was cranky. I disliked being cold and most of all I wanted to curl under a blanket in a bed and go to sleep. Not wander around in the forest in the middle of the night. The whole point of this rite was to strengthen the relationship between imprintee and the wolf and that part of the deal was hardly a problem between Paul and I. We were probably the only imprinted couple in history were the imprintee had a better relationship with the wolf than the person.

A rustle came from the forest edge and dark shadows moved between the bushes barely lit up by the moonlight. Seven in all. I doubted it was a coincidence that the Jake wolf and the Paul wolf were the first to approach their imprints. Bella met Jacob halfway and giggled as she buried her hands into his russet fur. Paul the pup like Paul the man showed absolutely no restrain and bounded towards me despite the warning bark from Sam. I nearly toppled over as a huge head bumped me right in the chest. I snickered as a large cold muzzle tickled my neck.

"Hello pup."

The brown wolf Quil made a wolf like snigger at my nickname for Paul and Paul made a growling sound in his direction before turning to me again sniffing my hair while his tail wagged so hard that his whole behind moved with it. Perhaps he would appear scarier if he didn't act like this huge overgrown puppy whenever I was around.

Emily shivered as Sam the wolf came out of the bushes and they both looked like they really didn't want to do this and poor Kim looked like she was about to turn on her heels and flee.

"It is nothing dangerous. Look."

I gently opened Paul's huge jaws and put my hand inside. He really was huge and I could easily fit most of my arm in there if I had wanted. Kim looked like she was about to faint.

"Jan!"

"What? It isn't like it's dangerous. Besides this is really a lot safer compared to when they are not phased because as far I understand it is the phasing bit that is dangerous. Not the wolf. Well not for us anyway."

Paul suddenly licked my hand that was still inside his jaws and I jerked it out.

"Paul! Ewww."

I shook my hand that was now covered in wolf slobber. Paul huffed like he was laughing and a rough tongue scraped over my chin. I battered him away while trying to wipe my chin of the worst slobber and gave him a light smack over his nose.

"Knock it off you brute."

Paul took a step back and whined mournfully and I rolled my eyes.

"See. He is just a big puppy aren't you baby. My little slobbering puppy."

Paul snorted clearly telling me that he wasn't too happy about being talked to like he was some sort of lapdog.

Emily took hesitantly a step forward. And then another one before upping her pace and nearly throwing herself at Sam. I watched as her hands buried into the fur in his side and the both of them seemed to exhale. Kim was next, clearly steeling herself and just when I thought she was going to back off she reached out her hand. Jared sniffed it keeping his eyes on her face to judge her reactions. Trembling she took a step forward and then another one until she was just beside his head. Jared stood still as her small hands gently stroked his ears and didn't move until she leaned into him. I let them have their moment and turned to Paul who was chewing on my ponytail.

Great. When this night was over I would be covered in a layer of wolf slobber. I moved my hand back to scratch his chest and my fingers bumped into something. It was a beaded leather strap almost hidden in his fur. It went around his neck like a collar and a thicker leather band went from his neck over his back where it was connected to two leather wowed straps that went down on both sides just behind his shoulders. It was a harness of a kind and when I looked closer to the part on top of his neck it had a sturdy looking handle. It reminded me a bit of the harnesses Hailey had that she used instead of saddle and reins on some of her horses. Suddenly traveling with the wolves made a lot of more sense. We were not supposed to walk beside them but ride them.

"We are going to ride them?"

A brown wolf huffed in laughter and if I had not known that was Quil I would have because only he could be turning such an innocent question into something twisted and perverted.

"That is the idea yes."

Jack seemed to be finding something amusing again and I glared at him before turning my attention to the harness. I wasn't that enthusiastic to the whole idea. Frankly I wasn't even sure if it was possible. Wolves were not built to carry weight like horses. Their backs were narrow and their shoulder blades sharper.

"If you drop me I swear you will regret it. Deeply."

Paul huffed and looked up, something I guessed were the wolf version of an eye roll. I eyed the harness wondering how the hell I was going to get up. I wasn't going to jump or crawl up that was for sure. The times I had tried that with a horse had always ended rather badly so I wasn't going to do it now. Spotting a rock I waved Paul closer. Getting up wasn't easy despite the leverage the rock gave me. I yanked on Paul`s fur, smacked him with my right leg when I tried to get up and nearly tipped over on the other side. Paul was surprisingly patient as I tried to find a comfortable position. It felt nothing like sitting on a horse but I was balanced enough to be able to handle some speed.

At least I wasn't as clumsy as Bella. Her attempt on getting onto Jacobs back was mildly put spectacular as she nearly slipped off three times and somehow even managed to smack her head into Jacobs neck as she tried to find balance. I had my horse experience to fall back on although I had never been particularly graceful I knew how to ride and was frankly much better off on the back of a horse than on my own two feet.

Emily and Kim despite looking uncomfortable were much more successful getting on and managed to do so in mere seconds. Paul suddenly took a step forward and I wrapped the leather strap around my hand. It wasn't that bad really. Definitely different from riding a horse. Paul's movements even when walking were sharper but I didn't have any difficulties remaining balanced. Paul increased his pace to a jog then after a while to a full out run.

The forest around us was dark and I could barely see the other wolves in the weak light from the moon. One wolf I believed was Quil was shoulder to shoulder with Paul and snapped after his chest which made Paul growl and snap back, the movement jolting me slightly as I got a better grip with one hand holding the strap and the other buried in his fur. His fur was brushing against my naked legs as the speed and the wind made long strands of hair slip out of my ponytail.

It was exhilarating, kind of scary and hands down the craziest thing I had ever done. I felt like I was one of the huntsmen in the wild hunt except my mount was a huge dark silver wolf and the accompany hounds were equally large wolves.

I wanted to paint it more than I had wanted to paint anything in my whole life. The way the moonlight shone on furry backs and dark hair giving the whole image an ethereal glow. The way loose strands of hair fluttered around the heads of the riders. It was images I couldn't wait to get painted and my hands were already twitching with want to grab a pencil and start making sketches. It would be epic and I knew even before starting that the painting I was planning would be one of the best I had ever made.

My inner mushing's were stopped by a sudden halt. I was unprepared and lost the grip of the strap and tried to hold onto the fur but it slipped between my fingers and I went tumbling to the ground landing on my back. Paul grinned down at me with his wolfish grin that showed those large teeth of his. I pointed my finger at him.

"You mister are so dead."

His only reply was to drag his large tongue over my face making me splutter. Yeah I was so going to shower when this night was over.


	71. Chapter 71: Another kind of monster

The sun had barely started rising over the treetops and I yawned as I waved goodbye to Quil. I was dead tired and muscles I had not used since last summer when I used to ride everyday ached and I had a feeling I smelled like wet dog.

Thank god it was Sunday and I had nowhere to be because all I wanted to do right now was to sleep. And luckily I had some Paul free hours were I could sleep alone for once. Although I would probably wake up wrapped in his arms feeling like I was being baked alive.

It felt like months since I had been home in reality it had only been a week since the last time I dropped by. Mom and Kyle would be home in three days and my life would go back to the normal routine. Or as normal as it could be with all the changes in my previous peaceful and somewhat boring existence.

The door was unlocked and I rolled my eyes. As my leg had been in a cast until recently mom had decided it wasn't a good idea to put me to water the plants upstairs and had asked old Mrs. Grey to do it. Why she had asked Mrs. Grey to do it was beyond me because not only was the old woman blind as a bat but she was also slightly demented. I should count myself lucky if she had only forgotten to lock the door and not forgotten to shut of the tap leaving the whole house flooded or left one of her many cats behind.

I tried not to look at moms large owl lamps as I walked in. Not seeing those for a while made them even more horrid then they usually were and I could have sworn those large yellow owl eyes had not been half as creepy the last time I saw them.

"Hello Jan."

The unfamiliar voice made me freeze halfway into the kitchen.

"Or should I call you daughter in law?"

Peter stepped out of the shadows. His shirt was wrinkled and he was twirling something around one finger. The promise bracelet. The same bracelet that should be in the linen closet in Paul`s house which was where I had left it as just looking at it made me slightly uncomfortable. Peter gave the promise bracelet a look like it was something disgusting.

"It does have your name on it. And a lot of promises. Love. Protection. Loyalty. His heart and soul. Things my useless son can`t uphold I am sure."

Something ugly flashed over his face before he smiled. It was not the same charming smile he had given me the first time but cold and harsh and it made alarm bells start ringing in my head. This was bad. Very bad. And I should have known that Peter would have a problem with me being white. The amount of bad words Paul had called me during the years had to come from somewhere as he had not used words or phrases kids were supposed to know.

"And when I thought he couldn't become more of a disappointment he goes and does this. A white girl."

He spat it out like it was a curse and his eyes shone with hate. He looked almost insane as his fist squeezed the bracelet so hard I could hear the leather being squeezed together.

"I told him how important blood is. Told him that he could play around with palefaces all he wanted as long as he never got one pregnant with a bastard and never married one."

Peter had a wild look in his eyes and I could smell the alcohol on him even from a distance.

"Caught by a pretty face just like his slut of a mother. Is that why he gave you this? Did you spread those pretty white legs for him?"

I winced at the hate in those eyes that were so much like Paul`s. He was beyond reason and drunk and I knew nothing I said could calm him down. Most likely I would just provoke him by speaking. All that was left was to make a run for it.

So I bolted. I skidded on the carpet outside the hallway when I was suddenly yanked back by my hair. Peter grabbed my throat and slammed me into the wall and pressed his body against mine so that I couldn't kick him. Frantically I scratched the hand around my throat but it only tightened until black spots were dancing in front of my eyes and my lungs ached from the lack of air as I gasped for breath.

"I can understand why he would want you. After all you have a special sort of beauty. Almost like a little doll. But to throw away his heritage… "

Peter snarled into my ear and if I could breathe I would have gagged from the smell of booze and stale sweat.

"Will he still have you when I am done with you paleface? Or rather will you still have him? Will you let him touch you when I am done with you? That would solve things because I don't want a grandson or daughter that is a filthy half breed."

If his words had not warned me about what he was intending to do then the hand ripping open my shirt made his intensions clear.

No. Not that. Anything even being beaten to near death was better than that. Some girls that came to Hailey's farm had been victims of rape and they all had that same dead look in their eyes. Like something in them had been broken. The same skittish personalities like evil lurked behind every shadow.

Giving up my attempt on scratching him I frantically waved around me for something. Anything I could use as weapon. The hand tightened even harder around my throat, his short cut nails digging into my skin and I knew I didn't have much time judging from how much my lungs hurt as I tried to draw in the air that his hand restricted me from inhaling. Soon I would lose consciousness.

He moved a bit away from me and started fumbling with the buttons on my jeans when my fingertips hit cold metal. My crutch. I grabbed it and swung it as hard as I could at his face praying that I would be able to hit hard enough. The crutch smacked into his face with a crunching sound. Peter let go of my throat with a surprised look on his face as blood spurted from a gash on his temple were one of the crutch`s metal bolts had ripped the skin open. I hit him again and this time the crutch smashed into his nose and made blood splatter all over the floor. Gasping for breath I slammed the crutch into his side and ran for the door only to smash into a naked chest. Someone grabbed my arms and cursed. I knew that voice. Paul.

"What the hell…"

Paul stopped abruptly as Peter slammed the door open. And then I felt it. Violent shudders wracked through Paul`s body more violent than I had ever seen before. Close up I could see the skin move like there was something beneath it ready to burst out.

This was it. I was going to die just seconds after almost being raped. Ripped into pieces by a werewolf and not just scarred like Emily had been.

But he didn't phase.

Paul just stood there, his face twisted into an inhumane sneer as violent shudders went through his body. He didn't say a word just growled with his eyes fastened on a shocked looking Peter.

I was standing to close. That was why he had not phased. All I had to do was move a couple of feet away and he would lose control and it would all be over. Peter would be ripped to pieces in seconds and I would never have to see him again. All it would take was a couple of steps away. No one would blame me. No one would even know I had done it on purpose. The pack and the council would hide the body to protect the secret and no one would blame Paul. Everyone knew the violent nature of the wolves and how important their imprints were. No one would blame Paul for killing the man that had attempted to rape his imprint.

And Paul would become a murderer. A man that had killed his own flesh and blood.

I couldn't let that happen no matter how much I wanted Peter dead.

I tugged Paul's arm trying to ignore how the rippling skin made me want to make a dive to safety.

"You are going to phase. We need to get outside."

Paul didn't answer. Perhaps he couldn't but he did follow me as I tugged him by the arm. I was barely on the pavement when I heard something make a horrible cracking sound behind me. Paul had phased on the porch and ripped the entire railing into pieces of jagged wood. He took one step towards the door and I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around his neck leaving a trail of blood where my hands touched his fur. I had not noticed that my hands were slick with blood. I wasn't sure if it was his or mine. I was bleeding from the back of my head too, my shirt sticking to the skin of my back sticky with blood and I was barely keeping myself from throwing up still rasping after breath. Paul growled under my arms and his lips lifted up uncovering his large sharp teeth.

"So the legends are true."

Peter was standing just inside the hallway looking at the snarling wolf with fear in his eyes. Paul growled even louder at the sound of his father's voice, all his teeth showing in a snarl that was like taken out of a nightmare.

"Yes. Don't move or he will kill you."

I kept one hand safely in Paul's fur as I got my phone out of my pocket. My bloodied fingers slipper over the digits and it seemed to take forever before I managed to press the right number. Sam picked up on the third ring.

"Sam. I need you to come to my house. Quickly."

Perhaps it was the urgency in my voice or the way it sounded like I was barely managing to talk but he didn't ask why. My hands were shaking and I let the phone slip to the ground. My throat was sore like I had swallowed too much saltwater and the only thing keeping me upright was Paul. If I let go Peter would be dead in seconds and that was about the only thing that made me stand on my shaking legs. Peter took one step towards the driveway and Paul snarled, flecks of slobber dripping to the ground and he looked nothing like pup but more a snarling insane beast.

"I told you not to move. The only thing between you and Paul is me and frankly I don't like you very much right now."

Peter`s eyes slid towards the sharp teeth and paled and I doubted he would take as much as one more step.

It seemed to take forever before I Paul`s ears flickered in the direction of the road and only minutes later Sam`s familiar old red truck came into view.

I didn't need to explain what had happened. Several buttons from my shirt was missing, the top button on my jeans were open and I was covered both in my blood and his. My throat ached and I was sure that vivid blue handprints hand started forming on my pale skin. Usually calm and collected Embry shuddered at the sight of me which was a good indicator as to just how bad I looked. Sam slammed Peter unmercifully against the wall and seemed to have to collect himself from not strangling the man.

"Embry. Take my car and drive Jan to my house. I will take this piece of shit to Chief Swan personally."

I jolted. That was… Not a good idea. I doubted Peter would say anything about Paul turning into a wolf and if he did no one would believe him. But the lawn was filled with paw prints, my porch was literally blown to pieces and I was covered in wolf fur. The elders and the pack would probably do their best to cover the tracks but it only needed one paw print for the local police force to suspect the presence of large predators. Something the pack could not afford. And it would be next to impossible to explain the porch unless someone drove a car into it.

"No! I invoke a tribal trial."

It wasn't what I wanted. The tribal council didn't have prisons and all they could do was exile someone. Exile wasn't enough. I wanted him locked away but… I had to protect the secret. Chief Swan wasn't stupid and he was sure to ask questions that I didn't have the answers too.

Sam gave me a look of approval clearly relived that they didn't have to cover this up. I watched Sam haul Peter into his car and the very moment the car disappeared out of view it was like all the strength vanished out of my body. My legs couldn't hold me up anymore and slammed into the ground. I was hardly aware that Embry covered me in a blanket and lifted me up carrying me to the car while a surprisingly mellow Paul followed.

I felt unclean. Like his hands were still on my skin and I wasn't aware that I had been clawing on my arms before Embry gently grabbed my wrists and removed them. I wanted to take a shower, to scrub my skin clean. I wanted it to feel like his hand wasn't restricting my breathing still.

I wanted it to never have happened. It shouldn't have happened. Not in my own house. Not by a man that I knew the name of. Not where it was supposed to be safe. Things like that only happened to girls walking home alone and done by strangers. A little voice in my head piped up to tell me that I knew that wasn't true. Aunt Hailey had all sorts of kids in her care that had that happened to them and rarely by strangers.

Shouldn't have gone home alone. Should have been suspicious when the door wasn't locked. There were so many things I could have done differently. Spots of black were dancing in front of my eyes and I wasn't aware I was hyperventilating before Embry forced my head up and I noticed that I was heaving for breath like there was still a hand around my throat.

"Breathe. Come on Jan. In and out."

It seemed forever before I finally managed to draw in a breath and not gasp and even longer until I had stopped gagging.

"Are you okay?"

Embry gently tucked the blanket around me and rubbed my arms to stop me from shivering while Paul was pressing his huge furry body next to me rubbing his head against my arm.

"Yeah. I am fine."

Neither the man nor the one in wolf form seemed particularly convinced. I wasn't either. Because I wasn't fine.

I should have remembered there were more monsters lurking in the dark than vampires.

_Authors note: So who was it again that wrote that Peter didn't sound too bad? Lol. _


End file.
